Most Likely My Last Post - Too Sad, Too Embarrassing

[schlingel]

ok,

so here we are. the wife learning to masturbate, and me, well that's the last obstacle. i've been advised on this forum that i'm too bitter and possibly overbearing at times when it comes to the wife. so here it is. not so easy, but hey anonymity is bliss - or something like that. in 21 years of not being able to pleasure my wife during intercourse, i've had plenty of time to reflect on this, it comes down to size. yes, manual and oral sex gets her off - thank god, or she probably would have left me by now, but...the bottom line is (gulp), i'm no porn star. i'm waaaay less than average at, maybe 4 inches - rock hard (that is if the stars are aligned and the ruler is defective, but nonetheless significantly sub-par). now before you start in with "size doesn't matter", consider this: a) she's been married before (5 years and 11 days before me), we've both seen enough in the real world to know the definition of 'small' and c) she's told me herself. now c) is very hard to imagine, so let me explain. she now claims it was only to be mean, during arguments and such - which there have been plenty of in 20+ years. but i know the truth. many times in recent years (until now, now that i finally said how hurtfull i find it) she has referred to me as peanut or pencil. specifically, "it's such a peanut" or "it feels like a pencil". now, when it started, i kinda got off on the humiliation of it - i mean, what choice did i have. but now, as i reflect on it, it really breaks my heart. i've tried to be the best husband/father i can be, and though she tells me it was merely lashing out, i know the truth.

so, i've tried every toy on the market - dildos, vibrators, even strap-ons (not real comfortable btw) and still nothing. i want to please her, but that's just not gonna happen during intercourse. is there anything you guys (yeah, right) have come across that might bridge this gap? this is why i have SERIOUSLY considered, and offered to her, the possibility of a 3-way/swapping/lesbo/whatever experience to get past this. bottom line: i love my wife and hate coming up short (ok, pun intended) in bed. any ideas?

[cmwise1]

eddy, some people cannot have vagina intercourse at all and sustain loving relationships. Surgery or birth defects make it impossible for regular sex. But, again, these people are caring, loving, supportive partners. It's not all about the vagina sex. I'm sure iha could say it better. But your wife needs to stop this humiliation thing..That is hurtful and just downright mean. I know you have tried to please her by your posts. I can only offer you a sympathetic shoulder and tell you that some of the best sexual experiences I have had in my life have occurred with no penetration at all.

[schlingel]

I don't have a solution, but I will say this...I dated a guy on and off for about 3 years that was smaller than that. I never, ever would have made him feel bad. I don't respect your wife for saying something like that during an argument or any other time. When I 'argue' with my hubby it's to work out an issue...not to insult him, hurt his feelings etc. So I'm sorry that she has been that way. I really hope that you'll keep posting too.

Nymph;)

wow! nymph, so there is one other man like me on this planet...anyway, let me give you the big picture. every time after i give her manual or oral pleasure, she always says "put it in me, now - now!" which i've interpreted to mean, "ok, let's get this over with....i'm done and there's no way in hell i'm gonna suck you now". and so it ends. but there have been rare occasions where i'm able to slip out and manually please her with a dildo and she climaxes a second time. both times (i know, how sad only twice) she has told me afterwards, "oh, i could REALLY feel it that time" of course, these are "life size" dildos and i THINK she's not aware of the switch (i believe her because both times she's really been "relaxed" enough not to notice) so i know she's capable of orgasming this way - just not with my natural endowment. so, is this something i can train her to expierence, or something I live with for the next 20+ years? and btw, i would never cheat on her to regain my ego - that's long gone.

[Mikayla1]

I agree witih both my cohorts here.....I have been with guys who have been less than gifted in the penis department, and I have NEVER said anything so degrading to them. I would paramount it to someone telling me my tits were too big (or small) - that would be hurtful.

I agree with Iha, it is not a 'penis size' issue - but a relationship issue. You have been married for many years and she is still with you. There must be a reason. love perhaps.

I am most sure that there are many thing people do not like aobut their partners - and you either deal with it, or talk about it or something. You are giving her orgasms - that is more than most women get. Are you getting off? Is she allowing YOU to orgasm or trying to get you to orgasm?

