Women - Knock It Off!

[12GAUGE]

First off I am with Mikayla 110%.

If it weren't for the lack of sex seems like their relationship would be in pretty good shape.

I only see one recourse that has not been mentioned.

They remain married and together. He goes out and finds someone like a mistress.

The update by Kayla sounds less complicated. I wish the best of luck to the guy including he gets their stuff; house, contents, $$ assets. . .the whole 9 yards. Kids too.

[Smile4Me]

OK, let me begin this thread by saying, 'I know damn well I am gonna piss some women off and I don't care!'

Backstory: I have a very, very good male friend. You can say he is one of my best friends. He is married, has 2 kids, works full time AND works a side job. His wife works part time and of course, takes care of the kids. The kids are 5 and 8. They have been married 15 years.

For the last 3 years, 'Joe' gets sex MAYBE once a month - MAYBE. THe longest they have gone is 4 months - with NOTHING! No foreplay, no blowjobs, no handjobs - N O T H I N G!

Yes, they have seen a sex and marriage counselor - both together and separately. YES, the counselor told them that intimacy as well as sex is important. YES, it got better for about a month or two after that. Yes, they went to another counselor and SHE told his wife that sex is important, healthy and YES, EXPECTED in marriage! It didn't get better.

He confided in me that she told him 'I just don't want sex, I could go the rest of my life without it!'

He loves her - LOVES HER - BUT, he is NOT gonna go the rest of his life sexless. He can't, he won't. He told her this. I told her this. Others have told her this. She says, 'I could care less, sex is something I like.'

To clarify: she has never been abused, she has never been raped, she was not molested. They had fantastic sex for about the first year of their marriage. She knows how to orgasm, she masturbates (not regularly), she has sex toys (provided by yours truly). However, it started to wean then came to a screeching HALT! It started to wean before they had the kids. It got worse - much worse - after.

To our knowledge, she is not lesbian or bi-sexual. She is not cheating on him that can be traced (and he hired a PI to follow her last year)

'Joe' really loves sex. He wants to have sex. He wants to have sex with his WIFE. He is not a selfish lover. He loves oral sex, he is not opposed to sex toys, he will go slow with her. He wants to make her feel good. She doesn't care.

THIS PISSES ME OFF!!!

Here is a man, a good man - a hardworking man. Who loves his wife. Wants to please his wife. He loves sex. He wants to share that with his wife. He is willing to do whatever it takes. He has made special dates, gotten hotel rooms, booked massages, arranged for babysitters. He has done EVERYTHING that I know how to seduce and relax her.

Why the FUCK is she withholding? They get along great outside of the bedroom, they are friends, good parents - everything outside of the bedroom seems great! WHY NO SEX???

I hate, hate, hate - H A T E - when women do this? What right do YOU have to not give sex to your husband if you love and respect him? What can possibly hold you back if you have no issues (like abuse) to confuse your mind? Why marry the guy, give him great sex for a few years and then say, 'naw, don't want to?'

Do you NOT understand what marriage is? Do you NOT understand how sex is important to YOU and to HIM? Do you think it is fair to close your legs and just say, 'sorry, pussy is closed, go whack off?'

Seriously, I think women like this are disgusting. I like 'Joe's' wife. I do. She is so sweet. I have talked to her till I was blue in the face - nothing makes a difference!

I think women like this are selfish bitches who just don't want to put in the effort. I feel sorry for Joe - and I was the first one to tell him - go get sex somewhere else, divorce her, leave her. IF you have tried everything don'e be unhappy any more!

OK, I think I am done now! I hope she comes and reads this. And YOU know who YOU are!!!

She just doesn't want to have sex.

Hello Mikayla!

I just found this extremely saddening. Mainly because I can relate to it insanely too much! Only, instead of me being the one that's holding back, it's my husband! My 24 yr old husband at that. We've had sex issues for the last 3 years. He isn't interested in it. He says he just doesn't have a desire for sex (and not just with me, with anyone!). It started out as a mere dwindling sex life...once a week if I was lucky. No he goes weeks without it, and I catch him masturbating, and evidence of him masturbating all the time (a few times a week). I tell him, "why do that when you have a wife that wants you so bad she can't see straight!" his response "I just didn't feel like it." I've snooped and proded, trying to find evidence of another relationship or mistress....nothing. He goes to work, comes home, eats...we have our end of day conversation, and it's to bed without so much as a cute flirt. All this from a young man who should be chomping at the bits to get in my pants! LOL!

It's a very confusing, extremely lonely feeling when a spouse doesn't feel a desire to be with you. We've talked and talked....conversation after conversation, he just doesn't seem to care that it bothers me...he gives me this "what do you want me to do it about" response everytime and that's how the topic ends.

