Just Saying Hello

[whittibo]

WOW, I just found this site today, became an affiliate, placed an order and have been reading the forums almost non stop.

I am a 39 year old home schooling mother of 3. Been married for 16+ years, been with my husband for almost 21 years, that's a LONG TIME! My husband is very modest and not very secure with himself even though he's in very good shape. I am frumpy and overweight. We fell into the marriage sex rut and neither of us have been "happy" for a long time. Two weeks ago today, I read a thread on a forum I own, about getting to know your inner sex godess. I really didn't want to get involved in the topic, but couldn't help it. I knew we needed to do something to spice things up, and I was going to be the one to change things. So I went to work. LOL!

It's been the most amazing two weeks of our entire relationship. I am slowing getting him to open up to new things, me as well. I ordered a few modest things, some sparkly dusting powder that is SUPPOSED to taste, but it doesn't, a book on positions and a cock ring that I don't know how to use yet. To my surprise he has actually looked at the book! This is a guy that won't expose himself to me and usually gets fully undressed UNDER the covers even after 21 years!

I hope by continued reading here, it will only keep my interest, and will add even more spark to our lives. Currently we're selling our home, if all goes well, we will be moving out of here on April 30th and into an RV. We'll stay in CA for a month until school is out, then take a couple weeks and drive the RV back to TN where we will start our new lives. While we're house hunting and he is looking for work, we'll still be in the RV, so it could end up being several months that we're in there with 3 kids, 4 cats and 3 guinea pigs. LOL!! It will be interesting but not at all impossible to be romantic, we just have to be more creative and I am excited about the possibilities.

Anyway, I am usually very timid talking about sexual things, so this forum is right up my alley I think. But thanks to a few I have seen many posts from, I feel confident enough to join and get even more educated about sex.

[Mikayla1]

WELCOME!!

I am glad you feel more confident about talking about sex. It is difficult for people who are in ruts to change, but if the will is there....

I completely agree with the idea of finding your inner sex goddess! I am always telling people that no matter what they look like, how heavy they are, or how "frumpy" they have become that there is an inner goddess in all of us! Remember to take time to take care of yourself - get your hair cut, find a nice, lacy bra - let HIM know you are a sexual being!

If you have any questions, please post - and again - WELCOME!

[Tyger]

Glad to see that you're getting a lot out of the site, and just trying to break out of your rut!

So many marriages fall into that rut, so you're not alone, for sure!

I feel for you with the moving, and the kids, pets, and 2 adults in an RV. But, if you are able to so something like that at least once in your life, go for it! Have a little fun. It will definitely be an adventure!

Good luck, have fun, welcome, and I look forward to reading from you again!!

[whittibo]

Thanks for the welcome. I am sure I'll continue to read and post if/when I have any questions or have anything to add. I am finding more ways to entice my husband, but I think he's getting a bit worn out. I might have to slow down on him a bit.

[clewing]

Welcome! And I do feel you. On returning from Italy and waiting to buy a house, we (husband, me, three kids, two dogs) spent two months in the guest house on post, and then a motel with a kitchenette, but it was all one room. We took a lot of showers together! And a couple nights left the kids in the room (they were 14, 12 & 10 at the time) and rented the "jacuzi suite."

And I've know about that inner sex goddess! She can be a blessing to have on your side!

[whittibo]

I know it won't be easy to find times for us, but that will be more exciting right?

We'll be here in CA for about a month before we leave for TN, during that time, my kids will still be in school, and they have a couple classes on Monday and Wednesday, so we can take advantage of those days to be wild. Then as we're going back there and once we get there, we'll probably be staying in KOA's (or the like) so perhaps, while the kids are off playing or something??

Or, we'll just have to be very sure the stabilizer jacks are sturdy. LOL!!! I am sure we'll figure that part out, it's just the stress of all this right now is a bit overwhelming. We have been trying to sell our house for over 2.5 years. We started on July 17th, 04. This is the 3rd time we have been in escrow, so until we get this house closed, I don't think either one of us will be 100% certain it's going to go through, and breathe easy.

I have already made plans for when we do buy a new house, things I will make certain of in regards to our master bedroom and it's contents. Things I never would have even thought of 3 weeks ago, but our kids are getting older and we need to make sure we have "our space" where they can't intrude easily.