Now, as for solutions, I have hear that the high end penis pumps do offer some support to the smaller endowed. In fact, I have a friend who will SWEAR to you that her husband is greatly increased after he pumps with the Dr. Joel (I think that is is) pump. It might only last that session, but it will last. Or, there are penis extenders that you may want to try. They add girth and length and slip over YOUR penis so that you can still feel it. My hubby has reviewed a few of them, they were not too bad. Although, he is about average and a little above in girth, so I am not sure of your direct proportions, but they are stretchy and most likely will fit you without any difficulty.

Other than that, just keep pleasing her anyway you can. Her pleas of "I want you in me now" indicate her arousal level. I always beg to be fucked when I am having nice, big orgasms. Do not take that in a negative way, I believe she means it in a positive way.

Please keep posting - there is no reason that you should go away.!

[Tyger]

Listen, Eddy, you are NOT alone. Most women who've had more than one sex partner (or just the one), have come across men that are considered "small". I have too. A couple of them actually. I even married one! Though he's my ex, and we had some terrible fights, I never once hit him below the belt, so to speak. I would NEVER, in a million years, stoop so low to insult the man's penis size, even in a fight. That's just cruel.

I started to fall really hard for a man that I could barely feel inside of me (we dated too short of a time for me to fall fully), and he broke up with me to go back to his ex, not because of his penis size. I loved his personality, humor, and he had some awesome oral skills.

"Porn stars" are a fantasy. Yes, they may have large dicks, but hey, porn is a VISUAL thing, and to go with the fantasy, goes a large cock. Not everyone can be Peter North.

I agree with the other posters. It's not a penis size thing, it's a relationship thing. You have a complex due to what you feel is "big" or small. So, therefore, you are blaming your sexual issues with a small penis. It's just NOT so, darlin'. If you're as attentive as your posts indicate, then it's NOT you. She sounds like she is angry and resentful of something, and is lashing out where she knows it will hurt you the most, your sexual ego. I'm sorry to sound so negative on your wife, which you claim to love, however, that's how I see it.

Let me just tell you that people that truly love each other, don't insult their known weaknesses or insecurities. In fact, they make extreme efforts not too, especially in the heat of an arguement.

Please don't feel embarrassed. You are who you are. You were made a certain way, and you can't help it, and you should NOT be ashamed either. You sound like you make up for anything you feel like you're lacking with effort, willingness to please, and oral skills. If she can't appreciate that, then she has more issues than you probably don't know about.

Best wishes.

[Amylynn920]

Eddy,

I don't know you or your wife, the only thing I know about you if from your posts.

I saw desperation in the posts, and resentment and honestly I didn't know what was behind the tone. Now you've shared something incredibly painful to you, but in doing that allowed us to understand what drove your posts.

Your wife is cruel. You may not want to hear that, but there it is.

Your penis is your penis, it is what it is. For her to say that to you, whether in anger, frustration or whatever the situation, is cruel.

I am one of the women on here that cannot handle a large penis. My anatomy makes it extremely uncomfortable bordering on pain. I am lucky that my husband is not packing 8 inches and 2 around, because I don't know how we'd handle sex.

I have so much trouble with it, that I don't have dildo's. They're all too big and uncomfortable. Do I want one. Hell yes, because they look like fun. Would it make my husband feel inadequate seeing me using an 8" one? Probably. Because he's not carrying 8". Would I use one? If it fit, sure. Just because I don't know what it would feel like, I'd love to see what it would be like.

But the bottom line is, if he was carrying 8" I'd find a way around my discomfort. Your wife if she was caring about your feelings would find a way around what you were born with.

Women are built in a way that most of us 85% or more do not orgasm from penetration alone. We need clitoral stimulation. If we're getting that, we're able to have orgasms.

You are giving her that. And as Mik said that's more than most women get. Read some of the posts on here. A high majority are from women that can't orgasm because they or their partner aren't giving them the clitoral stimulation that they need.

