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Embarrassing Medical Exams


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1. A man comes into the ER and yells, 'My wife's going to have her baby

in the cab!' I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the cab, lifted the

lady's dress, and began to take off her underwear. Suddenly, I noticed

that there were several cabs -- and I was in the wrong one.

Submitted by Dr. Mark MacDonald, San Antonio , TX

2. At the beginning of my shift, I placed a stethoscope on an elderly

and slightly deaf female patient's anterior chest wall. 'Big breaths,'

I instructed. 'Yes, they used to be,' replied the patient.

Submitted by Dr. Richard Byrnes, Seattle , WA

3. One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told a wife that

her husband had died of a massive myocardial infarct. Not more than

five minutes later, I heard her reporting to the rest of the family that

he had died of a 'massive internal fart.'

Submitted by Dr. Susan Steinberg

4. During a patient's two week follow-up appointment with his

cardiologist, he informed me, his doctor, that he was having trouble

with one of his medications. 'Which one?' I asked. 'The patch, the

nurse told me to put on a new one every six hours, and now I'm running

out of places to put it!' I had him quickly undress, and discovered what

I hoped I wouldn't see. Yes, the man had over fifty patches on his body!

Now, the instructions include removal of the old patch before applying a

new one.

Submitted by Dr. Rebecca St. Clair, Norfolk , VA.

5. While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient, I asked, 'How

long have you been bedridden?' After a look of complete confusion, she

answered...'Why, not for about twenty years -- when my husband was


Submitted by Dr. Steven Swanson, Corvallis , OR

6. I was caring for a woman and asked, 'So, how's your breakfast this

morning?' 'It's very good, except for the Kentucky Jelly. I can't seem

to get used to the taste,' the patient replied. I then asked to see the

jelly, and the woman produced a foil packet labelled 'KY Jelly.'

Submitted by Dr. Leonard Kransdorf, Detroit , MI

7. A nurse was on duty in the emergency room when a young woman with

purple hair styled into a punk rocker mohawk, sporting a variety of

tattoos, and wearing strange clothing, entered. It was quickly

determined that the patient had acute appendicitis, so she was scheduled

for immediate surgery. When she was completely disrobed on the operating

table, the staff noticed that her pubic hair had been dyed green, and

above it there was a tattoo that read, 'Keep off the grass.' Once the

surgery was completed, the surgeon wrote a short note on the patient's

dressing, which said, 'Sorry, had to mow the lawn.'

Submitted by RN, no name


8. As a new, young MD doing his residency in OB , I was quite

embarrassed when performing female pelvic exams. To cover my

embarrassment, I had unconsciously formed a habit of whistling softly.

The middle-aged lady upon whom I was performing this exam suddenly burst

out laughing and further embarrassing me. I looked up from my work and

sheepishly said, 'I'm sorry. Was I tickling you?' She replied, 'No

doctor, but the song you were whistling was, 'I wish I was an Oscar

Meyer Wiener.'

Doctor wouldn't submit his name (Can't blame him!)

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  • Review Team

OMG those are too funny! Thanks for sharing!

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I had a calendar of medical bloopers a few years ago! I love these! ^.^

Number 8 is by far the best! =D

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