Choking?

[babygurl]

My boyfriend likes to wrap his hands around my neck. I must admit it is erotic. He has told me that he has scared himself because he has this urge to squeeze very hard. Can someone explain more to me about this type of "fetish" and is it healthy/normal? I am open to it but need more info.

[thurisas]

This is a very real and very dangerous type of play you're talking about. As with most play like this, it is about control and unless you trust this person implicitly I would shy away from this sort of play(if you even had to think about it the answer would be no) and he needs to know that now. If you insist on going through with it there are a couple of things to think about. You have no way to speak so your safeword is going to have to be somatic(a motion) instead of spoken(this is an preset word or action that tells your partner that things must stop immediately). For some people who are "in the moment" such a cue can be missed. Remember, if your airway is cut off for too long you can pass out, become brain damaged, or of course die. As far as responsibility goes, it is only right that your partner be trained in CPR before performing this type of play.

Thurisas.

[Mikayla1]

This is not a fetish, unless the only way your boyfriend can get off is during strangulation fantasy. Read my article on Sexual Fetishm posted in the Article Submission Section.

This type of play is HIGHLY dangerous. Many people like to BE strangled - as the air cut-off adds to the sensation of orgasm. This is called Autoerotic Asphyxiation play. However, because he wants TO strangle YOU, that is a bit different. It is important to note that there is some documentation of people dying because their partners wanted to try and "push the limits" of strangulation play. Meaning, they felt the power surge while looking down at their lover while choking them, and they become blinded by the urge to keep choking and then they kill them. As I said, highly dangerous.

Here is an article you might find helpful, and it is on self strangulation, but some of the information applies:

The Highest Price for Pleasure

A Deadly Turn-On

By Martin Downs

WebMD Feature

Reviewed By Charlotte Grayson

Imagine a nightmare: You come home to find your teenage son's dead, seminude body hanging by the neck in his bedroom closet, pornographic magazines and women's underwear scattered about the floor.

One mother did, and as many as 1,000 Americans each year stumble upon the bodies of their loved ones in similar situations. These people die accidentally while practicing what's known as autoerotic asphyxiation--strangling or suffocating themselves to heighten

sexual arousal and orgasm.

When you rob your brain of oxygen (asphyxia), you experience a high -- euphoria, dizziness, and lowered inhibition -- before you lose consciousness. To make their sexual experience more thrilling, autoerotic asphyxiators masturbate while strangling themselves with cords, ropes, scarves, and ties, or they suffocate by sealing their heads in plastic bags.

The vast majority don't mean to kill themselves. They usually devise some kind of rescue mechanism to stop the asphyxiation once they've climaxed. But the fail-safe often fails. For example, they may tie a slip-knot or hang themselves from something that's shorter than they are, so they can simply stand up to stop the strangulation. But they may get so weak and disoriented from lack of oxygen that they can't pull out the knot or stand up, and they pass out and die.

Kathrin Passig, a German journalist, has been conducting an informal survey to find out why people get into asphyxiation.

Many in her survey were inspired by the Alfred Hitchcock movie Frenzy, which has scenes of women being strangled, and Westerns on TV in which outlaws are hanged. But TV and movies are not always the inspiration: "When I was 12 years old, I tried holding my breath for as long as possible and found it sexually stimulating," one person said. Another said: "My girlfriend and I were 13 years old. We had a pillow fight for fun. She suddenly got on top of me and as a sign of victory put her hands around my neck and cried, 'I win!' This was very exciting and I got an erection."

Autoerotic asphyxiation is one of the few sexual practices that remain hush-hush, mainly because forensic scientists and psychologists won't talk about it outside their professional circles. They're afraid of giving kids ideas.

They are worried about kids in particular because teenage boys are the ones who most often die from it.

Suicide is one of the most common causes of death for teens, and it's believed that many deaths ruled as suicide are actually autoerotic asphyxiation accidents. Police investigators may miss signs that might lead them to conclude it was a sexual accident, or family members may "sanitize" the scene before the police show up -- removing the pornographic materials, lubrication, sex toys, and in cases where cross-dressing is involved, women's clothes. Not all autoerotic asphyxiators like to put on women's clothes, but it's common enough to have become a stereotype.

Mark Clark, a detective sergeant with the Scottsdale, Ariz., police department, argues that even if sexual asphyxiation is kept out of the media, kids will discover it on their own. "It should be talked about," Clark says, adding that after kids get into the practice they look for information on how to do it more safely, and they must be told that there is no way to do it safely.

Clark had a younger brother who died from autoerotic asphyxiation in 1993 and also says he has just seen too many ghastly sexual asphyxiation death scenes while on the job.

He says a good way to educate kids would be to approach asphyxiation in a nonsexual way: A lot of kids learn that it arouses them as a result of trying it because they've heard the practice can get them "high." So Clark says, "Teach them that they can die from that. You don't have to talk about the sexual end of it," he says.

"It is, at the very least, damaging, and at the worst, absolutely lethal," says Andrew Jenkins, PhD, professor of health education at Central Washington University. Even if you don't have an accident and die, asphyxia causes permanent brain damage over time.

In addition to the solo practice of sexual hanging, some couples incorporate it into bondage, domination, and sadomasochistic (S&M) play. They may be under the false impression that it's safe if someone is there to cut the rope.

"It's always life-threatening to a greater or lesser degree," says Jay Wiseman, author of S&M 101: A Realistic Introduction. Wiseman is regarded as an authority on erotic asphyxiation in the S&M community. He isn't a doctor, but he is an emergency medical technician, and he lectures around the country on safety in S&M play.

One of the dangers of sexual asphyxiation is that it can trigger a

heart attack. Deprived of oxygen, the chemistry of your blood changes. Those chemical changes can throw the heart into deadly heart rhythm abnormalities or cause and cardiac arrest. So you can die even if a partner loosens the noose. "The probability of a successful resuscitation is pretty low," Wiseman says.

