A Little Encouragement Please!

[calvin]

hi all,

I've bought an adult dvd (pirates - i wanted something quality) which will be the first time me and my wife have ever watched one together (she doesnt know i've got it yet). I got it for us to watch together, but now i'm nervous about bringing it up, even tho in a discussion we had quite a while ago porn was one of the things we felt we could try.

So if anyone's got any encouragement or advice about how to go about this, I'd be really grateful. I really just need some encouragement to get going, otherwise it might sit hidden in a drawer for months. I did this once before - there is a vibrator hidden in a cupboard in our house still in its packaging. I bought it in a local sex shop, but on reflection its too big, so instead i have ordered something smaller from tootimid as our first vibrator (we have a kind of bullet already, which we are using). I dont want to scare her off.

Anyway having done that with the vibrator (which really is a bit big for a first, i think), there is clearly a chance i could do the same with the dvd. thinking about watching with her makes me really nervous. any encouragement is really appreciated

thanks for any comments

calvin

[Mikayla1]

I think the key is to go with her comfort zone. She may or may not get into it - but it will most likely arouse her. I wrote an article about this actually, here is a link:

Porn 101

She may not like the fact that she gets aroused, so go slow. Sometimes it helps to make fun of it a bit, not take it so seriously, just have fun with it. There is a game I like to play when I watch porn, "monkey see' is what I call it. We do what they are doing on the porn. It is fun and takes the pressure off it.

[ladylove]

calvin, when my husband brought up the subject of porn (years and years ago), my knee jerk reaction was no way, Whats up with you? Then after some conversation (he didn't talk me into it just discussed it with me) I wrinkled my noise and said, okyyyyy, I'll watch one with you. Well. about a year later, when I thought the subject of porn was over, he surprised me and brought home a movie. One with a story and plot, not a Wham bam thank you mam sort of movie. He was excited to see it while I was unsure and nervous, about the whole thing. It was the whole nice educated people don't watch or need porn issue.

I surprised myself at how much I really enjoyed watching it with him and how much it turned me on. The bottom line is you probably wont scare her off, she may only need a little nudge to get on the same page with you. If she really doesn't like it after watching one with you, then, ok you tried.....But I bet she will.

By the way I still remember my firt porn flick

[cmwise1]

When my last bf invited me to watch porn on the internet, I was not pleased. I did not want to see a woman with a cock in each orifice, sometimes 2! But what i wa surprised by was the lesbian scenes, they were very gentle and erotic. Then I worried that I secretly preferred my sex. What I mean to say by this was that I had very mixed emotions. When I finally found an adult DVD with a PLOT and various sex positions, threesomes, etc., I was very turned on, but then, again, confused because women were not supposed to be "visual" i.e., like looking at couples having sex, but were supposed to be "cuddlers", liking intimacy and romance more than sex scenes. (This was what I had read) More mixed emotions, but when I finally accepted myself and what pleasures me the most, I was able to enjoy visual images quite a bit. I would go slow, a little wine to relax you both, and be ready to turn it off if she gets anxious.

Put it somewhere where she can find it...she may get curious and decide to watch it herself first. This can avoid the pressure of you watching her reactions and she can skip the uncomfortable scenes.

I kind of rambled but hope this makes some sense.

[chloegirl]

It might honestly help to get her on here or any other informational site where she can see that it's not the "bad" thing that so many of us women especially are brought up to believe. People from all walks of life, male AND female, watch and can enjoy it or use it as a "tool". Just getting someone to see other people's insights into these subjects is very liberating....you can start to loosen up and try things you might never have before once you see it's not "deviant" and many others do it too. Letting go of that "good girls don't" attitude is the most freeing experience she can get and it will open up a whole new world for both of you. Have fun!

[justinlove]

You know the BEST way to get her into that? wrap all that stuff up and wait for a day like her birthday or mother's day or secretaries day, nurses's day, or your anniversary (somethings gotta be close enough - anything will do!) and gift it to her. This will make it more like a "hey, got you this naughty stuff cuz you've mentioned before you may like it, it's up to you what you do with it". It makes it all about her, not you. She'll feel flattered that you put a little sex gift basket together for her, and you'll probably get what you hope for out of it too! Don't forget a real "normal" gift if you do this on a big day like bday or anniversary. Make the sex toys a special behind-closed-doors-between-you-and-me gift. Good luck!