The most frustrating part is he is my best friend, my muse....everything I could hope to have in a man, emotionally. I love him very much...but even I feel the need to satisfy my urges elsewhere. I haven't yet, mainly because of the deceit, I don't want to hurt him. I thought opening up our sex lives to other people would enrich things. It didn't. Well, it did for a while....but now everytime we see a couple of friends (w/benefits) and I have a good time with the other male, he subconsciously throws a wrecking ball into things...coming up with ridiculous ideas as to why he's no longer interested in the wife. She's too forward, she's too aggressive, she's too this or too that...when I really feel he really just doesn't want another man to satisfy me. It almost feels like punishment of some sort. I've told him I want to find a stand-in partner that we're both comfortable with, and ask him if he trusts me enough for it, he declines and then sulks for a while. He has this terribly fragile ego. It's exhausting!

Anyway, that's my story. I just felt the need to share. It's a very difficult battle. It's not fair to any person that is married to someone they love and care about to be denied intimacy.

[ladylove]

Is he depressed, or could he possibly be gay????? Have the two of you gone to marriage counseling? I think it's time to take a proactive step to save your marriage as well as your sex life. Talk to him about marriage counseling, do what you have to to go. If you can't afford to, go to the church, they may be able to help you find someone or have someone for the two of you to talk to. Smile, don't walk, run. Do it now!

[SensualWoman]

UPDATE!!!

My friend filed for divorce. His wife is not contesting. She said she loves him, but is not going to change as far as sex goes. The divorce should be quick and fairly painless for them, as far as these things go. My friend is relieved in a way, but sad that she wasn't more open to counseling and at least talking about fixing things.

So sad....lack of sex ruined another marriage....

Wow, I'm glad that they can divorce nicely. I just hope that they can find someone else that will suit their needs. A woman who cares for him and a man who doesn't have a sex drive for her.

[Smile4Me]

Is he depressed, or could he possibly be gay????? Have the two of you gone to marriage counseling? I think it's time to take a proactive step to save your marriage as well as your sex life. Talk to him about marriage counseling, do what you have to to go. If you can't afford to, go to the church, they may be able to help you find someone or have someone for the two of you to talk to. Smile, don't walk, run. Do it now!

No, it's not depression. Day to day is fine for him. He does everything the same way he's always done...he still has a great sense of humor. I've been to therapy already...and no, we can't really afford it anymore. It's really something he has to work out in his mind, because I can't fix it for him. I've asked if he was gay so many times..I wouldn't guess it of him, he seems very attracted to women. And obviously he says "Hell no" and gets offended! LOL

[ladylove]

No, it's not depression. Day to day is fine for him. He does everything the same way he's always done...he still has a great sense of humor. I've been to therapy already...and no, we can't really afford it anymore. It's really something he has to work out in his mind, because I can't fix it for him. I've asked if he was gay so many times..I wouldn't guess it of him, he seems very attracted to women. And obviously he says "Hell no" and gets offended! LOL

Will you go to your church or temple to seek counseling with him, not alone? This is not something you need to fix, it's something you both need to fix.

Him getting offended by a question proves nothing either way?

[Smile4Me]

Will you go to your church or temple to seek counseling with him, not alone? This is not something you need to fix, it's something you both need to fix.

Him getting offended by a question proves nothing either way?

Thank you Ladylove, for your advice and your consideration. And I welcome more perspectives as well, whoever else wants to chime in!

I'm not much of a church goer...I consider myself non-denominational I guess, the spritual kind, so to speak. I would feel like a hypocrite going to a church for advice when I don't even attend religious services. I know his getting offended doesn't really answer the question of gay or not gay. Although I hardly believe he's gay. I think it's an ego problem. An inferiority complex of sorts. With our experiences with other couples, he can hardly perform in the room with another man because his equipment tends to fail him! I would think if there was even a chance he was gay, he would be more turned on when in the room with another man, wouldn't you say???

He says he feels very competitive when in that situation, and that it gives him a "stage fright". He seems to desire women very much, as most of the women he's been with have told me he's very attentive and enthusiastic with them. He gets jealous once in a while, when he sees I'm having a good time with another man....he feels he can't keep up with me and that the other man can. I really don't understand why he still refuses I find a no-strings-attached partner, considering our very open minded lifestyle towards sex. I don't want to be unfaithful to him, like I said, but at what point do you say "enough is enough"? I'm not looking for an affair, or anything of the sort. Nothing emotional whatsoever. Like I said, he fulfills me emotionally, and I don't think anyone could come close to tampering with the love and friendship we have.

The therapist I was seeing saw us both a few times. She doesn't think our problems are even sexual, she thinks it's something deeper. Like we're not connecting enough in our day to day. Psycho babble maybe?He bores me to death most of the time, I'm very intense and he's very, well routine and unintense! But that's something I've accepted about him. What I can't accept is a a marriage where my needs aren't taken into consideration...it's like I'm not allowed to be satisfied, not by him or anyone else.