Tyger

This koala bear goes to NYC on vacation. It's his first time in the "big city" and wants to experience something he never has before, so he finds himself a prostitute. After they are done their sexual romp, the prostitute holds out her hand for her money. The koala bear says, "why're you doing that?" The prostitute says, "Don't you know what I am?" "No" replied the koala. So the prostitute finds a dictionary, flips thru it, until she finds the word "PROSTITUTE" and hands it over to the koala. He reads: PROSTITUTE-A PERSON WHO SELLS SEX FOR MONEY. The koala asks her if she knew what HE was, and she said "No." So he flips thru, finds KOALA, gets up and walks out the door. Dumbfounded, she looks down into the dictionary to read: KOALA-SMALL FURRY ANIMAL THAT EATS BUSH AND LEAVES".

:lol: OK, here are some that I found!! *in TEXAS: Up to a felony charge can be levied for promoting the use of, or owning more than six dildos. (I'm in trouble! Mikalya1 would be shot, or exorcised!! LOL-luv ya Mik) *In the quiet town of Connorsville, Wisconsin, it's illegal for a man to shoot off a gun when his female partner has an orgasm. *It's against the law in Willowdale, Oregon, for a husband to curse during sex. *In Oblong, Illinois, it's punishable by law to make love while hunting or fishing on your wedding day. *No man is allowed to make love to his wife with the smell of garlic, onions or sardines on his breath in Alexandria, Minnesota. If his wife so requests, law mandates that he must brush his teeth. *Warn your hubby that after lovemaking in Ames, Iowa, he isn't allowed to take more than three gulps of beer while lying in bed with you, or holding you in his arms. * In NYC, A fine of $25 can be levied for flirting. This old law specifically prohibits men from turning around on any city street and looking "at a woman in that way." A second conviction for a crime of this magnitude calls for the violating male to be forced to wear a "pair of horse-blinders" wherever and whenever he goes outside for a stroll. *Bozeman, Montana, has a law that bans all sexual activity between members of the opposite sex in the front yard of a home after sundown - if they're nude. (Apparently, if you wear socks, you're safe from the law!) *In hotels in Sioux Falls, South Dakota, every room is required to have twin beds. And the beds must always be a minimum of two feet apart when a couple rents a room for only one night. And it's illegal to make love on the floor between the beds! *An ordinance in Newcastle, Wyoming, specifically bans couples from having sex while standing inside a store's walk-in meat freezer! *In Norfolk, Virginia, a woman can't go out without wearing a corset. (There was a civil-service job -- for men only -- called a corset inspector.) *However, in Merryville, Missouri, women are prohibited from wearing corsets because "the privilege of admiring the curvaceous, unencumbered body of a young woman should not be denied to the normal, red-blooded American male." *It's safe to make love while parked in Coeur d'Alene, Idaho. Police officers aren't allowed to walk up and knock on the window. Any suspicious officer who thinks that sex is taking place must drive up from behind, honk his horn three times and wait approximately two minutes before getting out of his car in investigate. *Another law in Helena, Montana, mandates that a woman can't dance on a table in a saloon or bar unless she has on at least three pounds, two ounces of clothing. *Lovers in Liberty Corner, New Jersey, should avoid satisfying their lustful urges in a parked car. If the horn accidentally sounds while they are frolicking behind the wheel, the couple can face a jail term. *In Carlsbad, New Mexico, it's legal for couples to have sex in a parked vehicle during their lunch break from work, as long as the car or van has drawn curtains to stop strangers from peeking in. *A Florida sex law: If you're a single, divorced or widowed woman, you can't parachute on Sunday afternoons. *Women aren't allowed to wear patent-leather shoes in Cleveland, Ohio - a man might see the reflection of something "he oughtn't!" *No woman may have sex with a man while riding in an ambulance within the boundaries of Tremonton, Utah. If caught, the woman can be charged with a sexual misdemeanor and "her name is to be published in the local newspaper." The man isn't charged nor is his name revealed!

I had to read this topic, it piqued my interest. As far as Phoenix's comment, most adult toys are sold "as novelty only" just so they can't be sued for improper usage, so as far as the packaging telling you how deep or whatnot, it won't state on there. The best way to get an idea of what you may like, and I hate saying this, cuz I LOVE this site!! But the best thing to do is to go to your local adult store, and look at the items that they have. Maybe get an idea of lengths and sizes, buy there or come back on here and see what TooTimid has. They have a HUGE selection of everything, so I'm sure you'll find what you need here too. Like I've mentioned before, this site is extremely reasonable with their prices, even with S&H, so far, this site is the best bang for your buck (pun intended here).

