Guest eminatic Posted August 7, 2009 Report Share Posted August 7, 2009 so...yeah i sort of hooked up with a guy the other night. D:but two things happened: first, my friend leaked information about me and my ex and he went OFF on me and basically told me that i am disgusting for not calling the cops and for staying with him, that he has no respect for me and that he doesnt feel bad because its my fault. second: i found out HIS ex is visiting....from clear across the country. just to "say hi"...............and he expects me to hide out and pretend i don't exist until she leaves, though he swears they are broken up so...i've been putting this off because im not really sure how to go about it. do i contact him to tell him i no longer want to see him? or should i just quietly delete him off my phone/friends list etc and not answer any of his calls?my ex dumped me without a reason, and then completely ignored me and refused to acknowledge me when i wanted to know why....and it freaking killed me. but im not really that involved with this guy and have only known him a few weeks so im not sure if i owe an explanation or not? im thinking it would be obvious enough without me having to say anything but what do you think? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members ladylove Posted August 7, 2009 Members Report Share Posted August 7, 2009 It's my opinion everyone deservers to be told something. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members sun_flower969 Posted August 7, 2009 Members Report Share Posted August 7, 2009 so...yeah i sort of hooked up with a guy the other night. D:but two things happened: first, my friend leaked information about me and my ex and he went OFF on me and basically told me that i am disgusting for not calling the cops and for staying with him, that he has no respect for me and that he doesnt feel bad because its my fault. second: i found out HIS ex is visiting....from clear across the country. just to "say hi"...............and he expects me to hide out and pretend i don't exist until she leaves, though he swears they are broken up so...i've been putting this off because im not really sure how to go about it. do i contact him to tell him i no longer want to see him? or should i just quietly delete him off my phone/friends list etc and not answer any of his calls?my ex dumped me without a reason, and then completely ignored me and refused to acknowledge me when i wanted to know why....and it freaking killed me. but im not really that involved with this guy and have only known him a few weeks so im not sure if i owe an explanation or not? im thinking it would be obvious enough without me having to say anything but what do you think?Well so you really don't like him and don't want to continue? Then yeah tell him... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members shdowulf39 Posted August 7, 2009 Members Report Share Posted August 7, 2009 you answered your own questionby saying"its killing me". Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest eminatic Posted August 7, 2009 Report Share Posted August 7, 2009 actually i like him alot but he obviously isnt over his ex...i guess thats why im afraid to do it lol...plus i think he will be mad if i contact him before his ex is gone...he's trying verrry hard to make sure she doesnt know i exist. my friend is dating his roommate, and suddenly he will not allow her near the house anymore... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members sun_flower969 Posted August 7, 2009 Members Report Share Posted August 7, 2009 actually i like him alot but he obviously isnt over his ex...i guess thats why im afraid to do it lol...plus i think he will be mad if i contact him before his ex is gone...he's trying verrry hard to make sure she doesnt know i exist. my friend is dating his roommate, and suddenly he will not allow her near the house anymore...Well then I think, and this is just me here, that you should just kind of keep him on the back burner... you know continue to date around, see him still sometimes, but don't take him too seriously. Unless he comes to you and says he wants you to! That way you are not investing yourself emotionally in someone who you are not 100% certain is available and keeping your options open. There's my .02! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tyger Posted August 7, 2009 Report Share Posted August 7, 2009 so...yeah i sort of hooked up with a guy the other night. D:but two things happened: first, my friend leaked information about me and my ex and he went OFF on me and basically told me that i am disgusting for not calling the cops and for staying with him, that he has no respect for me and that he doesnt feel bad because its my fault. second: i found out HIS ex is visiting....from clear across the country. just to "say hi"...............and he expects me to hide out and pretend i don't exist until she leaves, though he swears they are broken up so...i've been putting this off because im not really sure how to go about it. do i contact him to tell him i no longer want to see him? or should i just quietly delete him off my phone/friends list etc and not answer any of his calls?my ex dumped me without a reason, and then completely ignored me and refused to acknowledge me when i wanted to know why....and it freaking killed me. but im not really that involved with this guy and have only known him a few weeks so im not sure if i owe an explanation or not? im thinking it would be obvious enough without me having to say anything but what do you think?Any man that calls you disgusting, especially when he's suppose to be a potential BF, and blatantly says that he doesn't respect you, won't make life any happier for you. Then there's the whole HIS EX issue. I agree, everyone deserves to hear something, even if it's not what they want to hear, the closure part is very important, as you have found out. I'd say something like "clearly, this isn't going to work. You don't respect me to acknowlege my exsistence when certain people are around, and I don't play those games. Don't call me or try to visit, because you are not welcome. I deserve better treatment than what you're giving. Buh-bye". He doesn't deserve to come back. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members mystofpric Posted August 7, 2009 Members Report Share Posted August 7, 2009 Any man that calls you disgusting, especially when he's suppose to be a potential BF, and blatantly says that he doesn't respect you, won't make life any happier for you. Then there's the whole HIS EX issue. I agree, everyone deserves to hear something, even if it's not what they want to hear, the closure part is very important, as you have found out. I'd say something like "clearly, this isn't going to work. You don't respect me to acknowlege my exsistence when certain people are around, and I don't play those games. Don't call me or try to visit, because you are not welcome. I deserve better treatment than what you're giving. Buh-bye". He doesn't deserve to come back.Well said, though I see Em taking it a little nicer on him. Just etll him that yes, you made amistake in your last relationship by staying, and you have come a long liong way since then (and you have) and you know that it takes more of a man to trust and respect a woman and until he can be that better man maybe you should just be friends. I'd throw in a barb about the ex, but that's just me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members ladylove Posted August 7, 2009 Members Report Share Posted August 7, 2009 I agree with Tyger, you are not his door mat. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members square Posted August 8, 2009 Members Report Share Posted August 8, 2009 actually i like him alot ...Like him?? Why?? I don't even know him and I already don't like him.Says your disgusting, no respect for you, no sympathy, YOUR FAULT!!?? Yeah, another "blame the victim" schmuck.What an a-hole. What a turd. What a zero. What an asswipe nincowpoop fuckhead. Seems to me he's got quite a bit of growing up to do, and he probably never will.He doesn't deserve shit on a stick. When your ex dumped you and it killed you, you'd been with him for some time, right? This . . . well, I already did the name calling . . . has only been around a few weeks. I wouldn't sweat walking away without an explaination unless he comes pestering for one.But I don't suppose it hurts to be more diplomatic about it and give him a reason like the others have suggested, but I don't think he has earned that consideration.===============(edit) thinking about this a bit more, of course I don't know the guy, but I'd bet a couple o' nickels he is the kind of jerk that will call YOU names and insults for breaking it off with him. Another reason to walk away without bothering to explain or let him down softly. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tyger Posted August 8, 2009 Report Share Posted August 8, 2009 Like him?? Why?? I don't even know him and I already don't like him.Says your disgusting, no respect for you, no sympathy, YOUR FAULT!!?? Yeah, another "blame the victim" schmuck.What an a-hole. What a turd. What a zero. What an asswipe nincowpoop fuckhead. Seems to me he's got quite a bit of growing up to do, and he probably never will.He doesn't deserve shit on a stick. When your ex dumped you and it killed you, you'd been with him for some time, right? This . . . well, I already did the name calling . . . has only been around a few weeks. I wouldn't sweat walking away without an explaination unless he comes pestering for one.But I don't suppose it hurts to be more diplomatic about it and give him a reason like the others have suggested, but I don't think he has earned that consideration.LOL Square, how do you really feel?See, this is how I could see eminatic stating it. Em, you're so blatant and up front on here. I don't see why you would take it easy on a dude that doesn't deserve to be in your life.What I don't understand is how you are choosing guys that will treat you like shit, and why you tolerate it. You've misinterperated a lot of posts on here, and sometimes jump the gun, but you never put up with any shit. So, why do that in your Real Life? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest eminatic Posted August 8, 2009 Report Share Posted August 8, 2009 LOL Square, how do you really feel?You've misinterperated a lot of posts on here, and sometimes jump the gun, but you never put up with any shit. So, why do that in your Real Life?i wonder about this alot. i'm REALLY shy and kind of a doormat in real life =/ although i have been getting better. anyway i told him that he's made it very clear that he isn't over his ex, and that there isn't any room for another girl in his life. he then changed his story a little bit about his ex, originally he said they were broken up, now he states she was coming out to "see whats happening with the relationship" he made me feel like shit for not disclosing all the details about my ex, now he does the exact same thing to me. he then apologized and said i made the wrong choices with my ex but it wasn't his place to judge (funny cuz thats what i told him from the beginning) and that he never meant to make me feel like i was worthless/damaged goods/disgusting/etc. he kept saying it was "just a tricky situation" but that just makes it even more obvious that he isnt ready to date anyone, and i don't want to be his action on the side while he makes up his mind about whether he's single or not... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members ladylove Posted August 8, 2009 Members Report Share Posted August 8, 2009 i wonder about this alot. i'm REALLY shy and kind of a doormat in real life =/ although i have been getting better. anyway i told him that he's made it very clear that he isn't over his ex, and that there isn't any room for another girl in his life. he then changed his story a little bit about his ex, originally he said they were broken up, now he states she was coming out to "see whats happening with the relationship" he made me feel like shit for not disclosing all the details about my ex, now he does the exact same thing to me. he then apologized and said i made the wrong choices with my ex but it wasn't his place to judge (funny cuz thats what i told him from the beginning) and that he never meant to make me feel like i was worthless/damaged goods/disgusting/etc. he kept saying it was "just a tricky situation" but that just makes it even more obvious that he isnt ready to date anyone, and i don't want to be his action on the side while he makes up his mind about whether he's single or not...Em, you sound like your really getting all your stuff together. You stood up for yourself in a productive, self affirming way, I'm very proud of you and for you! Way to go! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tyger Posted August 8, 2009 Report Share Posted August 8, 2009 You go girl!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mikayla1 Posted August 8, 2009 Members Report Share Posted August 8, 2009 I agree with the other posters here, you are worth MORE than this guy is giving you! There are so many more men out there who would treat you better than he did. You are not a doormat by nature (as you sure stick up for yourself here enough) so just follow that inner person and know that you are worthy!We are all so proud of you Em, so proud! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest eminatic Posted August 9, 2009 Report Share Posted August 9, 2009 lol well if there's one thing i learned from my ex its that the only women that get respect are those that have the courage to respect themselves. now comes the hard part....standing my ground if he tries to contact me again...i still have a few days before his ex leaves so i know he wont try to talk to me while she's here but im not sure what's gonna happen after that =/seems like everything is aligned in my favor though XDyesterday when i did the deed i had a little girl's night out, this morning a guy from work calls me out of the blue (i didnt even know he had my number) and we talked for over an hour, then i had to go to work. i got home late and have to open in the morning so i really haven't had time to think about anything much lol. which is funny because for the past 3 weeks all i've had is time since school is out and work is scarce Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members ladylove Posted August 9, 2009 Members Report Share Posted August 9, 2009 lol well if there's one thing i learned from my ex its that the only women that get respect are those that have the courage to respect themselves. now comes the hard part....standing my ground if he tries to contact me again...i still have a few days before his ex leaves so i know he wont try to talk to me while she's here but im not sure what's gonna happen after that =/seems like everything is aligned in my favor though XDyesterday when i did the deed i had a little girl's night out, this morning a guy from work calls me out of the blue (i didnt even know he had my number) and we talked for over an hour, then i had to go to work. i got home late and have to open in the morning so i really haven't had time to think about anything much lol. which is funny because for the past 3 weeks all i've had is time since school is out and work is scarcegood luck Em, You sound as though you will so just fine, keep us posted. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members square Posted August 9, 2009 Members Report Share Posted August 9, 2009 . . . he then apologized . . . and that he never meant to make me feel like i was worthless/damaged goods/disgusting/etc.Worm. Snail. Shrew. (Him, not you )Maybe, just maybe, this all has taught the creepy crawly a wee lesson, and he has grown up just a teensey wittle bit. But I wouldn't hold my breath, and I wouldn't bet even a single nickel on it.Let snakes in the grass crawl alone. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members mystofpric Posted August 10, 2009 Members Report Share Posted August 10, 2009 Em, I gotta say, you have come SO FAR! I mean not just that you actually liked him and then stood up for him, but through all of this you didn't blame all of man kind, you saw that this guy is just a tool (to be nice, jackass to be honest). You opened up, stood up for yourself and accepted that this jerk isn't a reflection on you or anyone else, just himself. Awesome girl! Have fun with the work friend! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest eminatic Posted August 12, 2009 Report Share Posted August 12, 2009 well this is annoying basically ever since i broke it off with him, suddenly out of NOWHERE my friend has become like best friends with him. she calls/texts him all day every day and then feels the need to tell me about it EVERY 5 MINUTES. i have told her countless times that the whole reason i deleted him out of my phone/friends list was because i still liked him and missed him and didn't want to be tempted and that if she keeps shoving it RIGHT in my face it kind of defeats the purpose. yet she keeps dangling him right in front of me. what pisses me off too is that one time her phone died when she was trying to call her guy and i offered for her to use mine to call him and she flipped out at me saying she didnt trust me with his number and didnt want it in my phone Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members ladylove Posted August 13, 2009 Members Report Share Posted August 13, 2009 well this is annoying basically ever since i broke it off with him, suddenly out of NOWHERE my friend has become like best friends with him. she calls/texts him all day every day and then feels the need to tell me about it EVERY 5 MINUTES. i have told her countless times that the whole reason i deleted him out of my phone/friends list was because i still liked him and missed him and didn't want to be tempted and that if she keeps shoving it RIGHT in my face it kind of defeats the purpose. yet she keeps dangling him right in front of me. what pisses me off too is that one time her phone died when she was trying to call her guy and i offered for her to use mine to call him and she flipped out at me saying she didnt trust me with his number and didnt want it in my phone My daughter told me there is suppose to be an unwritten rule - you don't date your friends ex. Guess she never got the message. sorry. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members bluelotusparties Posted May 1, 2012 Members Report Share Posted May 1, 2012 aw..this is a sad story..i myself experienced this kind of feeling (well i don't wanna remember it anymore)hope you can move on.. let go of those who don't love you..u'll find someone better ok ? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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