Cheated On

[hrnychick]

I know the topic of cheating comes across the board a lot here and here it is again. After reading some other topic posts it had me thinking about the ones that got cheated on not the ones that did the cheating.

So for my curious mind please share you stories.....Have you ever been with someone and thought it was true love going to last forever then one day you find out he/she didnt feel the same and to top it off cheated along the way. Other questions I have that anyone can feel free to answer is....When did you find out YOU were cheated on? How did you find out? Did being cheated on change you view on realtionships in anyway.....if so for good or bad?

I will start the topic rolling here......

My first love cheated on me after we have been together for over a year......We had been fighting alot and he started to go out after work......which he never did before......that lead him to meeting friends of friends which is the way he met the chick he cheated on me with......we started to drift apart.....the phone calls were few and far between the seeing eachother every chance we had started to slow down and he would have an excuse to break our "date" which would piss me off so then I would end up breaking our next "date" it went on like that for a bit only because I think no one wanted to be the bad guy and do the breaking up first.......I know he was trying to make me do it.....but I never gave in......I just kept him hanging even though I knew in my mind and heart that on his end it was over.......then one day the phone call....."We have to talk" cant say i was surprised at the breaking up but when he told me he met new people and wanted to just hang with them that hurt.

From what I know he didnt actually have a one on one date with that chick he left me for......they always went out in a group.....Im thinking that was the cover incase I ever showed up......but later after we were done his friends told me that they were together right after our break up.

Funny thing is that he ended up a few yrs later coming around driving past my house etc.....I found out he wished we could have another try but I was in another realtionship and I made it known that he should move on.

His "cheating" on me lead me not to trust as I did back then.....I trusted with all my heart.....and look what it got me.....so since then with any guy I dated after him and to this day with my hubby I dont trust 100% Why? Well because I thought I knew but found out you just never know what someone will do.

[nosleepnmesa]

Hrnychick, I have to yes I have been cheated on and didnt know until we split up and he was married to her 2days later.

I was with this guy for 3yrs and I thought we had a great relationship and sex life. Well we talked about having a child and we decided to do so . I became pregnant and stopped going out to the clubs ect, I would still go out every now and then since his brother was the band leader at the club we use to go to. So when I was up to it I would go with him, when I wasnt the nights that they played he would still go. We had a wonderful sex life talked about everything and tried things that I have never tried with anyone.

As the pregnancy progressed, I started having alot of problems, early water breakage ect although none of this affected or sex life, since I was into anal and loved giving blowjobs. Then i ended up in the hospital at 3 months pregnant he would cum everyday still(pun intended), because although I was bed ridden in the hospital ICU ward, it did have doors that closed and needless to say we still got ours LOL blowjobs in the hospital

Things really started taking a turn for the worse in my pregnancy and he started not showing up to visit or calling me to check on me ect.. We did live togeather I think I forgot to mention that and I was engaged to him. Well things took a horrible turn to the worse and I delivered our son at 26weeks pregnant he weighed a whole 1lb 4ozs and only lived a day. Well I finally went home after the traumatic stay and loss of my son. Well things got sore at home to and in time we split. Two days after we broke up he was married to a friend of ours that would go to the club. Needless to say I should have known due to all the times he went to the club alone.Well me being the person I am showed up at the club to confort the situtation, since his mother is the one who told me that he was married. I couldnt believe it and had to know for myself. I mean I felt so stupid at the time,him cheating and me not seeing the signs when are sex life was great and we talked about everything so I thought.

Sure enough, they were both their,I said I am not here to fight or anything I am just wondering how long this was going on, well it had been going on for years even before I met him and he ask me to marry him. Well I have to say sometimes it really isnt the best to find out why or how long ect something has been going on. I was completely heart broken and never really got the reason.

It took quit along time to to trust again and still to this day at times I find myself doubting my husband and I have to kick the thought away, my hb is a wonderful man and we talk alot but still 12yrs later the nontrusting thought comes to the surface . I believe that even though we forgive and go on with our lives and get over things that if we arent careful feelings or distrust from our past have a tendancie to creep up and try to surface again.