Most men, until they are in a sexual relationship, have the belief that the bigger the penis, the more their partners will get off. I am telling you that's not true. Like I said I am built differently. I can't have orgasms just from penetration. I am so fortunate that my husband spends time manually or orally working to help me have an orgasm.

If he lost his penis today (god forbid because I think that would be horrific for a man) I would not care. Because that's not the center of my pleasure.

If you are intent on staying with her, the only suggestion I have for you, is let her pick a dildo and use it on her. BUT... and this is the "but" in my eyes.. she needs to do a few things in exchange for that.

She needs to start doing what YOU need. You want oral, she's not giving it to you. I personally would stop doing that for her until she starts reciprocating. But that's another topic all together.

She also needs to stop the name calling. It's cruel and it's sick. How would she like it if you called her "'grand canyon"? You both should think about counseling. Because as Iha said this isn't all sexual, something else is playing into this. Sex is a mirror of the relationship.

But please do NOT feel bad about what you were born with. Not every guy out there is King Dong. Women that love their partners, love ALL of them. No matter if what they have is what they think they might want. They're satisfied and their partners are perfect for them.

Please don't stop posting here. You can help alot of people by being here.

[Guest eminatic]

personally i find it a turn off when guys get so hung up about size. it only BECOMES a problem if YOU think it is and therefore make it a problem.

[ohshelly]

If you need support, Eddy, you are in the right place.

Name calling should end on the playground, there is nothing constructive in it.

Please don't leave, and don't be embarassed. We are all here to improve ourselves and learn.

[whiskeywoman]

Ok, here is my take on the whole situation...

First off, your wife should have realized before yalls said your I DO's, that you were not John Holmes.

She made her vows to YOU not your penis.

And she is chastising you for this? that is her fuck up, not yours.

Secondly, I applaud you for doing everything humanly possible for tryign to make your wife happy.

This is a very rare thing to find in a partner.

Thirdly, your wife has some sort of a personal isue gong on, she makes you feel like shit to make herself feel better.

Now, name calling should NEVER enter an argument.

That is rule number 1 of arguing NEVER CALL YOUR SO NAMES OR BELITTLE THEM!!

I seriously suggest some counseling or some sort of couples therapy.

[Amylynn920]

Ok, here is my take on the whole situation...

First off, your wife should have realized before yalls said your I DO's, that you were not John Holmes.

She made her vows to YOU not your penis.

And she is chastising you for this? that is her fuck up, not yours.

Secondly, I applaud you for doing everything humanly possible for tryign to make your wife happy.

This is a very rare thing to find in a partner.

Thirdly, your wife has some sort of a personal isue gong on, she makes you feel like shit to make herself feel better.

Now, name calling should NEVER enter an argument.

That is rule number 1 of arguing NEVER CALL YOUR SO NAMES OR BELITTLE THEM!!

I seriously suggest some counseling or some sort of couples therapy.

Perfectly stated Ww.

[schlingel]

Ok, here is my take on the whole situation...

First off, your wife should have realized before yalls said your I DO's, that you were not John Holmes.

She made her vows to YOU not your penis.

And she is chastising you for this? that is her fuck up, not yours.

Secondly, I applaud you for doing everything humanly possible for tryign to make your wife happy.

This is a very rare thing to find in a partner.

Thirdly, your wife has some sort of a personal isue gong on, she makes you feel like shit to make herself feel better.

Now, name calling should NEVER enter an argument.

That is rule number 1 of arguing NEVER CALL YOUR SO NAMES OR BELITTLE THEM!!

I seriously suggest some counseling or some sort of couples therapy.

I thank you all for the support and I think this last makes the most sense - therapy. but, I must say I wasn't necessarily looking for encouragement for me and my “condition”, but rather what this all means in relationship to my wife. What I’m most afraid of, after all these years, is that we can no longer communicate. Everyone goes through rough times and arguments, but this latest tact of hers is somewhat recent - in the past 5 years or so. Is this something that can be overcome, or in your collective opinions, does it speak to the larger (smaller, in this case) issue? Whether she is lashing out or speaking the truth, I don’t care. I just want to know if I can turn it around. I don’t pretend to be an expert in 40+ year old women and their sexual maturation. I just love sex and try to help her enjoy it – more and more

Thanks again

[schlingel]

#1. Nobody, deserves to be belittled and degraded the way you say you have...Nobody!! It is emotional Rape, Period!

