My Rape Story

[mystofpric]

I have told this story to a few people before, but with the current debate going on right now I think it might be healthy for some people to hear someone else's story.

The summer before my 16th birthday I was visiting my dad in Upstate NY. I had just gotten paid for babysitting the neighbor kids and I didn't want to get stuck at home on a friday night. MY dad and his soon-to-be wife were planning on going to the summer football league's game that night, my dad had been injuried and couldn't play that year. I begged for them to take up kids and i even offered to buy dinner. Eventually my dad agreed.

About half way through the game my step sister wanted to go sit over on the hill behind one of the endzones, I offered to go with her. There were people everywhere! The big friday night excitement in a small town. My step-sister wanted to run to the snack bar and grab candy, I gave her money to get me a soda, and off she went. She wasn't gone more than a few seconds when a football came whizzing at my head! This young stud with buzzed blonde hair and piercing blue eyes came racing over apologizing for his friend who can't aim, I handed him back his ball and shrugged it off, no big deal. I then turned my attention back to the game, for getting about the whole thing. When my step-sister came back from the snack bar she informed me that some bald guy wanted to talk to me! Bald guy?! Ew! I immediately assumed that she meant bald and old. I told that if she saw him again to let me know other wise, back to the game. I really do have such great focus.

My sister saw teh guy as he flagged her down again and sent her back to get me. Yeah you guess it, the football guy. His name was Rob he introduced himself and I introduced myself we talked for the rest fo the game. My sister couldn't help but spill the beans that my dad was one of the biggest guys on the team and had to point him out. You know hulk hogan? Yeah that's pretty much my dad, just more defined, same protective attitude though! Rob was kind of taken back but asked for my number any way. When I went home I had to tell my dad all about it, my sister would have told any way!

THe next night was was at home watching a movie when he called, I had forgotten his name expecting him not to call. We talked for hours and that was the start of a story book romance. We spent as much time as possible together, hanging out at football games, the mall, his house, my house, his bedroom, where ever we could get a moment. His parents loved me and immediately accepted me a a daughter, my parents remained skeptical of him but were opening up faster than I expected for my first boyfriend. But all summers come to an end, he was my date to my dad's wedding and stayed the night in the hotel for me (seperate room of course). Over the course of the next few months we talked on teh phone every night, his parents flew me up for thanksgiving, I spent as much of my christmas break with him as possible, then came prom time.

I had the dress and and was all set, i flew up for his prom and while awkward as hell because i didn't know anyone, I had so much fun seeing him with his friends. Our first big fight came at teh after party. I refused to be around pot, he wanted to smoke I told him I'd be in teh car just knock when he wanted in. He ended up bailing on the party and join me in the car for the night only to tell me teh next day that I ruined his prom. Even though I agree to not using a condom and getting the morning after pill for him. Yeah, that does make you wicked sick and you shouldn't take it before a flight.

The fighting continued and he refused to come to my prom, thus ruining my prom. A few weeks later I was all set to get my license and graduate leaving only mere days until we'd be reuintied for good. He called me up and broke up with me, telling me he couldn't handle the long distance relationship thing any more. We continued to talk every night and I begged him not to do this, we only had days more to wait. When I finally made it up there, i found out the reason he wanted to dump me. He already had a new summer girlfriend, though he claimed they weren't dating. I said good bye and tried my best not to want to call, which I wanted to and did more often than I should have. He started showing up at one of my jobs that summer and hanging around. we hung out a few times and it always turned into sex, not that I was really complaining though I was starting to feel used. BY the start of July, nearing his birthday I told him we had to stop. He agreed but still hoped I could come to his birthday party, which i say I would.

THe day of his party rolls around and he comes and picks me up at about 10:00 at night. He's already drunk and having his friend drive. I get in the truck and tell him, again, in front of his friend that we were not going to have sex that night. He said fine he just wante dto have me there because he missed me and he'd never seen me at a party before. SO off we went. As soon as I got there a bottle of vodka was stuffed in my hands and I was told to drink. I was wasted in no time. After throwing up several times,I begged his best friend and ghis girlfriend, who were taking care of him, not to let Rob touch me. After getting them to agree, I crawled into the tent i was supposed to share with Rob and passed out for a few hours. I woke back up, feeling much better and more sober, i crawled out of teh tent to find teh party still going, though calmer. I was giving a soda as I refused t o drink any more. Then everyone said tehir good nights, ROb helped me to the tent where I passed out again. The rest of the night and a fair part of teh morning is gone. i vaguely remember "waking up" to rob slamming into me but i assumed i was dreaming and pass back out.

