Sexperts

[Beavis]

Ok I know I'm going to get she's too young or she should talk to her parents but please just help me. So my best/closest friend who is 16, asked me to help her ready for sex. As in she wants me to help her get condoms, lubes, info and such. Well I'm freaking out and I'm scared for her. I trust her but I've had friends who have had oops and and close calls. She wont go to her parents at all and if I don't help her then the only person she can turn to is a friend of hers who is in the same boat as her. So I would like the help and advice of my fellow much more educated members on here. What do I do as far as shopping? What do I say? How do I help with out making it 100% akward? Is there a place where she can get bc without her parents?

[sun_flower969]

As far as birth control pills she could go to Planned Parenthood. See if there is one in your area. I do believe they help with that stuff. If she has a gynecologist she could just get it there but since she is 16 I wonder if her parents still have the right to know or if it is under the HIPA act of patient confidentiality. You are a good friend!

[ToyQueen]

Korn, you do know what we will tell you. That being said, most health departments will provide girls with condoms, and possibly other birth control methods.

[Mikayla1]

Planned parenthood is the best place to go. In the meantime, go to Wal-Mart and buy some condoms and spermicidal gels. STRESS the importance of BC with her!!! Between STDs and pregnancy, she needs to be protected - also, talk about emotional protection. She is young to be having sex, is she sure she is ready? Is she in love? Ready for rejection. Cover all the bases.

[Beavis]

I will have her read articals on here but she is too young to become a member. I forgot planned parenthood. Thank you. There is one thats in walking distance now that I remember it so that helps. She's only 16 so her parents have the right to know and her doctors aren't allowed yet to keep it hush hush. You have to be 18. I am going to make sure she knows to always carry a couple condoms when she goes to have sex. I will make sure she understands STD's to the fullest. I'm going to have her plan on what to do if there is a whoops. She says she's ready but I think she will be more ready at 18. Should I go over masturbation?

[sun_flower969]

She says she's ready but I think she will be more ready at 18. Should I go over masturbation?

I don't think you can relate to her! I mean I think she would need a girls perspective on that one... Not to sound closed minded.

[Tyger]

I must say that you're a good friend, and yes, she is too young, and you could get into some serious trouble, if she decides to protect her BF, and make you the source of attention, if this gets out of hand. (Yeah, yeah....I know, "she'd never do that" and blah blah, but those things happen everyday.)That said, condoms, lubes, and stuff, absolutely! Planned parenthood is a fantastic idea, and I don't believe that the parents have to be informed unless their insurance is going to be billed, due to confidentiality and all that, even if she is 16.

Best wishes!

[Shariana]

HIPAA protects at ALL ages. The only way her parents would know is if their insurance was billed or if the medical care provider violated HIPAA or if someone that knows her (not a health care professional) saw and told.

All medical professionals MUST adhere to HIPAA except when reporting to the police (under certain circumstances) or to other medical professionals that will continue care.

Planned Parenthood gives out free condoms, lube, and in some areas give free STD testing, pregnancy testing, and gynecological exams. Some school nurse's offices and school counselors give out condoms, but if she wants to be more anonymous, planned parenthood is the way to go.

[ToyQueen]

HIPAA protects at ALL ages. The only way her parents would know is if their insurance was billed or if the medical care provider violated HIPAA or if someone that knows her (not a health care professional) saw and told.

All medical professionals MUST adhere to HIPAA except when reporting to the police (under certain circumstances) or to other medical professionals that will continue care.

Planned Parenthood gives out free condoms, lube, and in some areas give free STD testing, pregnancy testing, and gynecological exams. Some school nurse's offices and school counselors give out condoms, but if she wants to be more anonymous, planned parenthood is the way to go.

Unless the underage child is emancipated, it is not against HIPAA to discuss medical issues with parents. The issue with underage teenagers can be a problem, but with insurance issues expecially, parents need to know. There is an age of consent that requires parents to know medical issues.

That is why planned parenthood or the local health department is a good option.

[angelkisses98]

good for you for wanting to help sweetie!! i dont have anything more to add then the advise you have already been given. and yes, i agree, 16 is to young. your doing the only thing you can do really, and thats just being a good friend, and making sure she has everything she needs to be safe.

