Siblings Of Exes

[synirr]

Hmm, I showed him this forum... hope he doesn't find this post! Hehe

This is more of a hypothetical thing in my case since the ex and I are still great friends and he's encouraging me on this one, but in general, do you think fooling around with an ex's sibling is kosher?

I recently started hanging out with the identical twin of an ex of mine. They're a lot alike, meaning I adore them both but it would never get off the ground as more than a friendship. That said, I've been trying to get in this guy's pants for years because... well... he's the second half of a set of twins, and a very attractive set at that. I may finally have my chance, assuming the guy I am seeing (non-exclusively) is ok with it. A few months ago the bro broke up with the girl he has been with for 5 years. She's the only girl he has ever had sex with. Apparently she never let him go down on her or anything, and he said he has never been with someone for whom sex with him was not a chore... is that not just tragic?? Ugh, God... I'd love to give him a confidence-booster . The way I see it, we both stand to benefit; he gets experience, I get to accomplish my goal... and hell, he's great at massages! Haha

[sun_flower969]

I would say if your current SO is ok with it then go for it! Otherwise, it sounds like you have something great going with him and you should think about whether you want to risk it.

[vanilla_bean]

I think this varies completely from one situation to the next. I have known people for whom it worked out really well and others that ended in disaster. Sounds like it would be fine in your particular situation.

[Tyger]

If you're not exclusive with your SO, then he's not really an "SO", he's more like a casual thing. But it's very mature of you to let him know that there may be another fish on the line, but I'd refrain from specifics. Many people SAY it's ok, then, when it happens, THAT'S when they have an issue with it, because they never thought it would happen.

That aside, no, I don't personally think that seeing a sibling of an ex is such a smart idea. I have a friend, who slept with one brother, but is now engaged to the other. They're half brothers. And, even though her SO says he's fine with it (she was honest with him about it), but he makes snide remarks, has insecurities, and can get very stupid about it all. And she had her fling with the first brother without ever meeting or knowing about the second until a year later.

People will SAY it's ok, but, again, once it really happens, they realize that they really can't handle that sort of thing as well.

Best wishes & good luck!

[nosleepnmesa]

This of course is just my opinion. I believe that siblings are off limits, I have always lived that way, just like, for esample you are dating one gentleman, you break up, his best friend then ask you out. I would so no since I dont believe in sleeping with a X's friend.

Even though I have never attempted not saying that some of my X's brothers arent hottties, I just know or believe that it could cause serious issues among them. Even if they agreed I still couldnt do it.

As you know this decision is yours and yours alone, make sure though that you talk with your So about it, and keep in mind although if he says he doesn't have a problem with it men do talk and there could be repercussion from it.

Wish you the best!!

Take care!!

[sun_flower969]

You know I was thinking I did have an experience with this and it kind of caused a rift between the 2 brothers. I dated one casually. He ended up moving in with my friend . His brother persued me and we ended up a couple for awhile. his brother would always say rude stuff to us and try to secretly get me to screw him again. So as far as me I was fine but it was a problem for them. I would say keep it on the QT, and have him do the same, if it does happen!

[synirr]

If you're not exclusive with your SO, then he's not really an "SO", he's more like a casual thing.

I didn't call him my SO... it's a really complicated situation, but suffice to say he's really important to me and I'd never do anything to hurt him. We're really close, like best friends, and I'd never do anything behind his back. If he says it's ok and later discovers it's really not, he's mature enough to say so; he's introspective enough that I trust him to accurately gauge his own reactions. That's what I like so much about him!

I would say keep it on the QT, and have him do the same, if it does happen!

QT?

They've both always known that I have a thing for brothers... it has been 4 years since the ex and I were together, and he has a girl now that he's crazy about, so it's really water under the bridge. He actively encourages me and thinks it's a good idea, mostly because he loves his bro and thinks I'd be good experience for him, haha. I'm not thinking of actually dating the brother anyway, just sort of a casual thing. So that part I'm not worried about in the slightest, I know it's not going to cause any problems between them, I'm mostly worried about my primary boy, but we'll talk about it tonight and see.

[vanilla_bean]

One of my best friends grew up in a family of five girls. When we were in high school and a little after, one guy dated the oldest three consecutively. It seemed a little weird to the rest of us, but the sisters were fine with it. None of the sisters is with the guy now, and they're all still really close. They are not your average family though!

[sun_flower969]

QT?

Sorry it means keep it quiet or on the down low DL or whatever...

[froggystyle1977]

From the situation your explaining its sounds like it would work out fine.

Though In most cases I am highly against it since it can cause big rifts. My hubby was dating a girl, they lived together.

Well they were having issues and his little brother had got out of jail and needed a place to stay.

