Members Desires08 Posted February 12, 2008 Members Report Share Posted February 12, 2008 We have not had one yet but are discussing it very seriously. He doesn't mind it with a girl but absolutely refuses a guy ever. He says that he cannot stand to see me with another man which I respect. He has had affairs in the past (about 1 1/2 years ago). I want a threesome. But I risk the chance of losing my relationship at the same time. That seems to be a huge issue surrounding this. The words aftermath scare me when put next to threesome. Really. Is there a responsible way to do this? Or is there some alternative to this scenario perhaps that I am overlooking? We are making a trip this weekend to the sex store to get some items. I suggested we try first with a pocket pussy or a blow up doll. He said it wouldn't be the same and refused. So I know he wants a real girl if we are to do this. I promise you I want him to satisfy her but in the same after reading about some people's experience I am scared that I too will feel insecure afterward. He says we don't have to do it if I am not comfortable and we do have trust now after ten years together. (I think after he cheated on me something in me changed and I realized that if he wasn't "in love" with her or "dating" her then it was only sex, right? I just don't know. The more I get into this, the more questions I have. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Desires08 Posted February 12, 2008 Author Members Report Share Posted February 12, 2008 The sheer number of you questions, concerns, and emotions should be giving you the answer you seek.Well, I didn't put that much into it until I did a little research on people who have actually done it and now I am scared .lol. But I am thinking a lot more about taking it slowly if at all. Is it normal to feel this way your first time? I would feel more comfortable with a woman but question whether it should be a first timer like myself or someone experienced. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members hollybw Posted February 12, 2008 Members Report Share Posted February 12, 2008 I have to agree with Iha. If you have this many concerns and issues about doing this, you are not ready. It takes a VERY strong relationship to be able to do this. I don't believe it is to be done with any doubt in one's mind! I think maybe you already know that you are not really into this. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members cfhayback Posted February 12, 2008 Members Report Share Posted February 12, 2008 Sounds like trouble... but if you want to go ahead with it, find a girl who is (much) more into other girls. That way you won't both be competing for his affection, but rather, yours.It seems like, from your question/statement, that this is all about him. If that doesn't work for you, you'll need to shift the focus to you and your pleasure. If a MMF is not okay with him, but it is what you want, then perhaps you're not really in need of the same thing.Threesomes with MMF vs.FFM are NOT the same thing, though both are called threesomes. He may just see it as a "sanctioned" opportunity to hit some strange... and I assume that's not what you're looking for.... by the way, what ARE you looking for?Is this just a way to keep him interested, and not cheating? Or is this your own bicuriuos experiment...I'll say it again, sounds like trouble... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members thurisas Posted February 12, 2008 Members Report Share Posted February 12, 2008 I think you really already know the answer to your question as the others have stated but I'll add a little more to see if this clears everything up.For starters, you have to be 100% comfortable with what you're about to do and all the things that go along with it. To that end you really need to sit down with your partner and really hash the whole thing out before hand. You'll need to set your ground rules for both during the adventure and after the adventure. You're going to have to work through all of your insecurities with each other and you'll have to come to a point where you're comfortable with what you're going to do. After this is done you have to find yourself a willing third party. Then you will have to start this whole process over again with the third party involved so that everyone in on the adventure is on the same page for what will be happening during and afterward. The rules should be clear, concise, and easy to remember and should be adhered to.Ultimately you have to be comfortable in your relationship, comfortable with both partners, and comfortable with the situation. So far it seems you have none of these but arming yourself with knowledge as you have been is the way to get where you need to be for this to work.Thurisas. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Desires08 Posted February 12, 2008 Author Members Report Share Posted February 12, 2008 Sounds like trouble... but if you want to go ahead with it, find a girl who is (much) more into other girls. That way you won't both be competing for his affection, but rather, yours.It seems like, from your question/statement, that this is all about him. If that doesn't work for you, you'll need to shift the focus to you and your pleasure. If a MMF is not okay with him, but it is what you want, then perhaps you're not really in need of the same thing.Threesomes with MMF vs.FFM are NOT the same thing, though both are called threesomes. He may just see it as a "sanctioned" opportunity to hit some strange... and I assume that's not what you're looking for.... by the way, what ARE you looking for?Is this just a way to keep him interested, and not cheating? Or is this your own bicuriuos experiment...I'll say it again, sounds like trouble... It's like if I can live with the affairs he had alone and know some (though definately not all) of the details of those affairs, then why would it be so hard or different to live with a threesome that had boundaries and rules such as no kissing her, no cumming in or on her, and after a good talk with a friend, I even reconsider the degree of penetration if at all. I think I am definately going to re-think this whole thing.I want a new experience. Spice if you will But too much spice can ruin the whole pot. So Maybe a threesome isn't exactly the thing for now. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members froggystyle1977 Posted February 12, 2008 Members Report Share Posted February 12, 2008 I have read both your posts and honestly I don't think a threesome is something you should do. Too many RED FLAGS He has cheated in the past and you still have trust issues or some of the rules that you discussed would not be even thought of. Example emotional connection, little or no penatration, and the big one no cumming in or on her.. while I get the in the on is what sets my radar off. You say you want to do this as well yet went looking up information, usually anyone who wants it would just do it and no go looking for excuses. He won't try a blow up doll or a pocket pussy "it won't be the same" well no it won't but it is a place to start. He should be willing to try for you and should see how uncomfortable you really are. It is my sense that you don't really want to do this and he wants to cheat again without the aftermath. I am not trying to be judgemental here just going by what you posted. It is my honest opinion you should stop looking into this and try enhancing you sex life with toys, movies, and rollplaying. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members pappyld04 Posted February 12, 2008 Members Report Share Posted February 12, 2008 (I think after he cheated on me something in me changed and I realized that if he wasn't "in love" with her or "dating" her then it was only sex, right? I just don't know. The more I get into this, the more questions I have. This in my opinion sums it all up for me. If he was with her for just sex why is he with you? Love? I don't see it. You are letting him off the hook too easily here. If he could never see you with another guy but wants to add another girl then you have a serious red flag right up front! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members froggystyle1977 Posted February 12, 2008 Members Report Share Posted February 12, 2008 If he could never see you with another guy but wants to add another girl then you have a serious red flag right up front!The REDFLAG I forgot to mention Pappy is right this flag is huge and definetely tells alot!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members pappyld04 Posted February 12, 2008 Members Report Share Posted February 12, 2008 I wouldn't say that you forgot to mention it. It's just the first of many that you stated were obvious to the rest of us!!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Desires08 Posted February 13, 2008 Author Members Report Share Posted February 13, 2008 I wouldn't say that you forgot to mention it. It's just the first of many that you stated were obvious to the rest of us!!!!It has been hard hearing some of the things everyone posted but I asked for it and I got it. Someone commented on why research it if you really wanna do it. Let me say after searching you would be suprised at exactly how many do. That is a small portion of the reason for this site in my opinion. In which I love the site btw. Yes, he cheated. Most if not all men do at some point and time. Example, maybe they don't cheat on you, but perhaps they cheated on someone before you came along. Does that then make them a cheater for life? NO. And I don't believe he is either though in all honesty yes, sometimes I do wonder IF it will EVER happen again. (Mostly when I am fantasizing) . If he's going to cheat he's going to cheat and if not, then not. I cannot control him nor do I want to. I am in love with him and he with me. We all have problems in our relationships but most of us choose not to flaunt our "dirty" little secrets to the public as I have. But I did that so that you would understand my fear of him wanting another woman just as much as my desire of wanting a threesome. And it's true, I couldn't handle him moaning a loud deep moan while his cock was stuck in her tight little pussy, or her ass for that matter and for that I am waiting to be sure it is what I want.(Another thing I learned by coming here thanks to all who gave feedback) He is supportive either way.There are many other things we can do and try but I was just curious as to if anyone had any experiences that brought about the same excitement as a threesome, and I did learn some things there too. (Thanks Mikayla) Everyone keeps saying, He's already cheated on you are you crazy? Don't you see the red flags? Well see, that's the thing, I threw the red flag up-not him. The threesome was totally my idea though yes we both are turned on by the idea. (And Tyger thanks for reminding me he is on my side because I had almost forgot with all the negative postings lol). The truth is, I don't know when or if it will happen. IF it does, it will happen because we all want it to, but there will be rules in play and boundaries. One more thing I want to clear up. I know I can't control who we like or don't like. Forgive me. I didn't mean to come across that way. I told him that IF we do it with a woman the only way that I could handle it is if he and she were not friends afterward or before. Acquaintances but nothing too close thus no emotional ties. And don't say that cannot be done because I do have a Very good friend who had a threesome years ago who had a FFM threesome and it went exactly like that. She (the third) went for a party among the three. They talked. Laughed. Cut