Cheating?

[square]

. . . he thinks he did some things b/c he was lonely while i was working. . . .

(Sorry, I tend to be kind of negative, but nonetheless . . . )

Bullshit.

(Further disclaimer, aside from negative, I can be judgemental, my own poo is not necessarily stink free, we all have our own little rule books we try to abide by and judge others by, and my own set of rules does undergo adjustments and ammendments and revisions from time to time, etc. and so forth . . .)

There is a line with cheating that ought not to be crossed, and if it is important to someone, it should not be difficult not to cross it. I could maybe be more understanding of an infidelity when people have been together for a lot of years and have drifted apart some; not that it's OK, but I could be less judgemental about it.

But yous two are fairly new in your relationship, and living together for cripes sake; you (that is, you You, not yous two) you ought to be just a little more important to him at this stage than it seems is the case.

[AprilMay85]

(Sorry, I tend to be kind of negative, but nonetheless . . . )

Bullshit.

(Further disclaimer, aside from negative, I can be judgemental, my own poo is not necessarily stink free, we all have our own little rule books we try to abide by and judge others by, and my own set of rules does undergo adjustments and ammendments and revisions from time to time, etc. and so forth . . .)

There is a line with cheating that ought not to be crossed, and if it is important to someone, it should not be difficult not to cross it. I could maybe be more understanding of an infidelity when people have been together for a lot of years and have drifted apart some; not that it's OK, but I could be less judgemental about it.

But yous two are fairly new in your relationship, and living together for cripes sake; you (that is, you You, not yous two) you ought to be just a little more important to him at this stage than it seems is the case.

Thank you. I totally agree, I should be more important! I don't believe this was a valid reason, that was however his reason for the cheating but the reason for asking girls for pics (and telling them he was single)... either way its no better. But I don't want to be taken to court over moving out by my landlord. So, I am trying to make the best I can out of the next four months.

He has talked to several friends of his and keeps telling them that he just wants to make me happy and doesn't know how, so he is not listening to them or me at this point b/c they have all told him the same thing I have. Either he doesn't really want to try and just wants to look like he is to them or he is just not ready to listen... idk

[crossroads123]

I just saw this so I will give my opinion now. But first I'm pretty straight forward and won't apoligize for my response!

This guy is a DOG!!!!!! He will not change he's just using you as a back up between flings!! He loves the thrill of the chase. The sneaking around, the fun of the game. Please don't let him continue to make a fool of you GET OUT NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I know guys my age who have been doing this for years these DOGS will not change their spots. Please don't be stupid this guy will NOT change!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

You ask I have told you. RUN now while you are young and can.

[ladylove]

Thank you. I totally agree, I should be more important! I don't believe this was a valid reason, that was however his reason for the cheating but the reason for asking girls for pics (and telling them he was single)... either way its no better. But I don't want to be taken to court over moving out by my landlord. So, I am trying to make the best I can out of the next four months.

He has talked to several friends of his and keeps telling them that he just wants to make me happy and doesn't know how, so he is not listening to them or me at this point b/c they have all told him the same thing I have. Either he doesn't really want to try and just wants to look like he is to them or he is just not ready to listen... idk

Fine, if you are only staying there for the next four months so your not taken to court fine, make sure there is NO BOOTY GIVEN! He then will put you out of your misery and may ask you to leave.

[raniedaize]

Fine, if you are only staying there for the next four months so your not taken to court fine, make sure there is NO BOOTY GIVEN! He then will put you out of your misery and may ask you to leave.

I agree. You can still remain in the apartment with the relationship being one as roommates instead of intimates...aka. no sex with him. Just be prepared he over-reacts and starts trying to bring other girls back to your place. If so, it will simply show his immaturity and further reason why he wouldn't be good for you. Trust me, men are better than boys!

[pandoras box]

Sorry ladies, I'm siding with Square and Chuck on this one..

Girl pack your bag, get a second job and or live with your parent for a short time so you can get your own place - but get the heck out of there! I did the roommate thing - well that lasted for about a month. I am first hand telling you that will not work - we argued about everything - why the sun comes up in the morning - it was more stressful then when I actually said the hell with this, and packed up and left. After I finally got out - what a huge weight taken off my shoulders in leaving all that crap in the past. He is being nice to you now because he feels guilty...why?? Because he got caught AND now needs YOU to pony up for additional rent money, food, etc. Give him a week or so and he'll go right back at it, but this time, he will be more creative in not getting caught so easy.

Life is too short to deal with this b.s. Find someone that deserves, respects and cherishes you!

[crossroads123]

Let me make this plainer: GET TO THE HELL OUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! NO reason is good enough to stay there!!!!!!

