Awkward Silence

[Sunshine Sam218]

I have two very close friends of mine who are together. We all get along together but things have been very odd lately. Not every time it happens, but sometimes it gets very awkward wand I don't know why it happens. I'm not sure what's going on but it makes me feel uncomfortable sometimes. I asked openly what the deal was and they said every thing was fine. Later on things started to get very strange. We started hanging out more and more. Then this is where it gets rather deep, I hate admitting that it happened cause now when I look back I realize what a horrible mistake that I made cause now every thing has changed.

My friend, I'll call him Jake lets say... Jake said that him and his girlfriend both thought that they were open to letting me a part of the relationship cause his girlfriend was interested in females and wanted me to be a part of the relationship. It lasted two days cause things got odd and I started seeing them as more and not just as friends. I know it was a bad decision but I was very lonely and sad from my previous relationships and I wasn't over things that happened in my past. So I said yes of course cause I just wanted to be loved, childish I know but people do stupid things when your alone or feel like no one likes you.

I ended up kissing both of them and cuddling. On the second day she told me how she no longer felt comfortable and would rather end it cause she's afraid it's going to get too deep and end up hurting everyone. Her boyfriend still wanted it to go on cause he now has feelings for me but I'm not sure if he still feels the same way. I hope he doesn't cause I want them to be together and I realized that it was all a stupid idea. At first I got hurt cause I was alone for so now but now I'm glad that it's over with. The problem now that is I feel like every one is distance and still feeling weird after what has happened. They both told me every thing is okay but I feel as if their lying to me. Now I don't know how to proceed. I trust both of them and they both did a lot for me so I'm not sure if I should stop being there friend cause they both said how sorry they were and hope that they didn't hurt me. I'm fine with hanging out with them now and no longer hurt but the silence is what kills me! What are they thinking? It drives me nuts. I feel as if they no longer trust me or they assume something. Three way relationships are not good and I will never do it again. I shouldn't have in the beginning but I let my loneliness get in the way.

[sun_flower969]

Three way relationships are not good and I will never do it again. I shouldn't have in the beginning but I let my loneliness get in the way.

So sorry for your turmoil. Its like you said up there. It's not for everyone, the Swingers lifestyle! I guess you found that out! I would give it some distance and let things get back to "normal". Try being friends again after some time has passed. Things most likely will blow over.

[ladylove]

Even though they say they're fine it seems form your description every thing's not fine. They may be very regretful of trying to bring you (any one) into their sex lives and don't know how to deal with it. They probably don't want to loose you as a friend, since you were all so close however the discomfort, embarrassment is to great for one or both of them to carry on as normal. You may need to cool the friendship for a while, until thing get settled, if they ever really do. Hopefully your friendship will resume as nothing has happened, but my guess is your friendship may never be the same now. I'm very sorry for your anguish.

[Sunshine Sam218]

Even though they say they're fine it seems form your description every thing's not fine. They may be very regretful of trying to bring you (any one) into their sex lives and don't know how to deal with it. They probably don't want to loose you as a friend, since you were all so close however the discomfort, embarrassment is to great for one or both of them to carry on as normal. You may need to cool the friendship for a while, until thing get settled, if they ever really do. Hopefully your friendship will resume as nothing has happened, but my guess is your friendship may never be the same now. I'm very sorry for your anguish.

I told my friend that I couldn't see him for awhile cause I developed feelings for them. It really hurts me a lot, cause I care for them both deeply. I'm openly bisexual and once I do something like kiss a person or do something affectionate I end up developing feelings cause I'm not the type of person to just do it for fun. I told him once I'm feeling better about the situation I'll give him a call. and let him know. For now were all taking a break from hanging out with each other cause it got really awkward after we ended it and I got really upset and cried a lot. I'd get upset stomach bits in my stomach cause I was so hurt and I felt like my feelings got tossed aside. They both got over it like that and went back to there relationship and I was left alone. I have a lot of confident in myself but I'm not that type of person and I'm really upset at myself cause I knew that and still did it anyway. I guess I'm just going to take this as a learning experience and never do something like this again.

