Less Of A Rant And More Of A Question

[mystofpric]

I'm 22, I rent the upstairs two rooms from my mom's boyfriend. $200 a month, and I pretty much buy my own food. I work 44hours a week, opposite schedule from my mom and her boyfriend. I came home from work tonight to see my bedroom light on, odd as I know I didn't trun it on at 1:30 in teh afternoon. MAybe I forgot. I come upstairs to find mom has been on my computer (not out of teh ordinary) But if she was up here this evening why didn't see notice my bedroom light being on and turn it off? Why? Because you need to have light when your snooping. So here's my question: What do I do? Do I password block my computer so she has no reason to come up here? Do I key lock my bedroom? DO i tell her to keep her grubby paws off mah stuff? Mom has a history of snooping in people's things. She thinks this is how you find out what people are up to. Well if she was looking for drugs or proof that I'm have an illeict affair, all she found was a drawer full of toys and dead batteries. I hope she was shocked. Serves her right.

[Amylynn920]

First off you are 22 and effectively renting. A lock on your bedroom door should be there. But.. since you are renting from them they would retain a master key. Same as a landlord/tenant and should not be entering without your permission.

You can password protect your computer but if you were always sharing it, you would probably be asked why.

You can set the computer up to separate accounts, in your control panel I believe, each user gets passwords and what they see is their individual settings. She sees her things, you see yours. You would have administrator capability.

The issue here tho is one of trust. Apparently it has been broken. I would have a serious talk.

Then I would start saving and get your own place. As long as you live at home, rules unfortunately will always bend as far as your rights. I know living on your own is expensive but until you do nothing will ever be truly yours.

Good luck.

[cmwise1]

I would ask first..there might be a good reason (?). Then I would get a lock for the door. I would retain the key. If they fussed, I would move out. You need your privacy, emotionally and physically. If you are paying rent, you are paying for those things. Good luck! A studio would be better than snooping.

[Mikayla1]

I think everyone has made some great points. You are 22 - a legal adult by a few years AND you are PAYING to live there! Even if, IF, you were not paying, she has not right to invade your privacy. Many parents are of the opinion that it is 'thier house, their right - or, their child, their right" - and I believe that when it comes to teenagers that you suspect might be in trouble, not snooping just to snoop.

My Mom always told us, 'never leave anything in plain sight that you don't want found or read.' Fair enough. If you put it away or hide it, it is private. She never snooped on us. Even when I told her that my bro was selling pot she never snooped. She should have, in that instance, cause he was gonna get in some major trouble.

The point is, you have an expectation of privacy, as you are renting, but you also have less of an expectation because you still live witih your parents. I know, it is sort of a double edged sword here. basically, she is probably not gonna stop snooping so take action. get a lock, password protect your computer, put little notes in the drawers and under the bed that say, "Sorry MOm, nothing her but the dust bunnies." Or "if you are looking for my vibrator, it is in the bathroom drawer."

Take away the thrill of her snooping, and perhaps she will stop.

[Tyger]

^Ditto!

Put a lock on the door, and if she says anything, tell her that you just want to feel that much more safer. You deserve privacy. She wants to use a computer so bad, she can get one for herself.

Snooping is a pet peeve of mine. Hell, my hubby gets TONS of privacy from me, and I expect a certain amount of privacy (which is NOT the same as hiding something) too.

[mystofpric]

The computer thing never bothered me, I password blocked all my files so she can't get into them no matter how racey the title (and I do that on purpose I have an internet file titled porn on my desktop, i don't even remember what it drives her nuts). Until yesterday I had no idea that she would be snooping, I'm a really open person and all she's have to do is ask. I can't do drugs, I get drug tested at work, so that's out. and My printer dies so my mney laundrying busness dried up. Plus i keep this place in as much of a messy state as I can stand becuase it keeps her out of here. (this places needs to be picked up bad but then she'll be up here more). I'm going to be honest I'm afraid to talk to her, not that she's scary but our tempers are and one us will end up seriously (emotionally) hurt. I moved out last time because she refused to let me have a bedroom door (I was 20 and paying rent then too). I'm going to go buy a locking knob and tell her i have it on there because of the dogs (who have managed to eat easily $200 worth of clothing shoes and other belongings).

[whiskeywoman]

I think getting a lock for your door because of the dogs is a very good idea.....but..........yeah you knew this was coming.

If the dogs are in your room, and something happens (heaven forbid) they would need a key to get them out quickly.

So, a lock would pretty much be pointless.

You really don't have anything to hide, so, you have nothing to be worried about.

