Discovering New Fetishes

[Sunshine Sam218]

Two nights ago I was being intimate with my boyfriend and realized I was getting turned on by him nibbling at my nipples. Before I always used to think this was painful, but now I can't help but love it!

I'm not really into bondage so much but I do love little biting. It confuses me how before I used to really have something against it. The only thing I can think of is that I'm opening up and I'm getting turned on by so many different things. When I was younger for some reason, I always thought vampires were sexy. Now when I think about it, I must have always had that fetish. Now each time when I'm making love I always tell him to bite my nipples or neck a little bit. At times I can feel that he's nervous cause he's worried he'll hurt me. I'm very open in the bedroom and want to try so many different things. Sometimes I feel as if he's nervous on trying some of these ideas. He's only had one other partner besides me so I can understand on why he's nervous.

Guess I'd like to share my new discovered fetishes cause it really made me happy to learn more about myself. If anyone like to suggest anything on helping my boyfriend relax more, I'd appreciate it a lot.

[sass]

They have some really great nipple clamps, sucker-things, etc. on here you might want to check out. I also get off on a little nipple biting and pulling. Hubby noticed that when I start to cum, if he tugs a bit on a nipple, I cum even harder. I love my observant man!

[Sunshine Sam218]

Yeah I think I'll check some of them out. I told him about handcuffs too, for some reason I just love having somebody dominant over me and I love being dominant as well. There's times where I go through a stage where I just want to do so many kinky things. In my past I used to do a lot of missionary position and hardly tried anything else. I noticed I started to get frustrated cause I felt as if I was getting bored and wanted to change things up a bit. I've noticed that anytime a woman or man wants to change it up or try something different, there's times there significant other thinks there not doing a good enough job to satisfy them and end up feeling as if there not doing good pleasuring them. In my past I used to think exactly like that but now that things have changed for me I noticed I was just not comfortable trying new things cause I didn't feel comfortable with myself back then. I looked back at a lot of my older posts and I remember I was very very low on myself. Just find it amazing how things have changed over the past two years.

[sass]

I know exactly what you are saying. Changing things up now and again doesn't mean anyone is doing anything wrong, just that we like variety. We don't eat just one or two foods, we don't wear just one or two outfits, etc., why should we only have one or two sexual positions?

I also hear you on the dominance-thing, too. There is something magical about my husband grabbing my wrists, holding my hands over my head and sucking, biting and nibbling his way over my body. There are times we get more dominate, too, and times when we are more romantic-like, it just depends what we are in the mood for.

[Sunshine Sam218]

I also hear you on the dominance-thing, too. There is something magical about my husband grabbing my wrists, holding my hands over my head and sucking, biting and nibbling his way over my body. There are times we get more dominate, too, and times when we are more romantic-like, it just depends what we are in the mood for.

Yeah I must admit I'm the same way. There's days where I get so exhausted from work and I just want to cuddle with him. I love cuddling cause I love to feel closer to the person, listening to them breathe, there heart beating and relaxing so comfortable. It's something I think is very very cute! I know there's days where I'm always aroused and I feel like I can just keep on going, haha but the days I lay down beside my boyfriends are so special to me cause I feel so much energy between us when were hold each other.

[MariannGey]

I have a question regarding that topic. How do you bring up the topic in a relationship that you might want to try out something new? I'm currently not in a relationship but I'm curious for future reference.

[hyokahey]

I have a question regarding that topic. How do you bring up the topic in a relationship that you might want to try out something new? I'm currently not in a relationship but I'm curious for future reference.

Well, the key, I think, is in managing your own anxiety in bringing up the topic. Anxiety about your lover's reaction and possible rejection or repulsion of what you want to try. We fear rejection, and will do most anything, (including editing ourselves or just not saying anything) to avoid it.

Talking about your preferences or desires that lie outside your 'normal routine' should be done face to face (no letters, note, or emails) and be done as directly as possible for clarity (don't expect the other person to read your mind). Also, this should be done outside of the context of actual sexual behaviors, at a time when there is enough time and privacy to discuss it thoroughly.

So, here is an example: 'I have been thinking about a sexual desire I have that I want to share with you. First, I want to share the idea of it, then explore if you would be willing to try this. And, I want to hear about things you may be thinking about that we don''t do, but you would like to try.'

[Mikayla1]

This is very good advice from Hyokayhey....as usual.

I think that sometimes it is more than just a fear of rejection that stops most of us from acting upon or requesting certain sexual behaviors and activities.

For some, it is not just a fear of rejection but our own self-edit that what we crave is 'odd or weird or unusual.' Society has such stringent opinions on what constitues 'normal' that if we want, let's say to be spanked in bed, there is always someone or some group or some article that tells us it is wrong or immoral.

For others of us, our religious upbringing or strict moral code derived from family 'values' as we were growing up have causes us immeasurable confusion when it comes to sex. We are told that 'sex is for procreation' or that 'oral sex is bad' or that 'sexual freedom is the work of the devil.' For some people, getting past that mental block is nearly impossible! How can we ENJOY sex when we grew up thinking it was wrong, or dirty, or just for creating babies?

For still others we don't put enough self-worth on ourselves to believe that we deserve to be happy in bed. We continually drift through our lives and sex lives afraid to give ourselves a chance to experience GOOD sex. We worry more about our partner's happiness and satifaction than our own. In order to have a truly satifying sex life we truly must value our own pleasure as much or more than our partner's. If we don't, then we are not giving of ourselves to our partner. In an idealized relationship, both partners would be equally as turned on by turning on the other - in equal measure. To do this, we must be open to suggestion and willing to ask for what we want to try; as well as to be willing to hear our partner's desires and try to fullfill them.

This thread was put under the heading of 'fetish' - and, I would be remiss if I did not correct the terminology here. This is not a 'fetish' - unless the extent that the nipple biting is the only way to reach climax. (I wrote an article on the differnce between fetishisms and basic sexual desires). The reason that this distinction is important here is that in most people's views a 'fetish' is truly unusual and controlling. It is something that the cinema and publications have defined as odd or unreasonable. What we are talking about here is normal, sexual desire.

Unless the activity that you desire is illegal or immoral (pedophilia or something equally as disgusting and wrong) then you should always feel free to bring up the subject to your lover in an attempt to futher yoru sexual enjoyment, and as a result, his as well.

[sun_flower969]

Mikayla... Spot on!! Hyokahey also! I think you owe it to yourself to be able to express yourself in bed! If you were to indicate a curiosity or desire and were met with a negative response then I would try to talk about why you are curious etc... And if they still were negative then honestly I'd say maybe move on. Now there may be other factors in a relationship but it's no fun going through life repressed...

[shdowulf39]

Is it a fear of rejection,or a fear of seeming perverted?So much has changed as far as sex goes these last 30 years.What was once taboo 30 years ago is taken for granted now.

Everyone is different as far as bringing up something.Especially sexually.We still seem to be a little benind in that accord.Get to know your partner.That is the main thing.Then you will know how they handle new sexual ideas.But the best way is to let them know you want to be more creative.Or as my SO says.I don't want married sex anymore.Maybe bring up the subject of role play.That can open up all sorts of new ideas.Maybe you give a role lay senerio and then have your partner give one.That way neither one of you feels uncomfortable.

[KateElizabeth]

As I get older and gain more experience, I find that things that didn't used to interest me appeal to me, too. I think it is all about pushing the envelope. Someone here has the signiture line "it's only kinky the first time." I think that expresses it well. Many of us love to explore our kinks. With time, though, what was kinky no longer seems to be, so we step out into new areas. Enjoy your new-found pleasure!