Like, I just found out, here in TX, that if caught, I could be fined for indecency for having more than 6 sex toys. To have more "legally" I would have to get a seller's license!! I'm going to see if I can find more!

I LOVE my Jessica's strobing G-spot one. I love Jessica!! And I love these reviews. Helpful, honest, and let's be frank here, very steamy!! Guess here's another one. Y'all are gonna break my wallet!!

You know those candied black licorice things, Goodies or something like that? They come in pink and white? Well it kinda looks like one of those. Very interesting Mikalya, thanks for the review. Now I have 2 more to add to my ever-growing list!!

For those who know me IP, they will LOL at this. But, I have a very small mouth (size wise that is). I keep trying to get my dentist to put it in writing, but so far, no good!! So, for me, when I give a BJ, the actual swallowing deal truly gags me. My hubby is very well-endowed, so that doesn't help much either. I've only swallowed for him once, and 2 other times with someone else. I just can't help the gag reflex. I've tried some flavored things to help with BJs too, and I think overall, the tastes of them are lacking, and not long lasting at all. All the men I've BJed, haven't tasted bad at all, meaning their dicks. But I've always gone with clean men too.

My one FWB I've known since I was 14, and I told my hb, that I know he doesn't like him (cuz of how he saw him treat me when we lived together as roommates-FWB was kinda a control freak in some ways), I've known him all of my adult life, and I do know that if I ever needed anyone, or anything, my FWB would make sure I was OK, so hb would just have to deal with him. I don't go around bragging or anything when I chat with him, so hb doesn't get all freaked out.

Sex wax, huh? Sounds interesting...so do the homemade ones. I have a candle making machine too, so that may be something I have to try!!

Actually, I have found this site to be extremely reasonably priced! I live in Texas, near Houston, so things are going to be a bit higher everywhere. I have visited a couple of local porn shops, and even WITH shipping, this site is cheaper! Plus, where else can you get candid, yet not crude, reviews, and guarentees (local adult stores usually sell as-is, and if it breaks, you're screwed!). Plus, you can do this from the privacy of your own home!! The only down side I have found with this site is having too many way too cool toys and videos and me not having enough $$ at the time I wanna purchase!!!

I gotta agree, labels are wrong, a waste of time, and a PITA. But, they happen, and people gossip. It's mostly human nature to do so. Also, in a small town, it can ruin a person, so being aware of what you're putting out there (no pun intended there) can be important to not only your self-esteem, but to your well-being in the community. Such is the politics of life. I hope you're able to find a balance for yourself!

FWB is Friend With Benifits.... How long did the sexual part of it last? I did, and it lasted for 6 mos, and it was some of the best sex I've ever had!

I've only gotten 4 items here, so far, I may add, and I do get packing slips, but no CC info, and just a description of the merchandise (just the name I guess), and item number, and price. Mine are usually stuck pretty well together. 2 of my items came in padded envelopes, but those held up too. I hope that doesn't discourage you, cuz that's the first I've ever heard of that happening, no matter where I order anything from!!

And use the soap on any toys that may go up that Avenue too!

Telling your son that if your GF isn't invited, then you aren't coming would have dire consequences in your relationship with your son. And your son would blame, not you, but unreasonably, your GF for your actions. It is hard for older children to let go of their parents as a single unit. Try reasoning with him, as mentioned, "We're divorced, that's the way it is, and that's what you're going to have to accept. We weren't good for each other as we grew older, and we grew apart". That way, you're not bad-mouthing her, and not putting blame on one person. It sounds fairer. It may cause extreme discomfort for your son to see you with your GF, and you never know what your ex may say or do when she meets the GF. So, maybe it is best that she not attend the wedding. That way, your son's mother will be comfortable, there is no watching and waiting for a bomb to drop, and so on. Attend the reception for a short period of time, get the pictures and toasts out of the way, then graciously leave. Or maybe gently ask if she can attend just the reception? That may be a good compromise. It's his and his wife-to-be's day, so their comfort and happiness, if only for that day, should come first.

