Members WifeMomSlave Posted May 29, 2009 Members Report Share Posted May 29, 2009 I have been very interested in BDSM for sometime now. It has always been sort of a fantasy of mine that I sooo want to become a reality, but have never pursued. The main reason is hubby is fairly conservative when it comes to sex, and not really a take charge kind of guy. I know he has the ability to do this, even get the feeling that the Dom in him want to come out. We have talked about it several different times, and it always ends with him not being comfortable, so I drop it.I turned 31 in November, and true to the rumors my sex drive has been on over drive, much to hubbys delight! Now as far as toys and different positions and places, he has always been game...he even wants to get a swing..WOOHOO! Well, we were having another discussion about it the other day, and looking on line at some pics and vidio clips, and for the first time I realized that he has the wrong idea about BDSM. When ever we talked about it before he would just say that he is in no way into it, and would drop it. He is not a big talker, and getting him to talk is hard sometimes. He grew up in a very conservative family, where even the idea of toys was very taboo. I grew up that way too, I am just more open minded.Okay, all that said, I was wondering if anyone knew of some good BDSM info sites that I could share with hubby to better inform him of what this is is all about. I think if I can help break down some of the sterotypes, and show him that is does not solely involve the really hard core side of it. I find almost all aspects of BDSM to be very hot, but I want to try to ease him into this. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mikayla1 Posted May 29, 2009 Members Report Share Posted May 29, 2009 OK, first let me issue a warning.......BDSM has MANY different levels. Most people think - PAIN - restraint, beating...etc. NO, no, no...doesn't have to be like that, and rarely is. First, read my article on the subject, Beginners BDSM (start with a feather, end with a whip) - then read my advanced BDSM play article. Then read my article on Fetishes.....Once those are all read, I should have a list of appopriate BDSM sites for you to peruse.The main thing to remember about the concept of BDSM, is that one person is in 'control' while the other person is 'submissive' and 'not' in control, and this can take many, many forms.I will get back to you with some more information, but for now...I suggest reading the articles! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members WifeMomSlave Posted May 29, 2009 Author Members Report Share Posted May 29, 2009 I have read your articles before, they are very good. I have a good idea of what is involved. I do know there are different levels, I want to start out slowly, we already do a lot of teasing and some denial, just have never brought bondage into play. I would ultimately like to work up to light whips, paddles, clamps and such. depending on if and how far hubby is willing to go. As much as I want to explore this, hubby's comfort level is most important. Would never ask him to do something he was not totally on board with. I do plan on showing him the article you wrote, I am looking for a bit of a broad spectrum of info from different sources so that he can make an informed decision on if this is for him. Good info an anything is always a good idea, especially when getting into this. I feel like just me telling him the basic things I know about it that he may feel like I am trying to talk him into it, which I guess I am to a point, but have never made a big deal about it or pushed the issue. Although lately I have felt a very strong desire to explore this, even almost a need to. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members shdowulf39 Posted May 29, 2009 Members Report Share Posted May 29, 2009 another way is to find out if there are any munches around your area.a munch is where like minded people get together and socialise.you can hear all different conversations.from kids in school to topics in the lifestyle.that would give him a good opportunity to discuss his ideas of bdsm with other people who are in this lifestyle.also it would give him the opportunity to get more comfortable with the idea of bdsm.this lifestyle is as diverse as the people in it.what works for one may not work for the other. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members WifeMomSlave Posted May 29, 2009 Author Members Report Share Posted May 29, 2009 Munchies huh? never heard of that..then again I am very new to all of this...... but eager to learn. Thanks I will have to see what I can find. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mikayla1 Posted May 29, 2009 Members Report Share Posted May 29, 2009 I am not quite sure if a munch would be the best place to start. You can usually google 'BDSM in (insert city here) or 'Munches in ...' and get results. I have been to a few, and in my experience while those of us in the scene are very eager (usually) to talk and inform others, some newbies feel very uncomfortable. So, if you man is not quite sure he wants to delve in, you may want to wait on that... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Review Team sass Posted May 30, 2009 Review Team Report Share Posted May 30, 2009 This is a topic SO (soon to be hubby) talk about A LOT. We are both very, very interested in BDSM and have already done some things - spankings, clamps - but are still working on finding the level that works best for us.I read a lot, as does he, and we will read BDSM erotica to get ideas of the different levels and situations that are possible. I will say, that as submissive as I have ever been, I always feel like the one in control because the more submissive I am, the hotter it makes SO (so, yes, I AM the one controlling him!) and maybe if your SO saw it that way and realized that, he would be more receptive. I think a lot of men, and women, think of it as degrading or disrespectful, and I am sure it can be, but if done right, it is anything but.Good luck! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members shdowulf39 Posted May 30, 2009 Members Report Share Posted May 30, 2009 another place you can go for information is called fet life.it's a site with everyone on it in the lifestyle to some degree.from people in the curious(beginning stage) to people who have been in the lifestyle for years.you can probably get most if not all your questions answered there. would still advise going to a munchy in your area.getting to know people and seeing how they interact with one another. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members ToyQueen Posted May 31, 2009 Members Report Share Posted May 31, 2009 I read a lot of articles on the internet about the BDSM lifestyle. They were informative, but the best way for me to learn about this was in talking to real people. This is where I can see a munch or a website such as Fetlife would be very helpful. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mikayla1 Posted May 31, 2009 Members Report Share Posted May 31, 2009 Fetlife is a great site - I would visit there. There are other sites that have live chat that you may want to investigate. Still not sure about the whole munch thing. It can be so intimidating...and if your hubby is on the fence...may scare him off. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members leslieanne Posted May 31, 2009 Members Report Share Posted May 31, 2009 additional question for Mikayla - I found the BDSM article for beginners, but have been unable to locate the advanced play BDSM article - not listed in the bondage section. Is there some place else I should be looking? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members WifeMomSlave Posted June 1, 2009 Author Members Report Share Posted June 1, 2009 Thanks so much for all the advice. I do not think a munch is for us right now, well hubby anyway, after looking into it more. I will check out fetlife. I did find a really good BDSM site, BDSM Library. It has really good forums, chat rooms, and good info. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Review Team sass Posted June 2, 2009 Review Team Report Share Posted June 2, 2009 First, read my article on the subject, Beginners BDSM (start with a feather, end with a whip) - then read my advanced BDSM play article. Then read my article on Fetishes.....OK, I guess I am nuts, but I can't find these. I found the first one no problem (feather to whips) but not the other two. Can someone post a link? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.