Womens Sheltered Sex Lives, New Stuff

[telecom69]

I've posted something on here in the past about things like this, but would like to hear from some ladies out there who have been thru this. My gf grew up like a lot of women being taught that sex is bad, don't masturbate, religious beliefs, etc. My gf was married for 22 yrs with a husband who was just wham bam, no romance, no foreplay, etc. Her sex life was prety sheltered with nothing new and very ordinary. Anyway, I've been dating her for 18 months now and she is changing and becoming more willing. Introduced vibes to her, lots of foreplay, touching and affection without sex as sometimes thats more appropriate, romance and love, sexual flirting, sex in other places besided just the "bed", etc. But, I'm still surprised about how little she did and the things that are everyday sex for most of us, are new and foreign to her. Example was last night. We're used to taking romantic baths together now, which she never did before with anyone. We were in a bath last night, and after things were getting hot, I just took her hand and said lets go. She thought we were heading to her bedroom. Nope, we got five steps out of the bathroom and I just put her down on the carpet on the living room floor and we had sex there. Ouch with my knee burns today. She liked it and said it was more exciting, but tells me she would have never done that with anyone in the past, even her husband of 22 yrs. I would like to hear some womens opinions about what is going in their mind that prevented them from doing things like this and breaking out of thier shell. This will let me understand her more.

Telecom

[Mikayla1]

Sorry to say Telecom, I can't help you with this post - cause I will pretty much have sex anywhere and I don't have boundary issues! However, I am glad to hear that you are having a better time with the gf! Good for you!

Mikayla

[ambrelyn]

My mind was in the same place as your gf when I thought about sex. I thought it was meant for the bedroom only, and I thought there were only about three positions you could use. I was not raised with such strict religious beliefs, or even the idea that it was wrong to enjoy sex or to masterbate. In fact, I did masterbate quite alot. My parents were very open about sex, so I knew what it was all about. But still, I had the wrong idea. So I'm not exactly in the same position as your gf, but I can tell you what changed my mind about sex. It was my fiancee. He was like you are with your gf, into the passion and spontaneity and fun of sex. He was so passionate with me, and helped me lose myself in the moment, that I lost my virginity to him on a bathroom floor at a friend's house! So I think it really has to do with the kind of guy you are with. And with him encouraging you and telling you how hot and fun you are and all that. If you have someone that's just ok with everyday cookie cutter sex, then you are never going to broaden your horizons, and your going to start to think that that is how it's supposed to be. My opinion anyway. I never knew sex could be so fun, done in so many different places, so many different ways, until he showed me.

[VALERIE]

I've posted something on here in the past about things like this, but would like to hear from some ladies out there who have been thru this. My gf grew up like a lot of women being taught that sex is bad, don't masturbate, religious beliefs, etc. My gf was married for 22 yrs with a husband who was just wham bam, no romance, no foreplay, etc. Her sex life was prety sheltered with nothing new and very ordinary. Anyway, I've been dating her for 18 months now and she is changing and becoming more willing. Introduced vibes to her, lots of foreplay, touching and affection without sex as sometimes thats more appropriate, romance and love, sexual flirting, sex in other places besided just the "bed", etc. But, I'm still surprised about how little she did and the things that are everyday sex for most of us, are new and foreign to her. Example was last night. We're used to taking romantic baths together now, which she never did before with anyone. We were in a bath last night, and after things were getting hot, I just took her hand and said lets go. She thought we were heading to her bedroom. Nope, we got five steps out of the bathroom and I just put her down on the carpet on the living room floor and we had sex there. Ouch with my knee burns today. She liked it and said it was more exciting, but tells me she would have never done that with anyone in the past, even her husband of 22 yrs. I would like to hear some womens opinions about what is going in their mind that prevented them from doing things like this and breaking out of thier shell. This will let me understand her more.

Telecom

I HAVE BEEN THERE BEFORE FOR ME IT WAS NOT THAT I THOUGHT IT WAS WRONG,BUT THAT I WAS SHY. IT TOOK ME A COUPLE OF YEARS TO GET PAST BASIC POSITIONS, & EACH TIME TRYING SOMETHING NEW WAS EASIER. I THINK YOU ARE DOING FINE IN HOW FAST THINGS ARE MOVING FOR YOU. JUST KEEP STARTING WITH A GOOD 4PLAY THAN LEAD HER THE WAY YOU HAVE BEEN. IF SHE IS TURNED ON ENOUGH, & YOUR NOT DOING THINGS THAT MIGHT BE SCAREY FOR HER, THINGS WILL ONLY GET BETTER. I THINK THE BEST THING IS TO START OUT WITH ROMANTIC PLAY & GO FROM THERE. YOUR FINE. OH & I BELIEVE WHEN SHE STARTS LEADING YOU, THATS A GOOD TIME TO EXPERIMENT WITH GETTING A LITTLE RUFF.( THAT WAS THE CASE WITH ME) HAVE FUN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

CONGRATS TO BOTH OF YOU

[nosleepnmesa]

Sorry Telecom69, I can't help you on this one. I have to let you know though I am glad things are getting better. I have never been a boundary issue person, to me it is all good.

