Are You Happy?

[sass]

I don't mean the kind of surface happy you get because your favorite football team won last weekend (mine did, btw), I mean deep-down, satisfying kind of happy. If you fell over dead tomorrow, could they realistically put "he/she was a happy person" on your headstone?

If you are, what do you think it is that makes you happy all the way down to our bones?

If not, what do you think is lacking for you? Why aren't you happy?

I'll answer my own questions as soon as I figure out how.

[thurisas]

I am a generally happy person who doesn't typically allow things to get him down. Now that I've said that I will say that I've had a bit of a rough stretch at work and that got me down for a bit. Overall, howwever, I have a wife who loves me, a beautiful daughter, and a family and home that we've built together. That grounds one in a way that makes it hard to not be happy if it is done with the full participation of all involved.

[ladylove]

Interesting ?.

I'd have to say I am a happy, satisfied individual. I believe in life there are times we all question ourselves about many core things, happiness being one of them. We all go though difficult times, but it's how you deal with them that can make you strong, satisfied and happy. If something were to happen to me today I would miss so much I know the future has in store, but up until this very moment I am quite happy with how my life has been.

Saying that I firmly believe that happiness comes from within. You can't find it outside yourself, nor can you expect someone to be your happiness. Take the time to look inside your soul to discover what it will take to make you a happy, content person.

[hyokahey]

For me, happiness is complex. I live with a type of depression, and it has stolen much from me, including happiness. All life has pain, and pain is due to attachment, as the Buddha says. I am, however, very content, and that is part of being happy, methinks. On Sunday morning, when the woman I am married with lays her head on my shoulder, and we wake with the sun, all lazy and cozy and intimate, we review what we will do with our day, and she gently reaches for my man bits....yea, I'm happy-content, maybe even blissful.

[Mikayla1]

Much like Hyokahey and Thur, I too am a happy person. I am extremely content with my career, my kids are awesome, my life is comfortable, I have good friends (both online and in real life). I have a generally happy outlook to life. However, there is one thing in my life that is lacking, one thing that makes me really unhappy at times. One thing that I wish I could fix. It is this one thing that pushes ME into depression. It is the one thing that makes me sad, or makes me cry. I believe that happiness and saddness fluxiuates for me - and probably for many other people. I just try daily to be as happy as I can be, for that day!

[Sunday]

I'm happy. I figured it out about a year and a half ago. I used to think that the right relationship, having this, accomplishing that, etc were the paths to happiness. I thought that if I just got what I told myself I wanted, I'd be happy. Then I realized these things are roadblocks to happiness - not having them was keeping me from being happy.

If you want to be happy, do it now - look for and cherish the things that lift you up, focus on them and don't think about the things that you think you want. They'll come in their own time - or not - they really have no bearing on your happiness.

[mailahn97]

I will say that yes there have been many times I have pretended to be happy not to worry people close to me. There are a couple on here that know what I am talking about as they have gotten to know me very well and know how to get it out of me. I have had SO MUCH happening to me in the last couple of years. I keep joking about I have had enough of this roller coaster can I please get off. I am hoping in time I will become completely happy. Parts are coming together but I still have some inner demons that bother me. It has not been an easy or short journey but it is getting better and I am seeing the light at the end of the tunnel.

I am thankful for those few close people in my life that have helped me through a lot so that I could work through some issues and find some happiness.

[sass]

I hear ya, SS. I have not been happy in a long while, if ever. Yes, there have been short bursts of happiness, but even then, if I looked deep down inside, there was still the unhappiness I have come used to. I have done a lot of deep-down soul searching the past few months - even before hubby and I separated - and I at least think I now know what it is I need to be happy. I am on a mission to get it. I know there will be bumps along the way, but at least knowing and realizing what I need is coming into focus, and that is half the battle, right? And I think comeing to accept that what I need and desire so deeply is not what would do it for some others, has also been good.

