Afraid To Show My Sexual Side

[crazziigg]

So I've been with my boyfriend for almost 2 yrs && we have a beautiful 7mo daughter. My dillema is that i'm afraid to have an orgasm in front of him . I know u must be wondering how our sex life is managing but i just usually like pleasing him. i don't really mind if i don't get anything in return. Also i can only orgasm through clitoral stimulation. I can't orgasm from intercourse. But the thought having an orgasm in front of him makes feel embarrassed. I do masturbate && my orgasms are intense && i clench up && my hips rise off the ground. but everytime he starts to play with me down there or tries to eat me out i usually stop him before i reach the big 0. I Just feel really subconcious about it. How do i just let go without feeling sort of humiliated? I think masturbation is something we should be private about but when clitoral stimulation is the only way i can get off, its really hard for me to let someone do it for me && watch me enjoy it.

Can u relate or give advice about this situation? Thanks

[Mikayla1]

Ditto

Seriously, Iha hit on all the major points that struck me when I read your post. You are young - young and have a child already. I think that as you mature and learn more about sex and sexuality that this subconscious denial of letting your partner have that intimacy of the orgasmic moment will pass. I also assume that you have issues with people knowing that you masturbate. It is hard for an 18 year old to be comfortable ADMITTING that he or she masturbates, nonetheless DOING it in front of another person - and if you need clitoral stim, I am assuming that is why you might have some trouble.

While it is nice that you want to please your partner, it sounds like he wants to please you too. You have to find that permission to connect with him, the right to have your own pleasure. I am sure you have seen and experienced HIS orgasm, so I assume he also wants to see and experience your orgasm.

Allow him to touch you and go down on you. When you feel the orgasm approaching, just try to go with it. Remember that he is connecting with you on this sexual and emotional plane and that he wants to please you. This might take a couple of times to arrive - but you will eventually get there. It may be easier for you to experience the orgasm through oral sex and then work up to clitoral stimulation during intercourse.

You bf will feel closer to you if you allow yourself to let go - and you will in turn feel closer to him. IT is a learning experience, and not to be 'insulting' or to make assumptions, but you are quite young. There is a lot to learn, and coming here and posting shows me that you want to learn and want to please and be pleased - that is a VERY important step.

[thurisas]

If your intention is to please your boyfriend, then you are doing nothing good by holding back. I will say right now that there is nothing sexier than the sounds and motions of a woman in the moment of a good orgasm. This is so true, in fact, that I try to keep my own wife in that moment as long as I possibly can...which is usually until she finally has to gasp out "okay, okay...stop, you need to stop...oh my God" because her feelings are so intense. This is something you're denying him and if giving him pleasure is truly what you're all about, you're only giving him one side of it. While intercourse and getting oral are great, there is nothing like the connection you make when you realize that you have the power to really get someone off.

Please remember that sex is a time for you and your boyfriend to have fun and connect. If it isn't fun for the both of you, you need to change something up. When you're in the moment, don't think about the orgasm, start thinking about him, what you want to do to him, what you want him to do to you, and then let him know. Confidence is very sexy in a woman.

Randy.

[crazziigg]

I do realize i am very young & i do have a lot to learn. My b/f (He's 19) is the only guy i've ever slept with but he's had encounters before. I still feel very inexperienced but This site has helped in many ways. Communicating is a very big key && i'm ready to tell him how i want it. Thanks everyone for your advice . I want to expand my sexual knowledge & put 'em to good use!

[crossroads123]

If your intention is to please your boyfriend, then you are doing nothing good by holding back. I will say right now that there is nothing sexier than the sounds and motions of a woman in the moment of a good orgasm. This is so true, in fact, that I try to keep my own wife in that moment as long as I possibly can...which is usually until she finally has to gasp out "okay, okay...stop, you need to stop...oh my God" because her feelings are so intense. This is something you're denying him and if giving him pleasure is truly what you're all about, you're only giving him one side of it. While intercourse and getting oral are great, there is nothing like the connection you make when you realize that you have the power to really get someone off.