When I was single, I went on a few casual dates. I am a big flirt, and so men thought I was easy, to a point. I was upfront and told them, I am not easy, if I don't want to have sex with you, I am not going to just cuz you pay for dinner. I also told them that I was not interested in much relationship wise, that I was having fun being single and dating. I carried myself as though I was in control. And I was. I think some men like that. Lots don't, cuz there were a couple that said since I wasn't timid, or shy/coy, that I actually intimidated them!! I told them that was fine, cuz if they're scared off by an assertive woman, then they were not good enough for me!! I backed off if I thought they were too pushy. There was one guy, who, on our first date, thought that dinner and some pool earned his tongue down my throat. Um, no. Hand sliding up my leg, NOT! He asked how I liked it, and told him straight up, that if he didn't remove his hand from my thigh, I would do it for him. I went out on 3 dates before sleeping with one guy, that I had hit on first, very forward, I may add. And this was MY idea. I'd always go home to my house after our dates, and kisses. Then we had sex, and he wanted me to spend the night and cuddle. So I did, because I wanted too, not because I was easy. The way you carry yourself, like Mikalya said, is very important. In control, classy, funny, and not afraid to go for what you want. Now, if you go and have sex just cuz they're hot, and you don't feel like you can say NO, then there's a problem. Maybe with self-esteem? Like you won't get it if you hold off? If that is the case, the guys aren't worth it! If you wait, and say no, and then he calls back a few times, way cool!! Anticipation is a wonderful sexual tool when dating!! Maybe just go out with some girlfriends one night? Say no to a guy when he puts the moves on cuz you want to say no, and proving to yourself you can say no to them. Good luck to you!!

I'll add my 2 cents in for what they're worth. I pretty much lost most of my sex drive after getting pregnant with our daughter. Try and try as I might, it's hard to get back, though lately, it has surfaced here and there. From another woman's POV, if a woman is feeling complete, fulfilled in life, sometimes sex takes a backseat. Especially if you've been married a while. Also, most people need only a certian amount of physical contact a day. If your kids are extremely touchy-feely, then she has met her "quota" for the day, she may not want to be touched either. Now, I get what Howard is saying about the whole wife thing, though I think JOB is a bit of a strong word for it. But I understand where he is coming from. I consider marriage, not a job, but a partnership of 2 people, not businesses. Each person in a marriage has a ROLE, IMO. Though, it is also the husband's role to be understanding and giving, for which you seem to be very much so, which I applaud you for! Orgasms are a beautiful thing. Maybe she's fallen into a sexual rut, (no pun intended) where the normalcy of what your sex entails bores her. No spontinaity. Though that seems to be hard to do with your active lives with and without the kids. Ask her, nicely, and not when you're feeling "lonely". Just part of a conversation, if maybe she wants to try something new, is she bored, or what. Good luck!

I personally have never met up with anyone that I met online. Although there is one special lady that I would love to meet. I do have a friend that has been married to her husband that she met via the internet for about 7 yrs now, and they are very happy together. You really do have to be careful, cuz lots of ppl are less than forthcoming online. And why should they be? The internet is one of the safest ways to fulfill fantasies, become someone/thing you're not, and who will be the wiser?

Hi Val!! It's about time!! I forgot about the camper!! That reminds me.... Tents, camper, a store I worked at (a drive up Beverage Barn) on a cooler, and behind shelves, when we had customers, he had to hike his pants up, wait on them with a raging one, then come back!

Thanks for sharing your story Sam7970. I know that was hard for you to do. All I can say is that any man that respected you, while you knew this relationship was more or less an open one, would use condoms at all times!! Sleeping around, whether in an open relationship or not, is the smartest and best thing both partners could do. It almost sounds like you are scared to move on, that you don't deserve to be happy with anyone else. Well, you are worthy! But, for now, have a little (safe) fun, date~which doesn't mean you gotta sleep with every man you go out on a date with either, go out with girlfriends, which can sometimes be WAAAAAY more fun anyway. Reconnect with your family. Live for YOU. Be selfish with your time. You do have that right! If he calls again, for more or less a BOOTY CALL, I hope you are smart enough and more importantly, strong enough to say NO, go back to your fiance'. Cuz if he lied to you all that time, he will do it again. He had the "perfect" set up there. His cake, frosting, AND baker!! (Have his cake and ate it too.) Don't confuse lust for love. There is a difference. His lying to you the way he did was a form of betrayal, him telling you he wasn't sleeping with her, when he was, qualifies as cheating. And I think you are smart enough to realize that. I hope you find happiness!!

