Help, Please?!

[whiskeywoman]

I am in desperate need of advice right now, especially from the parents of this board.

Earlier tonite I was getting the girls ready for their shower.

My 6 yr old stripped down to her birthday suit as did the 8 yr old and the 5 yr old.

After she had stripped down, the 6 yr old grabbed her younger sister and pushed her face into her crotch with the instructions to "sniff"

Needless to say I was highly upset.

I have no idea where she got this from, I have no porn in the house just because I have small kids and I dont want them watching it.

They have NEVER seen their dad and I in bed, I would know, the bedroom door locks and when we play we lock it.

When they HAVE seen us in bed, we were sleeping in our PJs.

When I got them into the shower I went to get their towels, Upon re entering the bathroom the 6 yr old and 8 yr old were standing there in an open mouthed lip lock spitting water in each others mouth.

I dont know what to do, normally when I find them touching themselves I just tell them to take it into their room.

I know kids will be kids, and I know that they will explore themselves and what makes them feel good, but there is a differance between exploring your own body and exploring someone elses.

They are far too young to be worrying about touching each other.

So what do I do? what should i say?

I am at a total loss here.

[Mikayla1]

Ok. First of all be calm. I know that my 4-year old picks up a TON of stuff just out of the commercials on TV that I don't even think he is watching. It is AMAZING to the point of disgust what our kids are in tune to today. Your kids are older - they have TV, radio, school, friends....a whole host of influences that could be taking their toll on them.

The "sniffing" incident may not be as bad as you think. If the 6-year old is just noticing that she has body odors - either from playing or what not, or if she is noticing that her older sister does, then she may have wanted to have her sister "sniff" her, since she really can't get down there well enough. She didn't say "lick" or anything, so don't over react too much.

The water spitting thing may or may not be nothing. Siblings "share" drinks, they experiment with kissing, etc. but these kids are a little young - but it depends on the influences around them. Now, if you are being careful then the influences may be coming from somewhere else. Aforementioned school, friends, etc.

I would just tell them, in a non-accusatory way, that they shouldn't "kiss" each other like that. It is inappropriate. You would think that they are too young to worry about touching inappropriately, but they really aren't - especially if they are getting exposed to something somewhere else.

In the meantime, I would watch them and just look out for similiar behavior. If you notice something else, just ask them where they saw the "kissing" or the "sniffing" before. Be kind, gentle, inquisitory not judgemental.

It is a horrible, horrible thing to even suggest...but sometimes when children start doing "odd" sexual or semi-sexual things, it sends a red flag up - if you catch my drift. I would NOT panic, but I would keep my eye out if I were you!

The key here is to "stay calm" don't get upset in front of your girls. If they are just "experiementing" or playing with each other....you have to be sensitive to them and try to explain what is and is not appropriate without messing with their self esteem, their sense of self, their right to "explore" etc. On the other hand, if this is an outside influence, you need to be in tune with your children (as it seems you are) and just be sensitive and trustworthy so that they will trust you enough to come to you if they sense something is wrong.

All in all I think things are fine...but once you start working in the legal field (and Howard will attest to this) and hear horror stories AND you are a MOM...you start to really caution people to listen to that inner voice.

As I said in the beginning...my son at 4 has said and done things I didn't think he would do until he was much older...and although I talk about sex here, I do NOT talk about sex in front of my child, so his influence is NOT coming from me. I realized it was certain TV commercials that he saw and a TV program that his Daddy watched (BAD DADDY) on REGULAR TV - that had him saying some odd things.

So just keep an eye out and be sensitive, those are the best words of wisdom I can offer now!

Mikayla

[Mikayla1]

While I agree that Howard knows A LOT about SEX....and I mean A LOT...he does not have children!

I respectfully disagree that a child of 8 does not know how to be "sexually" explicit or do something sexually motivated! While I am not sure that was the intent of their actions, AND while I do not condone "scolding" them...I suggested asking in a non-confrontational manner....I do think keeping an eye on future actions to be necessary.