[crossroads123]

Let me make this plainer: GET TO THE HELL OUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! NO reason is good enough to stay there!!!!!!

Correction I went back and re-read all the post. Get to F--K OUT NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[ladylove]

Correction I went back and re-read all the post. Get to F--K OUT NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I completely agree with you, but I've learned people will do what they need to do no matter how wrong you think it is.... You can scream all you want, you won't be heard. sad.

[pandoras box]

Yes, that is correct, but i cannot sit and let her think that living with this guy as a roommate is ok. The decision is ultimately up to her..

[ladylove]

Yes, that is correct, but i cannot sit and let her think that living with this guy as a roommate is ok. The decision is ultimately up to her..

I hope you can change her mind, but sometimes you have to know when to back off.... (not meant to offend in any way)

[Tyger]

Thanks for all the advice :-)

Right now we are trying to work things out, I'm still not sure this is going to work but I'm trying. I'm not being 100%naive either, its just that our lease doesn't end until the end of October. I have previously spoken to the building manager about moving b/c I don't like our building and my original lease was supposed to end June 1st. I'm sure if i really really tried and talked to a lawyer or something i could get out of it but I can barely pay bills now. I can't afford our apt by myself anymore because I lost a job in January and i/I'm only working part time. Even if we could get out of our lease I don't have anywhere to go, my parents have a tiny house and my sister and her daughter were having a hard time and just moved in with them. And being this age all of my friends either still live with their parents or are also living in small apartments.

Also right around the time this was all happening he got laid off. I don't think this is an excuse but I also know when I lost my job in January I was devestated. The day of my first post was the only day things were really uncertain. Since then (fri, sat, and sun) he has been really sweet. he seems to understand that I can't just forget about it. I have forgiven him, i had a huge problem with my mother when i was younger and held something against her for 5 years, I just can't do it again it didn't help me with any aspect of the problem. He has told me a few times in the past week that he only wants to be with me for the rest of his life and that he is willing to do anything and everything to prove that he loves me.

So, we have 4 months to see weather this will work out. he did find a new job, and I was also hired at the same place, he thinks he did some things b/c he was lonely while i was working. We can carpool together, and I will be getting paid more than I am now plus overtime so I can save money, safety net no matter what happens. And, while I know its not absolutely necessary to explain myself to all of you... I had loaned him money when he over drew a bank account a few months ago, and normally he has given me x-amount of dollars per week and I write the checks to pay the bills. I feel like trying to work things out over the next few months, pass or fail, I am more apt to get paid back at least part of the money I am owed.

I will be back with updates, as I said before I like you all because you are honest and not afraid to speak up, even if it may hurt. You all are great. Again, THANK YOU!!

Well, I hope you can work it out. I am VERY pessimistic at this though.

Saying that "he was lonely & depressed cuz he got laid off", to me, is a pathetic excuse on his part. He LIVES with you for crying out loud. If you're at work for a few hours, he should be able to keep his affections to himself. It's called MASTURBATING. I mean, he isn't alone for DAYS/MONTHS on end!!

Just be careful, especially when things go wrong, cuz I wouldn't be surprised if he does it again, just to make HIMSELF feel better. IMHO, he sounds very selfish to me.

I worked with a long-time BF. It's harder than it seems. It's great in the beginning, but there IS such a thing as spending TOO much time together. Work was usually my GET AWAY time. To do my own thing, and made going home that much more sweeter.

I agree with sun, people can become very very good liars, if they want too. You may "think" you know when he's lying, but many times, you believe what you want to believe, and if the person you love is saying that they'll change, and you WANT them to change, you will believe it, and then be totally shocked and hurt that they did the same thing to you again.

Good luck to you. I hope it works out for you, and you don't get hurt anymore.

[Smile4Me]

Wow, what a scumbag. I'm going to be perfectly honest with you, so please don't get offended. First of all...a little about me so you know how deeply I understand: I spent all of my high school years with the same idiot, a waste of 4 years, where he totally had me dooped. When we split for the umpteenth and last time Senior year, I started digging a little to find out if my long-abetted fears could be justified with some 'hard evidence'. Well, I had learned that the whole time he had secretly been having sex with young women....YOUNG women.....13, 14 year old girls (I was 18 at the time and him 21).

I even found out that he had several other lady friends that he was seeing, all the while he spoke of our fate and how much he couldn't wait to be my husband (gag). I was pretty blindsighted by it all, that the person I had loved and cared for, for so long, had been such a deceiving moron, not to mention an unconvicted sex offender (technically), what a waste of oxygen he was. Looking back I noticed all of the signs that should have thrown flares in every which direction...his sudden lack of communication (wouldn't call), his apprehension to meet with me at certain times, not to mention the slew of rumors that swirled around school and work about him being with this girl and that girl, I should have listened.