[Mikayla1]

First a sidebar: Katprr, I have to say how immensely sorry I am for your loss...losing a child is the most unnatural thing in the world, and I am truly sorry for it, and what happened after.

Now, on to the cheating story. My ex-fiancee cheated on me. This totally, 100% not only broke my heart, but totally changed the kind of man who I would date. This guy was SOOOOO HOT! I mean, tall, dark and handsome. Great eyes, hair body. He was so "cool" but what he lacked was common sense and the ability to keep his dick in his pants! Anyway, we had known each other for a long, long time - almost 10 years - and were good friends before we dated. Our relationship progressed to love and then engagement quickly - less than a year, but it didn't seem odd, we had known each other a long, long time.

He and I had the most fantastic sex! I had dated my first boyfriend (BDSM guy) for 7 years prior and he had taught me many, many things - and my ex-fiancee always said that "I was the best fuck he ever had." That is a direct quote, I am not trying to be obnoxious or anything, I am just trying to say that my mind felt secure that we were both good looking people - together - having "great" sex - so why would he go elsewhere? I was STUPID with a capital S!

I had keys to his apartment, his car, everything. I would drop by all the time after school, in between classes, at night. He was always there, just chilling. I never expected anything, I never suspected that he was almost constantly cheating on me from the time we got engaged - he got scared apparently.

So, one night I come over after class and I walk in - can't find him - walk into the bedroom and there he is going down on this very, very unattractive girl! I mean REALLY unnattractive. So I flip on the light, grab the stuff that I can grab that is mine (sex toys, lingerie, toothbrush) as he is scrambling to say "it is not what it looks like" - when I am done gathering my things, I turn off the light, and say, "Good luck honey, if he did it to ME, he will do it to you and the next strong of unlucky women to come along."

I closed the door, went and got my beer (Coronas) from the fridge, and went to my friend Ryan's house to get drunk and cry. I showed strength there, but I was a mess for about a week or two. I NEVER, EVER saw this coming....ever. It blindsided me. It made me realize that the jerks I had been dating were all looks and nothing else. I had to find some men with substance, kindness, hearts.

My hubby was the next guy I dated seriously after weeding through more losers - he is good looking, but he also has brains, wit, humor, kindness unsurmounted and above all- he treats me like a princess - and all women deserve to be treated like my hubby treats me.

There are good men out there ladies, we just have to look for them!

Mikayla

[hrnychick]

Hrnychick, I have to yes I have been cheated on and didnt know until we split up and he was married to her 2days later.

I was with this guy for 3yrs and I thought we had a great relationship and sex life. Well we talked about having a child and we decided to do so . I became pregnant and stopped going out to the clubs ect, I would still go out every now and then since his brother was the band leader at the club we use to go to. So when I was up to it I would go with him, when I wasnt the nights that they played he would still go. We had a wonderful sex life talked about everything and tried things that I have never tried with anyone.

As the pregnancy progressed, I started having alot of problems, early water breakage ect although none of this affected or sex life, since I was into anal and loved giving blowjobs. Then i ended up in the hospital at 3 months pregnant he would cum everyday still(pun intended), because although I was bed ridden in the hospital ICU ward, it did have doors that closed and needless to say we still got ours LOL blowjobs in the hospital

Things really started taking a turn for the worse in my pregnancy and he started not showing up to visit or calling me to check on me ect.. We did live togeather I think I forgot to mention that and I was engaged to him. Well things took a horrible turn to the worse and I delivered our son at 26weeks pregnant he weighed a whole 1lb 4ozs and only lived a day. Well I finally went home after the traumatic stay and loss of my son. Well things got sore at home to and in time we split. Two days after we broke up he was married to a friend of ours that would go to the club. Needless to say I should have known due to all the times he went to the club alone.Well me being the person I am showed up at the club to confort the situtation, since his mother is the one who told me that he was married. I couldnt believe it and had to know for myself. I mean I felt so stupid at the time,him cheating and me not seeing the signs when are sex life was great and we talked about everything so I thought.