I for one, did not play "drinking fountain" while lip locking my siblings at 8 or 6. I might have spit from across the pool...so the lip lock is what got me concerned. Nor would I have instructed my sibling to "sniff" my crotch at age 8 or any other age for the matter. So I am simply wondering where the behavior comes from.

Also, Howard, you can't tell me that the older sister won;t want to be around her other sisters. Many families remain close...it is not all families that separate like that. Plus, I do not know what that has to do with the issue NOW!

I will give you an example. I have a friend who has 2 boys and a girl, boys ages 9 and 7, girl age 5. She walked in once and saw the 9 year old boy "humping" the 5 year old girl with her 7 year old watched. She made them get up, calmly, and then asked the 9 year old privately what he was doing to his sister. He said that boys at school told him if he did that on girls it would feel good. His sister is a girl!

So, don't tell me that 9 or 8 year olds aren't exposed to certain things, even if they don't completely understand what they are doing, they may do it. You can control what your children do and see in your own home but there is 8 or more hours OUTSIDE of the home where a host of others have at them! So it is a parents responsibility to be concerned, such as Whiskey is.

We will hope that it is nothing, but in today's day and age to assume that it is, would be stupid!

Mikayla

[crazy1]

I agree that younger and younger kids are being exposed to sex and sexuality. I am the youngest of six kids, 5 boys 1 girl and by the age of 6(My sister is 6 years older than me) I knew it was inappropriate for me to share a bed with her. When I was younger it was okay, but by that age, she had begun puberty and things had to change.

Our world is one of open sexuality in media and poor parenting. Parents want to be free and live in a place where they can be selfish and just have fun rather than discipline or control their kids, let alone pay attention to them. Case in point, I was in a video game store the other day. A boy of no more than 12 years was asking to buy a game that was Adult rated. I don't know if many of you know what the ESRB is or what it does, but this game was rated only for persons 17 and up. His dad and mom walk in, the boy asks for the game, the GM explains the rating and WHY it is rated that way(for language, graphic violence and graphic sexuality and nudity), and the dad just says, "hey, we know about all that, we just turn down the sound to get rid of the cussing". Never mind that your son will be raping and killing whores, or visiting local sluts on the game where you can interact in a completely virtual sexual encounter. At age 12.

As a child I was shown pornography at age 6 or 7, I am not too clear on which. I knew how to masturbate before I was even remotely capable. I knew all about girl on girl action, vaginas, clits, breasts, anal, I saw domination, submission, water sports and more before I could enter the 3rd grade.

WW, be careful. I was the kid at school who told the others that that crap should be fun and feel good. I know they are there. Some of my friends back then(after my influence) would sneak out their dads pornos and we would watch them. Or tapes from XXX-rated sattelite programs. With the world view on female bi-sexuality, be careful, decide what you want to teach your kids is normal and what is abberant, or devient. Take it slow, be calm, address it on a one-to-one level and find out just what each one knows.

Older siblings always like to give the impression that they know more than the younger ones.....if the oldest is getting this info somewhere, you can bet it's gonna be passed down.

[hrnychick]

I agree with the other posts......its not something to ignore and something that you have to keep your eye on........As it was stated in another post kids get so much from the world around them ( t.v. school.etc) My point of view on the "sniffing" thing is that she may have said it because she is getting older and learning more about her body.....im thinking she ment it as she would her feet or armpit.....not really aware of what she was saying at such a young age and about that part of her body isnt a good thiing. I have 3 boys and we watch what we say and do etc.....but todays tv and songs on the radio just dont help......My 5 yr old told me he heard that song "dont you wish your girlfriend was hot like me" on the school bus.....,.....The bus driver had the radio on.....so that just goes to show you how now matter how hard we as good parents try our kids come across so much with out us knowing......Another example the other day at the playground after my older sons baseball practice the kids were on the slide etc and one of the boys said "fuck" not knowing we were there my husband said what did you say and he said oh sorry i said heck.......parenting isnt easy and kids dont stay kids for long anymore they want to grow up to fast......or try to hard to be like the older kids.......Again just keep your eye on the matter see if anything else happens and if so then find out where or who she is getting that from.....and take it from there,,,,,

[whiskeywoman]

I agree with all points,

I did kinda flip a little(ok a lot) when the 6 yr old told her sister to sniff her crotch.

