Stood Up? Havent Heard From Him...

[MystryKitten]

So there is this boy. I've had an infatuation/lust for this boy for almost a year after we met and made out at the club back in Janurary. We would always have breif conversations and give each other hugs when we came across each other at the club, but never mentioned or iniated making out again. Then, a couple months ago he asked me to dance and we ended up making out the whole night. Two weeks later I hung out as his place and we had amazing sex. For the next two weekends I came over to his house and we hung out and ended up having more hot sex.

I know that this boy is known to get around a little, so I expected this to be a casual thing, even though we never established wheater we were just going to be friends with benefits, or something. And its odd cause the first night I stayed at his house he seemed to have interest in me. He was calling me baby, and cuddling with me and even stroking my face, kissing me goodnight and holding me as we slept, moves i was not expecting from him! I played along a little, but not too much knowing he was probably just saying and doing those kind gestures to be sweet. He was the same way the next week. He even was talking about going to my place sometime after the club so we could hang out. (he lives an hour away and doesnt have a car so i was always going to his place. he gets rides from friends on occasion to go clubbing out in my city.) I told him he was invited to place anytime *wink wink*

Now, the last time I went to his house, which was two weeks ago, he seemed a little distant. We hung out in his basement listening to music and having some shots when he told me about his ex girfriend possibly being pregnant. He was really pissed about the whole thing and so we talked about it a little more and went onto different subjects and then went back to his room, started watching tv, and then had sex. During the night he never tried to cuddle with me or anything and unfortunatly we didnt have sex in the morning either. He was nice the next day though and I hung out with him for a few hours and we played video games and just had a simple fun time.

I left in the early afternoon, he gave me a hug and a kiss goodbye, told me to call him later, and left me on my way. Two days later I call him to see if he was able to get a ride out to the club. He was the one who told me to call him after all. I dont leave a message but let it ring 3 times (4th time answering machine comes on) he has caller ID that he checks so he'd mostly likly know i had called, and probably call me back. Nothing. A could more days later I decided to leave a message "Hey just seeing how you are doing, ill try and talk to you later, bye" Nothing. Ive called his house a coulple more times through out the last two weeks, always spacing my calls 2-3 days apart not wanting to seem nagging or something, never leaving messages btw.

I'm thinking that because his ex is probably preg that he just doesnt want anything to do with anybody right now, one reason why i think he was distant, but im really trying to not make excuses. I'm trying to convince myself that i was probably just another hot friend of his that he got to fuck and since im old news, he is off to get fresh meat. I dont know. I just want some answers. I want to be able to tell him "Hey its ok if you just want to have no-strings-attched sex with me!!" cause maybe if he really did stood me up he did so cause thinks im going to get attched, but i wont. hes the SEXIEST MAN EVER , but i dont like him. Lust is not like. The sex was AMAZING and since im not with anybody and dont want to be with anybody, it would be great to have a casual thing.

On a side note, this is the first time Ive had casual sex with a guy. Ive been sexual with one other guy casually, but didnt have sex with him, i just wanted you to know that this isnt something i usually do. and of course i made him wear a condom

So what should I do?? Should a try to keep getting a hold of him, maybe even leave one more message? Or should I wait for him to come around and call me? He might never call though, i dont know! Who knows he might be at the club tomorrow night but i have no way of knowing. I might be going out to his area in the next week, would it be ok to show up at the club that he works at to see if he is there?

Please, waht should I do?

~MK

p.s. ive missed this site and all of you! not having access to a more private computer has made it hard for me to come on here

[mystofpric]

okay hun, as someone who has been stood up more times than I can count, iw ould give him one last call. And if you and your friends want to go to the club that he works at, go, no bigs. Just be prepared though that he may not have time for you,a) he's at work and he may be tied up with the x being preggers. Also unless you guys had set something up to be more official, you may find he has someone new.

[ladylove]

So there is this boy. I've had an infatuation/lust for this boy for almost a year after we met and made out at the club back in Janurary. We would always have breif conversations and give each other hugs when we came across each other at the club, but never mentioned or iniated making out again. Then, a couple months ago he asked me to dance and we ended up making out the whole night. Two weeks later I hung out as his place and we had amazing sex. For the next two weekends I came over to his house and we hung out and ended up having more hot sex.