Sure enough, they were both their,I said I am not here to fight or anything I am just wondering how long this was going on, well it had been going on for years even before I met him and he ask me to marry him. Well I have to say sometimes it really isnt the best to find out why or how long ect something has been going on. I was completely heart broken and never really got the reason.

It took quit along time to to trust again and still to this day at times I find myself doubting my husband and I have to kick the thought away, my hb is a wonderful man and we talk alot but still 12yrs later the nontrusting thought comes to the surface . I believe that even though we forgive and go on with our lives and get over things that if we arent careful feelings or distrust from our past have a tendancie to creep up and try to surface again.

Katprr,

Sorry to hear about the loss of your child....I too lost a son so I know what you went through.....I agree sometimes its not wise to find out how long or when the cheating started but I am the type of person that wants the details even if they hurt......after finding out I look back and see the signs that I missed.....and from this I learn so I wouldnt be "blind" again if it were to ever happen again.

Your story shows that no one can stop someone from cheating......I could never understand why someone would do such a thing if everything seemed ok.....especailly if you have a great sex life and communicate.

I always thought it was the lack of sex or attention that lead one to cheat.....sounds like your guy had his cake and ate it too.....Its a shame that it happend and especially after what you went through with the loss of your child but atleast you didnt end up married and then found out.

thanks for your post!!!!!!

Hrnychick

[hrnychick]

First a sidebar: Katprr, I have to say how immensely sorry I am for your loss...losing a child is the most unnatural thing in the world, and I am truly sorry for it, and what happened after.

Now, on to the cheating story. My ex-fiancee cheated on me. This totally, 100% not only broke my heart, but totally changed the kind of man who I would date. This guy was SOOOOO HOT! I mean, tall, dark and handsome. Great eyes, hair body. He was so "cool" but what he lacked was common sense and the ability to keep his dick in his pants! Anyway, we had known each other for a long, long time - almost 10 years - and were good friends before we dated. Our relationship progressed to love and then engagement quickly - less than a year, but it didn't seem odd, we had known each other a long, long time.

He and I had the most fantastic sex! I had dated my first boyfriend (BDSM guy) for 7 years prior and he had taught me many, many things - and my ex-fiancee always said that "I was the best fuck he ever had." That is a direct quote, I am not trying to be obnoxious or anything, I am just trying to say that my mind felt secure that we were both good looking people - together - having "great" sex - so why would he go elsewhere? I was STUPID with a capital S!

I had keys to his apartment, his car, everything. I would drop by all the time after school, in between classes, at night. He was always there, just chilling. I never expected anything, I never suspected that he was almost constantly cheating on me from the time we got engaged - he got scared apparently.

So, one night I come over after class and I walk in - can't find him - walk into the bedroom and there he is going down on this very, very unattractive girl! I mean REALLY unnattractive. So I flip on the light, grab the stuff that I can grab that is mine (sex toys, lingerie, toothbrush) as he is scrambling to say "it is not what it looks like" - when I am done gathering my things, I turn off the light, and say, "Good luck honey, if he did it to ME, he will do it to you and the next strong of unlucky women to come along."

I closed the door, went and got my beer (Coronas) from the fridge, and went to my friend Ryan's house to get drunk and cry. I showed strength there, but I was a mess for about a week or two. I NEVER, EVER saw this coming....ever. It blindsided me. It made me realize that the jerks I had been dating were all looks and nothing else. I had to find some men with substance, kindness, hearts.

My hubby was the next guy I dated seriously after weeding through more losers - he is good looking, but he also has brains, wit, humor, kindness unsurmounted and above all- he treats me like a princess - and all women deserve to be treated like my hubby treats me.

There are good men out there ladies, we just have to look for them!

Mikayla

Mikayla,

Thanks for the post.....I think your story as well as Katprrs will show anyone reading here that maybe hurt by a cheater that in time good will come from what you learned by being hurt.

