Will My Menopause Ruin Oral Sex For Hubby?

[Anne M]

Turning 50 next month and starting to go through menopause but with relatively little trouble. Some hot flashes at night but happy to not be dealing with periods. Scared to death though that it will put an end to my husband's absolute favorite part of our sexual relationship. He adores having me sit on his face so he can lap up my sex juices. Everything I read about menopause tells me women dry up. We're familiar with lube use with our toys but they're definitly not for eating pleasure! I have no one I can ask about something so personal. Do all women dry up? Will it happen right away? Are we down to our last few months of prime sex while I'm going through "the change"? Our sex drives are both high, is mine going to drop off now? I know this is mood swing hormones talking but I really do worry. Are there post-menopausal women out there with great sex lives?

[Tyger]

There are many women out there that are post-menopausal that have great sex lives, as well as women who've had to have early hystorectomies, which can cause menopause.

The thing is, yes, you can be a bit dryer/less able to lubricate even when sexually excited. You're familiar with lubes, which do come in edible flavors, so IF this is an issue you experience, there are ways to help it.

Plus, many women get supplements to help balance out their systems during menopause. Or, of course, hormone therapy.

I can't tell you that YES! You WILL be dryer, or NO, you won't be. Every woman is different, and their hormone fluxuation during hormones, so it's impossible to give you a definite answer.

I will recommend that you discuss this with your GYN. TRUST ME!! They've heard it all. Now, if you're embarrassed about divulging all of your reasons, though you shouldn't, just ask about your self-lubrication issues you're worried about. Like "I'm worried about not being able to have as much self-lubrication during intercourse with my husband. What can I do to fix, or at least help it along?" Of course, the GYN will tell you about lubes. But, s/he will also help you thru it, and hopefully design a regimine that works with your chemistry. Mind you, it may take a few tries to get it right, but it can happen.

Best wishes!!!

[ladylove]

First of all Welcome to the forum.

As Tyger states everyone is different. You won't know what's going to happen until it happens. All you know is what may or may not happen. There are tons of remedies for most all adverse effects you may have. You really need to open up to your OBGYN so she/he can help you find the perfect remedy. Good luck.

[leslieanne]

As Tyger and Ladylove have stated menopause is different for every woman. The reason - each of us is genetically unique and thus how much our hormones fluctuate and change (decrease) will vary. In addition ones general health as well as weight also factors in to the degree of hormonal change.

As for vaginal dryness - most women do experience some decrease in the amount of vaginal lubrication produced. However this is typically not something that happens immediately or rapidly. It is more often a slow decrease and for many women doesn't become a significant issue until later in the menopausal years. That said if any amount of decrease in your vaginal lubrication interfers with your enjoyment of sex - oral or otherwise - you really do need to discuss it with your Gyn physician.

As I tell my patients there are a variety of options available to treat all the symptoms of menopause. Which one(s) you choose depends upon your symptoms, how much those symptoms are affecting the quality of your life and the type of treatment you are comfortable with.

Options include, but are not limited to

1. regular exercise and a good balanced diet

2. Soy products (plant estrogens) - sometimes referred to as "natural estrogen or hormones". Please understand that natural does not mean "safer" or without risk. Since soy products fall into the food or herb category they are not monitored or regulated by the FDA - absolutely no studies have been done that proving that they are safer then prescription hormones.

3. Other herbs - such as black cohash, St. John's wort, etc - these can be used for various symptoms - their effectiveness is variable - for some women they seem to help for other they don't do a thing.

4. Vaginal lubricants - any of them will work to some degree - the trick is finding the one(s) that work best for you. They are different so don't assume that if one doesn't work for you other won't either. I've only begun to explore all the options....... and boy is it fun exploring ;-)

5. Vaginal estrogen - this can be provided in 2 primary ways - (1) estrogen cream which is placed in the vagina 2-7 times per week (frequency depends on the degree of vaginal dryness and associated symptoms). (2)Estring - a silcone ring with estrogen in it that is slowly released into the surrounding tissue. It's very easy to insert and remove, it is replaced every 3 months. Both of these do not increase the risk of breast cancer or cardiovascular disease - the estrogen acts locally - on the skin/tissue of the vagina (and base of the bladder) only. It does not affect your blood level of estrogen so there are no systemic affects.

5. HRT - Hormone replacement therapy - typically this is both estrogen and progesterone - prolonged use after menopause (more then 3 years) has been shown to increase the risk of breast cancer and cardiovascular disease - however it has also been shown to decrease the risk of osteoporosis and colon cancer. HRT can help a women transition through the early years of menopause when menopausal symptoms can be a significant problem for some women.

So as I tell all my perimenopausal and menopausal patients - if the sypmtoms of menopause are creating problems for you then they are a problem for me and we need to work together to get them under control. If the symptoms of menopause aren't creating any problems for you then they aren't a problem for me. In this day and age there is no reason to "suffer" with menopause as there are multiple options available for minimizing, controlling and eliminating the symptoms. So go forth and talk with your GYN doc - and if you don't feel you are getting the help you need - find another GYN doc.

And please don't dread or fear menopause - it can be an absolutely liberating time - no more periods, cramping or bloating, no pregnancy worries, no more PMS ........ look forward to the possibilities

[pappyld04]

Welcome to the forum. I am impressed by leslieanne's post o say the least. Seems she did a lo of research or for a great source for this. You may or may not notice a difference with PIV but wih oral there really shouldn't be anything that can't be overcome with the natural juices and saliva mixture or even a flavored lube. There are many different flavors and types, some warming some not, and it's just a matter of finding a flavor that he enjoys!

[Anne M]

Thanks to all for the advice, especially the topical estrogen and the est-ring. I'll give those a try if I stop being juicy enough. I'm very fit, good diet, plenty of excercise so no issues there. It isn't that I'm affraid to talk with my Gyn it's just that I'm one of those problem free people who only go in for the 20 minute visit once a year. My menopause symptoms have been so mild so far I haven't felt the need to call, I'm definitly not interested in HRT. Since the first time we made love my hubby has been almost addicted to my smell and taste. Lapping me up is still his absolute biggest turn-on and I just don't want that to stop for him. There is something kind of troubling though, not one post-menopausal woman responded saying that she still had a 'great' sex life. I guess I'll have to make that a second topic. Pep talks from other women would definitly be helpful. Thanks again!

[chloegirl]

Not there yet but I'm definitely interested in the answers you get. Let's hear from you women with experience!