I know that this boy is known to get around a little, so I expected this to be a casual thing, even though we never established wheater we were just going to be friends with benefits, or something. And its odd cause the first night I stayed at his house he seemed to have interest in me. He was calling me baby, and cuddling with me and even stroking my face, kissing me goodnight and holding me as we slept, moves i was not expecting from him! I played along a little, but not too much knowing he was probably just saying and doing those kind gestures to be sweet. He was the same way the next week. He even was talking about going to my place sometime after the club so we could hang out. (he lives an hour away and doesnt have a car so i was always going to his place. he gets rides from friends on occasion to go clubbing out in my city.) I told him he was invited to place anytime *wink wink*

Now, the last time I went to his house, which was two weeks ago, he seemed a little distant. We hung out in his basement listening to music and having some shots when he told me about his ex girfriend possibly being pregnant. He was really pissed about the whole thing and so we talked about it a little more and went onto different subjects and then went back to his room, started watching tv, and then had sex. During the night he never tried to cuddle with me or anything and unfortunatly we didnt have sex in the morning either. He was nice the next day though and I hung out with him for a few hours and we played video games and just had a simple fun time.

I left in the early afternoon, he gave me a hug and a kiss goodbye, told me to call him later, and left me on my way. Two days later I call him to see if he was able to get a ride out to the club. He was the one who told me to call him after all. I dont leave a message but let it ring 3 times (4th time answering machine comes on) he has caller ID that he checks so he'd mostly likly know i had called, and probably call me back. Nothing. A could more days later I decided to leave a message "Hey just seeing how you are doing, ill try and talk to you later, bye" Nothing. Ive called his house a coulple more times through out the last two weeks, always spacing my calls 2-3 days apart not wanting to seem nagging or something, never leaving messages btw.

I'm thinking that because his ex is probably preg that he just doesnt want anything to do with anybody right now, one reason why i think he was distant, but im really trying to not make excuses. I'm trying to convince myself that i was probably just another hot friend of his that he got to fuck and since im old news, he is off to get fresh meat. I dont know. I just want some answers. I want to be able to tell him "Hey its ok if you just want to have no-strings-attched sex with me!!" cause maybe if he really did stood me up he did so cause thinks im going to get attched, but i wont. hes the SEXIEST MAN EVER , but i dont like him. Lust is not like. The sex was AMAZING and since im not with anybody and dont want to be with anybody, it would be great to have a casual thing.

On a side note, this is the first time Ive had casual sex with a guy. Ive been sexual with one other guy casually, but didnt have sex with him, i just wanted you to know that this isnt something i usually do. and of course i made him wear a condom

So what should I do?? Should a try to keep getting a hold of him, maybe even leave one more message? Or should I wait for him to come around and call me? He might never call though, i dont know! Who knows he might be at the club tomorrow night but i have no way of knowing. I might be going out to his area in the next week, would it be ok to show up at the club that he works at to see if he is there?

Please, waht should I do?

~MK

p.s. ive missed this site and all of you! not having access to a more private computer has made it hard for me to come on here

I think you should forget him. He's obviously not interested, he hasn't called, or tried to get a hold of you at all. Move on. You were probably a hot friend he just wanted to fuck and forget...... sorry

[Tyger]

Stop calling him. If you continue to do so, you will sound like a desperate girlfriend. You said yourself that you're basically a FWB. If you keep calling him, he will think that you've got stronger feelings, and that may scare him too.

You've called him, what, 3 times? It's his turn now. He said call, you called. Though, NEVER assume that someone always looks at the caller ID after the fact. If you want to be sure that someone KNOWS you've called, leave a message! Unless it's a cell phone, it's really easy to just ignore the caller ID unless you're screening your calls. Most men will tell you that they like a more direct answer/approach. Just calling and saying "he'll check the caller ID so I don't hafta leave a message" is a wimpy way of trying to contact him. LEAVE A MESSAGE if you decide to call him one more time. IF you do call him back, leave a short, to the point message. Like "Hi, just checking on you since I haven't heard from you. I miss you but I know you've got a lot going on. Please call me and let me know what's going on." Boom, done.

It could be very true that he's stressed out about the possibly pregnant girlfriend. I know that when I'm stressed out, I withdraw, for the most part, to try and figure stuff out. Maybe he's like that too? A possible life-time commitment of a baby is a big stressor if it's not something that you were expecting.

You said that this is your first FWB situation. Are you being realistic with your feelings? Do you know that you're OK with him seeing other people? In a FWB situation, you hafta go into it realizing that the other person (as well as you too) should be going out with other people, dating, having fun, and yes, probably having sex with others too. It's the way FWB's works. Most women can't handle it for very long. Trust me, I've BTDT, bought the t-shirt! LOL I had to stop seeing my FWB cuz I was starting to fall in love with him. We'd been sleeping together for about 7 mos. I knew that I was falling for him, knew it wasn't the best idea in the world, and started putting myself back into the dating scene heavily.