I told them that this was inappropriate behavior and will not be tolerated.

When they were lip locking in the shower, I told them no, this is also inappropriate behavior and I did not want to see them doing it again.

No I never played drinking fountain, I am the oldest and only girl out of 3 kids so I was never allowed to bathe with them.

The only time either of my brothers slept in my room was when they were infants and then it was in a crib on the other side of the room.

I asked the 8 yr old where she got the idea to lip lock her sister like that, she said she saw it in a movie her dad let her watch,

The scene was where a woman kissed another woman to kill her.

This is a PG rated movie?!

Rest assured daddy will get an earful from me!

As for the sniffing thing,

I am taking it slow on this one, I want the truth from them, I dont want them to feel pressured to give me the answer I want.

I have seen too many parents hassle their kids by saying things like "did so and so touch you? you can tell me if so and so touched you I wont be mad, just tell me the truth" etc.

The kids finally break down and say" yeah so and so touched me"

just to get mom and dad off their backs, and because they think this is what mom and dad want to hear.

Mikayla,

You brought up a point about body odors, I will have to reinforce the lesson of washing that area a bit better.

As much as I value your insight, it scares the hell outta me.

I would prefer not to think of the other area it may have come from,

But I would be ingnorant if I did just that, because this neighborhood is PACKED with registered offenders.

evry other house is a registered offender.

I know it is a very real possibility and it will stay on the back burner till all others have been ruled out.

Before you think of their dad, I would never consider it, he despises those people for one, and secondly, he is never alone with them, either his mom or I are always in the house with them.

The girls play out in the backyard wich is fenced in by a 6 foot tall solid wood fence.

It was put up to protect the dogs from the kids in the ally.

The girls are allowed out back to play, because we can look out from any window on the east side of the house and see them, when they are playing in the water, there is always adult supervision at all times, yes even if its just the sprinkler.

Yeah I admit it, Im one of THOSE parents, I discipline my kids, I try to teach them manners and morals, I REFUSE to let them be one of these kids you see in the too tight micro mini skirts in a ton of makeup looking like a hooker walking around at 11 at night at the age of 13.

I make them do their homework at night, and I give them a set of daily chores that MUST be done.

They are never allowed to be left alone with ANY boys period.

Boys are not allowed in their room, and the same applies to them, they are not allowed in any boys room, even if it their own cousin.

If they want to play a video game with a cousin/friend that is male and the game is in their room, there must be an adult present at all times.

I admit, I am EXTREMELY overprotective of my kids, but I feel I am justified in my reasons.

My son was killed 3 yrs ago on his 13th birthday.

He was shot in the head deliberatly, yes I know who pulled the trigger, and no he is not in prison.

Crazy,

I agree, whatever knowledge the others have, the younger ones will be taught, thats the nature of the beast.

Older siblings always teach younger siblings their knowledge, thats their job.

This is what we teach them while the younger ones are still in the womb

" Your going to be a bigger sister, and you get to teach your brother/sister how to talk and walk and ride a bike" etc.

Am I overreacting over my girls behavior? perhaps, but I would rather deal with it rather than ignore it and have a bigger problem happen later down the road.

[hrnychick]

I agree with all points,

I did kinda flip a little(ok a lot) when the 6 yr old told her sister to sniff her crotch.

I told them that this was inappropriate behavior and will not be tolerated.

When they were lip locking in the shower, I told them no, this is also inappropriate behavior and I did not want to see them doing it again.

No I never played drinking fountain, I am the oldest and only girl out of 3 kids so I was never allowed to bathe with them.

The only time either of my brothers slept in my room was when they were infants and then it was in a crib on the other side of the room.