The next morning I was sick as a dog and rob had called me out of work. He waited while i cleaned up and got me in to his truck to take me home. ONLY he didn't he dragged me all over the town, in teh sweltering summer heat to batting cages a thrift store, you name it he took me. I got sick in a city trash can. Then he took me home.

A week later i was having massive cramping while at my step-sister's birthday camp site. I when home early, i had to go to work the next morning. I spent teh remainder of the night crying, cramping and bleeding. I went to working and suffered through then went to see my doctor. They told me i had miscarried and that I would be okay. Miscarried? How? Rob and I had been using condoms the few times we'd had sex tha summer because I had stopped taking my BC. So how could I have miscarried? I called rob the next day from work. In fact i called him several times begging him to come meet me at work. He never showed, he apperently never actually woke up. He finally answered the call demanding to know what i wanted. I said I had to talk to him that it was important, VERY important. "What, are you pregnant?" "Well, not any more." "What'd you do take care of it?" "NO, it took care of itself." "well that's a great way to start my day." "Well it was great way to spend my weekend."

For those wondering why I didn't stay at teh hospital or in bed or anything like that, I couldn't. I had to hide this from my parents because i Thought they'd be mad at me. I still hadn't figured out that he raped me. It wasn't until later that I put two and two together. That summer I was terrified of men, who could i trust if I couldn't trsut someone I loved and said they loved me? I shied away from men touching me and if any of them did anything to remind me of Rob, I freaked.

Only a few weeks later though I met Ryan. He was my savior angel. He was super sweet and pursused me with everything he had. He was a pilot trainee staying at the hotel I was working at. He would always come up and talk to me, ask me how i was, what I was doing that night, etc etc. I was polite and answered him, often complaining about my second job, but staying a safe distance from him. One morning I got called into work that night for one of the girls at teh pizza place i worked at at night. He asked again what I was doing that night and i told him i had to work at the pizza place and we were short handed and going to be swamped. He offered to come up help, I said that'd be cool and I gave him directions to teh pizza place 1/2 an hour away in a whole different town. He showed up. And that's what won me over. Rob would never do anything liek that, if it ment he'd be putting in effort or going out of his way rob wouldn't do it. So when Ryan asked me out I said yes. Ryan helped remind me that not all men were Rob, and he helped me see myself as something other than damaged goods. I tol dhim on teh first night that I had bee raped only weeks before and I told him it was my ex.

After a few weeks of seeing Ryan, Rob showed up at my hotel job. He was getting pissed that I wasn't really talking to him or throwing myself at him. He was harrassing the guests because I was helping them and not talking to him. I kept trying to flag down one of the girls at the desk (i worked in the coffee lounge) Ryan came in and saw what was happening and went to the desk to inform them, then he went back to his room. Before I left I brought him coffee to his room, he apologized for not coming down that morning but when he saw my ex he had to excuse him self or he;d be throw out of the hotel.

I loved Rob, as only a first love can. Ryan I never loved anywhere near that. He and I kept up communication and stayed in touch for a year, i never got to see him again though. I recently got back in contact with him via MySpace. He's happily engaged! I'm so happy for him! A couple of years ago, Rob contacted my older sister and she suggested, forcibly, that i go and meet with him. I did and it was terribly awkward and I found myself unable to really say no to him, except when it came to sex, we were in a public place and i stood firm.

[ToyQueen]

Suzy, you and I have talked about this before. I am SO sorry that this happened to you. NO ONE deserves that. Maybe someday I'll tell my story. But it is still very hard for me to talk about. Just remember that I am proud of how far you've come. You are an amazing woman!

[mystofpric]

Suzy, you and I have talked about this before. I am SO sorry that this happened to you. NO ONE deserves that. Maybe someday I'll tell my story. But it is still very hard for me to talk about. Just remember that I am proud of how far you've come. You are an amazing woman!

Thanks hun, and your pretty amazing yourself! We all have stories that are hard for us to talk about, and recognizing that is part of the process. Your right though, no one deserves this and it happens to far too many of us (male and female). I love ya hun and I'm always here for you!

[cybele]

Suzy,

I think that you are amazing for being able to discuss this so openly. I'm proud that you are working on getting beyond it. No one should have to live through that, especially at such a young age.

