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So, I've been with J.C. for a year now, and i cant (yet) orgasm from just sex, and J.C. only gets me off about 1/4 as much as he gets :o ( he doesnt like going down). So I didnt really think it was such a bad thing to let him do alittle more work during sex, plus he's stonger than I and can hold a position longer. And then he said that I'm not doing enough during sex :blink: , i dont make the effort to turn him on, get things started, i dont do my part in sex etc. :unsure: I started thinking about that, and decided he was right, i could do more in ways. But he also said that i needed to take control in more than just physically. I dont understand? I've never been much into sex more than just physical, but im not a robot. i dont understand what he means! psycological Sexfare!?i dont know what i can do mentally during sex. i do talk dirty if that counts. :(

Sigh, Can somebody help me out here!?

-Lil Nymph

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Lil Nymph-

I have found that my comfort level makes a big difference when it comes to sex. If you are relaxed and comfortable with yourself, your body, your partner, whatever.....it makes the experience more satisfying. When you can really let go and enjoy yourself, your partner will notice. Sometimes it is hard to do that, you think about things that can distract you from the enjoyment. My stomach is fat, can he see my cellulite? Am I doing this right? I have to be to work early tomorrow....Did I shave my legs? Thoughts like those can take you away from the moment. There is also something to be said about not being comfortable enough with your partner. That is another issue entirely. Laugh and have fun and experiment and make sure your comfort level is where it should be.

Try to relax and find what feels good to you and express that to him, he will appreciate it and make more of an effort because you are making an effort as well.

Some of the best sex I have ever had involved a lot of laughing and akward moments, but I was comfortable and not self conscience at all.


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Sex is a participatory sport. It is adult play time. you are both suppose to play with each other. The same is true about foreplay , or arrousal play. Some call it advanced " flirting '. Whatever, both parties need to feel wanted and lusted after by their partners. Women need to let their men know that they want to screw the man's brains out ASAP. When you are walking together, run a hand down his backside and give his tush a squeeze. If he is walking behind you, like going up the stairs, or while walking between talbles at a restaurant, and the waiter, or maitre 'd stops suddently to avoid bumping into another customer, causing you to stop, and he to bump into you. have a trailing hand ready to give his cock a quick squeeze. Dead pan your looks, so he is confused( for a little while) about what you are doing. He will whisper to you about it at the table after the waiter leaves. Just tell him you were saying hello to your " friend." Guys love to be treated like a sex object, some of the time. And, I bet you will like it too. Do things when you are together to tell him in many different ways that you enjoy having sex with him, and want to have more. Use your imagination. If you hit a dry spot, read some book, or ask us for suggestions. There is no such thing as doing it all! Anyone who claims to have a boring sex life just is not very well informed, and certainly cannot be playing with their partner.

About oral sex, sit this guy down and tell him what you want and need from him sexually. If he is going to be your lover, he has to understand how to pleasure you. Only you can tell him. If he doesn't like oral se, tell him to get over it. Find out what his objections are. If its the hair, trim it, or shave it off. If its the odor, then take a shower with him before having him do oral sex on you. Tell him- remind him- that he is no bed or roses down there himself! Great sex is most often, but not always, preceded with a nice bath or shower. Taking showers together is a great way to begin foreplay, or to have sex. Oral sex works for both partners in the shower, as you are both clean, and smell only of soap, or your bath oils.

As for sexual positions, you should take a turn being on top, once in awhile. You will like being in control, and he can rest a little and give his knees a break. If you don't understand something he says, ASK HIM! Communication is the single biggest problems we deal with her on this forum. If people would only sit down with their partners and talk about sex, most of the questions would be answered. We don't mind helping you, but from out point of view, we can only guess as to what your BF is talking about. Talk to him, seriously, about what he wants, and what you want. Then let us know how that works out. There are a lot more difficult questions we can answer for you about this subject.

My gf is the same way. She just can't relax enough without distractions to let herself go to have an orgasm. I'll do almost anything to her she wants, but she doesn't get it. Some of the best times have been while laughing and goofing around. My gf always seems distracted. She says she isn't, but I can see it. If you're distracted, it isn't going to happen.


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  • 1 month later...

Well, I assume you are young, but not sure how young, from your age response anyway.

That said, I am also assuming that there hasn't been a lot of experience for you, sexually.

If your BF thinks that you need to do more during sex, then, maybe that is true, but HE also needs to be doing more to help satisfy YOU too. I don't know too many men (actually I don't know a single one) that doesn't like to "go down" on their women. Some men find that almost more pleasurable then actual sex, cuz they know they are hitting more sensitive areas.

Sex between 2 people that aren't in it just to get off, need to communicate, as mentioned before, and also come up with some creative things to do, places to do it, and positions to try. There's nothing wrong with getting some sexual toys, books, videos. It may help excite the both of you, and learning new things never hurts either. Have fun with it. Train him how to please you (also assuming that you know WHAT pleases you). Have him train you on what pleases him. Whether or not you stay together, in the long run, this will make you both better lovers! ;)

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