Review Team sass Posted January 3, 2009 Review Team Report Share Posted January 3, 2009 Is it possible to love two men (or women, or one of each – I guess the word “partner” would be a better term) …. So, do you think you can love two partners at the same time? Can you be in love with two partners? Is it the same thing? Do you have to grow (I like iha’s term better than “fall”) out of love with one person to grow into love with another?Here are my thoughts, but not really an answer because I don’t know the answer. Most parents with multiple children will say they love them all. Most people will say they love both parents, all grandparents, etc., so is the relationship with a partner so different from that of every other family relationship as to not be able to love more than one? Is this societal conditioning or are we wired differently when it comes to the one member of our family (however you define family) that we can actually choose? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members mystofpric Posted January 3, 2009 Members Report Share Posted January 3, 2009 I think that it is very possible. Biologically, I think, men are gear more oward the "spreading of the seed" among multiple partners where as women are geared towards finding one to "protect and feed" her. That being said I don't think it is any less likely that women could find themselves in love with 2 (or more) men. I think that each and every love you feel is different, you love your mom differently than you love your dad. Note I didn't say more or less. So a women could love one man one way (romantically) another man differently but still romantically. Same for men. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members mailahn97 Posted January 3, 2009 Members Report Share Posted January 3, 2009 I think that yes you can love more than one partner. Now my thoughts think that they won't be exactly equal in the love. One may be more than the other or for different reasons. Not sure really how to explain it. Figure you have many different sides to you and a thought could be that each of them helps quench the needs of the different parts of you. For an example think of sex....sometimes you want it rough but sometimes sensual and slow. I was talking with a few friends about this not too long ago and it was decided or thought that can 1 person truly satisfy another 100% of the time in every single detail of your life. I honestly don't think so. So with that being said that is why I feel that you could love more than one partner. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mikayla1 Posted January 3, 2009 Members Report Share Posted January 3, 2009 I definitely think you can love more than one person - and more than one person at a time. Think about your first love...that LOVE beyond all loves. Does that first love ever really go away? Even if you are in another satisfying relationship, where you truly love your new partner, do you cease to love that other person? Probably not. Many people will and have confessed to 'never getting over' a love. Even if they love again. So, conceivably, it is not only possible but clearly almost inevitable to have more than one love.So, what happens when you meet those two or more people at the same time? When you still are in love and in a relationship with one love and fall in love with another? Or, when you are reunited with a past love when you are with your current? Surely you can love both.Also, there are different types of love. Women can fall in love with another woman and also be totally in love with their male partner. In some senses it may be easier in this situation, as it seems less like 'cheating.' Truthfully, the heart cannot be fooled. I loves who it will and the human consciousness is powerless to stop it! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members sun_flower969 Posted January 4, 2009 Members Report Share Posted January 4, 2009 I definitely think you can love more than one person - and more than one person at a time. Think about your first love...that LOVE beyond all loves. Does that first love ever really go away? Even if you are in another satisfying relationship, where you truly love your new partner, do you cease to love that other person? Probably not. Many people will and have confessed to 'never getting over' a love. Even if they love again. So, conceivably, it is not only possible but clearly almost inevitable to have more than one love.So, what happens when you meet those two or more people at the same time? When you still are in love and in a relationship with one love and fall in love with another? Or, when you are reunited with a past love when you are with your current? Surely you can love both.Also, there are different types of love. Women can fall in love with another woman and also be totally in love with their male partner. In some senses it may be easier in this situation, as it seems less like 'cheating.' Truthfully, the heart cannot be fooled. I loves who it will and the human consciousness is powerless to stop it!TOTALLY!!!I know for me I am the kind of person who really loves people. I am so interested in everyone! Differences, similarities I embrace them all. I LOVE my friends all of them! So it is really easy for me to fall in love because I am very accepting. Plus, sometimes you just meet someone and you can't deny there is something special about them... You feel drawn to them. Even if you are in love with someone else! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members ladylove Posted January 4, 2009 Members Report Share Posted January 4, 2009 Very interesting question. I just read that there was a study done on falling in love. It stated (romantically), "People will fall in love 7 times before marrying". I personally have not been "in-love" romantically 7 times prior to marrying, but I/we have a great capacity to love many people in many different ways. I'm going to assume we all know the many different way in which we can love someone. Now, If you have romantically (or otherwise) loved someone in the past, it is my opinion that you don't just stop loving them. I believe we compartmentalize our feeling, sort of a survival if you will, in order to move forward after a break-up or some sort of disharmony that will break or separate that bond. I think of these as memories, that bring warm heart-felt feeling forward with out yearning. So, Yes I do think we can love more than one person at a time. BUT, can I love more than one man romantically at a time no. WHY, because I'm not open for it. Clean and simple...... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members ManofHerdreams Posted January 7, 2009 Members Report Share Posted January 7, 2009 Truthfully, the heart cannot be fooled. I loves who it will and the human consciousness is powerless to stop it!Truer words have never been spoken..Man Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members ladylove Posted January 7, 2009 Members Report Share Posted January 7, 2009 Truer words have never been spoken..ManI agree, but you also have to be open to love or it will not happen........ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members sun_flower969 Posted January 7, 2009 Members Report Share Posted January 7, 2009 I agree, but you also have to be open to love or it will not happen........I am not sure about that... I mean haven't you ever felt resistant to your feelings for someone? You know trying to deny it... I think sometimes it can't be controlled! I suppose you do have a choice to go with it, or not... if you are strong that is! KWIM? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mikayla1 Posted January 7, 2009 Members Report Share Posted January 7, 2009 I am not sure about that... I mean haven't you ever felt resistant to your feelings for someone? You know trying to deny it... I think sometimes it can't be controlled! I suppose you do have a choice to go with it, or not... if you are strong that is! KWIM?There is a difference between choice and destiny or a 'pulling' toward love. Many of us have had the experience of being 100%, totally, unabashedly in love with someone. We give that person our whole heart, mind, spirit, body. Then, that person does something - something bad, or wrong, or anything that may change our opinion of them and make us doubt our choice. We may leave that person, move on to someone else or be alone, but does our heart stop loving them? No. How many people have caught their spouses cheating and left them? Do they still LOVE them? Many will honestly say, 'yes.'I personally have been in love with someone and tried, and tried to NOT be in love with them. It was soooo hard. I can honestly say that although I love my hubby more than anything, I still have honest 'love' for this other person, but my common sense knows that he is dangerous for me. Doesn't get rid of the love. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members sun_flower969 Posted January 7, 2009 Members Report Share Posted January 7, 2009 There is a difference between choice and destiny or a 'pulling' toward love. Many of us have had the experience of being 100%, totally, unabashedly in love with someone. We give that person our whole heart, mind, spirit, body. Then, that person does something - something bad, or wrong, or anything that may change our opinion of them and make us doubt our choice. We may leave that person, move on to someone else or be alone, but does our heart stop loving them? No. How many people have caught their spouses cheating and left them? Do they still LOVE them? Many will honestly say, 'yes.'I personally have been in love with someone and tried, and tried to NOT be in love with them. It was soooo hard. I can honestly say that although I love my hubby more than anything, I still have honest 'love' for this other person, but my common sense knows that he is dangerous for me. Doesn't get rid of the love. YES! I think we are like minded in our thinking!!!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members ladylove Posted January 9, 2009 Members Report Share Posted January 9, 2009 There is a difference between choice and destiny or a 'pulling' toward love. Many of us have had the experience of being 100%, totally, unabashedly in love with someone. We give that person our whole heart, mind, spirit, body. Then, that person does something - something bad, or wrong, or anything that may change our opinion of them and make us doubt our choice. We may leave that person, move on to someone else or be alone, but does our heart stop loving them? No. How many people have caught their spouses cheating and left them? Do they still LOVE them? Many will honestly say, 'yes.'I personally have been in love with someone and tried, and tried to NOT be in love with them. It was soooo hard. I can honestly say that although I love my hubby more than anything, I still have honest 'love' for this other person, but my common sense knows that he is dangerous for me. Doesn't get rid of the love. As Milkayla says: I still have honest 'love' for this other person, but my common sense knows that he is dangerous for me. Doesn't get rid of the love. It sounds to me as if Mikayla has made a conscious decision not to be open to this person. she has a bond with this person due to their past history; has compartmentalized those feelings, which bring her warm heart felt memories to the surface; at the same time she remembers the disharmony and chooses inaction towards him. I still think we all have a choice. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mikayla1 Posted January 9, 2009 Members Report Share Posted January 9, 2009 It sounds to me as if Mikayla has made a conscious decision not to be open to this person. she has a bond with this person due to their past history; has compartmentalized those feelings, which bring her warm heart felt memories to the surface; at the same time she remembers the disharmony and chooses inaction towards him. I still think we all have a choice.Oh, this other person does know how I feel. He is fully aware that I still love him. There is no compartmentalization of my feelings, they are there. My hubby also knows I still love this other person. However, if I made any choice, it was not to choose who to love, but who to share my life with. As I said, I love my hubby greatly; I love this other person greatly too. However, my 'first' love did something to me which broke our trust and damaged our relationship (not our love). I know it seems hard to explain, but even people who are abused still LOVE that person (sometimes) and it is because I truly believe you can not fight the heart feelings.I can not choose NOT to love this other person, I do not fight it, because it is just....it is. Period. There is no rationalization in love, but there was a rationalization in ending the relationship. I knew it would be better NOT to be with him, and it has been, but I still love him. I can say that the love I have for my hubby is greater only because he doesn't damage our trust - and cultivation of love takes trust. However, that doesn't change the fact that I still carry love for the other person. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members ohshelly Posted January 11, 2009 Members Report Share Posted January 11, 2009 You are starting to look forward to life Poon! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members spanky Posted January 13, 2009 Members Report Share Posted January 13, 2009 being in the situation i am in right now. my answer is simple and to the point without going into a lot of details. i would have to say YES it is possible. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members ladylove Posted January 13, 2009 Members Report Share Posted January 13, 2009 Oh, this other person does know how I feel. He is fully aware that I still love him. There is no compartmentalization of my feelings, they are there. My hubby also knows I still love this other person. However, if I made any choice, it was not to choose who to love, but who to share my life with. As I said, I love my hubby greatly; I love this other person greatly too. However, my 'first' love did something to me which broke our trust and damaged our relationship (not our love). I know it seems hard to explain, but even people who are abused still LOVE that person (sometimes) and it is because I truly believe you can not fight the heart feelings.I can not choose NOT to love this other person, I do not fight it, because it is just....it is. Period. There is no rationalization in love, but there was a rationalization in ending the relationship. I knew it would be better NOT to be with him, and it has been, but I still love him. I can say that the love I have for my hubby is greater only because he doesn't damage our trust - and cultivation of love takes trust. However, that doesn't change the fact that I still carry love for the other person.I think I understand what your saying, however from my own personal experience, I don't get it. I don't think you'd be able to explain any better either. I just don't understand how someone can move on from on love to another if you don't try to put things in perspective. ie.... I have loved prior to being married with all my heart. In one case: We were both young, and knew we wanted different things in life. We decided to end things together jointly. I initially felt the hole in my heart was huge I would be damaged goods. Time doesn't cure everything, but it did let me put my feeling for this young man (at the time) in perspective. I still have loving feelings for him, but because I have chosen to move on without him in my life, there isn't any pain. It's that I have these incredible memories of our time together and who we were when we were together. I know about his life, what he's done with it, how many kids he has, how many times he's been married, etc...... The bottom line for me is I made the decision to end things, to move forward..... I had been in-love with this man and still have loving feeling for him, but I moved from being in-love - to - having loving feelings towards him, with out longing. No hole or emptiness just happy loving memories of our time.......So I respectfully agree to disagree with you, on the grounds I just don't get it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members sun_flower969 Posted January 13, 2009 Members Report Share Posted January 13, 2009 I think I understand what your saying, however from my own personal experience, I don't get it. I don't think you'd be able to explain any better either. I just don't understand how someone can move on from on love to another if you don't try to put things in perspective. ie.... I have loved prior to being married with all my heart. In one case: We were both young, and knew we wanted different things in life. We decided to end things together jointly. I initially felt the hole in my heart was huge I would be damaged goods. Time doesn't cure everything, but it did let me put my feeling for this young man (at the time) in perspective. I still have loving feelings for him, but because I have chosen to move on without him in my life, there isn't any pain. It's that I have these incredible memories of our time together and who we were when we were together. I know about his life, what he's done with it, how many kids he has, how many times he's been married, etc...... The bottom line for me is I made the decision to end things, to move forward..... I had been in-love with this man and still have loving feeling for him, but I moved from being in-love - to - having loving feelings towards him, with out longing. No hole or emptiness just happy loving memories of our time.......So I respectfully agree to disagree with you, on the grounds I just don't get it.You know LL that's good for you to be this way! Maybe one day something will happen and you will get it... But better if you don't, for your marriage sake! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mikayla1 Posted January 13, 2009 Members Report Share Posted January 13, 2009 So I respectfully agree to disagree with you, on the grounds I just don't get it.Well, I am not trying to debate or argue - I think everyone has their own feelings. Believe you me, I would much rather NOT have these feelings (in a way) as it does get muddled sometimes. However, I made a choice, and my heart is going along for the ride. Also, let me just say, this in NO WAY affects how I feel about MM - he is wonderful, kind, caring, sexy, loving, and I love him MORE than the other man....but I still do love him. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Review Team sass Posted January 13, 2009 Author Review Team Report Share Posted January 13, 2009 Well, I am not trying to debate or argue - I think everyone has their own feelings. Believe you me, I would much rather NOT have these feelings (in a way) as it does get muddled sometimes. However, I made a choice, and my heart is going along for the ride. Also, let me just say, this in NO WAY affects how I feel about MM - he is wonderful, kind, caring, sexy, loving, and I love him MORE than the other man....but I still do love him.I do understand. My first love was a long relationship when we were both very young. For about the last half of it, he lied, cheated, stole and was overall abusive. But I still loved him, and being young, I thought that meant I needed to try to make it work even through what he did. We ended when he tried to straighten up and joined the military. We kept in touch for awhile. He got a girl pregnant and ended up marrying her due to pressure from his family. He lied to and cheated on her, too. Last I heard, he was in the Arkansas Department of Correction. He is obviously not worth the energy to think about - but I loved him and never really got over it. I still love him. I would not date him again for anything, but that doesn't mean I regret what we had. I have just moved on.This brings up another question, though. Do you think the type of closure, or lack thereof, a relationship has affects the love not ending? I often wonder if things would have been different, maybe if he and I had cut-ties more definitely, if the love would have faded away. Thoughts? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members sun_flower969 Posted January 13, 2009 Members Report Share Posted January 13, 2009 I do understand. My first love was a long relationship when we were both very young. For about the last half of it, he lied, cheated, stole and was overall abusive. But I still loved him, and being young, I thought that meant I needed to try to make it work even through what he did. We ended when he tried to straighten up and joined the military. We kept in touch for awhile. He got a girl pregnant and ended up marrying her due to pressure from his family. He lied to and cheated on her, too. Last I heard, he was in the Arkansas Department of Correction. He is obviously not worth the energy to think about - but I loved him and never really got over it. I still love him. I would not date him again for anything, but that doesn't mean I regret what we had. I have just moved on.This brings up another question, though. Do you think the type of closure, or lack thereof, a relationship has affects the love not ending? I often wonder if things would have been different, maybe if he and I had cut-ties more definitely, if the love would have faded away. Thoughts?I think having closure helps for certain... I was heartbroken over someone for YEARS! and I finally ran into him a couple months ago. We are in touch and I feel SO much better! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members ladylove Posted January 13, 2009 Members Report Share Posted January 13, 2009 I think it comes down to personal coping mechanism. I could not move forward into another relationship if I hadn't rectified my feelings from the last relationship. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members synirr Posted January 15, 2009 Members Report Share Posted January 15, 2009 I know a triad that have been together for years and just got married, so yes, I suppose it's possible. Personally I think I could love more than one person, but as picky as I am, finding two people I'd want to share my life with would be quite another thing. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mikayla1 Posted January 15, 2009 Members Report Share Posted January 15, 2009 As to the closure question, I am not sure there is really such a thing as closure. I mean, yes, you can break up, say your goodbyes, rationalize or understand why things are ending, but is there ever really closure? Does our heart really close after a serious love? I think at least being able to understand why someone is leaving you, or talking about the break-up is essential to general well-being, but for the purposes of closure, I am really not sure anything can make loosing love any easier to forget or get over. Just my opinion. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members bluelotusparties Posted May 3, 2012 Members Report Share Posted May 3, 2012 maybe you can love more than one but never at the same degree .. there will always be someone that you are more inlove with Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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