You and ToyQueen are right- we all have our stories. It's what you do afterwards that counts so much. As indelicate as this may sound, I read stories like yours, I know my own, and I have little empathy for the people who wallow in self pity over what has been dished to them. Awful things happen. It's what you do afterwards that shows your mettle.

Good For you Suz. You are awesome.

[ladylove]

Suzy, it takes a lot of guts for you to write down and tell your story, even to all us strangers. Some would not be as brave as you.

Remember the greatest revenge is happiness.

[mystofpric]

Remember the greatest revenge is happiness.

AGREED!

Cybele~ I know what you mean 100%.I knew as soon as the pieces started to fall into place i could either be a victim or a survivor. With help, I opted not to be a victim. I can't do what Ryan did for me for other women, but i can lend them my shoulder if they want it.

[ladylove]

AGREED!

Cybele~ I know what you mean 100%.I knew as soon as the pieces started to fall into place i could either be a victim or a survivor. With help, I opted not to be a victim. I can't do what Ryan did for me for other women, but i can lend them my shoulder if they want it.

I wish I knew someone like you way back when....... I have never spoke of it

[mystofpric]

I wish I knew someone like you way back when....... I have never spoke of it

Nah, nothing special, i just lack an inner monologue so I tend to spill my guts a lot. Plus my speaking out can give someone else hope and strength. I really do owe a lot to Ryan.

[Mikayla1]

It does take a brave woman to talk about such things. I think it is important for women to talk about rape, abuse, or otherwise bad incidents because it makes other people (women) know that they are not alone.

I don't want to hijack the thread, but I also have a rape story - and I will share it as well, but on it's own thread. I in no way want to make it seem like sharing such a story is easy nor do I want anyone to directly compare them (it is horrible no matter how it happens!) Therefore, I will post in a different thread at some point.

I hope that the encouraging comments keep coming. Thanks so much for sharing.

[ladylove]

It does take a brave woman to talk about such things. I think it is important for women to talk about rape, abuse, or otherwise bad incidents because it makes other people (women) know that they are not alone.

I don't want to hijack the thread, but I also have a rape story - and I will share it as well, but on it's own thread. I in no way want to make it seem like sharing such a story is easy nor do I want anyone to directly compare them (it is horrible no matter how it happens!) Therefore, I will post in a different thread at some point.

I hope that the encouraging comments keep coming. Thanks so much for sharing.

Milkayla don't you think it also important to realize, in life sometimes shit happen; deal with it and move on the best you can?

[Mikayla1]

Milkayla don't you think it also important to realize, in life sometimes shit happen; deal with it and move on the best you can?

Well, in a manner of speaking, yes.

I mean, it was not easy for me to adopt this ideal. I was angry, bitter, really, REALLY pissed at him. However, I realized that it was not worth my time and energy hating him. It didn't matter to him - it only HURT me more. So, I let it go. I did not forgive him, I can NEVER forget it, but I didn't continue to harbor it.

Yes, deal with it and move on. That is the best way to take away the power he thought he was getting by raping you.

[ladylove]

Well, in a manner of speaking, yes.

I mean, it was not easy for me to adopt this ideal. I was angry, bitter, really, REALLY pissed at him. However, I realized that it was not worth my time and energy hating him. It didn't matter to me - it only HURT me more. So, I let it go. I did not forgive him, I can NEVER forget it, but I didn't continue to harbor it.

Yes, deal with it and move on. That is the best way to take away the power he thought he was getting by raping you.

Yes, there are so many feeling that one goes through when this happens; And I don't think anyone ever forgets or forgives the animal who violates them. And even if one never spends the time or energy on actively hating him, I think you would agree If something horrible happen to him you wouldn't be to sad. So, it hurts for a while, you try to put it away so you can move on. But: This experience will profoundly effect the rest of ones life. Whether you realize it or not. This is not to say you are giving any power to the rapist, it's just your personal evolution through experiences good and bad.

[ManofHerdreams]

Reading these post makes me ashamed to be a man. It's a terrible thing and in my opinion there is no punishment on this earth bad enough for someone who would to that to a woman.

I'm very sorry that this has happened to all those involved and only wish that I could have 10 minutes alone with these scumbags in a locked room.

Man

[mystofpric]

Reading these post makes me ashamed to be a man. It's a terrible thing and in my opinion there is no punishment on this earth bad enough for someone who would to that to a woman.

I'm very sorry that this has happened to all those involved and only wish that I could have 10 minutes alone with these scumbags in a locked room.

Man

Don't let these creeps make you be ashamed of being a man, let them make you proud of being a good man.

