Members square Posted June 24, 2009 Members Report Share Posted June 24, 2009 Question for the ladies,If you had your druthers, would you rather that you husband married you because he thought you were the hottest gal in town, or because he just plain liked you, thought you were swell, liked being with you and doing stuff with you and laughing and joking and holding hands and all that good stuff? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest eminatic Posted June 24, 2009 Report Share Posted June 24, 2009 the second one, i'd rather be a person than an object. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members ohshelly Posted June 24, 2009 Members Report Share Posted June 24, 2009 Definitily the second.Hot is in the eye of the beholder.I think it is all the qualities in the second option that make a person your hottie.Good question! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members ladylove Posted June 24, 2009 Members Report Share Posted June 24, 2009 I think if you are attracted to a person emotionally, you most likely find them sexually arousing. But if you want to just jump some ones bones, you don't necessarily find them anything more than physically stimulating. So I would like to be to be in the "your swell" category . Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members ohshelly Posted June 24, 2009 Members Report Share Posted June 24, 2009 I think if you are attracted to a person emotionally, you most likely find them sexually arousing. But if you want to just jump some ones bones, you don't necessarily find them anything more than physically stimulating. So I would like to be to be in the "your swell" category . And LL, you are as swell as they come! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members ladylove Posted June 24, 2009 Members Report Share Posted June 24, 2009 And LL, you are as swell as they come! Thank you ohshelly Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members sun_flower969 Posted June 24, 2009 Members Report Share Posted June 24, 2009 See IDK the first part definitely has its draw! ...but the second is more stable... Can I have both??? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members square Posted June 25, 2009 Author Members Report Share Posted June 25, 2009 See IDK the first part definitely has its draw! ...but the second is more stable... Can I have both???Nope. 'gainst the rules.The reason I ask, and not sure I can explain this quite right, plus being a dumb guy I am quite possibly (maybe probably) missing their point, but I seem to come across a common theme now and then of women saying, "Why does he (hubby) have to look at other women, or look at porn? He's married to ME. Shouldn't I be enough? Shouldn't I be all he needs? Does he want to be married to them instead because he thinks they're prettier than me?"I can't help but think that the women feel that the guy married them because he thought they were hotties, and not because they (guy) liked and loved them (gal) for who they were/are. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members sun_flower969 Posted June 25, 2009 Members Report Share Posted June 25, 2009 Nope. 'gainst the rules.The reason I ask, and not sure I can explain this quite right, plus being a dumb guy I am quite possibly (maybe probably) missing their point, but I seem to come across a common theme now and then of women saying, "Why does he (hubby) have to look at other women, or look at porn? He's married to ME. Shouldn't I be enough? Shouldn't I be all he needs? Does he want to be married to them instead because he thinks they're prettier than me?"I can't help but think that the women feel that the guy married them because he thought they were hotties, and not because they (guy) liked and loved them (gal) for who they were/are.Hmmm very interesting thought! But can't you (generally speaking) really be a hottie??? Can't that be who you are?? As well as fun and lovable??? A total package per se...I know what you are saying though and I am guilty of feeling this way!! I think however if a woman feels like they should be everything he needs... she should be prepared for what that entails! She should be willing to indulge his fantasies, dress up now and then, be sexy! Otherwise go on being Susy housewife and deal with the wandering eye etc...I don't think I could chose because one without the other would fail IMO...You bring up good questions! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members ladylove Posted June 25, 2009 Members Report Share Posted June 25, 2009 Nope. 'gainst the rules.The reason I ask, and not sure I can explain this quite right, plus being a dumb guy I am quite possibly (maybe probably) missing their point, but I seem to come across a common theme now and then of women saying, "Why does he (hubby) have to look at other women, or look at porn? He's married to ME. Shouldn't I be enough? Shouldn't I be all he needs? Does he want to be married to them instead because he thinks they're prettier than me?"I can't help but think that the women feel that the guy married them because he thought they were hotties, and not because they (guy) liked and loved them (gal) for who they were/are.I think you need to let her know guys/men are VERY visual creatures and voyeuristic too. It's about wanting to watch and it will turn you on, not about wanting to be with them. She's the only one you want to be with in every way. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members TopCat Posted June 25, 2009 Members Report Share Posted June 25, 2009 So this is where the smart women went Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members square Posted June 25, 2009 Author Members Report Share Posted June 25, 2009 Hmmm very interesting thought! But can't you (generally speaking) really be a hottie??? Can't that be who you are?? As well as fun and lovable??? A total package per se...Oh, sure. But for the purposes of this question it was an either/or thing.I know what you are saying though and I am guilty of feeling this way!! I think however if a woman feels like they should be everything he needs... she should be prepared for what that entails! She should be willing to indulge his fantasies, dress up now and then, be sexy! Otherwise go on being Susy housewife and deal with the wandering eye etc...I don't think I could chose because one without the other would fail IMO...You bring up good questions! I firmly believe the "be everything" model of wife and expecting no wandering eyes is quite unrealistic. For myself, I spent my post-pubescent single days geared-up to check out just about every pretty girl that went by. Just because I had a girlfriend at some point or another, or eventually a wife, did not mean I could turn off some switch and suddenly think other girls weren't attractive, and become no longer interested in looking. I believe the wandering eye business to be an ingrained part of the male psyche. And just because I look, or even engage in fantasy, does not mean I want to trade in the wife for her. The fantasy girl is just that: fantasy. She behaves the way I want her to (whatever that is), and has few to no negative qualities, unlike the real girl across the street who looks just like her. And just because I look does not automatically mean I have a fantasy, either. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members sun_flower969 Posted June 25, 2009 Members Report Share Posted June 25, 2009 Oh, sure. But for the purposes of this question it was an either/or thing.OK then I want to be the HOTTIE OK, there I said it!!! hahahaI firmly believe the "be everything" model of wife and expecting no wandering eyes is quite unrealistic. For myself, I spent my post-pubescent single days geared-up to check out just about every pretty girl that went by. Just because I had a girlfriend at some point or another, or eventually a wife, did not mean I could turn off some switch and suddenly think other girls weren't attractive, and become no longer interested in looking. I believe the wandering eye business to be an ingrained part of the male psyche. And just because I look, or even engage in fantasy, does not mean I want to trade in the wife for her. The fantasy girl is just that: fantasy. She behaves the way I want her to (whatever that is), and has few to no negative qualities, unlike the real girl across the street who looks just like her. And just because I look does not automatically mean I have a fantasy, either.Of COURSE you can't turn it off!! You are right! I was just saying that these women who complain about that stuff but do nothing to keep their husbands attention need to take a look at themselves! They are the source of their problem!I know people like this trust me!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members square Posted June 25, 2009 Author Members Report Share Posted June 25, 2009 I think you need to let her know guys/men are VERY visual creatures and voyeuristic too. It's about wanting to watch and it will turn you on, not about wanting to be with them. She's the only one you want to be with in every way.I'm not even talking about my wife. She accepts that I look and fantasize, and is OK with it. I once posed a "what if" scenario to her -- suppose I was on travel for work with one of the attractive gals at work (whom I sometimes talk about), get to the destination, find out the hotel reservations got screwed up and there is only one room available and we had to share it, maybe even share a single king size bed like some of the rooms have. What would she think of that?She said it wouldn't bother her because she knows I wouldn't do anything. So clearly with her, she does not feel too threatened by any of my eye wanderings or fantasies. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members chloegirl Posted June 25, 2009 Members Report Share Posted June 25, 2009 Hmmm very interesting thought! But can't you (generally speaking) really be a hottie??? Can't that be who you are?? As well as fun and lovable??? A total package per se...I know what you are saying though and I am guilty of feeling this way!! I think however if a woman feels like they should be everything he needs... she should be prepared for what that entails! She should be willing to indulge his fantasies, dress up now and then, be sexy! Otherwise go on being Susy housewife and deal with the wandering eye etc...I don't think I could chose because one without the other would fail IMO...You bring up good questions! Spot on Sun! You should feel both! In the beginning at least there should be that attraction there where you think the other is hot, but there is so much more to it than that before you make a committment....I mean if it's all about the attraction/sex but you don't really like being with each other then why on earth would you make that committment? And the ones who are just "friends" and commit hoping that the passion will follow are duping themselves too. The longer a relationship goes on there will always be ebbs and flows to it.....times when you are hot for each other, times when you can hardly stand each other (and you're lying if you say you never feel that way....because everyone does even if it only lasts a day every now and then). You are constantly evolving and changing and that affects your relationship and attraction too....Bottom line is....if you feel good and hot and you make an effort to be giving towards your partner the attraction can always be resuscitated. But you have to feel it first to radiate it out. But it takes 2. You can't be EVERYTHING to anyone and you can't MAKE somebody want you. You can try to help it along but they either feel it or they don't. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members square Posted June 25, 2009 Author Members Report Share Posted June 25, 2009 Of COURSE you can't turn it off!! You are right! I was just saying that these women who complain about that stuff but do nothing to keep their husbands attention need to take a look at themselves! They are the source of their problem!I know people like this trust me!!Well, I guess one case I am thinking of, it is a woman I work with, she is quite attractive, happily married, has her husband's attention and devotion. He does look, and flirts a bit with girls in his office (though I think really they flirt with him, and he just flirts back a little; it is all at a very light level stuff, from what I can tell), and she is bothered by it. There really is no problem in their marriage. She is just a little jealous about these things, but does not need to be. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mikayla1 Posted June 25, 2009 Members Report Share Posted June 25, 2009 This is a very interesting question!!OK, let me just say, I want to be (and believe I am) a total package. I am attractive, sexy, sexually open, intelligent, creative, nice, kind, loveable and fun. Now, with that being said, in my younger days I was MUCH 'hotter' (see Avatar pics) and had MANY men just want me for my body (and didn't give a rat's ass about my mind!) I dated some men like that and I dated a few who 'tried' to enjoy my other offerings. I am not with those men any longer.Who I am with is a man who was attracted to me - BUT - he was interested in my mind. He found me wickedly smart, funny, kind and he got to know me on a personal basis BEFORE he told me I was hot and sexy. I married him and he has always told me I was sexy (even when I was 9 months pregnant) and he always tells me how fun I am and he always tells me how intelligent I am - point being - he might have noticed me because he was attracted to me, but he married me because of the other things. That, ladies, I feel is the best reason. My looks have changed, my body is no longer 'model perfect' - but I still have the love of my life.I submit - category 2! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members kjellis Posted June 25, 2009 Members Report Share Posted June 25, 2009 Full marks for working druthers and swell into the same post!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members ladylove Posted June 25, 2009 Members Report Share Posted June 25, 2009 I'm not even talking about my wife. She accepts that I look and fantasize, and is OK with it. I once posed a "what if" scenario to her -- suppose I was on travel for work with one of the attractive gals at work (whom I sometimes talk about), get to the destination, find out the hotel reservations got screwed up and there is only one room available and we had to share it, maybe even share a single king size bed like some of the rooms have. What would she think of that?She said it wouldn't bother her because she knows I wouldn't do anything. So clearly with her, she does not feel too threatened by any of my eye wanderings or fantasies.I did seem to make it personal, sorry, I was thinking generically. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members mystofpric Posted June 25, 2009 Members Report Share Posted June 25, 2009 Well I want my first husband to marry me because he finds me so damn irresitable that the idea of another man having me drives him nuts.After that divorce (it will be nasty I'm sure) I'll be single for a while, unhappy and trying to figure out what went wrong, and then he'll come along. The prefect guy who will think I'm the most beautiful woman in the world, he will be able to sit and just talk with me for hours on end, and he won't get upset if I decide not to do the dishes right after dinner. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members square Posted June 26, 2009 Author Members Report Share Posted June 26, 2009 . . . and he won't get upset if I decide not to do the dishes right after dinner.You do dishes? Even the next day works for me Oops. I'm already married. Besides, you're way to young for me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members square Posted June 26, 2009 Author Members Report Share Posted June 26, 2009 I did seem to make it personal, sorry, I was thinking generically. No appologies necessary. I was just trying to clarify, and hope it did not sound like I was growling in my post. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members square Posted June 26, 2009 Author Members Report Share Posted June 26, 2009 . . . I believe the wandering eye business to be an ingrained part of the male psyche. . . .Alright, maybe I need to back off that contention a bit. Had a conversation with a fellow today who was from another land, where marriages are arranged and religious convictions run strong. This guy seems pretty good about not having a wondering eye and and having no interest in porn and not being such a lustful lecherous male pig dog. So culture and religion must play a role in that male psyche.(By the way, I think it was a Woody Guthrie book, Bound for Glory, where I picked up "druthers," and Clint Eastwood would throw a growly "swell" into most of his movies) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members sun_flower969 Posted June 26, 2009 Members Report Share Posted June 26, 2009 This guy seems pretty good about not having a wondering eye and and having no interest in porn and not being such a lustful lecherous male pig dog. So culture and religion must play a role in that male psyche.Very true!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members ladylove Posted June 26, 2009 Members Report Share Posted June 26, 2009 No appologies necessary. I was just trying to clarify, and hope it did not sound like I was growling in my post.not al all Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.