[pappyld04]

Justinlove I like your idea.

[calvin]

thanks for the advice guys, really helpful. I dont think it really a case of me "trying to get her to do something", nor is porn something that particularly turns me on and that i really want to turn her on too (of course it does turn me on), the situation is more like we agreed we wanted to try new things and this is something new we havent done, and I am trying to take the initiative, but it does make me nervous. I dont think i will scare her off any, and if we just watch it and have a laugh thats fine with me. It'd probably help us be less reserved having sex if we have seen some other people being totally unselfconcious about it, kind of an example for us to follow.

If she's not into it then that is fine with me, trying new stuff is what its about, to find out what we do and dont like (until recently we didnt really communicate about that at all)

Anyway thanks for the tips, I'll have another think about the best way to approach this, and I'll let you know how it goes

Calvin

[me4now]

wow i like his topic

About 3weeks ago my and I were talking about this same topic, and I didnt know what to do about us watching porn together so i suggested on our date night that we go to a store and look at some things and he was like ok; so when we got there i ask if he wanted to look at some adult dvd and he was like yes!!!!!! afterwards i said would you like to buy one and see what happens and he bought it. So maybe you can take her to a store or invite her to look at some dvd on here and get her opinion to kind of break the ice.

My husband are going to start buying dvd's from here

[calvin]

Hi again guys,

sorry it has been so long, i didnt realise nearly a month has gone by since i posted. I wanted to let you know how it went.

It didnt go that well, actually. We watched the movie in bed on my laptop, but neither of us really got into it, i guess we were both maybe too self-concious to get aroused, but we did talk as we were watching, and agreed that it was partly the "falseness" of the movie that bothered us, so we agreed to try another movie next time. We turned this one off after about 30mins though, it wasnt really working for us. Maybe next time we should try mikayla's monkey see game, i can see how that might be fun. We might have needed to get a little more active.

But I do have some good news too - the vibrator i bought from too timid (the jade climax, or something like that) went down very well indeed, my wife loved it, especially with lots of lube, she really got into it. it was a surprise, and i covered her head with a duvet so that she didnt get to see it before she felt it, add a little suspense. She seemed to enjoy, and she agreed that was much better than the porn, so this also means that we are having honest discussions about what we do and dont like, which is also a step in the right direction. Maybe we'll give porn another try though - anyone any good dvd suggestions?

And the other thing we both have decided we love is lube. Its adding a real extra dimension, my wife is not particularly dry or anything but generous amounts of lube on my cock and in her vagina is really adding to the fun. I've started to realise that my erection difficulties were a lot to do with my getting what i needed to turn me on (mainly because i either didnt know what would work, or was being to shy about asking for what i wanted.). Lube really does it for me , and now i'm getting that, no erection problems!

thanks again for the advice, it's good to have somewhere to go, this stuff is still not something i feel i could discuss with any of my friends, this forum provides a real service.

best

calvin

[ladylove]

good for you calvin. glad it mostly worked out for you. I'm not sure what movie to recommend to you, but try one with a plot and ones directed toward women. check out the review area and go through the movies to see what is said. if you can stick it out until you find ones you and your wife like it will be sooo worth it.

[cmwise1]

I was thinking of getting the Pirates DVD but it sounds like it may not be what I want...I would like a plot line. I have gone through the reviews and they mostly describe the type of sex and the characters, not necessarily about a plot. I, too, would appreciate some advice of selecting a DVD...any type of sex is okay, but a PLOT is required. Can anyone give me the titles of what they enjoyed?

[bgechloe]

Honestly because we have spent soo much of our money on me immigrating to the USA from Canada we actually enjoy watching porn on the computers. We each have our own but even if you don't there are some great free sites without all the spyware (yucky)

Here are a few of my favorites...Maybe I should post a topic on this, its good stuff to share think I will