[vanilla_bean]

I guess I'm just going to take this as a learning experience and never do something like this again.

A difficult lesson, but this sounds like the wise thing to do.

[sass]

Give it time, maybe a lot of time. Emotions are uncontrollable and this situation involves three different people and several different relationship (you and her, you and him, him and her, you and them as a couple) so it is only natural, to me anyway, that it will take time to get things back to a comfortable state for all concerned.

At the same time, please try to find a way to lessen your loneliness and pain. You said that is what led you into a situation you know would not really work. I understand and have been there, done that. But until you can become more comfortable with where you are in your own life, you are susceptible to making more, similar mistakes that may have more dire results than an awkward silence. Please take care of yourself.

[Smile4Me]

Wow Samma Bear, I'm sorry you had to go thru all that!! First of all, I don't see where YOU did anything wrong. They were the ones who decided they were "up for it"...if you ask me it's pretty shady and immature for them to do that TO YOU, considering they should have seriously talked about something like that and been very sure. Some people are just selfish like that. 3-way relationships are not the most successful. I had some close friends a while back that have since moved and dropped off the face of the planet, but it was a married couple and their shared girlfriend of 6 years. They all 3 lived together too. There was ALWAYS drama in the household. If the guy was in the doghouse, lookout, cuz he didn't have 1 angry woman to deal with, he had 2!! They would pair up in teams against each other, whoever had done something wrong was in for it! And of course they always came to us to gripe about one or the other or the other LOL. It just seemed terribly dysfunctional to me.

Anyway, it's probably a good thing it happened relatively quick before things got too deep. Just take it as a learning experience I guess, since that's all you really can do. They'll either come around, or they won't. Try not to take it too personally. I wish you the best.

By the way, Sun-Flower the Swinging lifestyle is NOT the same as a 3-way relationship...that's a totally different can of worms! That's more like polygamy than swinging, as swingers are just in it for the sexual relationship, no strings attached type thing. Just thought I'd clear that up, LOL!

[ladylove]

I told my friend that I couldn't see him for awhile cause I developed feelings for them. It really hurts me a lot, cause I care for them both deeply. I'm openly bisexual and once I do something like kiss a person or do something affectionate I end up developing feelings cause I'm not the type of person to just do it for fun. I told him once I'm feeling better about the situation I'll give him a call. and let him know. For now were all taking a break from hanging out with each other cause it got really awkward after we ended it and I got really upset and cried a lot. I'd get upset stomach bits in my stomach cause I was so hurt and I felt like my feelings got tossed aside. They both got over it like that and went back to there relationship and I was left alone. I have a lot of confident in myself but I'm not that type of person and I'm really upset at myself cause I knew that and still did it anyway. I guess I'm just going to take this as a learning experience and never do something like this again.

First off I want to make perfectly clear you are not a victim here. You are an adult and made the decision to participate in a three-some that didn't work out. You were not coerced, talked into, or threatened, the subject came up and you liked the idea. So as you can see I disagree with Smile. They did not take advantage of you. I don't mean to sound hard, you willing entered into the situation.

The other issue is you had strong feelings for these people to begin with, they were dear friends, why did you consent to experimenting in a 3-some with them if you know your own limitation when it comes to physical relationships? Did you think you all were going to live happily ever after so to speak?

They had and have a relationship, of course their going to be ok, they have each other, they agreed they made a mistake, it's easier for them to move on. Yes, your feeling may be getting tossed aside, that's the way it is. They are a couple first and last. You were the toy. I think you need to look into yourself and figure out why you entered the situation in the first place. Were you desperate for attention, or afraid you'd loose their friendship if you didn't go along? I feel you need to figure that out so you don't repeat your mistake. As you said 'live and learn', I'm just sorry you are having such a difficult time.

I alway found if you make yourself do fun things with other people, even though you don't feel like it at all, you will get through this quicker than if you sit home a wallow. Very hard, but trust me it will help to be with other people.

After reading over thins response it may come off a bit cold or non-feeling, please know that isn't my intention at all.