As I said in my reply to Katprr isnt it odd that people have it all.....a good looking partner, great sex life etc....all that one would think makes a good/great realtionship and then to go and screw it all up with cheating. People cheat from lack of things....sex, attention, affection....or maybe cheat cause of that ol' midlife crisis......feeling old and in a rut and younger is what you think you want at the time or someone else is what you think will make you feel better.....obvious reasons I can understand.....NOT that I agree with cheating in anyway....but I do agree with if your not happy with the one your with then find someone that will make you happy.

I know so may couples that have cheated on eachother......most of the guys used that lame old excuse of being drunk and it just happening......I believe EVERYTHING happens for a reason.....and that old excuse just doesnt fly with me,

I may get some responses about this but I do think looks have to do with cheating too....As you said Mikayla the really good looking guys cheated...Now I know that not all good looking people cheat but many of them do.....cause they get a lot of attention and they "know" they look good so they flirt and one thing leads to another......I have dated really hot good looking guys and they loved the attention and the flirting.....we broke up for personality reasons but im sure I was cheated on as well just never found out cause it ended fast.....plus I didnt really care that much about them but If i did it would hurt like hell.

Mikayla do you ever wonder if your ex is kicking himself now for doing that to you and not having you in his life?

Here are my tips for anyone that has been hurt

by a cheating ex or maybe hurt by a cheater:

1. Be strong when confronted with the cheating. Even if you really have to give it your all to fake it do it.....as hard as it maybe to control the tears just try your hardest. Cry it all out when you are alone or with close friends but dont let the cheater know how much they got to your heart.

2. The best revenge( if you are like me and want to get revenge in someway).show the cheater that your life moved on for the better....show them your life didnt end without them in it....move on.....find better.....and most of all be happy!!!! It works trust me.......haha to my ex

3. Learn from being cheated on......know the signs if you were blind to them before......now dont let one loser (or many depending on how many people you date) ruin your future relationships......dont let the cheating issue cloud a good relationship in the making.....but dont ever think it will never happen or happen again.....If anyone out there is like me being hurt one time was enough and it wont happen again ( as long as I can help it)

Just remember girls you have to kiss a lot of frogs to find your prince.

Hrnychick

[Mikayla1]

You asked if my ex is "kicking himself in the ass for cheating and not having me in his life" well, I know he is. It didn't take long. He called me later that night, left messages. "Explained" himself. You know, he was afraid of marriage, not ready for the comittment, etc. I didn't talk to him. He came up to my work with flowers, chocolate, presents. I told him to go away. You don't get another chance with me - if you cheat - that is it. I am not going to fight, and I am not going to let you see me cry. That was it. He was done.

I LOVED him...every time he called my heart skipped a beat. I knew he was sorry, I knew he was upset. I knew he loved me. However, I knew he would cheat again.

He continually called, brought me things, he even bought me a new engagement ring a year later and proposed again - this was after I was wayyyy over him and dating my current hubby. I kept the engagement ring he gave me and sold it - I went on a girl's vacation - that was my revenge.

After I got married, he still called. Reminded me of the good sex, etc. He had an illegitimate child with some girl, got married, got divorced. I saw him about 2 years ago. He looks miserable, he is unahappy, unmarried, his life is going nowhere.

Do I think this is because I am not in his life? No. I think he would have had many of these problems whether I was with him or not. I think I was blinded by his good looks and as a result, looked past the fact that he had no brains and was an ass. He is still the best fuck I ever had - but that is ALL he was to me now. I have a hubby who loves me for me - and who treats me like I deserve to be treated. He has more than "looks."

I think that my ex had issues that I failed to see - as I said, STUPID with a capital S. People learn, live and grow and that experience helped me to see that. Yes, I think that good looking men and women sometimes cheat more - but it is definitely not exclusive to that. I sometimes think that he thought he had a license to cheat - girls want me - so why not. I am not married yet, so I am gonna fuck this girl and that girl.

He admitted that the sex he had with these girls was nothing compared to what he had with me. Not because I am so much better in bed - but because there was no connection. Why did he do it? Cause he could. That is just plain SAD.