Please remember that sex is a time for you and your boyfriend to have fun and connect. If it isn't fun for the both of you, you need to change something up. When you're in the moment, don't think about the orgasm, start thinking about him, what you want to do to him, what you want him to do to you, and then let him know. Confidence is very sexy in a woman.

Randy.

I agree you are cheating him out of pleasing you and making you feel like a woman. You both are young, open up to one another learn to talk and tell each other what you want and need and then show each other how to please one another. Learn to use that mouth for one of it's other uses..... talking, communicating.

[pappyld04]

I do realize i am very young & i do have a lot to learn. My b/f (He's 19) is the only guy i've ever slept with but he's had encounters before. I still feel very inexperienced but This site has helped in many ways. Communicating is a very big key && i'm ready to tell him how i want it. Thanks everyone for your advice . I want to expand my sexual knowledge & put 'em to good use!

You may not be comfortable with your own sexuality YET, but it appears you are willing to put forth the effort. Since you are not his first I don't think he would be overly threatened by open communication. Learning is the key but even that has limits for those who fail to apply that knowledge. One thing I have read that really sticks out in my mind is "Those who will not read are no better off than those who cannot read". IDK the person who said this and it may sound like a literacy campaign but reading is not the only appliation for this quote!

[pappyld04]

BTW welcome to the forum!

[Blush]

I agree you are cheating him out of pleasing you and making you feel like a woman. You both are young, open up to one another learn to talk and tell each other what you want and need and then show each other how to please one another. Learn to use that mouth for one of it's other uses..... talking, communicating.

===========================================

Agree 100%. You have to communicate with the man you love. I'm sure he wants to please you as well.

Not orgasming from intercourse isn't unusual, but believe me... he WANTS to see how to please you!

Maybe you could have a mutual masturbation session (VERY fun btw) so you don't feel like you're on display!

Keep you mind open, talk to him and you'll be fine. Experience comes with age and openmindedness.

[Tyger]

Wow!! Lots going on for you here.

I don't want to sound condescending, so please don't take it as such. You are young, and even though you have a baby, you're still pretty young and unsure of yourself.

I've been where you are. When I was first "deflowered", and for a few years after that, I was scared to let myself go fully. I didn't know what to expect, and how my BF would react. I took cues from porn, which, BTW, is a baaaad idea (though I did get some GREAT tips and tricks from porn!). I was nervous & embarassed my my lack of knowing what exactly my body would do. I admit, I was, and still am, a control freak to an extent.

Getting a bit more confidence in yourself, allowing yourself to let go is what is important. There is nothing sexier and feminine than a woman in the throes of her orgasm! It's nothing to be ashamed of. Trust me, he w on't be scared, appalled or offended! Plus, the clenching that a woman's vaginal muscles around a man's cock, from what I've been told, well, feels GREAT!!!! So, let loose and be free with the orgasms!!

[sexyliltrtl]

Well all I can say is just let go and enjoy yourself. I'm a 31 year old woman and finally for the first time I was able to ejaculate and it was so wonderful. My husband finally found the spot and its the most wonderful thing ever. I guess what I'm saying is that you continue to learn and to read your body as you get older. Don't think that you are the only woman who feels weird about it. We all have different things that we do when we orgasm, so I'm sure that if you are not the first that your bf has been with then he knows what its like.

Anywho just do it girl and thinlk how much better you will feel afterwards!!!!!!!

[angelkisses98]

sweetie...i know where you are coming from. i was 19 when i had my son. and yes, your body has changed, and if your like me, it wasent for the better. theres stretch marks where there wasent any ect..

the only thing i can say to you is this: sit down and talk to him outside the bedroom. be honest and tell him how you feel, and what you are thinking.