#2. It seems like you want to save the relationship...Does she?

#3. If she does, then IMHO y'all need to get involved is some serious counseling because YOU are not gonna be able to turn this around by yourself.

#4. You seem to be making this all about HER happiness and satisfaction...what about yours?

you gotta be kiddin. give me some lotion and 2 min in the bathroom, and i'm good. it's been that way for a while. geez, i hope this isn't coming acrooss as pathetic as is sounds, but it's where am at right now. and for the record, my wife really is a great person and i love being with her (bedroom notwithstanding). i'm just struggling with balancing between spicing things up and being a perv/sicko/whatever to her. as for counseling, i'm kinda thinking that's gonna be a stretch (i've asked before). but i'll keep pounding away

[pappyld04]

Whether this can be fixed is something better decided by someone who is able to see and discuss things as they are brought into the circle of trust. This is definitely not a DIY project.

[Amylynn920]

you gotta be kiddin. give me some lotion and 2 min in the bathroom, and i'm good. it's been that way for a while. geez, i hope this isn't coming acrooss as pathetic as is sounds, but it's where am at right now. and for the record, my wife really is a great person and i love being with her (bedroom notwithstanding). i'm just struggling with balancing between spicing things up and being a perv/sicko/whatever to her. as for counseling, i'm kinda thinking that's gonna be a stretch (i've asked before). but i'll keep pounding away

Let me see, you say you are coming across as a perv/sicko/whatever to her.

What is she coming across as to you? A nice person that calls you peanut or likens the sensation of sex as a pencil? And this has been going on the last 5 years? If you choose to stay in a relationship where you're belittled in the bedroom that's solely up to you, but stop saying that you're a perv or a sicko because you care about her.

I am not a counselor by any means, but why on earth would you even want to be in that situation? It sounds like she has beaten you so low you don't see why it's even wrong on so many levels.

[Kinky Twinkie]

ok,

so here we are. the wife learning to masturbate, and me, well that's the last obstacle. i've been advised on this forum that i'm too bitter and possibly overbearing at times when it comes to the wife. so here it is. not so easy, but hey anonymity is bliss - or something like that. in 21 years of not being able to pleasure my wife during intercourse, i've had plenty of time to reflect on this, it comes down to size. yes, manual and oral sex gets her off - thank god, or she probably would have left me by now, but...the bottom line is (gulp), i'm no porn star. i'm waaaay less than average at, maybe 4 inches - rock hard (that is if the stars are aligned and the ruler is defective, but nonetheless significantly sub-par). now before you start in with "size doesn't matter", consider this: a) she's been married before (5 years and 11 days before me), we've both seen enough in the real world to know the definition of 'small' and c) she's told me herself. now c) is very hard to imagine, so let me explain. she now claims it was only to be mean, during arguments and such - which there have been plenty of in 20+ years. but i know the truth. many times in recent years (until now, now that i finally said how hurtfull i find it) she has referred to me as peanut or pencil. specifically, "it's such a peanut" or "it feels like a pencil". now, when it started, i kinda got off on the humiliation of it - i mean, what choice did i have. but now, as i reflect on it, it really breaks my heart. i've tried to be the best husband/father i can be, and though she tells me it was merely lashing out, i know the truth.

so, i've tried every toy on the market - dildos, vibrators, even strap-ons (not real comfortable btw) and still nothing. i want to please her, but that's just not gonna happen during intercourse. is there anything you guys (yeah, right) have come across that might bridge this gap? this is why i have SERIOUSLY considered, and offered to her, the possibility of a 3-way/swapping/lesbo/whatever experience to get past this. bottom line: i love my wife and hate coming up short (ok, pun intended) in bed. any ideas?

for me personally I would be looking for a new wife or get some serious counseling, dosnt sound like she all that nice a person if she does this kind of thing. As for sex, you have enoough to hit that G spot and that what most women like now what is it sexually that has satisfied her before? I have yet to hear many women say it was length. In fact I think the problem with most men in the size dept is because they read and look at to much porn in their youth that they believe some of these actors have more then they really do, and the mantra is introduced to us that bigger is better which has become a advertising campaign in just about everything we want to sale from food, cars, houses, etc. Before film, I bet most people never thought about size being an issue. Never knew it exsisted in the world of sex I bet.