I guess my point to this whole spill is that some men were born slimeballs...they will never truly sew their wild oats, no matter what! You can't fix them, you can't make them 'a 1 woman man', it just doesn't work like that. You could be perfect, you could be Jessica Alba reincarnated, he'll still be looking for the next quick lay, regardless of his love for you. Sometimes it's just better to cut your losses. Today I'm married to the most amazing man I've ever met, my best friend - and to think I may have ended up so hurt and lost, it makes me sick. Take it from me, put yourself first, and don't settle for anything less than what you deserve. Don't depend on no one but yourself.

Good luck.

[AprilMay85]

I agree. You can still remain in the apartment with the relationship being one as roommates instead of intimates...aka. no sex with him. Just be prepared he over-reacts and starts trying to bring other girls back to your place. If so, it will simply show his immaturity and further reason why he wouldn't be good for you. Trust me, men are better than boys!

while this is a valid argument (1)I agree and tried for 3 days or so but i'm just one of those people that wants sex all the time... and (2) we share a studio apt... we do have a couch he/i could sleep on but its right next to the bed so idk how that would help.

he has been good the past 2 weeks, we are trying to work on it... we'll see

[crossroads123]

while this is a valid argument (1)I agree and tried for 3 days or so but i'm just one of those people that wants sex all the time... and (2) we share a studio apt... we do have a couch he/i could sleep on but its right next to the bed so idk how that would help.

he has been good the past 2 weeks, we are trying to work on it... we'll see

W.C. Fields had it right "youth is wasted on the young". Oh to be young and stupid. Good luck.

[square]

AprilMay, all we can do is arm-chair quarterback. And while sometimes it is good to step back and take in a broader view or look in from the outside, in the end you are the one on the grid iron, close to the action, and have to make the call as you see it.

[Tyger]

while this is a valid argument (1)I agree and tried for 3 days or so but i'm just one of those people that wants sex all the time... and (2) we share a studio apt... we do have a couch he/i could sleep on but its right next to the bed so idk how that would help.

he has been good the past 2 weeks, we are trying to work on it... we'll see

Oooooooooooo....2 whole weeks. Well, there, he's proved himself. LOL Sorry, but, in such a short relationship (time wise), still I am pessimistic. Your excuse for "wanting sex all the time so I have to sleep with him, since he's there" is about as lame as his "I was depressed & lonely, so I cheated". Do you see the similarities?

Yes, young people are horny. It's true. But, I have ONE word for you: MASTURBATION!

I have a concern. If he's cheated on you like he has, though he hasn't admitted to actual intercourse (though it really wouldn't shock me), are you practicing safe sex until you're both tested? I hope so. Because, and take it from me, I KNOW, lust is one thing, but herpes & other STDs can last forever. You think your menstrual cycle can mess with your sex life? Try a sore!! OMG!!

I really hope it works out, but personally, you are opening the doors to your heart that, IMHO, doesn't deserve it, and he's going to steal from your heart.

Best wishes!!!!

[ohshelly]

W.C. Fields had it right "youth is wasted on the young". Oh to be young and stupid. Good luck.

Oh, Chuck! You are always good for advice and a smile, too!

[ohshelly]

Well said, Taiyo. Thanks.

The guy and are are working thru his last and only chance,

so this applies to me, also.

I am not going into details, but the changes I had hoped for have not happened.

He continues to lie and see the other woman. (his ex, no less!)

Time to pack up and move on, but it is ok.

I can say I gave it my best shot.

[ManofHerdreams]

I am not going into details, but the changes I had hoped for have not happened.

He continues to lie and see the other woman. (his ex, no less!)

Time to pack up and move on, but it is ok.

I can say I gave it my best shot.

I'm sorry to hear that Shelly. I was pulling for ya.

[ohshelly]

I'm sorry to hear that Shelly. I was pulling for ya.

Thanks, but you know what, I will be fine in the end.

I know there is a decent guy out there somwhere

and we will find each other and be happy. Someday.

I want it to happen tomorrow, but I know it won't! (smile)

Some alone time will be nice.

I am happy by nature, so I am fine on my own.

I'm just going to give myself some time.

Be quiet, breathe.

[ladylove]

Thanks, but you know what, I will be fine in the end.

I know there is a decent guy out there somwhere

and we will find each other and be happy. Someday.

I want it to happen tomorrow, but I know it won't! (smile)

Some alone time will be nice.

I am happy by nature, so I am fine on my own.

I'm just going to give myself some time.

Be quiet, breathe.

I'm sorry it didn't work, goodness knows you tried. He doesn't deserve you, remember that when it gets tuff. Stay strong!