Hmmm More Kids

[hot4hubby]

How do you know that you are done having kids? As most of you know my hubby was just here and we started the maybe one more. Maybe we will try for the girl. Well at times we weren't safe while having sex. And we were like if it happens it happens. Well I started my period and I was like aww but yay. I am 31 years old with diabetes. I know he wants another one he was gone with our youngest and he adopted our oldest. He has never been able to see my belly grow. When I was pregnant before I just got preggo and then he deployed then when he got home I was having him. So I guess what I am asking is. At this age how do you just say ok lets do it? Our kids aren't the best acting at the moment. SO as of right now that is the best birth control and oh yea the having no sex works 2. HELPPP

[highlander]

How do you know that you are done having kids? As most of you know my hubby was just here and we started the maybe one more. Maybe we will try for the girl. Well at times we weren't safe while having sex. And we were like if it happens it happens. Well I started my period and I was like aww but yay. I am 31 years old with diabetes. I know he wants another one he was gone with our youngest and he adopted our oldest. He has never been able to see my belly grow. When I was pregnant before I just got preggo and then he deployed then when he got home I was having him. So I guess what I am asking is. At this age how do you just say ok lets do it? Our kids aren't the best acting at the moment. SO as of right now that is the best birth control and oh yea the having no sex works 2. HELPPP

That is a tough question and while I think it's up to each individual family I will try to help. I'm military as well so I'm familiar with the advantages and disadvantages that this can bring into the equation.

The first thing to consider is your health and age situation...both of which can cause you as well as your child to have problems during birth...I'm not saying you're too old...I'm saying it should be a consideration from the possible complications...I'm no expert so try reading this http://www.socalfertility.com/age-and-fertility.html ...also make an appointment to see your health care provider to get answers to your health

Finances...always an issue but if you love kids and want them then you'll find a way to provide for them...but ask yourself if you are willing to make the sacrifices necessary to provide for them.

Other option if health/age is issue...adoption...the military has programs to help with this...check with your post support agency.

Hope this helps some.

[ToyQueen]

You have four years before your age is considered a real risk. As far as your diabetes, you need to talk to your doctor. The number of children you have is a very personal choice. Good luck!

[vanilla_bean]

Tough call. I held the line at two even though EVERYONE else wanted me to have more. I was sure I was doing the right thing, but now I sometimes feel like someone is missing. Good luck with whatever you decide.

[chloegirl]

That's a decision that only you and your husband together can make, but do keep in mind that it's a very, very long time till they are grown and on their own. Some people love the idea of having a houseful their whole life long, while others are ready to start living life for themselves again in middle age....only you know where you two fall in that timeline. I was 30 when I had my youngest and although they are the best and I love them dearly I have to say I can not wait till they are out of the nest and I can do what I want, when I want in the privacy of my own house without mess, interuptions, and a constant stream of teenagers and drama barging in on me (not to mention the constant shelling out of money! ). Aaah but they do bring lots of love and laughter too!

[sun_flower969]

After being infertile for the first 8 years of our marriage we decided to not have kids. I had miscarriages and it was very painful physically and emotionally. I did not want to go through it again... Well then I went on a diet and lost 45 lbs! I found out I was pregnant with my first when we were away at Niagra falls! I was 33 when I had her! She is 5 now, we have a 4 year old girl and a baby boy too! So much for not having kids!

I had gestational diabetes with all three pregnancies. It gets worse every time. The last one was really bad! My Dr said I was on the most insulin she had ever seen in a Gestational Diabetic at over 100 units. It is risky business since you are already diabetic. I assume it gets worse during pregnancy for you as well. But if you want a baby, I guess you will have to weigh the pros and cons. It is like starting over. My youngest was 3 when we had this baby. We were all settled in to good schedules very comfortable etc. That ALL changed pretty quick when we brought him home from the hospital! It does go by fast and we are settling down again. Its hard with 3 I have to say. I can see how sometimes the youngest gets kind of spoiled! I just don't have the energy to be as consistent as I used to be. I will also say he is the best thing that ever happened to us I <3 him so much and so do his sisters!

HOW CUTE IS HE!!!

[OPL Laundry Goddess]

That's a decision that only you and your husband together can make, but do keep in mind that it's a very, very long time till they are grown and on their own. Some people love the idea of having a houseful their whole life long, while others are ready to start living life for themselves again in middle age....only you know where you two fall in that timeline.

I think this topic is one where you can say, "you just KNOW." It's like how to tell someone when they are in love... you just KNOW. That is the emotional "we're done." There is of course, the intellectual or chosen "we're done." That is the fall back position when you just can't arrive at the emotional end.

Ths is one area I think I can speak from experience... Big and I have five bio children, as do our partners (Fix and Temptress) so we are in a household with 10 kids between us. As for me, I was "done" after #4, but Big wanted another and I'm glad he talked me into it becasue she is wonderful, but there was no doubt in my mind we were finished. I felt physically tapped out and I knew I couldn't give what I wanted to give if there was less of me to go around. My Temptress, on the other hand, would have dozens if she could. But they reached a point after #5 where they knew it wasn't a smart choice for them to continue. At some point your resources (time, money, energy) just can't stretch any further.