Counseling I think is your best bet but the threesome idea and swinging I thik I would leave that one alone right where it is now

Glenn

[cybele]

Eddy,

Truthfully, everyone who has posted in the above has said it better than I could.

I'm just posting to let you know that there are probably many more people who agree.

First of all, I've been with a man who was not "average" size... but let me tell you, that certainly didn't stop the pleasure factor. First of all, I can't handle a "big" man either - but I knew his size beforehand. Did that stop me? No. His personality, flirting meter, foreplay - all were a "huge" turn on. Pun intended. We had some phenomenal times.

I see from your posts that you love your wife and want to make it work. But purposely being cruel, when you've told her that it hurts, is not cool. She needs to learn to stick with issues. Name calling went out in 2nd grade (and btw, I never tolerated my kids calling other kids names even in 2nd grade).

Honestly, I think that your wife is fortunate to have someone who is so intent on pleasuring her. I wish she knew that.

Don't let this be your last post - especially if you enjoy coming here and learning with us all. You seem to fit in just right here - very caring, compassionate, and sexy.

-Cyb

[mystofpric]

Eddie~

I first have to ask, vbecause I think I understtood this correctly, she's been insulting your penis size for 5 years?! how can you stand that? I mean, it jsut doesn't make sense. My daddy taught me you never kicka guy there, that goes for verbally.

It sounds little like verbal abuse. I mean, you are clearly trying to please her, and your willing to try everything possible. Does she try to please you? I mean, sure you can rub one out in 2 minutes but that's not what sex is about. It's about mutal pleasure and, yes, respect. I mean it takes a lot to get naked in front of someone and she clearly has no repsect for you.

As soon as he gets home I'd have a marriage counseling appointment set up. Don't ambush her with it but don't let her out of it either. I don't presume to know what a 40-something year old's sexual journal is like (in teh grand scheme of things I'm still not that far from teh start) but thisdoesn't seem like growth at all. Sure she now masturbates. Good. But what is she doing to grow as your partner? Your here trying to see what more you can do, where is she?

You clearly deserve the best and I would hate to see you leave.

Suzy

[Tyger]

"Rubbing one out" in 2 min. or less is pretty common. The length of a masturbation session has NO connection to the size/length of your penis. Masturbation is for self-satisfaction, and is about the quick release (usually), so for it to be a quickie, is very common. You need to let your wife know she needs to open her eyes to Real Life. MEN MASTUBATE, period!! I don't know too many men that DON'T masturbate, whether they're in a sexually satisfying relationship or not. If she thinks that you're a freak for doing so, then SHE'S the one that needs a lesson, and you are NOT a freak. So, get that OUT of your mind.

Oh, and she's "only" been insulting your manhood for 5 years?? C'mon, do you know how bad that really is? 5 years is waaaay too long. Once is almost forgivable, but 5 years?? I mean, hey, why not insult your kids too, but only for 5 yrs. After all, that's such a short period of time, it won't affect them much. While we're at it, let's insult the boss.....for 5 yrs. Think you'd have that long to do so? Do you see how that sounds when someone else writes it?

It's wonderful that you want to work on the relationship, but your WIFE has to be willing to do the same, and compromises need to be made on BOTH sides. Working on it can't be one-sided, or it just won't work. If she's not going to be willing to do that (40 yrs old or not), then she needs to grow up, and figure out what she wants, probably alone. If there's no respect or compromise, and a fear that you can't discuss things, or have a simple argument cuz you will be insulted, then there's no true relationship. So, is it possible to fix it? I guess that depends on how far she's willing to go and how much she's willing to change the negative behavior.