[Desires08]

I used to be that way with my first husband and one night I wanted to orgasm really bad. I felt the urge and the need as well as the longing too lol. Anyhow, I guess I reached a place where I said to hell with it and I started stimulating my clit. When I orgasmed, I thought to myself (I'll never forget it) that he was gonna think I was a freak (which I am in the bedroom lol NOW back then I wasn't too much in the beginning). But let me tell you, he loved it. and so much that he wouldn't stop until I did orgasm every time we had sexafter that. So I know how you feel. My dad was a southern baptist preacher so I was very timid about sex for a long, long time. I always thought that it was wrong to enjoy having sex....then one day like I said, I just cut loose. You have already recieved some great advice but I just wanted ya to know that you're not alone. And IHA is right. With age comes wisdom so to speak. You'll know when you're ready to cut loose and have some fun for yourself. Take care and best wishes!

[vanilla_bean]

Yes, I can relate. I'm nobody's idea of a "sexpert" but I will speak from the heart. Saying that you just want to please your boyfriend sounds sweet, but it can lead down the wrong road. Sex is a much better experience if you both anticipate having a great time. And it's a lot more fun. It is a risk to bare your soul during sex. What if you get rejected? Laughed at? Ignored? That would cut deep. But sex where only one person is getting pleased gets to be a chore. That's not good enough for either one of you. The longer you wait to open up, the harder it gets to do so. Really trusting your partner and allowing him/her to see that side of you leads to a much deeper level of intimacy. You enjoy orgasms on your own so you already know in your heart of hearts that you are sexual and can have fun. That's already leaps ahead of some women much older than you. It's risky and scary to open up completely, but the payoff (increased trust, greater intimacy, better sex) is worth it. The cost of not taking that risk is too steep.

Carpe diem! I'm cheering for you!

[chloegirl]

Amen Vanilla Bean!!!

[ilovebabyjada]

So I've been with my boyfriend for almost 2 yrs && we have a beautiful 7mo daughter. My dillema is that i'm afraid to have an orgasm in front of him . I know u must be wondering how our sex life is managing but i just usually like pleasing him. i don't really mind if i don't get anything in return. Also i can only orgasm through clitoral stimulation. I can't orgasm from intercourse. But the thought having an orgasm in front of him makes feel embarrassed. I do masturbate && my orgasms are intense && i clench up && my hips rise off the ground. but everytime he starts to play with me down there or tries to eat me out i usually stop him before i reach the big 0. I Just feel really subconcious about it. How do i just let go without feeling sort of humiliated? I think masturbation is something we should be private about but when clitoral stimulation is the only way i can get off, its really hard for me to let someone do it for me && watch me enjoy it.

Can u relate or give advice about this situation? Thanks

I think you just have to learn to relax. i've never had this problem. but my experience level is greater than anyone my age should be. i've backed off a lot and now look at relationships differently. just relax.

the orgasm with intercourse is something that i had to teach myself. my ex and i were going at it and i was on top. he told me to stop for a second. and i just sat there and looked at him like wtf did he want me to stop for. he told me to relax. he rubbed my back (while i was sitting up on him) and told me to take a deep breathe. then he had to start again but slower. he reminded me to breath and within 3 minutes i had the biggest o of my life! it was amazing. thinking about it gives me chills. but that was the first major one i had with him and the most memorable. he was so sweet about it. it's kinda too bad that that relationship ended but we were either fighting or having make - up sex. and i couldn't handle the stress.

that's about the best advice i can give for ya.

relax, take deep breaths. and if he really cares for you, you should be able to enjoy yourself and him when you are with him.

[ilovebabyjada]

i was 19 when i had my son. and yes, your body has changed, and if your like me, it wasent for the better. theres stretch marks where there wasent any ect..

I had my little girl when I was 15 -i'm now 18 and she'll be 3 on the 4th of July. and i'm really shy about my belly when i'm around guys. my ex helped me move past it and he really did raise my self-esteme. and my new boyfriend couldn't care less what my body looks like. he loves me for me. that's all that should really count. and i love him for it!