Tyger Posted June 8, 2009 Report Share Posted June 8, 2009 So do you, or someone you know, have sex just to feel needed?Sexual intercourse is suppose to be a connection between 2 people. Or it could be just a fuck/one night stand.However, there are those people that have sex with people JUST to feel like they are needed in one way or another.So, do you know of anyone that is like this? Why do you think that they are having sex just to feel needed? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Sunday Posted June 9, 2009 Members Report Share Posted June 9, 2009 So do you, or someone you know, have sex just to feel needed?Sexual intercourse is suppose to be a connection between 2 people. Or it could be just a fuck/one night stand.I'm not sure what sexual intercourse is supposed to be. I agree with you, that's what it is for me. But someone very close to me seems to view sex in a long term relationship a "just fucks - a long series of one night stands." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tyger Posted June 9, 2009 Author Report Share Posted June 9, 2009 I should've been more articulate....making love is for 2 people that care for each other. LOL Thanks for pointing that out!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members ladylove Posted June 10, 2009 Members Report Share Posted June 10, 2009 Yes, a girlfriend of mine has just gone through a divorce, and she is using sex to feel needed and attractive. She understands what she's doing and for right now doesn't care..... She said it's what she has to do for herself. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tyger Posted June 10, 2009 Author Report Share Posted June 10, 2009 Yes, a girlfriend of mine has just gone through a divorce, and she is using sex to feel needed and attractive. She understands what she's doing and for right now doesn't care..... She said it's what she has to do for herself.I can understand that. She's probably just trying to gain affirmation that she is still desirable to others now that she's getting a divorce. I felt the same way when I got my divorce in 1999.I asked this question because I know of one person in particular that is like this. She is my step-sister. She has sex with different men, even when she just meets them, within a couple of hours, to feel desirable and needed. She moves in the next day too. She never ever has just DATED. She mooches, fucks, mooches some more, and fucks. Thankfully, she is now "fixed" so she can't contribute to the population anymore (she has 5 kids. 3 with one father, one with a different father, and the other another father). She was married for almost 10 yrs, but in that time, she'd have sex with any man that made her feel sexy, complimented her, and made her feel like she was needed, even if only to satisfy their lust. It's very sad, and yes, she has a low self-esteem. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members raniedaize Posted June 10, 2009 Members Report Share Posted June 10, 2009 I know that I personally wind up having sex during my random and worst bouts of PTSD. I finally won the battle with it back in January, had successfully abstained from sleeping around for five months, and then, on the second year anniversary, I ran into a MAJOR trigger and wound up with my brain in two for about a week. I went and visited a friend, had sex with him, and was back well again. The sex serves as a way to overcome certain issues seated deep, deep within my subconscious. I do believe, however, that since this experience was so different than all the others--because it was more like making love than just having sex--that I ought to be able to behave for a good, looooong time. Which is, after all, my goal.Since my PTSD triggers are environmental, I am relocating hundreds of miles away by the end of August or September. I am well if I am away from here. So, I'm leaving...to go live by the beach. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Review Team sass Posted June 11, 2009 Review Team Report Share Posted June 11, 2009 For a period of time in my life, yes, I was like this. I had spent my entire life feeling unwanted so when I could feel that wanted and desired ... well, it worked for me. I knew what I was doing - I was using the men as much as they were using me. There are a lot of reasons I felt unwanted, and I won't get into it now, but a lot are the classic causes. That part of my life is closed now but I can certainly understand how people can use sex to feel needed. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members sun_flower969 Posted June 11, 2009 Members Report Share Posted June 11, 2009 I can sure understand doing this. It is an insecurity issue for certain! Like MsLayD said, feeling wanted and desired, yeah it works but it is only short lived! You feel shitty and used after! I think I used to be this way when I was a lot younger. I liked the rush, I wanted to be wanted. I mean I still do but now I think I feel it in a healthier way. Maybe it is maturity or something or maybe I have learned from my mistakes.It is really a sad thing. Wanting love not finding it and letting yourself be used just to feel needed for a brief moment. But sadly a lot of women do it... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members ladylove Posted June 11, 2009 Members Report Share Posted June 11, 2009 It is really a sad thing. Wanting love not finding it and letting yourself be used just to feel needed for a brief moment. But sadly a lot of women do it...I agree, I understand the need but not a mentality that will allow one to be used. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Review Team sass Posted June 11, 2009 Review Team Report Share Posted June 11, 2009 I agree, I don't understand the need but not a mentality that will allow one to be used.I think it comes from truly not liking one's self. I have always struggled with that, which is probably why love was impossible for me to find for so long. I didn't love or even like myself for many years. When you don't care about yourself, it is not that hard to let yourself be used for a few minutes of happiness/satisfaction. I do think though, if you have never "been there" it is impossible to really understand, at least IMO. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members ladylove Posted June 11, 2009 Members Report Share Posted June 11, 2009 I think it comes from truly not liking one's self. I have always struggled with that, which is probably why love was impossible for me to find for so long. I didn't love or even like myself for many years. When you don't care about yourself, it is not that hard to let yourself be used for a few minutes of happiness/satisfaction. I do think though, if you have never "been there" it is impossible to really understand, at least IMO.Thank you for sharing with me. I'm glad you have your happily ever after now. I have a question/comment. I would think one would feel worse about themselves afterwords, or are people in this situation, in a way numb? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Review Team sass Posted June 11, 2009 Review Team Report Share Posted June 11, 2009 Thank you for sharing with me. I'm glad you have your happily ever after now. I have a question/comment. I would think one would feel worse about themselves afterwords, or are people in this situation, in a way numb?For me, I felt OK about it at that time. I knew I was being used but as I saw it, I was also using them, so it evened out in my mind. I don't know that I would say I was numb as much as I just did not care. Years later, yes, I felt very bad about it. I can look back though and see how my issues with being used started as a child - like I said, many of the "classic" causes - and it took me a long time to come to terms with things. Actually, I still have moments so I just take it day by day. I am lucky to have a SO who knows and understands this. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members ladylove Posted June 11, 2009 Members Report Share Posted June 11, 2009 For me, I felt OK about it at that time. I knew I was being used but as I saw it, I was also using them, so it evened out in my mind. I don't know that I would say I was numb as much as I just did not care. Years later, yes, I felt very bad about it. I can look back though and see how my issues with being used started as a child - like I said, many of the "classic" causes - and it took me a long time to come to terms with things. Actually, I still have moments so I just take it day by day. I am lucky to have a SO who knows and understands this.Again, Thank you! You are a lucky women for so many reasons. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Review Team sass Posted June 11, 2009 Review Team Report Share Posted June 11, 2009 Again, Thank you! You are a lucky women for so many reasons.Yes, I really am, and I am glad that I have finally started to realize that.And your welcome. I am glad to have a venue to discuss such things and possibly help some else out, even if it is just to let them know they are not alone. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members SensualWoman Posted June 12, 2009 Members Report Share Posted June 12, 2009 I don't believe that she has ever said this to anyone, but my step-sister has always been the kind of girl to do that. And she knows that, since she wouldn't even WATCH let alone actually be close with a guy kissing. And that was on movies until she was 16-17! It was very unhealthy IMHO. She is now in a sexual relationship, and there doesn't seem (in the conversations we've had) to be more than just SEX in their sex life. Just good fucking. But that's just an opinion of mine, but I do believe that's what she's doing to herself. Her father wasn't a father if you know what I mean? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members MystryKitten Posted June 19, 2009 Members Report Share Posted June 19, 2009 OH MY- I DO!!! I good friend of mine has even told me "When I have sex...its the only time I feel worth anything."I think its because he has had shit luck with relationships, always down on himself about it. Also, he is 24 and still living at home so he feels trapped and useless I guess. I'm a good friend to him as much as I can be, there really is nothing I can do about it though. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Smile4Me Posted June 19, 2009 Members Report Share Posted June 19, 2009 I think sex is just one of those things that, for women, seems to reinforce self image - sex makes us all feel beautiful, sexy, and desired, not to mention NEEDED. I think we're hard-wired to believe that sex is one of the few things that we as women have the most control over in life; so when the hubby isn't "delivering" or we don't have someone special to be intimate with, we feel like we've lost that control, breeding even deeper issues for us. No woman likes feeling unwanted, rejected, or not good enough, so when we lose that control over something like sex, casual sex can be used as a means to feel in control again and ultimately feel like a desirable woman. If you look at it like that, it's easy to see why promiscuity could set in. Not to say that ALL women who have 'sex to feel needed' are promiscuous, but the two concepts definitely go hand in hand. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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