I go places all the time with our 9, or some number less, when women stop me and say, "I don't know how you do it. I can't handle the two I've got." Well, perhaps that should have been your sign, ya know? Not to be cady about it, but it doesn't take super human Mom qualities, it just takes the "want to." I don't have more patience than anyone else, but maybe I do only because I've HAD to learn. I don't have more organizational skills than anyone else, but maybe I do now because I HAD to.

My advice is this, you should only have more if you REALLY want them right now... doubts are there to slow you down. If you're not certain, don't. It's not like you can return them if you suddenly realize you're over extended. This is totally an "err on the side of caution" situation.

Just my 2 cents...

~LG

[pappyld04]

HOW CUTE IS HE!!!

ABSOLUTELY ADORABLE! Edited to remove sunflower's pic!

[Tyger]

For me, this is a touchy subject. Not because I'm undecided, because I ONLY WANTED ONE, we have one, and I am DONE. I don't want anymore children. Period, nada, zip, ziltch. I am done. I've pretty much always felt that way. I wasn't even sure that I wanted a child until I met my DH. Now, DH wants to try for a boy, or at least have one more. I don't. In fact, when we decided to try for one, I had told him that IF we had one, the chances of me wanting another one would probably be very small. He thought that I'd want more after having one.

I had some slight complications during the pregnancy. I had to have suppressive therapy for bladder infections, plus I had a herpes outbreak every single month, causing me to have to have a c-section. I had to sleep upright in a recliner for 6 weeks before I could lay down and get up without pain in my incision area, to which I believe I tore a bit when I got up for the first time after surgery.

Hubby had to work nights, and so it was up to ME and ME only to take care of an infant, breast feed and keep her quiet so he could sleep so he'd be safe at work. SOOOO, maybe it's selfish of me, but I am done. Physically, I'd have to endure all that again, including healing from major surgery. Emotionally, I just KNOW I am not up to it. Now, he's gone a week at a time, and I KNOW I couldn't handle it alone like that. I don't have the patiences and I want to go back to work. I'm now able to go and do things more "active" with our DD, and the horses, dogs, cats, and whatever, without hauling 100lbs of baby gear! LOL

DH thinks I'm being "too selfish", though I had warned him ahead of time that IF we were to have kids, this was how it would be. Go figure. Many people down here think I'm crazy for not wanting a baseball team as a family. Sorry, just not

I think that you KNOW, deep down in your mind, when you're done. How much you can endure, how much the family can take, and how hard another baby will affect the finances, will all weigh in on all of that. Deep down, or in some cases, not so deeply, you'll know.

[vanilla_bean]

HOW CUTE IS HE!!!

What a doll! Now you've just convinced everyone to try for one like that!

[ladylove]

After being infertile for the first 8 years of our marriage we decided to not have kids. I had miscarriages and it was very painful physically and emotionally. I did not want to go through it again... Well then I went on a diet and lost 45 lbs! I found out I was pregnant with my first when we were away at Niagra falls! I was 33 when I had her! She is 5 now, we have a 4 year old girl and a baby boy too! So much for not having kids!

I had gestational diabetes with all three pregnancies. It gets worse every time. The last one was really bad! My Dr said I was on the most insulin she had ever seen in a Gestational Diabetic at over 100 units. It is risky business since you are already diabetic. I assume it gets worse during pregnancy for you as well. But if you want a baby, I guess you will have to weigh the pros and cons. It is like starting over. My youngest was 3 when we had this baby. We were all settled in to good schedules very comfortable etc. That ALL changed pretty quick when we brought him home from the hospital! It does go by fast and we are settling down again. Its hard with 3 I have to say. I can see how sometimes the youngest gets kind of spoiled! I just don't have the energy to be as consistent as I used to be. I will also say he is the best thing that ever happened to us I <3 him so much and so do his sisters!

HOW CUTE IS HE!!!

He's adorable!!!!!!

Tuff question... My Hubby wanted 4, I thought I wanted 2, but then after #2 was about 2yrs old I really wanted another. We now have 3. I knew I didn't want any more kids when my youngest was about a year. I was only 30 when we had our last child, but my Hubby is never home and It's a lot of work. I simply didn't want to be stretched to thin, and I had no interest or pull to have another. DONE!

[hot4hubby]

After being infertile for the first 8 years of our marriage we decided to not have kids. I had miscarriages and it was very painful physically and emotionally. I did not want to go through it again... Well then I went on a diet and lost 45 lbs! I found out I was pregnant with my first when we were away at Niagra falls! I was 33 when I had her! She is 5 now, we have a 4 year old girl and a baby boy too! So much for not having kids!