Mik, or anyone else for that matter, feel free to hijack away.I wrote this knowing I wasn't the only one out there and if anyone feels like they can share their story then they can here if they want. Yes it's only been 6 years since this happened, I still hate teh 4th of july (his birthday and the day it happened) and I do actively cower from him if i should run into him on teh streets. Thank god we have VERY different friends. But I can live my without thought os him or that night creeping intoi my thoughts. He hasn't ruined my taste for men. In fact after Ryan I went on a bit of a whoring spree trying to regain my sexuality. I mean I have ALWAYS been a sexual being, even as I kid my barbie dolls and my brothers GI Joes were ALWAYS getting it on, so for me to lose that was like losing a BIG part of me. Thankfully I found it.

Thanks ladies and gentlemen for all fo your kind thoughts not just for me but for all the others who have been through this as well.

[ladylove]

Reading these post makes me ashamed to be a man. It's a terrible thing and in my opinion there is no punishment on this earth bad enough for someone who would to that to a woman.

I'm very sorry that this has happened to all those involved and only wish that I could have 10 minutes alone with these scumbags in a locked room.

Man

I think the good men in this world feel the way you do. And by the way, castration in addition to a branding on their forehead would be an adequate punishment, don't you think? I'm sure this would cut way back on the rape incidence.

[ladylove]

Don't let these creeps make you be ashamed of being a man, let them make you proud of being a good man.

Mik, or anyone else for that matter, feel free to hijack away.I wrote this knowing I wasn't the only one out there and if anyone feels like they can share their story then they can here if they want. Yes it's only been 6 years since this happened, I still hate teh 4th of july (his birthday and the day it happened) and I do actively cower from him if i should run into him on teh streets. Thank god we have VERY different friends. But I can live my without thought os him or that night creeping intoi my thoughts. He hasn't ruined my taste for men. In fact after Ryan I went on a bit of a whoring spree trying to regain my sexuality. I mean I have ALWAYS been a sexual being, even as I kid my barbie dolls and my brothers GI Joes were ALWAYS getting it on, so for me to lose that was like losing a BIG part of me. Thankfully I found it.

Thanks ladies and gentlemen for all fo your kind thoughts not just for me but for all the others who have been through this as well.

A lot of times after women get raped, they are very promiscuous, or are completely afraid of men. One end or the other.

[mystofpric]

I think the good men in this world feel the way you do. And by the way, castration in addition to a branding on their forehead would be an adequate punishment, don't you think? I'm sure this would cut way back on the rape incidence.

I don't. Serial rapists need to be removed from society, but i have never been one for an eye for an eye.

[sass]

Suz-

Just checked in while doing some shopping and saw your post. I just want to say you make me proud to know you! And remember, we are SURVIVORS - NOT VICTIMS.

Love ya babe.

[mystofpric]

Suz-

Just checked in while doing some shopping and saw your post. I just want to say you make me proud to know you! And remember, we are SURVIVORS - NOT VICTIMS.

Love ya babe.

AWWWW I love you! We need to catch up! I miss you! Glad to see you still nose around the boards though!

[ohshelly]

Oh, Sweetheart, I am so sorry that someone did that to you.

I am also very proud of the woman you have become since then.

I am glad you know that there ARE good men out there,

and that there is someone special waiting for you.

Love you, little girl.

[mystofpric]

Oh, Sweetheart, I am so sorry that someone did that to you.

I am also very proud of the woman you have become since then.

I am glad you know that there ARE good men out there,

and that there is someone special waiting for you.

Love you, little girl.

Thanks Shelly. My therapist says that I'm "amazingly well adjusted" though I think that's mostly in reference to my family, haha. I'ma hopeless romantic. Even though the ex did what he did, he was my first love and I wish him well. Crazy I know, but as much as I hate him, no fear him, I still wish him well (and far from me). There's someone special for all of us, some are just better at hiding than others.

Love you too!

Awww I have the best cyber family ever!

[shdowulf39]

Suzy, you and I have talked about this before. I am SO sorry that this happened to you. NO ONE deserves that. Maybe someday I'll tell my story. But it is still very hard for me to talk about. Just remember that I am proud of how far you've come. You are an amazing woman!

You have mentioned something to me about this.You have come along way Sweetheart.I am so proud of you!When your ready to get this off your chest I'll listen.Does this have to do with either of you ex's?You don't have to tell me now or ever,but if you want I'll listen.

I love you for who you are.