Oh well, life went on. I have a good marriage, a great family, a terrific son. He has heartache. I suppose that is what he deserves. What goes around, comes around. As I said in my original cheating post, I was a cheatee - meaning I was the person someone cheated with when they were dating someone else. I should have known better and not done it. I got what I deserved - now the justice scales are even again!

Mikayla

[hrnychick]

Mikayla,

I agree with you on many points of your post,,,,,a lot of people (especially guys) think they have the right to cheat just cause they can.....like you said not married etc....a lot cheat cause they want marriage but then when it gets closer the thought of one person for the rest of thier lives takes over anc scares them off......I too believe what goes areound comes around and YOU were the cheatee and have been cheated on but at least it happend the way it did with no marriage no kids and YOU did end up finding much much better im sure. At least he was a good fuck if he couldnt be anything more.

[whiskeywoman]

Yeah I been cheated on,

The last one was probably the hardest.

He and I met online, and we chatted everyday from the time we woke up, till the time we went to bed.

Then we started talking on the phone for hours at a time.

When we met, it was instant sparks.

He was smart, funny, handsome, compassionate, and a fabulous lover.

we had a great line of open communication, or so i thought.

He would drive for 2 or more hours every other week to come be with me, he would stay for a week at a time.

I gave him a copy of the house key.

We went on like this for a year, I hired a lawyer to help him regain custody of his kids, later he signed adoption papers to a family member.

When the house caught on fire, and the kids and I had to leave for repairs to be done, we went to New York for a mini vacation and scout for possible permanent relocation.

Right about then, he went to check on a house in another state,

we had discussed the kids and I moving there with him, and him and his kids moving in with us, he had 3 and I had 3.

Right before he left, I found out that I was pregnant,

Totally unplanned and totally unexpected since I had been using birth control.

We still discussed moving in together, and possibly even getting married.

When I was 3 months along, I got an email from his new girlfriend in the other state.

She told me how they had been communicating, and he told her I was just a fling to him.

I was crushed, I had bought a mens diamond band, and was planning on proposing to him at Christmas.

I loved him so much, it still hurts to this day, and that was 8 months ago that he told me to take a flying leap.

He denies the baby is his, and refuses to take a DNA test.

Am I happier without him?

no, i miss him a lot,

I doubt I will ever be able to have another relationship with any kind of major trust involved.

And I also doubt I will be able to let down the barriers to let someone else in like he was.

[hrnychick]

Sorry to hear what happened to you Whiskey and since its still a fresh wound that is why you feel the doubt for future realtionships. Im sure in time when you find yourself thinking less and less about him ( i know easier said then done since you have a child together) you will find Mr. Right and even if you dont trust 110% that is fine in my book as long as you dont let a lack of trust ruin what could be a good thing.

After I was cheated on I had major trust issues but my hubby understood and helped me get past the bad times and showed me not all men are alike and proved that I can trust him more then I was....now do I trust him 100% no and he knows I never will thats just the way I am since I was hurt once.....not that I make others suffer for the loser that hurt me but I just "watch out for me now" after being hurt I vowed as far as I can help it that it will NEVER happen again.....I think no matter how well you think you know someone or no matter how long you are together you never know what one will do......I know it sounds bad but its really not that bad I just dont let people anyone for that matter get away with stuff like I use to......all leading back to being hurt and the trust issue.

So believe or not being hurt one time can be good for a number of reasons......it opens your eyes to how you want and should be treated.....it opens your eyes to what you want from a SO.......and most of all it makes you a stronger person so others wont treat you like a doormat. Others may disagree im sure but thats my 2cents on this topic.

Hrnychick

[Tyger]

Well,, yes I have been cheated on. Several times, actually. When I was younger, I always thought it was MY fault that the guys cheated, but later on, I realized, that they were boys, and if they were gonna get some on the side, there was nothing I could do about it. I actually had one ex want to get back with me years later, after sleeping with my step-sister in high school, saying that he regretted cheating for a long long time afterwards. And that she wasn't that good to have done that to me anyway. Plus, he realized what he had once I was gone. I went out on 2 dates with him, but never could get past that.