There are as many sexual turn-ons as there are things in the world, and no one can keep you from feeling the way you do. If asphyxiation is your thing, however, it's best left to fantasy. Jenkins puts it in no uncertain terms: "This practice is not an acceptable variation of sexual behavior."

[babygurl]

Thanks for the replies everyone...

It only happens during sex... but not every time. He said he saw it in porn and it was very erotic.

I think we'll cease and desist in this area, seems too much room for error and I'm not really into asphyxiation so what he saw may have seemed erotic to him but I'm not getting the arousal out of it.

The last time it happened he put his hands on my neck when I said I was going to cum, which makes me think he was mimicing what he saw in an asphyxiation video. I've known him for 17 years, and I know he wouldn't want to hurt me or make me uncomfortable.

Thanks again for all of your replies... no more choking for us... we have plenty of other fun stuff to do!

[pappyld04]

I very much agree with all other posts that this is VERY DANGEROUS AND EVEN LETHAL. There are many cases that are in the records about this. This is not about trust it is more a matter of SHIT HAPPENS! One second too many can and will result in death. This is a very definite fine line situation that neither of you want to see the worst side of. Yes it is erotic but dam that!!!

[Amplexus]

I'm big into the choking and rape "theme" while we have sex. I know choking is extremely dangerous and when Ron and I first got together he was petrified of hurting or even killing me. I eased him into it, I don't need a solid choke to get off, just a firm grip. This was more comfortable for him and before we began we came up with not only a safety word but if I tap his hands he knows to stop.

It really is a very scary idea and my suggestion is if you aren't sure or are scared than don't do it. If you can settle for a firm grip, to where you can still breathe somewhat comfortably and make sure your partner is not pushing on your windpipe to hard (it is very easy to crush it) than just do this with extreme caution. Make sure you have a phone readily available to dial 911 and it would probably be a good idea if your partner was either a paramedic or cpr certified!

Again, if your windpipe is crushed you can die within 3-6 minutes of suffocation. How long will it take for an ambulance to get to where you are? More than that I can guarantee you.

I am not recommending choking whatsoever, it is really really dangerous and do you want your SO to go to jail for killing you?! I didn't think so.

[pappyld04]

Thanks for the replies everyone...

It only happens during sex... but not every time. He said he saw it in porn and it was very erotic.

I think we'll cease and desist in this area, seems too much room for error and I'm not really into asphyxiation so what he saw may have seemed erotic to him but I'm not getting the arousal out of it.

The last time it happened he put his hands on my neck when I said I was going to cum, which makes me think he was mimicing what he saw in an asphyxiation video. I've known him for 17 years, and I know he wouldn't want to hurt me or make me uncomfortable.

Thanks again for all of your replies... no more choking for us... we have plenty of other fun stuff to do!

Your last paragraph brought back a movie I saw about a serial killer, Henry Lucas, I think is who this was about. He was anally raping a girl and his partner reached down, yanks her head back and slices her throat. Alot of guys joke about that dying quiver but that ruined that joke for me. I have seen one of those rape porno's but they were pretty extreme older ones. Using Vise grips on her pussy, and nipples, one guy was penetrating a girl with a butcher knife, using knives to cut into her nipples or using hypodermic needles to repeatedly pierce through her pussy and tits. I know some people do play in these ways but it is dangerous. Choking isn't overly extreme it's just the way that this was brought into your life that sets off the alarms in my head. And whoever made the statement about their partner learning CPR, is probably something any of us who participate in other activities that have even the slightest chance of injury to our SO. I know my certificate is a year or so out of date.

[pappyld04]

I'm big into the choking and rape "theme" while we have sex. I know choking is extremely dangerous and when Ron and I first got together he was petrified of hurting or even killing me. I eased him into it, I don't need a solid choke to get off, just a firm grip. This was more comfortable for him and before we began we came up with not only a safety word but if I tap his hands he knows to stop.

My gf has these same thoughts. I never have gotten past those what if's in order to fully cooperate. I have grabbed fistfulls of hair and allowed my thumbs to put some pressure on her neck but that's probably as close as she will ever get to this with me anyway. I've never considered a "Soap on a rope degree from Pen State" to be useful. I don't think sword fighting with Bubba in the shower would be as much fun as Bubba may think. Although I know who won't be getting stuck. LOL!

[Neuroticax]

The main thing with this fetish is you need to be with someone whom you trust and CAN trust. Everything inside the BDSM sexual structure is about trust. If you don't have that, don't bother playing.

As for myself, I love Asphyxiation. The first sign of too much and he let's up. Trust.

[Jaca]

I love the pressure around my neck. It is not about choking or asphyxiation for me, but the passion. I love for him to lightly pull my hair, grabbing my chin/neck to move my head to access my neck. Really deep, passionate kisses... then he will suddenly stop and lightly lick my lips and smile at me before plunging in again to devour me. It's a bit vampire-like...

Always makes me think of the beginning of the Meatloaf song - You Took The Words Right Outta My Mouth:

"On a hot summer night, would you offer your throat to the wolf with the red roses?

Will he offer me his mouth? Yes! Will he offer me his teeth? Yes!

Will he offer me his jaws? Yes! Will he offer me his hunger? Yes!

Again, will he offer me his hunger? Yes! And will he starve without me? Yes!

And does he love me? Yes!"

[Fawkes]

Choking is out for me, but my bride likes it when I occasionally hold her throat. It was done acceidentally one time while carrasing her neck while in a spooning position. She later told me that she thought of that moment now and again. So, now and again I do it again for her. It's more of a massaging grip, not hard, but enough to let her know that I'm in control.