[square]

While I have much to be thankful for and happy about, I cannot say I am entirely happy. Has to do with feeling like I've sacrificed a lot over the past dozen years to provide for my family, and like it is not entirely appreciated. Also a host of small potatoes issues that build into larger frustrations.

Also also, on the job front, there are more and more headaches as the years go by, and fewer good solutions to problems, while ever more bureaucratic handcuffs get in the way of getting the job done efficiently. But my end "customers" are the guys who get shot at halfway around the world, missing their kids grow up while I get to tuck mine in everynight, so I take the work seriously. It just isn't as "fun" as it was when the world was more at peace.

[veronicalake]

I'm happy. I figured it out about a year and a half ago. I used to think that the right relationship, having this, accomplishing that, etc were the paths to happiness. I thought that if I just got what I told myself I wanted, I'd be happy. Then I realized these things are roadblocks to happiness - not having them was keeping me from being happy.

If you want to be happy, do it now - look for and cherish the things that lift you up, focus on them and don't think about the things that you think you want. They'll come in their own time - or not - they really have no bearing on your happiness.

That's the best advice I've heard in a long time.

[Sunday]

I am not happy at all now. When I was younger, I remember being happy and looking forward to the future. There was a whole world out there and I was going to go out and make things happen. However, things didn't turn out like I thought they would. Relationships ended, friends faded away, loved ones died, employers ignored me. Now it seems that I hardly ever enjoy myself.

I understand that that is all part of life, but it seems that my hands are tied to the things that really matter. This is a young person's world and I'm not young anymore.

I feel that I have an addictive personality. I find things that temporarily make me happy, obsess over them, grow tired of them, lose interest and find something new to obsess over. It's a weird circle.

Men in our society are defined by their occupations, and I have rarely had jobs that I truly enjoyed. I just can't seem to get paid for things I am good at or enjoy. This shitty economy doesn't help!

My wife and I just coast along, dealing with our own stuff as we try to raise our kids the best we can. Sex is something that doesn't happen that often. When it does happen, it is very vanilla.

I am happy to have two great children, a wife, a paycheck, good health, real friends and a nice home.

I can relate to what you said. There is an unspoken competition in life to be the most respected, admired, appreciated etc etc. The truth is, you can't EVER be all that. If you tell yourself accomplishment (money, status etc) will make you happy you will be always be unhappy. No matter what you accomplish or how much you have, there will always be something you are missing. You have an incredible list of things that make you happy. Can you not focus on those?

I can't make a post here without saying something about myself (sorry) but often I lay in bed in the morning and think about what a miracle it is and how blessed I am, to be breathing cool clean air; to feel the warmth of my body under the blankets; to look around and see. Simple things that we take for granted can be miracles if we think of of them as such. When I start the day thinking about little miracles like that, the whole day just gets better and better.

[sass]

You are very correct Sunday, but what I find difficult is focusing on the positives when there are soooo many negatives surrounding me as well. I have felt this way long before my marriage fell apart, so it is not just that. I had the new house, new car, great job, money to do what I needed to do and a little extra to do what I wanted to, and I was not happy. I thought maybe if I settled down, had a family (the only thing I could really see that was missing in my life at the time) that would push over the sad-hump and into the land of happiness. It didn't. True, I didn't have that very long so maybe had it lasted, I would have gotten there, but I don't think so.

I have two awesome step-children who, even though they are now with their biological mother, still call me momma when we talk on the phone or online. They will be a huge part of my life long after the divorce from their father is final. So, I am very blessed in that area, but at night when I lay in bed and think, thoughts of dispair fill my head. As I said earlier, I am doing some things to try to get to the land of happiness - realizing some things about myself and doing actions accordingly - but it is still hard to focus on the positive when there is so much negative, so I totally understand what some of the others are talking about.

[ladylove]

it is still hard to focus on the positive when there is so much negative.

Even though it's so hard right now to stay positive with all your going through, but, being positive becomes a habit after a long while. Something to look forward to.