Hubby and the girl split, though still living together. Well his brother made a move hubby was like whatever and

let them, never telling his bro how he felt. (I saw him crying and really upset over it at his sisters house, who I

was friends with, long before we got together) they ended up together got married. Hubby slept

with her again after his brother went back to jail (can anyone tell yet why I really don't care for my bro in law)

sometime after me and hubby got married she decided she should tell her soon to be divorced husband that

her and hubby had slept together. Bro in law was furious and was horrible to hubby for a while. Me and bro in law

had a chat about it and I told him to look at it another way he was seeing it as a betrayal by his brother, being

outside the situation I saw it as he was getting revenge for his brother taking his sort of girlfriend.

Its calmed down now but there are still issues there!! Hubby is still nervous I would go with his brother (OMG GROSS)

and even though the other two got divorced we still get stuck seeing them together (they have 3 kids) I even had a

chat at one point with her, she asked me why I didn't like her. I told her i don't really know you but what you did was

morally and ethically disgusting to me.

Brothers, friends exboyfriends of friends all off limits in my book.

Good luck with whatever you decide to do!!!

[tootimidtoo]

Apparently she never let him go down on her or anything, and he said he has never been with someone for whom sex with him was not a chore... is that not just tragic?? Ugh, God... I'd love to give him a confidence-booster .

I say go for it! I feel so bad for nice guys who are in love with women that don't like sex. My friend and I have this saying "I can't be everyone's wife!" whenever we hear about men who's wives/SO don't put out. Show him what he has been missing. Give his some confidence!

To answer the original question normally I would say a sibling is off limits. But this is a unique situation.

Go ahead, make his day (week, month, year.....)!

Keep us posted.

[mystofpric]

seei have never been in this situtation or anything similar, so i wouldn't know what to say. I would have to say that it teh break up was muta and clean I don't see why you should worry, again I've never been in that situtation. I have however been told by my ex that he'd bang my sister and i freaked, so hmm who knows. Tread carefully, but it seems like you have covered that bases so why not? rock his world baby!

[synirr]

Thanks for the input everybody, your opinions are appreciated

I've pretty well decided that if he's interested I'm going to do it... he seems to be a very relationship-oriented guy so I'm not sure if he'd even really be interested in some no-strings-attached fun. I know I'm his type (physically speaking,) and he's flirtatious, but that's just his nature and doesn't mean much. I think we're going to hang out either tomorrow or Sunday, so we'll see. I straight up told him that I want in his pants; I think he's considering it, haha.

He told my ex that we hung out the other night and had fun and the ex was messaging me asking for details and offering words of encouragement, lol. He asked if I had resorted to rape yet

[pappyld04]

YOU GO SYNIRR! It's refreshing to see a girl who knows what she wants and is not afraid to go for it!

[Alantis]

Me and my brother have an unspoken rule "If you attempt to date any of my ex's I have the right to beat the crap out of you." But then again they don't sound like they have that rule so...It's just that I wouldn't go there. And what's fine now, might not be fine later on.

[ladylove]

Me and my brother have an unspoken rule "If you attempt to date any of my ex's I have the right to beat the crap out of you." But then again they don't sound like they have that rule so...It's just that I wouldn't go there. And what's fine now, might not be fine later on.

I agree..... I think your asking for more trouble than its worth; ex are off limits. Just my opinion.

[pappyld04]

As much as I see where the last few posts are going, I have to say that women's lib did have a purpose! How would she know this isn't Mr. Right if she didn't go for it?

[ladylove]

As much as I see where the last few posts are going, I have to say that women's lib did have a purpose! How would she know this isn't Mr. Right if she didn't go for it?

I told my girls Mr. Right isn't going to be sleeping with your sister.

[pappyld04]

Good point but it takes a lot of seeking to fnd him/her! And really a person never knows where they will find that one!

[synirr]

Not that I'm actually interested in this guy as relationship material, but I would make the argument that I don't think you should necessarily define your future based on your past. Let's say someone who is absolutely PERFECT for you dated your sibling at some point, but didn't even meet you and become interested in you until after. Would you forfeit a chance at the best relationship of your life just because of past dating arrangements? I sure as hell wouldn't.

I may just be from a different world though, it was pretty common for my group of friends in high school to just kinda pass around dates without any hard feelings, haha. I think when you really care about someone, you want them to be happy... I have an ex who is currently dating one of my best friends and has been for several years now, and seeing how happy they are together is all I could ask for -- it doesn't strike me as weird at all, and I'm glad they found one-another.

[ladylove]

Good point but it takes a lot of seeking to fnd him/her! And really a person never knows where they will find that one!

I just think it's YUK to even think of sleeping with someone my sister has sleep with....