25 Years Married And Now Going Wild

[45yovirgin]

We just celebrated our 25th anniversary but for the last year his mother has been in our marriage, ever since she was widowed. He thinks I should be helping her more and supporting him more. I think I'm being treated like wife #2 and she's always #1.

Enter a little innocent e-mailing with a college boyfriend (also married) from 27 years ago. Innocent got boring so we kicked it up to e-mail sex, then phone sex, then we've met twice and done everything except penetration. He's taught me new positions, spanking, dirty talk, BJ's, handcuffs and vibes. Some of these things I've taken into my marriage and my husband is pleased about half the time and annoyed that I'm horny again the other half.

I've always been a flirt. I love attention from guys anywhere anytime. I purposely wear low cut tops and emphasize my eyes and both tactics work well. I'm such a good girl for so many years that NO ONE would ever suspect how bad I've become and I have no one to be honest with.

My "boyfriend" is paranoid that we'll be found out so we've cooled off and live many hours away so a meet-up is rare. So he became my "gateway drug"--like now that I've tried him without guilt, what else can I try?

Well at a business trip, I did some heavy petting with one guy and a couple hours of no-penetration sex with another long-time business associate. When I got home, I flirted at a sports bar and a sexy, married guy gave me his hotel key. I went there and had the best pussy-sucking I've ever felt. Husband won't go down there. We went all the way but it was apparently a one-night-stand. Too bad, he was hot.

I love sex, flirting and a hard cock. I want more and can't get it at home and when I do, it's boring or interrupted by his mom.

Am I the only woman like me? The only one who wants something on the side? How long can I keep this up? Is a condom really enough protection, I don't want to bring home an STD?

EDIT: Ok, yeah so I'm cheating, having an affair. I'm not denying that. In fact I believe that an emotional affair is just as damaging to a marriage. And my husband is only about his mom's emotions for the last year since she moved in. I've done everything to get her to move out but she's so damn content and chicken. And husband won't just go rent an apartment and move her.

Everyone's done something wrong, knowing it's wrong but done it anyway. Maybe you cheat on taxes, or accept the wrong change from a cashier or speed. You do it without guilt because you justify it somewhere in your brain. My old boyfriend called and convinced me to not mess around with strangers anymore--diseases, trust, etc. I'll accept that. I know that's dumb.

We've talked about counseling, a few months ago when I was merely suicidal, not sex-hungry (only half jokingly), now I'm thinking that counseling is worthless until after we get MIL kicked out.

[Mikayla1]

I think that you hit the nail on the head when you said that your ex-bf was your "get-a-way drug." You are addicted to sex (which is fine) and the attention, but you are NOT getting it from your hubby. I am not going to judge you for cheating, people do it all the time and I am not one to judge you. However, make no mistake, you are cheating. I do not care if you had no-penetration sex, or a man just ate you out - either is cheating. You are going outside of the realm of your marriage to get sexual pleasure.

Since you have posted here, I sense you are not exactly guilt-free. You want people to help you, to understand you- you are looking for comradery. I understand that you need that, a validation that you should not be guilty - well, you have to find that within yourself, and probably will not.

Here is your situation, your hubby is torn between his WIFE and his MOTHER. Most men are very dutiful when it comes to their mothers -and personally, I think to a degree they should be. All children should be dutiful to their parents in older age. That being said, him allowing his mother to come between the relationship with is wife is WRONG. She is butting in because she doesn't want to share the only man she has left in her life - her son. You have to confront her - PERIOD! You have to explain that you are married and have personal things to attend to - things that she is NOT welcome to but into. Be kind and understanding, but if you explain it to her, she may get the hint. I would also be inclined to hint that their are nursing homes that would love to take her - where she could meet new people, etc.

When my mother in law comes to visit we have just as much sex, if not more, than we do when she is not here. I do not believe in changing my sex life with my hubby because my in-laws are here for a week - neither should you.

Now you have a choice - first, the cheating is NOT fair to your hubby. He has done nothing to warrant you cheating, nor possibly getting a disease because you get an STD. This is dangerous behavior and I think has to stop. What you do after this is up to you. Tell him? Go to counseling and explain that you want more sex from your hubby. Tell him - you NEED more sex - PERIOD. What this boils down to is that you have hit your sexual peak, and he is inhibited by his mother living there. Solve the problem, if you love your hubby (and many people would suggest you do not) then try to make your marriage work.

If you are addicted to the high of sex with strangers - then this is a larger problem - one that you will need serious help to fix and come to terms with. Basically, you have to search the inner you to find the answer.

As for the condoms - of COURSE you need to use condoms - even during oral sex. You do not want to get some nasty STD or AIDS- no sex with worth getting AIDS!

Good luck!