Men DO have feelings, and they also like to cuddle and feel close to someone. If it's a FWB, the endearments really don't carry a lot of weight. They're just a way of feeling close. Men do do that. So do women. Sometimes it doesn't mean anything. If a man doesn't take you to see his friends and family, doesn't call you his girlfriend, doesn't call just to say hi, but will call for a booty call, then it's a casual thing, and yes, they're probably gettin' some somewhere else.

Best wishes!

[square]

Write him off. Don't bother with the one more phone call. Maybe he'll call you again some day when he's bored and horny. And then blow you off again.

[MystryKitten]

No, this would be my second FWB situation, but first time actually having sex with someone casually. With the other FWB we just did oral sex. I understand that we can both see other people, and in my last FWB that lasted 5months, we were seeing other people. I even was in an open relationship with another boy for a short time as well (they both knew of each other)

I really feel I should lay off calling and hanging up. I left one message two days after our last get-together, and the last time I called was the day before Halloween. I'm thinking give it a couple weeks and if i havent seen him at the club or if he hasnt called me, then leave a message, and leave it at that.

I just wish i wasnt left so clueless. We never established anything and now i wish we had. I never knew how to bring it up though. Did he like me? Was i just a good hot fuck? What were his intentions? i didnt know how to ask or approach the suject i figured it would unwind for itself. And now I'm left hanging and frustrated...

[MystryKitten]

UPDATE

I woke up so mad this morning! So I was in his area yesterday and couldnt help but to leave a message and let him know that I was going to be there and that i thought it would be cool to hang out. I wasnt expecting to hear from him but HE CALLED BACK!! Said he would like to hang out to but that a friend was going to pick him up to get some stuff from his house, so he would call me back in an hour when he knew where he was going to be. He called at 6 and NEVER CALLED BACK. As I was leaving my friends I left him another message

"Hey 'his name here' its 'my name here', its about midnight and Im going to be driving past 'insert city name here' in about 30min, if you can call me before then, great, if not i guess ill be seeing you around. take care, bye"

I assume his friend picked him up and they went out partying late into the night and he forgot about me or whatever. But he had called, which was great, but I was so hoping to get laid! LOL hey but if he really just wanted to hang out that would have been fine to, be gee i wanted him to have called back and he just left me hanging!

[sun_flower969]

UPDATE

I woke up so mad this morning! So I was in his area yesterday and couldnt help but to leave a message and let him know that I was going to be there and that i thought it would be cool to hang out. I wasnt expecting to hear from him but HE CALLED BACK!! Said he would like to hang out to but that a friend was going to pick him up to get some stuff from his house, so he would call me back in an hour when he knew where he was going to be. He called at 6 and NEVER CALLED BACK. As I was leaving my friends I left him another message

"Hey 'his name here' its 'my name here', its about midnight and Im going to be driving past 'insert city name here' in about 30min, if you can call me before then, great, if not i guess ill be seeing you around. take care, bye"

I assume his friend picked him up and they went out partying late into the night and he forgot about me or whatever. But he had called, which was great, but I was so hoping to get laid! LOL hey but if he really just wanted to hang out that would have been fine to, be gee i wanted him to have called back and he just left me hanging!

Seriously move on. He isn't worth the wasted time you have already spent on him. If he wants you he'll call.

[mystofpric]

UPDATE

I woke up so mad this morning! So I was in his area yesterday and couldnt help but to leave a message and let him know that I was going to be there and that i thought it would be cool to hang out. I wasnt expecting to hear from him but HE CALLED BACK!! Said he would like to hang out to but that a friend was going to pick him up to get some stuff from his house, so he would call me back in an hour when he knew where he was going to be. He called at 6 and NEVER CALLED BACK. As I was leaving my friends I left him another message

"Hey 'his name here' its 'my name here', its about midnight and Im going to be driving past 'insert city name here' in about 30min, if you can call me before then, great, if not i guess ill be seeing you around. take care, bye"

I assume his friend picked him up and they went out partying late into the night and he forgot about me or whatever. But he had called, which was great, but I was so hoping to get laid! LOL hey but if he really just wanted to hang out that would have been fine to, be gee i wanted him to have called back and he just left me hanging!

Yeah hun, normally I'm all about giving guys one more chance but now he sounds like my college beau, and let me save you 5 years, let him go. He's not going to change and eventually you'll end up hating him. Or you would if your me. there are too many decent guys out there who are willing to be your FWB and actually call you back.