[whittibo]

Showers have been included in the past and a few the past few weeks. It's a bit awkward because our shower is so small, but we manage. A little background on him and I, he is the youngest of 3 boys, comes from a pretty conservative family. We dated for years before we ever had penetrating sex, and it was only by mistake that even happened. It was MONTHS before I would even get him to let me give him a BJ. We dated for 5.5 years and most of that time was BJ's but never fulfilled him. He didn't want to have sex till we were married. Not that I didn't try because my way of thinking was a man didn't love me till he had sex with me. Boy was I screwed up. LOL!

I was very promiscuous, and he knows that, but we have never talked about it. I know he doesn't like it and probably wonders if he is inadequate or doesn't perform well. It has to do something with that or perhaps his older brothers teased him un-relentlessly because he certainly isn't lacking anything physically, just afraid to open up.

I can't even get him to say the word penis! He laughs when I do. He'll try to get me to say it, and I do, and he blushes. He asks me what I have instead of "peanuts" (I am not kidding, he won't say penis) and I say, "a vagina" and he says what else is it called? And I said, "ah, a cunt?" he just laughs. He can't believe I would say it. *sheesh*

Most of our "rut" has to do with bland sex. Nothing was ever fun, just a chore. His idea of foreplay was to put his hand on my shoulder and when I didn't "respond", he would roll over and go to sleep mad. He didn't kiss me hello when he got home from work, never really was romantic or tried to entice me. I know these things have to be taught to him, and that's what I am now going to start doing. Instead of staying in our rut, teach him how to romance me and turn me on.

Today we were just laying together, he wasn't interested and I was, but he didn't have a clue how to even fulfill me without having sex. So I showed him, but I think he was pretty uncomfortable about it. There's a lot of work ahead of me that's for sure. I never thought a man wouldn't know what to do, but I guess they're out there.

[cdwaldorf]

Welcome!!!!!

I just wanted to give you some encouragement. I just had my 3rd baby in Nov and our sex life has become on a schedule and boring. My husdband was not open to doing a lot (I say not open but it was more of not knowing how). I found this website and I have been initiating more "adult play" and focusing on just pleasuring him. In return he has opened up and we are having so much fun exploring each other. There needs to be a security that you enjoy each other. I was terrified that my husband would find my body unattractive (b/c of giving birth to the 3 babies in 3 years) but he loves my curves:) My husband has actually got on the tootimid website and purchased fun toys for us. It may take some work on your part in the beginning but it is worth the time invested. I have learned not to be timid in the bedroom and I feel secure enough to tell my husband what I want him to try and what I like. Good luck!

[whittibo]

Thanks Pantygirl.

I have been being the aggressor for 2.5 weeks now, last night after telling him all day I wanted him to tease me un-relentlessly until I begged for him to make me cum, we did have a nice time exploring each other and he enjoyed himself, then promptly fell asleep. *sigh*

He's very intimated about things and isn't too aggressive, I hope those tables turn soon. I know everyone says I have to boost his ego, but gosh, when do I get my turn??

I have 3 kids, all by c-section, and am about 40/60 lbs over weight. I am not all that comfortable with myself, especially since he's a stick, but I have learned to get over that a bit. He has mentioned that I am not repulsive. LOL, actually he said, "I don't see many nekid women, so you look good to me" Pretty romantic eh?

He has a long way to go, and it's going to be hard work on my part, but we'll both be much happier for it. I did order some stuff that I think will get us more romantic and wild, but not too much for his taste.

So any guys reading this, after being in a stagnant sex relationship for awhile, and then you're wife suddenly turning into a wild women, is there ever too much?? Like last night, he literally rolled over on his side with his back to me and was snoring in a matter of minutes. That was a huge let down for me. I started this "we must kiss goodnight EVERY NIGHT rule" and well, that didn't even happen. He says, "I am tired". And in all honesty, we did have the flu a couple weeks ago and it did take a lot out of both of us, but gosh, if I can keep up and go longer, couldn't he??