I asked the 8 yr old where she got the idea to lip lock her sister like that, she said she saw it in a movie her dad let her watch,

The scene was where a woman kissed another woman to kill her.

This is a PG rated movie?!

Rest assured daddy will get an earful from me!

As for the sniffing thing,

I am taking it slow on this one, I want the truth from them, I dont want them to feel pressured to give me the answer I want.

I have seen too many parents hassle their kids by saying things like "did so and so touch you? you can tell me if so and so touched you I wont be mad, just tell me the truth" etc.

The kids finally break down and say" yeah so and so touched me"

just to get mom and dad off their backs, and because they think this is what mom and dad want to hear.

Mikayla,

You brought up a point about body odors, I will have to reinforce the lesson of washing that area a bit better.

As much as I value your insight, it scares the hell outta me.

I would prefer not to think of the other area it may have come from,

But I would be ingnorant if I did just that, because this neighborhood is PACKED with registered offenders.

evry other house is a registered offender.

I know it is a very real possibility and it will stay on the back burner till all others have been ruled out.

Before you think of their dad, I would never consider it, he despises those people for one, and secondly, he is never alone with them, either his mom or I are always in the house with them.

The girls play out in the backyard wich is fenced in by a 6 foot tall solid wood fence.

It was put up to protect the dogs from the kids in the ally.

The girls are allowed out back to play, because we can look out from any window on the east side of the house and see them, when they are playing in the water, there is always adult supervision at all times, yes even if its just the sprinkler.

Yeah I admit it, Im one of THOSE parents, I discipline my kids, I try to teach them manners and morals, I REFUSE to let them be one of these kids you see in the too tight micro mini skirts in a ton of makeup looking like a hooker walking around at 11 at night at the age of 13.

I make them do their homework at night, and I give them a set of daily chores that MUST be done.

They are never allowed to be left alone with ANY boys period.

Boys are not allowed in their room, and the same applies to them, they are not allowed in any boys room, even if it their own cousin.

If they want to play a video game with a cousin/friend that is male and the game is in their room, there must be an adult present at all times.

I admit, I am EXTREMELY overprotective of my kids, but I feel I am justified in my reasons.

My son was killed 3 yrs ago on his 13th birthday.

He was shot in the head deliberatly, yes I know who pulled the trigger, and no he is not in prison.

Crazy,

I agree, whatever knowledge the others have, the younger ones will be taught, thats the nature of the beast.

Older siblings always teach younger siblings their knowledge, thats their job.

This is what we teach them while the younger ones are still in the womb

" Your going to be a bigger sister, and you get to teach your brother/sister how to talk and walk and ride a bike" etc.

Am I overreacting over my girls behavior? perhaps, but I would rather deal with it rather than ignore it and have a bigger problem happen later down the road.

More parents in this world should be like you.......then we wouldnt have to worry about what the other kids are teaching our children.....So sorry to hear about your son.....and you have every right to be overprotective.....

The other day while we were at the playground there were so many kids there alone no parents around......they came to baseball practice alone....i thought to myself what if something happened to them.....not only because you never know about other people. or what they may do....but what if the child got hurt??? these kids are as old or maybe the most two years older then my son......Maybe some of the parents have what they think is a good reason for not being there but in this day and age you have to watch kids every min. even if they are just outside your house......its sad.....but true.....Whiskey just keep doing what you are doing sounds like your raising some good kids.......keep up the good work.

[Mikayla1]

Hey, I am one of THOSE parents too, and proud to be one! I am the parent who asks all the annoying questions before my child play dates:

Do you have dogs? Are they allowed to run loose? Are they friendly?

Will you be with the kids all the time?

Do you have guns in your house? Are they locked up?

Is your backyard fenced in securely? You would never let the kids out there alone would you?

I usually am so anal I insist the playdate is at my house instead of another, unless it is one of my good friends. This for my 4 year old...God help him later!

It sounds like you have a good handle on your kids...keep it up and I am sure that it is not a big issue, but as parents all things concerning out kids should be big issues!

Mikayla