[Rob]

Hi MK,

You have a more substantial emotional attachment to this boy than you are willing to admit to yourself. If it was just about sex I don't think you would feel an urge to talk to him. I don't think you would think about him so much or be so dreamy about him. You might be telling yourself it is just about casual sex to protect yourself for falling for someone that may reject you. It is an artificial sense of protection.

If he was into you, you would know. When we are rejected (this is a form of rejection) we all feel a deep need to know why. Why does he/she like me? We all want to be liked/loved. Just be aware of this need and don't let it over ride your common sense. You wanting to know why he doesn't call back, etc, is in a way, saying his opinion matters in how you feel about yourself. Your self worth has nothing to do with him. Props to Eminatic for making this point in another post!

Ok... I will stop my speach! I can hear one of my sisters saying I am preaching again. IMHO, there is something here to really learn about yourself.

In closing, see I am still talking, be aware of your feelings and dig deep with your questions when you evaluate what you are feeling and why. Best wishes to you!

-Rob

[sun_flower969]

Hi MK,

You have a more substantial emotional attachment to this boy than you are willing to admit to yourself. If it was just about sex I don't think you would feel an urge to talk to him. I don't think you would think about him so much or be so dreamy about him. You might be telling yourself it is just about casual sex to protect yourself for falling for someone that may reject you. It is an artificial sense of protection.

If he was into you, you would know. When we are rejected (this is a form of rejection) we all feel a deep need to know why. Why does he/she like me? We all want to be liked/loved. Just be aware of this need and don't let it over ride your common sense. You wanting to know why he doesn't call back, etc, is in a way, saying his opinion matters in how you feel about yourself. Your self worth has nothing to do with him. Props to Eminatic for making this point in another post!

Ok... I will stop my speach! I can hear one of my sisters saying I am preaching again. IMHO, there is something here to really learn about yourself.

In closing, see I am still talking, be aware of your feelings and dig deep with your questions when you evaluate what you are feeling and why. Best wishes to you!

-Rob

Very nicely put Rob!

[Tyger]

UPDATE

I woke up so mad this morning! So I was in his area yesterday and couldnt help but to leave a message and let him know that I was going to be there and that i thought it would be cool to hang out. I wasnt expecting to hear from him but HE CALLED BACK!! Said he would like to hang out to but that a friend was going to pick him up to get some stuff from his house, so he would call me back in an hour when he knew where he was going to be. He called at 6 and NEVER CALLED BACK. As I was leaving my friends I left him another message

"Hey 'his name here' its 'my name here', its about midnight and Im going to be driving past 'insert city name here' in about 30min, if you can call me before then, great, if not i guess ill be seeing you around. take care, bye"

I assume his friend picked him up and they went out partying late into the night and he forgot about me or whatever. But he had called, which was great, but I was so hoping to get laid! LOL hey but if he really just wanted to hang out that would have been fine to, be gee i wanted him to have called back and he just left me hanging!

Please don't take this like I'm being mean, but, you kinda asked for this last situation. You called him, wanting to hook up, and he did it AGAIN, and you're upset? How much of a glutton for punishment are you? Surely this last ignore didn't surprise you.

Move on, leave him alone. You need to be honest with yourself before you can really deal with any sort of casual or FWB situation. Not everyone can handle the casual thing, and there's nothing wrong with it. Just be honest with yourself.

[ladylove]

Hi MK,

You have a more substantial emotional attachment to this boy than you are willing to admit to yourself. If it was just about sex I don't think you would feel an urge to talk to him. I don't think you would think about him so much or be so dreamy about him. You might be telling yourself it is just about casual sex to protect yourself for falling for someone that may reject you. It is an artificial sense of protection.

If he was into you, you would know. When we are rejected (this is a form of rejection) we all feel a deep need to know why. Why does he/she like me? We all want to be liked/loved. Just be aware of this need and don't let it over ride your common sense. You wanting to know why he doesn't call back, etc, is in a way, saying his opinion matters in how you feel about yourself. Your self worth has nothing to do with him. Props to Eminatic for making this point in another post!

Ok... I will stop my speach! I can hear one of my sisters saying I am preaching again. IMHO, there is something here to really learn about yourself.

In closing, see I am still talking, be aware of your feelings and dig deep with your questions when you evaluate what you are feeling and why. Best wishes to you!

-Rob

VERY well said....

[12GAUGE]

VERY well said....

DITTO WHAT ROB SAID.