up. But it was made clear that the girl was the one to be satisfied from the get go. Everything went fine. The couple did eventually split but not due to the threesome they had but another after where the third was actually a very good mutual friend of the couple. It was a mess. Another thing is "the familiar". That is things that are personal that should in MY opinion be shared between the couple such as kissing, slow heartfelt love making where much eye contact is made, cumming inside her, and yes on her though the latter didn't bother me too much only just enough. Protection would definately be a must. I like what Mikayla says in her article about not using the same hand on each woman. I want fun. Not death or doctor bills afterward. Come' on now.The only thing is that I don't want it to be someone I will have to face everyday or ever again for that matter. Which is why the local wasn't too appealing to me as well as fear of the aftermath. Much to my suprise he was okay with that and he also said after a talk about the postings that if I didn't want him to do anything he wouldn't but he wanted to watch. To me that seems more like a girl on girl thing but for now, it's only conversation, fantasy, lust, and desires. A good thing I realize. The team here is wonderful. I have never been so impressed with a website like this where you can get some REAL advice and so many opinions. There's an old saying, "Can a leapord change his spots? "IF I can do it, ANYONE can, my hubby included. I too had an affair once when I was married to my first husband but have never not once cheated on my hubby now and I would not. Yes I have fantasies but who doesn't at some time in life?(Okay so mine are a little freaky) I am a nurse at a local hospital and one night a young lady came in with pelvic pain. Upon the exam, the doctor pulled out M&M's. See, everyone has desires, but as you all have said, maybe some are better left as they were. lol. Thank you all so much. I'm still horny as hell but you've made me stretch my imagination just a little bit further. Mikayla, Tyger, your input was truly helpful and very informative. Everyone else, I took what you said serious and used it too to make my decision to hold off on this for a little while. I got lots of great tips and information through this. The only thing I didn't see was a lot of people sharing thier OWN experiences , (There were a couple and I GREATLY appreciated those, they were the most helpful). Anyhow, I've rambled on and on and I just wanted to say all that I said as well as Thanks to each and everyone who did take time to share even if it was very hard to hear at times. So that everyone knows, my decision is made. We are putting it on the back burner for now until a time when everything feels just right. If that time never comes then whatever, if it does, I'll let ya know how it went....I wish passioniate love filled nights to each of you! P.S. Could you tell them not to sound the fourth alarm????lol just kidding. So many alarms went off I thought there was another Tornado on the way. And in a way I suppose there was but let's just say....it's taken a different path. See ya when the next one starts forming! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members pappyld04 Posted February 13, 2008 Members Report Share Posted February 13, 2008 Desires08, please don't take any of the posts in a bad way. It is merely what we see from this side. Any and all that we may deem a red flag is nothing to your first hand account of your life and love. It is good that you considered even the posts that were hardest for you to read and think about. None of us can live your life. IMHO, you are correct that most if not all of us have at one point or another done things that we regret. Cheating is probably just one of these things. I know I have in the past. But as we grow into things we learn what pushed us to these decisions. And some of us do change. I do see that there is communication between you and your lover and that is obviously the most important thing. I do hope that if you choose to follow through with this fantasy it is because of what you desire not what others have pressured you into. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members hot4hubby Posted May 28, 2008 Members Report Share Posted May 28, 2008 We have not had one yet but are discussing it very seriously. He doesn't mind it with a girl but absolutely refuses a guy ever. He says that he cannot stand to see me with another man which I respect. He has had affairs in the past (about 1 1/2 years ago). I want a threesome. But I risk the chance of losing my relationship at the same time. That seems to be a huge issue surrounding this. The words aftermath scare me when put next to threesome. Really. Is there a responsible way to do this? Or is there some alternative to this scenario perhaps that I am overlooking? We are making a trip this weekend to the sex store to get some items. I suggested we try first with a pocket pussy or a blow up doll. He said it wouldn't be the same and refused. So I know he wants a real girl if we are to do this. I promise you I want him to satisfy her but in the same after reading about some people's experience I am scared that I too will feel insecure afterward. He says we don't have to do it if I am not comfortable and we do have trust now after ten years together. (I think after he cheated on me something in me changed and I realized that if he wasn't "in love" with her or "dating" her then it was only sex, right? I just don't know. The more I get into this, the more questions I have. The questions you have are telling u not to do it. I don't think u will be secure after. Good luck with whatever u decide. Me myself I could never do it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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