However, if you are uncomfortable with the idea of her finding your toys.... I suggest getting a small lock box, or maybe a steamer trunk, and put a pad lock on it.

that way, the dogs can not get into it and destroy your toys, nor can your mom or her B/f get into it.

Oh, and lots of the older foot lockers, are made of metal, so the dog can't eat it....LOL

[chloegirl]

Times are hard now, but even if you can only afford a tiny little place of your own, I'd say it's time. At 22 you deserve to be treated with the same respect and privacy that any adult demands and sometimes a mother/daughter relationship is just too close to allow for that if you're living together....maybe Mama just can't accept the fact that you're grown up now and then again maybe she's not necessarily snooping but still, your room and stuff should be off limits without an invite. Stand up for your rights now in a way that will still keep your relationship with Mom good but I'd make plans to get free fast!

[mystofpric]

Well I was on my own, but I get massively depressed when I'm alone, so It's sadly healthier for me here unless i can find a roommate that I can actually get along with. Plus you can't beat the commute, lioterally two minute if i get stuck behind someone who can't drive. The locking door is to keep the dogs OUT, i need to protect my stuff. I'm less worried about mom finding anything, like i said i hope it shocked teh hell out of her when she found a drawer full of toys and dead batteries.

Mom and I aren't close at all, way too similar to be friends. PLus I always wanted to the mother daughter thing, not another friend. I'm mean if i have an issue i know i can go to her, but generally I don't gush about all teh details of my day because it's usally just I got up went potty showeed ate and went to work. If there is a a guy that i'm slightly serious about I'll tell her other wise I keep my flings to myself.

I think what bugs me teh most if that she felt like she had a right to snoop. I know she did when my little sister lived here, but then again we were concerned that she was going to run off with some dude fresh from jail. Me though, I'm too busy fighting injustice at work to run off with nay one.

I've only lived here since January and I was hoping to make it a year so that way I'd have some cash saved for emergencies. Mom know that this is the plan, though she also knows I'm terrible with money and have trouble saving it. I dunno. I think I'm just going to beat her with the bad mom stick until she realizes that she has no buisiness in my room. The computer room? Fine, I don't keep anything private in there, but stay out of my bedroom.

[Guest cockney]

I'm 22, I rent the upstairs two rooms from my mom's boyfriend. $200 a month, and I pretty much buy my own food. I work 44hours a week, opposite schedule from my mom and her boyfriend. I came home from work tonight to see my bedroom light on, odd as I know I didn't trun it on at 1:30 in teh afternoon. MAybe I forgot. I come upstairs to find mom has been on my computer (not out of teh ordinary) But if she was up here this evening why didn't see notice my bedroom light being on and turn it off? Why? Because you need to have light when your snooping. So here's my question: What do I do? Do I password block my computer so she has no reason to come up here? Do I key lock my bedroom? DO i tell her to keep her grubby paws off mah stuff? Mom has a history of snooping in people's things. She thinks this is how you find out what people are up to. Well if she was looking for drugs or proof that I'm have an illeict affair, all she found was a drawer full of toys and dead batteries. I hope she was shocked. Serves her right.

Yup, its a serious invasion of your privacy (renting or not renting from Mum's BF). It might be time to just move out. Your place will truly be yours. You are still young, but an adult none the less. You have a full time job. Reward yourself with your own place. Piece of mind is the least you deserve.

Yes it may cost more money, but you can spend less time being mad at Mum, and worrying that you privacy is being violated. Be gentle on her though. Its not like there is an expiration date on when she supposed to stop caring about you.

Oh whose that behind you? Oh Hi Mum.

[pappyld04]

As a landlord I can tell you that there is only one reason for a person to enter your space. The only moral reason for them to use a key is if you have misplaced your own. There are a few legal reasons but it also jeopardizes the relationship with your tenants. If I were you I would go to your mother and tell her that you need to use the phone to call the police since you suspect that someone has been in your space. This will definitely bring the subject into the open and either get an answer or possibly stop this behavior.

[ladylove]

You are 22 and renting space in your moms boyfriend house. You have every right to expect for your right to privacy to be protected. I would talk to your landlord and explain to him you understand this may put him in a very awkward situation, but you expect privacy at all costs, if he can't he needs to install a lock on the door for you. Also, You also need to have a heart to heart with your mom and tell her you understand she may have your best interest at heart, but you are 22 and expect to be treated like an adult, which means she need to respect your privacy and stay out of your stuff.

lastly, you need to password protect your stuff until you can be sure you have the privacy you desire.

I'm so sorry you feel your space has been invaded, I hope you are able get quick results. Good luck!