[Sunshine Sam218]

First off I want to make perfectly clear you are not a victim here. You are an adult and made the decision to participate in a three-some that didn't work out. You were not coerced, talked into, or threatened, the subject came up and you liked the idea. So as you can see I disagree with Smile. They did not take advantage of you. I don't mean to sound hard, you willing entered into the situation.

The other issue is you had strong feelings for these people to begin with, they were dear friends, why did you consent to experimenting in a 3-some with them if you know your own limitation when it comes to physical relationships? Did you think you all were going to live happily ever after so to speak?

They had and have a relationship, of course their going to be ok, they have each other, they agreed they made a mistake, it's easier for them to move on. Yes, your feeling may be getting tossed aside, that's the way it is. They are a couple first and last. You were the toy. I think you need to look into yourself and figure out why you entered the situation in the first place. Were you desperate for attention, or afraid you'd loose their friendship if you didn't go along? I feel you need to figure that out so you don't repeat your mistake. As you said 'live and learn, I'm just sorry you are having such a difficult time.

I alway found if you make yourself do fun things with other people, even though you don't feel like it at all, you will get through this quicker than if you sit home a wallow. Very hard, but trust me it will help to be with other people.

After reading over thins response it may come off a bit cold or non-feeling, please know that isn't my intention at all.

I gave this a lot of thought last night. My whole life I basically made myself a victim cause at one point I was a victim. Things happened to me when I was younger with my father. Something I had no control over, I was very young and didn't know any better. Since then I've always let people use me like a "toy" cause I guess I honestly don't like myself or think I'm not worthy of a real relationship. I ran scared for awhile for a good year and told guys I was gay cause I didn't want anyone hurting me anymore. I was tired of the hurt and I needed to take a break from guys. Al though I have interest in woman as much as men, it honestly worked out but I started to have feelings for my friend of mine and I guess thats why I did it. Now I'm taking a break cause I don't want to be a home wrecker and I'm trying to figure out my life out and take care of myself. I know I put myself in this situation but I wanted someone to hold me once again cause I've isolated myself for so long and I wanted to know what it was like to hold some one again. I care for them both deeply and I have no intention of breaking them up but I need to look for a therapist to talk too cause I need to put my past behind me. I can't continue to do this to myself, I've been running scared for so long and for once in my life I want to take control and stand up for myself, I'm tired of hurting and doing this to myself........

I hope this makes more sense.

[ladylove]

Yes it makes perfect sense. Unfortunately many of us were victims. We all deal differently with stress and grief and victimization. You've been running not only from your experience for so long but yourself as well. I think being proactive for by taking control and finding a therapist is the healthiest thing you could do. I'm really happy you were able to be honest with yourself and face some rather difficult truths about yourself. You will have a long road ahead of you and some hellish things to face, however you will come out the other end a healthier and happier you.

I would really like to know when you've made your first apt, sort of playing mom and checking to make sure you do. SB, life could be a wonderfully rewarding experience. Please make sure you get the help you need to stop your anguish.

[ladylove]

Yes it makes perfect sense. Unfortunately many of us were victims. We all deal differently with stress and grief and victimization. You've been running not only from your experience for so long but yourself as well. I think being proactive for by taking control and finding a therapist is the healthiest thing you could do. I'm really happy you were able to be honest with yourself and face some rather difficult truths about yourself. You will have a long road ahead of you and some hellish things to face, however you will come out the other end a healthier and happier you.

I would really like to know when you've made your first apt, sort of playing mom and checking to make sure you do. SB, life could be a wonderfully rewarding experience. Please make sure you get the help you need to stop your anguish.

SB, how have you been?

[Sunshine Sam218]

I've been good! I made an appointment this week coming up.

As for the drama with my old friends, they haven't been talking to me which is good.

[ladylove]

I've been good! I made an appointment this week coming up.

As for the drama with my old friends, they haven't been talking to me which is good.

I'm glad you have the apt. Sorry about your friends, but I think it's about what i already previously wrote you.