I had gestational diabetes with all three pregnancies. It gets worse every time. The last one was really bad! My Dr said I was on the most insulin she had ever seen in a Gestational Diabetic at over 100 units. It is risky business since you are already diabetic. I assume it gets worse during pregnancy for you as well. But if you want a baby, I guess you will have to weigh the pros and cons. It is like starting over. My youngest was 3 when we had this baby. We were all settled in to good schedules very comfortable etc. That ALL changed pretty quick when we brought him home from the hospital! It does go by fast and we are settling down again. Its hard with 3 I have to say. I can see how sometimes the youngest gets kind of spoiled! I just don't have the energy to be as consistent as I used to be. I will also say he is the best thing that ever happened to us I <3 him so much and so do his sisters!

HOW CUTE IS HE!!!

Look at that smile... He's so sweet

[sun_flower969]

Look at that smile... He's so sweet

Thank you! and now that you (Hot4) saw it I am taking it down Well it didn't remove it from the rest oh well...

[OPL Laundry Goddess]

SOOOO, maybe it's selfish of me, but I am done. Physically, I'd have to endure all that again, including healing from major surgery. Emotionally, I just KNOW I am not up to it.

I think that you KNOW, deep down in your mind, when you're done. How much you can endure, how much the family can take, and how hard another baby will affect the finances, will all weigh in on all of that. Deep down, or in some cases, not so deeply, you'll know.

I don't think it is selfish AT ALL, I call it responsible parenting. Everyone needs to know what works for them. And I agree, you just KNOW. Even if knowing is that digging feeling that you will never emotionally be content, but making a logical choice anyway.

~LG

[hot4hubby]

I keep going back and forth and this. My husband does too. We have a 5 year old and I'm just not ready for the diapers, formula (can't breast feed). I have no help here where we are. And there are so many what ifs. What if I get pregnant and he deploys again. What if I get sick and loose it again. July 30th our son's fifth birthday was also the 3rd anniversary of us loosing a baby we really tried for. I just don't know. I am 31 got both kids in school and I am able to focus on me for once.

Maybe for now the answer is NO but never know it could change. I hope he is OK with my decision. It's my body and right now it is betraying why would I want to put a baby in there.

[hot4hubby]

I keep going back and forth and this. My husband does too. We have a 5 year old and I'm just not ready for the diapers, formula (can't breast feed). I have no help here where we are. And there are so many what ifs. What if I get pregnant and he deploys again. What if I get sick and loose it again. July 30th our son's fifth birthday was also the 3rd anniversary of us loosing a baby we really tried for. I just don't know. I am 31 got both kids in school and I am able to focus on me for once.

Maybe for now the answer is NO but never know it could change. I hope he is OK with my decision. It's my body and right now it is betraying why would I want to put a baby in there.

[ohshelly]

this is a tough one. When I was married to my first husband, we decided on five children. We had a son, and two years later we had our daughter.

Four months after she was born, I was diagnosed with cancer, which saddened me, because I thought that ment the end of our plans. Treatment was sucessful, but Doc warned me of the dangers of pregnancy in the next five years. I was sad, but still knew more children where possible. Then, four months after treatment ended, I got pregnant. (yep, my dear #2 son was a oopsie~boy!) This was 26 years ago, and I had the best doctor ever. He laid out all the cons of continuing the pregnancy, and then said "If you continue with this pregnancy, I will do my very best for you, but I can't give you any guarentee. I will be with you no matter what you decide." He told us to go home, take a few days and talk it over.

My gut reaction was that if God allowed this child to be concieved under these circumstances, he ment for this child to be here. My Ex said 'termanate, are you crazy, woman?' He told me if I decided to carry this child to term, it was 'my baby'. He wanted no part of whatever was to be born. (Notice he is my EX!!)

I carried him the entire nine months (and six days!) and felt great the entire time. He weighed a little over 7 lbs. and was a beautiful, perfect little boy. There was no indication at all that his mama had been pumped full of poisonous drugs in the months before he came to be. He would have been loved and wanted either way.

He is 25 years old, an engineer in the army and the father of his own two beautiful boys.

Each family is different, every circumstance is different, and so many emotions come into play. Enjoy your family, enjoy your husband, and the right thing will happen.

I think if you are a 'mom' kind of person, the thought of 'just one more' will always pull at you. I stopped at three because of the attitude their father had.

Know what is ironic? Sweetguy was left with his kids, a girl and a boy, so I ended up with all five of those kids I wanted!! (:

Big OL" raspberry to the ex, you big jerk!!

He is alone to this day. SUPRISE!!

[ohshelly]

Sunflower, That is one beautiful baby boy. Congtatulations to you and hubby on a fine collaboration.

That sweet face makes it awfully hard to say no!!

[sun_flower969]

Sunflower, That is one beautiful baby boy. Congtatulations to you and hubby on a fine collaboration.

That sweet face makes it awfully hard to say no!!

Thanks Shelly! I tried to take the pic off but it stayed on the replies... He is my <3

[pappyld04]

Just judging by the pic you had up of his head on your belly makes me think he would rather be with you if you were to be pregnant.