My ex husband cheated on me, mostly cyber, I think. But I am 99% sure that he cheated on my physically too. He was extremely high-maintainance, always needed me to compliment him, yet rarely doling any out himself. And I was his trophy wife. I'd known him since I was 14. He was my first, but we broke up and were apart for about 10 yrs, got back together, he broke up with his fiance' for me. But I got suspicious when he got a pager, then got accused of stealing at his job. He had quit drugs for years, but I think he went back to them while we were together.

Anyway, my father died in 98' and I got a life insurance policy, so I was his sugar-momma for a while, til I got tired of it and got to thinking about everything. I have a hard time loving someone I don't respect. The bank he got a loan for his truck for (before we were married) called, and he was 6 payments behind on his truck!! I was like WTF?? Where the hell does all your money go, cuz I don't see it!

Then I found out from some friends that he'd been going online under my SN, and I am all about giving some private things here and there. I'd created his SN and password, and went in, and saw he'd been reading my e-mails, not that I had anything to hide, but he accused me of cheating on him online. Yet, I would find him online at the wee hours of the morning, with the door to the office shut. We were the only 2 living in our apartment, so there was no need to shut the door. He was very secretive. After I got to thinking about the lack of support physically, financially, emotionally, I told him I needed a break while he went with his friends on a yearly week-long fishing trip he and his friends went on.

I went snooping, and found saved pics, disks, e-mails and chat logs proving that he was a major hypocrite. He was cheating online, and they were LOCAL girls, so I am almost positive that he went to meet a couple of them. He is the type to fall for flattery, and love attention to the extreme when it comes to women, and flirting. I doubt he will ever be monogomous with anyone.

I felt stupid, made a fool of, and upset. But at least we never had kids together!! I try and think of it as a learning experience. I don't wish him ill or anything. And he's dropped out of my life, even though he owes me over $5k now. Probably WHY he's dropped out of my life!!

[sam7970]

Well, I haven't exactly been cheated on, but I have had my heart ripped to shreds. Long story, but I'll try to make it as short as possible. I seduced this older guy when I was 13, and I we fell madly in love. He was sort of a family member, not by blood, I had known him since I was about 8 yrs. old, but If my parents had ever found out they would have killed me. So we snuck around for years, talked about getting married, running away together, and I just fell head over heels in love with him. I would have died for him.

So we snuck around for over 10 years, exclusively. For all those years everyone in my family thought that I was lieing when I told them that I was single (which I was, but they never knew for sure), or that I just had fuck buddies that I didn't want anyone in my family to meet. I told them that I just hadn't meet the right guy, I didn't want a steady boyfriend. Little did they know that I was in love with So-and-So, and that I was having the best sex, and the most sex than every one else that I knew. Even the ones with boyfriends they brought home or the married one.

Anyway, I ended up having two abortions, which I am not very proud of. Never in my life did I think that I would have an abortion, much less two. If anyone had told me six years ago that I would one day have an abortion, I would tell them to their face that they were out of their fucking mind. But here I am with my dirty little secrets. I had my first a few months after my high school graduation, and my second my junior year of college. I wasn't ready to be a parent, I wanted to finish my education, and how would I tell my family who got me knocked up, as far as they know I'm single. Was I supposed to walk around pregnant and act like it was another emaculate conception (or whatever the damn phrase is)?

After all the years of sneaking around and the abortions, i got tired of all the secrets. I wanted a man that I could hold hands with in public and not worry about running into some that knows us. I wanted to make out with him in public, brag about him to my friends, introduce him as my man to my parents, one that could spent the hole night in MY bed instead of a hotel room, and I wanted to keep my babies when I was ready to have kids or if I got pregnant again. I am so ashamed of my previous pregnancies.

All the secrets started to wear on our relationship and we started to argue a lot. We talked about dating other people and moving on with our lives, but we failed miserably every time we tried. It's like we had become one person, or drug addicts. I was his drug and he was mine. We couldn't leave each other or stop having sex. I think the longest we ever went without sex was 2 maybe 3weeks tops, and that was HARD for me. He started the online dating thing to meet other women and iI kind of encouraged him, even though I found it hard to even date someone else myself. At first he said it was hard because he didn't want anyone else but me, but then eventually he started meeting other women that really liked him, and two years ago he meet someone that he like.