[johnwilliams15241]

be carefull this is risky she is underage,if her parents found out you bought her these things they would

say your corrupting their daughter...just tell her to buy the items at ...walmart thru a self check out...

is she close to her mother?can she talk to her mother about this? most at that age think of it as

a conquest to nail as many as they can before prom...she has to talk to her family or if she can't at

least she can buy everything thru a self checkout at walmart on her own...you can be nice and give

her money but she has to buy it all,this way your not really involved directly...at least she confided

in you,they are going to do what they want anyway they think they know everything.at least she won't

get knocked up or catch anything...

[Beavis]

It's ok sun. I understand and youre not being closed minded. but should I tell her she should start so that way she can get stretched? I just had sex with a girl who has sex before but when I would penetrate her she would moan oww. I pulled out but she said no I like it. She was tight. My first girl wasn't that tight. So should be start stretching so it's not so painful even if her first guy isn't that big like me.(I'm not big just average)

I'm not sure I follow Tyger.

Sorry Shariana but her doctors are allowed to tell her parents. I just started to go to a new doctor and one of her questions was do I smoke? Before I asked I said will you tell my parents? She said being that you're 18 my patient info is to remain between her and I and that if I was under 18 that would be different.

School nurses and counselors will end up telling her parents too.

Thanks for reminding me of planned parenthood. I already told her if she wants me to not tell her parents then she is to follow this. She must talk to her sexually active friends for help, to learn form our mistakes and heed our advice. I may not be an adult-adult or an expert but I do know a bit more than her and I have you all of you great people to help me. Thank you. I just hope she waits.

[Shariana]

Sorry Shariana but her doctors are allowed to tell her parents. I just started to go to a new doctor and one of her questions was do I smoke? Before I asked I said will you tell my parents? She said being that you're 18 my patient info is to remain between her and I and that if I was under 18 that would be different.

That's bizarre... after I was 14 or so, my parents were always asked to leave during the question portion of my exam and told me none would ever be told my answers. Even in working as an EMT we are not allowed to have parents in the back (unless the child is very young or requests it) and we aren't allowed to give any information out without expressed consent from the patient.

[ToyQueen]

That's bizarre... after I was 14 or so, my parents were always asked to leave during the question portion of my exam and told me none would ever be told my answers. Even in working as an EMT we are not allowed to have parents in the back (unless the child is very young or requests it) and we aren't allowed to give any information out without expressed consent from the patient.

As a parent, I am not required to leave the room when my children under age 18 are questioned. I have a legal right to be there. I am a nurse, and when we transport patients, the parent is not allowed to be in the back of an ambulance because of liability. Some parents are also a bigger hindrance to necessary care. And as the parent of a child, I have a right to know everything about my child's health and health care. Those are my legal rights as parent, guardian, and decision maker. A child under age 18 is not LEGALLY able to make decisions regarding medical care on their own, unless they are emancipated.

[pappyld04]

Korn since noone else has pointed out the other side of this I will. You should be telling this girl about abstinance also!!!!!!!

[LoveGoddess]

As a parent, I am not required to leave the room when my children under age 18 are questioned. I have a legal right to be there. I am a nurse, and when we transport patients, the parent is not allowed to be in the back of an ambulance because of liability. Some parents are also a bigger hindrance to necessary care. And as the parent of a child, I have a right to know everything about my child's health and health care. Those are my legal rights as parent, guardian, and decision maker. A child under age 18 is not LEGALLY able to make decisions regarding medical care on their own, unless they are emancipated.

confidentiality rights of minors vary from state to state. Some states will allow confidential treatment of minors for birthcontrol, pregnancy, abortion, etc without parental consent, and others do not. Know your state laws. Planned parenthood, and public health centers are good resources for this information. Regardless of the parents beliefs, some laws may trump these "parental rights" if the child under 18 is seeking confidential treatment. (again this varies depending on the individual state laws.)