[hrnychick]

Well I have to say for me it was being shy and insecure sexually......I wasnt raised in a overly strict or realigous home but sex was not talked about. I took it upon myself to go on the pill and stayed a virgin til I was 18. I had a few long term steady bfs but didnt want to give up the "goods" until I knew that it was right. I wanted it to be right for me so if that guy and I happen to not stay together I wouldnt feel bad about having sex with him.

Anyway I just posted this similar thing under another topic. I feel alot of how a woman acts and feels sexually aside from herself is the one that she is with.....if he shows alot of affection makes the woman feel at ease....relaxed.....that really helps for trying new things.

Im sure you can understand that for 22yrs your gf had only one way in life and she got use to that way.....now she is seeing that there is more to life and more ways to do things etc....and by you taking things on slower terms showing her a bit at a time is a good way to go about it.....I think if you gave her to much change at one time she would backoff .....but by doing it the way you are you yourself have said you are having a lot more fun and she is opening up to more then ever.

I have known a few ladies that were married to men that kept them in a box so to say......sex was the way he wanted it and that way only....everything was the way he wanted it and that way only and they soon found out after divorce that life had much more to offer and was a lot more fun.

Back to answering why some women are like that and some arent like I said for me it was just plain old being shy and affraid to try new things.....but that too was when I was younger.....I have since learned more and opened my mind to more.....finding that pleasure isnt just for his sake but for mine too......so many things have changed once I stopped being so shy and affraid.....now I havent had sex in a lot of places some here have had but hey who knows maybe someday I will be posting that I have.

hrnychick

[learyest]

Maybe I can add something useful too. I had a VERY sheltered sex life early on. I'll omit details as they mirror a lot of the ones already given. One thing that we've found extremely useful in our relationship is "date night." No, I'm not referring to the Dr. Laura/Ruth thing. We don't go out. We stay in, lock the doors, turn off the phones and have a night together. I throw something very easy together for dinner and then we start imbibing. I'm a wine fan and love vodka too. Both will rid me of inhibitions in a heartbeat. He sips beers and we put on whatever music suits our moods. Sometimes we go through 1/2 our CD collection before the right one hits. The drinks, music and laid back tone of the evening ALWAYS lands us in bed (or elsewhere) together. The first few times we had these nights we were just reigniting smoldering fires. Lately, it's been one adventure after another. Doing it in different places around the house and in different positions. I took the ultimate step (to me) recently and we experimented with different entry systems. It was amazing!

I think the best thing a couple can do is get into the groove of having one specific night per week that they are just by themselves. Do whatever feels right and you'd be surprised at what happens eventually. I sure was.

[Tyger]

I've been pretty open to most sexual ideas, but I was really "shy" when it came to it all....at first!!

With each man, I became more open with my ideas, and willing to try theirs.

I can say, that if you're stuck with the same man for a long period of time (unhappily), then you tend to just want the sex to be over and done with. Especially if he's just in it for HIS nut, and doesn't care if you (as a woman) get yours.

I'm glad she is so open and willing to experiment with you. That's GREAT for her!!!

I hope you introduce her to this forum too, so she may see how great this place is for the people, ideas, and products as well!!!

Happy Exploring!!!

[DaniLovell]

for myself and my husband, i am the adventurous one. i'm really game for just about anything, but he seems to be more reserved. to be honest, i played that part for a while, but that just won't work. i did receive the religious teaching about sex, etc; but its a little hard to believe when your 13 and find your mom's dildo (monstrous, like 13 inches, scared the sh* out of me) when you're folding laundry.

[Tyger]

for myself and my husband, i am the adventurous one. i'm really game for just about anything, but he seems to be more reserved. to be honest, i played that part for a while, but that just won't work. i did receive the religious teaching about sex, etc; but its a little hard to believe when your 13 and find your mom's dildo (monstrous, like 13 inches, scared the sh* out of me) when you're folding laundry.

LOL Diamond!!

I was shy, and my mother never really discussed sex. Starting my period was just "another thing". But there was one day that showed me that Mom could get her freak on too!! It was enlightening, as well as disturbing!!