Now all this time I have been dating but I haven't found anyone else that I would like to be in a relationship with. Well there was this one guy, but he lied about not having kids and his mother ended up telling me about his 8 year old daughter in Colorado, so that was over real quick. But I keep comparing everyone that I meet to him, and its like he has my heart in his hands and I don't know how to get it back so that I can share it with someone else and fall in love agian. Does that make any sense? So while I see that he is actually serious about moving on I start to push him away and numb my heart a little, since we are both so unhappy with the situation, and I really want him to be happy. Keep in mind that we are still sleeping together at this point. So we keep talking about the both of us moving on, he's still dating, I can't move on and my heart is crumbling. He starts getting home at 5:30 in the mornings, leaving just enough time to shower and leave for work, so I start wondering what the fuck is going on. So my nosey ass decides to listen to his cell phone messages, and this one chick is cussing him out because he wouldn't screw her and told him not to ever call her again. I ask him about the messages, and I'ml ike how long have you known this chich 2-3 weeks and you've been to her home two times, what were you doing to give her the impression that you were going to screw her, and why is she so pissed about it?. And what the fuck were you doing at her place all night if you had no intention of sleeping with her, and what kind of slut would call you that upset just because you didn't screw her? He said they were just talking, he wanted to get to know her. (Like I was falling for that bullshit.) He said that he didn't know what her problem was, and after that phone call he didn't want anything to do with her.

I start to get suspecious and jealous (and I'm not a jealous person, well I wasn't anyway), and start to distance myself from him cause I see him moving on, I'm stuck,and in my head its like, if he loved me as much as he said he did, it wouldn't be this easy for him to just date other people. Any way the crazy chick was still calling him and eventually he started to return her calls and seeing her again. This lady turns out to be a parent of one of the girls in my little brother's class. A girl my brother can't stand. So know I'm staring to hat this woman. The slut who cussed out strange men she invites in her home, who don't want to screw her, and the has the annoying daughter on top of that. I discussed everything with Him, but he continues to date her cause he likes her, and he says that I don't know her.

I start to resent and despise him, for moving on so easily and falling for the first chick that he likes.

In January of 2006 I go to the gyno and I get an STD scare (never thought I would have one of those either). I come home pissed as hell and ready to make the shit hit the fans, and he tells me that he has been having sex with her WITHOUT a condom. First of all, he told me that he was not fucking her, and second, we had talkd about him using condoms if he every decided to sleep with anyone that he was dating and to tell me so that I could stop screwing him. He gave me some bullshit story that they had started out using condoms, but she said that she couldn't get pregnant and that she didn't want any more kids. I was livid, cause obviously he didn't give a fuck about my health or what I wanted. Anyway, I got tested a FEW more times and they returned negative. Thank God the first was a false positive.

I May, he proposed to the Bitch. I am so angry and hurt, and I'm not exactly sure why. I'm still in love with him and everytime time I think about what we had, my heart hurts. Why is it so hard to move on from a broken heart? Other than all the secrets, we had a great relationship. Or maybe it was the spectacular sex. Then again a lot of people would say that I never had a relationship, but its hard not to think of it that way. Iwas with him for 12 years. Kind of pathetic, I know. But I really loved him.

I've never told this to anyone.

[Tyger]

Thanks for sharing your story Sam7970. I know that was hard for you to do.

All I can say is that any man that respected you, while you knew this relationship was more or less an open one, would use condoms at all times!! Sleeping around, whether in an open relationship or not, is the smartest and best thing both partners could do.

It almost sounds like you are scared to move on, that you don't deserve to be happy with anyone else. Well, you are worthy!

But, for now, have a little (safe) fun, date~which doesn't mean you gotta sleep with every man you go out on a date with either, go out with girlfriends, which can sometimes be WAAAAAY more fun anyway. Reconnect with your family. Live for YOU. Be selfish with your time. You do have that right!