[Tyger]

What I meant was that you really should be careful. If her parents are the kind that would freak out at someone else helping their daughter plan to have sex, with whatever intentions they may be (helpful in your case), and you could get into trouble. Or, if they found out that she had sex, she could very easily say it was you, so as not to get her BF in trouble. And, I'm sure you're thinking "Oh, she'd NEVER do that to ME", but, trust me darlin', many women lie to save their BF's ass, not thinking of the ramifications of their actions until much later.

And, it is true that many states differ. Some states will not allow a medical caregiver to disclose any treatments, IF the patient specifically asks them not too, then they usually can't. Some states allow kids to make their own medical decisions. Like, for instance, in Maine, a child over the age of 13 can refuse treatments, such as refusing medications that would help behavioral problems, even if the parents insist, there's nothing the doctor can do, the child says NO, and so they can't treat. I'm sure in cases of life or death, yes, they can disclose. Just ask Froggystyle, she's having very similar issues with one of her kids.

It's not up to you to find out those things, it's the job of the perspective patient.

Chances are, she would be best off at a Planned Parenthood. Not only will they provide what she needs, but they can educate her on things that can happen, STDs, pregnancy, and so on. Don't get me wrong, her asking for help is GREAT, however, she needs a more educated person to explain how things are, and are sure of the answers. You've asked some great questions in the past, and I am in no way downing you, but you are young, and still are pretty unaware of what's out there, what can happen, and how exactly it can. So, her going to PP would really be the best option all around, IMHO.

[Beavis]

Pappy if I could I would explain to you why I cant get abstinence through to her. I've tried but she is extremely stubborn. I might not be the right person but right now I'm the only who is talking to her about sex. If I don't talk to her about it then the worst could happen much worse than if I do talk to her(hope that makes sense).

I will just take her to PP. and help the best I can. PP is the best I can help so that is where I'm sending her.

Honestly Tyger me defending her like that didn't cross my mind now that you have helped me understand what you ment. That never occured to me that, that might happen. great point and now I see what you meen and that could happen. I hope it wont but there is a good chance it will.

No worries Tyger you haven't hurt my feelings and that is why I have come here for help. Like I stated before I know a bit more than her but not as much my fellow members on here, plus that is why I'm going to take her to planned parenthood. The best I can do is make sure she gets fully informed and make sure she sets ground rules and sticks to them. The biggest thing I'm going to stress is always use a condom. No matter what the situation always use a condom. I will make note of when she gets her first box and make sure that even if they aren't used that 6 months before that expiration date or even sooner that she gets a new box and tosses out the old. also I will make sure she knows that before use to check the expiration on the condom if its the guys and that if he stored it in his wallet to use one of hers.

[mystofpric]

I will have her read articals on here but she is too young to become a member. I forgot planned parenthood. Thank you. There is one thats in walking distance now that I remember it so that helps. She's only 16 so her parents have the right to know and her doctors aren't allowed yet to keep it hush hush. You have to be 18. I am going to make sure she knows to always carry a couple condoms when she goes to have sex. I will make sure she understands STD's to the fullest. I'm going to have her plan on what to do if there is a whoops. She says she's ready but I think she will be more ready at 18. Should I go over masturbation?

Like LovGoddess said, check into state laws, a phone call to Planned Parenthood would solve all of your questions there. Most states though, i believe, give rights to the female minor for her reproductive health and parents have no legal right or need to know. I know here they even mask it on the Insurence and mail. Also if she can go without her parents and she is afraid to use their insurence PPh can help with the costs too. Either way she should talk to to a doctor, even if it's juts a sit down (PPh doesn't charge for that).

I will say, as someone who made all her own decisions on her own, if she can, fear aside, she needs to talk to her parents. It will save her headache and embaressment later.

PS the rule of thumb with condoms is always use your own. That's what I was taught, not guy were probably taught teh same but tell her to stick to her guns about it, peice of mind.

And seriously, worst comes to worst she's 16, probably has a period, tell her to talk to mom, tell mom that her best friend told her that she got put on BC because it regulates her periods and she would like that too instead of never knowing when it's coming until gym class. Little white lie, doubt mom will buy it but if mom has 1/2 a brain in her head she'll take her in.

