Members junior88 Posted July 15, 2009 Members Report Share Posted July 15, 2009 My SO and I have done a lot of anal play but full insertion on my SO eludes us. I think she has trouble relaxing the inner sphincter. Finger, toy, penis all hit a brick wall. She gets really turned on when we play, so I think it is just a matter of learning control of her muscles. We play alot on myself also and I have no trouble. We have read through all the "how to" type stuff on the subject and it has helped a little I think but if anyone else has had a similar problem that can offer some advice it would be very appreciated. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members ladylove Posted July 15, 2009 Members Report Share Posted July 15, 2009 My SO and I have done a lot of anal play but full insertion on my SO eludes us. I think she has trouble relaxing the inner sphincter. Finger, toy, penis all hit a brick wall. She gets really turned on when we play, so I think it is just a matter of learning control of her muscles. We play alot on myself also and I have no trouble. We have read through all the "how to" type stuff on the subject and it has helped a little I think but if anyone else has had a similar problem that can offer some advice it would be very appreciated.In one of articles Mikayla, I think she writes you need to push out, like your having a bowl movement to except the toy, penis, whatever. Did you try that? Have you tried any of the anal enhancing lubes or the anal desensitizing ones for the first couple of times you try? The above suggestions, if you haven't already tried, may aid in your success. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members junior88 Posted July 16, 2009 Author Members Report Share Posted July 16, 2009 In one of articles Mikayla, I think she writes you need to push out, like your having a bowl movement to except the toy, penis, whatever. Did you try that? Have you tried any of the anal enhancing lubes or the anal desensitizing ones for the first couple of times you try? The above suggestions, if you haven't already tried, may aid in your success.We read through a lot of stuff as far as the "how to" is concerned. I am not sure if it is her not sure what to do or if she just has a hard time relaxing and controlling that area. We got a variety of lubes and tried the numbing kind also but I think the numbing may make it worse because she can't feel what is going on a well (I'm guessing based on our experience). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members mailahn97 Posted July 16, 2009 Members Report Share Posted July 16, 2009 I had a lot of trouble with this and at one point thought I would never be able to. With patience and a very caring partner I was able to work through it. I would tense up so bad that as soon as he would start to enter me I would be in pain and tears. I could do toys and fingers without much of a problem. Mind you the toys were slim vibes and things of that nature. With time and working up to it I am now at the point where I don't have any trouble. I worked on it on my own as well as when we were together. That may be something she needs to do. That way she can control it. Lube is another big thing. We found that the Climax Bursts Anal Lube worked the best for us. The first vibe I got to use was rather small it was like .5 in diameter and it came with the Anal Starters Kit.One of the main things I have found is the more aroused and more orgasms I have before it the easier it was. Now I can joke about it but at first it bothered me a lot. Thankfully he was patient and loved me enough to help me work through it. Granted yes by working through it is definately beneficial for both of us but still. It will just take time.Another few things I found that at first when I would have the anxious feelings about it. I tried to take a few relaxing deep breaths as he was entering me to help clear my mind as well and those had helped. I wish you the best of luck with it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members shdowulf39 Posted July 16, 2009 Members Report Share Posted July 16, 2009 good post shortstuff!!I fully agree with you on taking your time and working up to it.my So is interested in trying anal and like you is not experienced in it.we have not been together physically very long and have not yet attemted and anal play.though I know she is interested in it.when we do I will work up to it the same way as you described.slow and easy with toy play first. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members junior88 Posted July 17, 2009 Author Members Report Share Posted July 17, 2009 Thanks for the support and sharing your experience. We have tried a few different lubes to see what worked best for us. To some degree it seems like if it were to finally happen it would be earlier in a play session than later. It almost seems like just as I get her outer muscles completely relaxed, the inner clamps shut but at the beginning if I am using a finger I can get a little past her inner muscle.Part of it I think also is that she has not really done anything with a toy or finger on herself where she can experience both sides of the coin to learn how to respond. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members mailahn97 Posted July 17, 2009 Members Report Share Posted July 17, 2009 I honestly think that is what helped me a lot. When he first brought it up to me about me trying it myself I was like no way, but in reality that was the best thing. I could control it all. I noticed in time I could take more and more as far as diameter. I now use toys that are like 1-1.25 and in my alone time I can insert it pretty much in the beginning and don't really need arousal to do so. Even with him the last time we weren't far into things when he entered me. I think it is based on a few things. The key and number 1 thing is trust. I trust him completely and know that he will not do anything to intentionally hurt me, secondly knowing that he will not be upset with me or mad if I am having trouble with it. I was hardest on myself. I would get so upset and mad and start crying. He would just hold me and tell me not to worry about it. It will come in time and it did. Now it works and not much if any trouble at all.Patience, lube and trust I think are very key in this. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members junior88 Posted July 17, 2009 Author Members Report Share Posted July 17, 2009 Thanks for all your insight! I will discuss the "do it yourself" idea with her and see if that helps.Thanks Again! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members mailahn97 Posted July 17, 2009 Members Report Share Posted July 17, 2009 If you or she want to talk off board at all don't hesitate to send me a PM. I don't mind. I remember it all too well and going through it. You are quite welcome. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members ToyQueen Posted July 17, 2009 Members Report Share Posted July 17, 2009 Thanks for the support and sharing your experience. We have tried a few different lubes to see what worked best for us. To some degree it seems like if it were to finally happen it would be earlier in a play session than later. It almost seems like just as I get her outer muscles completely relaxed, the inner clamps shut but at the beginning if I am using a finger I can get a little past her inner muscle.Part of it I think also is that she has not really done anything with a toy or finger on herself where she can experience both sides of the coin to learn how to respond.It may be easier to get past that inner sphincter if she bears down a little while you are GENTLY pushing in. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members elise Posted October 13, 2009 Members Report Share Posted October 13, 2009 shortstuff is absolutely right. Like her, it took me a long time to get to the point of being able to take my hb's cock anally. She should definitely try anal stimulation with masturbation. Just holding a vibe on the outside of the anus at first with another vibe on her clitoris to start with, and gradually working up to insertion with a slim vibe. Once the body and brain start to associate anal stimulation with orgasmic pleasure, progress can be swift. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members 12GAUGE Posted November 11, 2009 Members Report Share Posted November 11, 2009 It may be easier to get past that inner sphincter if she bears down a little while you are GENTLY pushing in.I have not been able to get past the second knob of muscle or inner sphincter. On my list of things to do it is near the bottom. (no pun intended)I have NO experience in this. None whatsoever.Why am I talking?Peace 12G Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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