Mikayla

[Tyger]

Well, ok then! Mikayla said almost everything I wanted to say everything very eloquently. She is right on point with the MIL and your possible sex addiction.

Yes, feeling attractive to the opposite sex, even when it isn't your husband, is thrilling. A little flirting? Pretty harmless, since almost everyone flirts in one way or another.

However, you've taken all of it to a whole new level, and, to me, it seems like you're trying to place blame on the MIL, instead of the one person who's fault it really is~yours. You chose to start touching and being touched by someone else that wasn't your husband. Things have gotten way out of control. You have some serious personal choices that must be made ASAP. First, you need to be fair to your hubby and yourself. If you want to choose to stay in the marriage, then you need to stop having sex, petting, or any other sort of intimacy, with other men. If you aren't sure you want to stop, then you may need to leave the marriage, if only to be fair to your husband. If you don't think you can stop, even though you want too, I would suggest heavy counselling, with someone that specializes in things such as sex addiction.

On the STD note, condoms are a great thing, and usually pretty reliable. But, I am living proof that, even if you use condoms, you can get an STD. I have one, not AIDS thankfully, but still incurable, and can be a PITA. I'm married, and got it before I got together with my hubby. If we ever split, before I sleep with anyone else, BY LAW I have to disclose that I have it, or I can be liable not only for his condition, but any medications and procedures caused by this STD in his future! And, if you give an STD to your husband, don't you think he'd *kinda* wonder where it came from? You can't BS an STD. You cannot get them from toilet seats, hand shakes, or by someone coughing on you. It's hard living with the fact that you have an STD. Emotionally and physically. I have moments of feeling really bad about myself, just because of the stigmas that go with them. And, you can't tell I have one just by looking at me. I am a SAHM & housewife. I drive a station wagon type car. I'm responsible. And, it happened to me, even with the use of a condom!

I agree, you don't sound like you're totally guiltless here, looking for others like you. Almost sounding like you want confirmation that there are others out there like you. There are other women (and men too) that are out there, that do what you do. I'm trying hard not to judge you. It's hard, since I've been cheated on by most of my BF's in the past, and I know how your husband is going to feel if he finds out. It's hard for others not to judge too, especially if they've been cheated on, and also depending on their situations. However, I am not going to condone what you're doing, or give you the excuse that "Yes, you are not alone, so it's OK".

Just some things to think about. Good luck to you.

[hot4hubby]

What the hell. While u are out getting your fix. Remember that man at home with feelings. God the nerve of some people. Just remember KARMA IS A BITCH. I have never read a post on any board that has made me sooo mad.

[Amylynn920]

I don't condone it. I also would never want it done to me. Just my .02 cents.

[flutterbie]

Personally, I'd either keep the husband, or keep the boyfriend, but not both. You CANNOT have your cake and eat it too, life's just not like that.

How would you feel if you found out that your husband was screwing around on you while you were trying to take care of your mom? Probably pretty low.

I think the golden rule comes into effect here. Treat others the way you want to be treated. If you don't want it done to you, then don't do it to others, it's that simple.

Drop one or the other, but it sounds like you need counseling. I realize you think your behavior is "fun" but while you're married, it's destructive, not just to yourself, but possibly for your husband and your entire family.

[toohotcatmom]

45yovirgin,

I can relate to what you're feeling and going through and I don't think you're the only one to blame for going outside the marriage to find fullfillment. Having been there myself, I now know that it takes two to have a relationship - emotionally, physically - whatever. I too have been emotionally and physically starved for years and have made some not so great decisions although I've not taken it as far as you have (but had I been able to - I would have-I was that desperate). I've reconciled my issues and now have a better relationship with my husband, but it's taken time and a lot of effort and sacrifice.

I can't offer you any advice, but I just wanted you to know that there are others like you who can understand and at least listen without judgement. In the end you know you have to lie in the bed you made and I understand your need to seek others to help you get there. I hope you will continue to do so and come out the other side a more understanding and tolerant person.

[toohotcatmom]

Your marriage is basically over. Why not make it legal? You are angry at your hubby & his Mom. Fair enough. So make a life somewhere else. Cut yourself free. And allow your husband to do the same. Then you can go and enjoy everything on the menu guilt free. Two wrongs don't make a right. There's nothing wrong with what you are doing if you are unattached. But you can't expect us to condone what you are doing while pretending to be married.

Please don't speak for others.

[sun_flower969]

This post is OVER a year old FYI...

[sun_flower969]

sun_flower969: did she make it to her 26th anniversary yet? I'm kind of kidding but kind of want to know. Her situation sounded awful.

Funny how this topic compelled a few of us to respond.

Yeah I wonder where she is now. It is a sad situation there... I almost responded too but then I noticed the date.