I've only had 9 partners, but we've all been pretty creative. Let's see..... The lake/beach (with kids wondering what the hell we were doing), beach (sand does suck), in a little Subaru XT in the woods (very small, had to do it in the front seat), in a Chrysler(?) Colt Vista wagon (LOTS of room there!!), hot tub, pool, at an unused quarry (out of the water on the granite), in my Firebird, in 2 different Jeeps, the woods at a college, on the back deck of my friend's mother's house, in the woods (also took nudes of me with pine trees, very pretty), all floors of the rooms of the houses I lived in, in my bed at my mother's, in a boathouse, in my ex's Nissan 4x4 (he stood outside in the snow and I lay on the truck's seat), in the back of my friend's Chevy Blazer, on the washing machine, bathtubs, in my current hubby's Jeep in a thunderstorm (probably not a great idea in the south in a corn field due to the big risk of tornadoes that time of year), the garage, the cellar, my best friend's bed.... I'm sure I am missing some....

Well,, yes I have been cheated on. Several times, actually. When I was younger, I always thought it was MY fault that the guys cheated, but later on, I realized, that they were boys, and if they were gonna get some on the side, there was nothing I could do about it. I actually had one ex want to get back with me years later, after sleeping with my step-sister in high school, saying that he regretted cheating for a long long time afterwards. And that she wasn't that good to have done that to me anyway. Plus, he realized what he had once I was gone. I went out on 2 dates with him, but never could get past that. My ex husband cheated on me, mostly cyber, I think. But I am 99% sure that he cheated on my physically too. He was extremely high-maintainance, always needed me to compliment him, yet rarely doling any out himself. And I was his trophy wife. I'd known him since I was 14. He was my first, but we broke up and were apart for about 10 yrs, got back together, he broke up with his fiance' for me. But I got suspicious when he got a pager, then got accused of stealing at his job. He had quit drugs for years, but I think he went back to them while we were together. Anyway, my father died in 98' and I got a life insurance policy, so I was his sugar-momma for a while, til I got tired of it and got to thinking about everything. I have a hard time loving someone I don't respect. The bank he got a loan for his truck for (before we were married) called, and he was 6 payments behind on his truck!! I was like WTF?? Where the hell does all your money go, cuz I don't see it! Then I found out from some friends that he'd been going online under my SN, and I am all about giving some private things here and there. I'd created his SN and password, and went in, and saw he'd been reading my e-mails, not that I had anything to hide, but he accused me of cheating on him online. Yet, I would find him online at the wee hours of the morning, with the door to the office shut. We were the only 2 living in our apartment, so there was no need to shut the door. He was very secretive. After I got to thinking about the lack of support physically, financially, emotionally, I told him I needed a break while he went with his friends on a yearly week-long fishing trip he and his friends went on. I went snooping, and found saved pics, disks, e-mails and chat logs proving that he was a major hypocrite. He was cheating online, and they were LOCAL girls, so I am almost positive that he went to meet a couple of them. He is the type to fall for flattery, and love attention to the extreme when it comes to women, and flirting. I doubt he will ever be monogomous with anyone. I felt stupid, made a fool of, and upset. But at least we never had kids together!! I try and think of it as a learning experience. I don't wish him ill or anything. And he's dropped out of my life, even though he owes me over $5k now. Probably WHY he's dropped out of my life!!

Well, I don't have any realistic ones, but Jessica's Strobing G-Spot Vibrator really is a great one to behold. It really does light up all over the place, it's curved to get the G-spot, fairly large, 8" I think, and it hasa great, strong vibration for added pleasure on the vaginal walls. http://shop.tootimid.com/index.asp?PageAct...ROD&ProdID=4725

I don't get anything that resembles a real penis either. Never thought of why, just thought something a little bit brighter, would be less "intimidating". And it worked. Hubby uses toys with me more and more when we do have sex, and even let me use one on him the last time too!! Major big step there for us!!

The sex that I have with my hubby is awesome, don't get me wrong, and I feel guilty that one of these isn't with him. The first one, really wasn't one time, per say, it was more like a time period. When my FWB (friend with benifits) were fooling around, while still up north. Especially our first time. It started out on the couch, and we ended up having sex in his water bed. We'd known each other over 15 yrs, and there was always a sexual tension between the 2 of us, but we never were "free" at the same time to fulfill our desires. Afterwards, we were both like HOLY SHIT!! We had sex in my bed, in the woods at a college (way cool!), in a friend of mine's pool (nobody else was there), on is back porch, his truck...it was always great!! Then there was the 20 yr old before my husband. He was 8 yrs younger than I, and was very energetic!! He could've been a GQ model!! He was cute, funny, and well-hung. I remember one time, we were going at it, and he had a closet next to the bed. Both doors of it were mirrors, so we watched each other, and having lots of fun!!