If he calls again, for more or less a BOOTY CALL, I hope you are smart enough and more importantly, strong enough to say NO, go back to your fiance'. Cuz if he lied to you all that time, he will do it again. He had the "perfect" set up there. His cake, frosting, AND baker!! (Have his cake and ate it too.) Don't confuse lust for love. There is a difference.

His lying to you the way he did was a form of betrayal, him telling you he wasn't sleeping with her, when he was, qualifies as cheating. And I think you are smart enough to realize that.

I hope you find happiness!!

[hrnychick]

Sam7970

Thanks so much for sharing your story......I know it was hard for you but thanks again. I think its hard for you to move on from this guy because you met him at such a young age and became serious at such a young age......since he was older you sort-of passed right thru your teenage years right into an adult relationship.

You also had two abortions which is not an easy thing to get over.....I know I HAD to have one and not by my choice but cause my child was sick ( long story for another topic) anyway all that you have been thru with him makes it very very hard for you to move on and the fact that he moved on so fast doesnt help.

I view it as something you have learned from and now its time to forget him......I know easier said then done but YOU have to get on with your life......DONT let the memories of him ruin what could be a great realtionship with someone else......I always believe that you will find what you are looking for ONLY when YOU are NOT looking. I went thru a time in my life where my main focus was finding a bf and when I just said screw it if its ment to be it will be I ended up meeting my hubby......so I found what I was looking for when I WASNT looking.

Just enjoy your life and your family and friends and im sure YOU will get over this guy in time and YOU will find someone you can hold hands with in public and this will be someone that loves you more then words can say.

Hrnychick

[ambrelyn]

I always believe that you will find what you are looking for ONLY when YOU are NOT looking. I went thru a time in my life where my main focus was finding a bf and when I just said screw it if its ment to be it will be I ended up meeting my hubby......so I found what I was looking for when I WASNT looking.

I totally agree! I met my fiancee at a pool party. I was just going to have some fun with a female friend and he was there. We hit it off and have been together every minute we can ever since! But I wasn't looking for anyone. I had decided I was going to be alone for a while and not even think about men. Then there he was.

[sam7970]

Thanks for the support: bondagejunkie, hrnychick, and tyger. I've been through the phase where I am constantly on the look out for the perfect man, but I'm over that. It's too depressing. But I still find myself trying to dig myself out that rut where I'm so lonely that I think any guy will do at that moment, and telling myself that I am worthy to be loved by someone else other than Him.

It's hard, but I take it one day at a time and just try not to think about him. But there are those times that I am so horny and lonely, and all I can think about is calling him over so that I can screw his brains out and prove to myself that he still loves me. Those are some rough times, and to get over them I find myself ordering a new arsenal of sex toys, everytime It's ridiculous the amount of toys I have now and the amount of money I have spent on them. But it works everytime

[Mikayla1]

What I think you have to keep in the back of your mind is the difference between love and lust. For many - or even most - women, sex and lust are connected to love. It is rare that a woman can have consistent sexual relations without love. You had been with this guy for a long, long time - and he broke your heart. Now, while some women might be able to have sex without involving the love, I don't think that would work for you. So while you may have the urge to call him up to screw - I beg of you not to - it will only make things so much worse for you. I think you probably wouldn't do that (but when I answer these posts I try to think of those others in similiar situations who read and don't post).

I think we women have to learn to be stronger in our convictions and stronger in our abilities to live without men - or at least the wrong ones! I am sooooo sorry for what happened to you, but I do think that you are still young and can stil find the absolute true love of your life. You seem to have a good head on your shoulders and a good vision of what you DON'T want, so now go out and find what you do want!

It is hard to go on after having your heart broken, boy do I know that, but there is someone out there for you. In the meantime, remember that sex toys are WONDERFUL for that quick fix, but nothing can beat a real, live relationship for all the other things - so get out there and date if you aren't! I am sure any man would be lucky to have you!

Mikayla

[sam7970]

Thank you,Mikayla.