[whittibo]

Howard, I can't get him to wake up any earlier then 7 and he has to leave at 7:15. He just says he doesn't like sex in the morning. I have done special things during the day, while the kids are outside, so I am sure he has felt that sensation you describe. By the way, that's not far that women don't get anything like that. LOL. I think it boils down to the fact he is so stuck in basic ways, (missionary position, only at night) that he can't get out of that rut. Almost like that's the only time it's "right"?? I don't know really?! :s

Oh, and I am not the one with 3 kids in 3 years. My first two are 2 years 7 weeks apart, and my middle to youngest is 3.5 years apart. My kids are almost 14, almost 12 and just turned 8. So the "little ones" phase is almost over for us, the older two don't come find mom/dad much anymore, but we still have to watch out for the youngest one. She walked in on me the other night while I just got out of the shower with hubby, I was air drying on my bed with nothing on, waiting for him to join me, well in walked my 8 year old. I just decided to act like nothing was wrong and asked her what she needed and got up, got my t-shirt/sleep shirt on, and went out and got her what she wanted. I hope she has learned the lesson as to WHY you don't come walking in mom/dad's bedroom without knocking if the door is closed or mostly closed.

[whittibo]

Oh, as for the weight, I am pretty educated on weightloss, I own a weightloss forum and for many years taught others how to do it, the RIGHT way. But about 4 years ago we had some bad neighbors move in, that's when the stress started, everything from vicious dogs to the owner threatening to kill us. We started trying to sell our house and move nearly 3 years ago, that didn't work. We had restraining orders and court hearings, finally got the dogs deemed potentially dangerous and got the owner sentenced to jail for 90 days for the threats on our lives and for stalking/harassing me. In the midst of all that, I got very sick (25 months ago), almost died from complications of the flu of all things. I had viral and bacterial pneumonia and was down for 3 months, the meds I was on helped add 20 lbs. Then about 18 months ago I lost my grandma unexpectedly. In fact, we were in court for a hearing on the neighbors dogs, the very day of my grandma's funeral.

Then in the last 16 months, I filed bankruptcy for my mom, barely got her through that before her car broke down and I had to go by her a car, then in June/July of '06, I nearly lost my mom due to her smoking habit, she's 59 and has been ill for 10 years now, I am all she has, and she depends on me WAY to much.

Prior to all that happening, I was a very happy at 160/165, looked great, and was maintaining it very well. But I don't think my husband was all to pleased with that prior stage of my life. I had done a great job of losing the weight for a second time (prior to daughter #3, I had lost 40 lbs and gotten down to 140, but a bad thyroid after #3 set me back again) ANYWAY, I had lost 40 lbs, was down to 163, went on a vacation with some of my diet board members, got my nose pierced and was looking great and feeling very secure, but it made him even MORE insecure. He actually told me that he thought I was going to change the locks and kick him out. I don't know what gave him that impression, but he thought I was getting so secure I didn't need him anymore.

At a solid 195 now, I am still only in a size 14, which isn't obese and sickening or anything, but I do jiggle more then I would like. But as long as he doesn't mind, I won't mind either. I just don't have enough motivation and energy right now to focus on losing weight again. It's no easy task and takes 110% to do it right. Once we get settled in our "new lives" I hope to have more free time and maybe live closer to town where I can join a gym. Now we live 30-35 minutes from town and there's NOTHING out here. Even if I could lose 15-20 lbs, I would feel much better about myself. So that's not going to be that hard, I tell him all this sex we're having will help me immensely.

[whittibo]

Ha, I like the fact you are human. My husband when he makes a mistake tries to blame someone else.

I will try the morning routine. I am a morning person, awake by 6am, I'll just be assertive. And yes, he is very stressed and for no good reason, he doesn't have a stressful job at ALL. I think he has mild depression, his mom is bi-polar and he sometimes shows symptoms of that as well, I have to watch out for him. As for seeing a Dr., HA, not unless he's dying. And that's no joke either. I have to drag him to the Dr. Two years ago when I was really sick, he got sick too, and he wouldn't go, I told him to pack his bags and get out then if he wasn't going to take care of himself. He finally went.

And his amount of sleep, uh, that's another symptom of depression. Asleep by 9 or 10 and sleeps till 7 easily. Sometimes he'll go to sleep on the sofa at 7pm and sleep till 7am. That's just not right. His job isn't that physically demanding, so it's not like he should need 10-12 hours of sleep, I think he just needs more sex.

Oh.. and my Wedge from Liberator shipped today!!! YeeHaw!!!