In addition to have BC she needs to start having regular exams too. No exam, no sex, that's what I tell girls. My doctor told me that you need to start getting them when you become sexually active so that they know what your look like healthy and you have a strong history in case anything happens. Also most doctors won;t give BC without it.

[froggystyle1977]

I agree with the others as far as taking her to planned parenthood. As far as talking to her about masterbation don't do it and stretching to prepair for sex is not a good idea!!

As far as patient rights go, In maine its not 13 its actually age 11, if a child over 11 asks a parent to leave the room to speak alone with the doctor, the doctor cannot legally tell the parents what is said. this is in most states the age may vary 11,13, 15, 16 it all depends on the state. Parent rights do not trump patient rights!! ALL PARENTSA NEED TO BE AWARE OF THE LAWS IN THEIR STATE!!!! I found this out by accident I had no clue my son could refuse treatment or tell me to leave!! If the kids find out before the parents, then parents can be caught off guard. There is a reason alot of states are trying to pass laws that abortions under 18 be reported to parents, because laws already give teens patient rights and without a law that states things specifically then the law on the books stands.

Korn though you say she can't speak to her parents, if I were you I would try to keep mentioning it. mabye at some point it will sink in.

[pappyld04]

Pappy if I could I would explain to you why I cant get abstinence through to her. I've tried but she is extremely stubborn. I might not be the right person but right now I'm the only who is talking to her about sex. If I don't talk to her about it then the worst could happen much worse than if I do talk to her(hope that makes sense).

I will just take her to PP. and help the best I can. PP is the best I can help so that is where I'm sending her.

Honestly Tyger me defending her like that didn't cross my mind now that you have helped me understand what you ment. That never occured to me that, that might happen. great point and now I see what you meen and that could happen. I hope it wont but there is a good chance it will.

No worries Tyger you haven't hurt my feelings and that is why I have come here for help. Like I stated before I know a bit more than her but not as much my fellow members on here, plus that is why I'm going to take her to planned parenthood. The best I can do is make sure she gets fully informed and make sure she sets ground rules and sticks to them. The biggest thing I'm going to stress is always use a condom. No matter what the situation always use a condom. I will make note of when she gets her first box and make sure that even if they aren't used that 6 months before that expiration date or even sooner that she gets a new box and tosses out the old. also I will make sure she knows that before use to check the expiration on the condom if its the guys and that if he stored it in his wallet to use one of hers.

I'm sure there is a reason and like Tyger I'm more concerned about the trouble this could bring down on you! She has a VERY valid point in saying what she has!

[Beavis]

Froggy, thanks we will look into that soon. Ok don't have her masturbate. It's not that she can't talk to them it's that she won't. She can bring it up with her mom at any point cause her mom told her that when she gets ready to become sexually active to let her mom know so she can get her on b/c. For some reason she wont tell her mom. I will do what you said and repeatively tell her to go talk to her mom.

I agree pappy Tyger has a great point. and I'm not going to dodge it and I'm not going to say that won't happen. I know damn well it could. Right now sex hasn't come up. She's distracted with school and the campainge(stupid fucking dad). Plus the new subject that has come up is her and I being roommates. It's a good idea and a not so good one all at the same time.

[pappyld04]

Keep in mind that contributing to the delinquency is a very broad term!

[mystofpric]

Froggy, thanks we will look into that soon. Ok don't have her masturbate. It's not that she can't talk to them it's that she won't. She can bring it up with her mom at any point cause her mom told her that when she gets ready to become sexually active to let her mom know so she can get her on b/c. For some reason she wont tell her mom. I will do what you said and repeatively tell her to go talk to her mom.

I agree pappy Tyger has a great point. and I'm not going to dodge it and I'm not going to say that won't happen. I know damn well it could. Right now sex hasn't come up. She's distracted with school and the campainge(stupid fucking dad). Plus the new subject that has come up is her and I being roommates. It's a good idea and a not so good one all at the same time.

OKay here's my question, your friend is 16, why is she talking about moving out? And do you remember Tyger's warning? If there isn't any tension at home, and no clear reason why she would want out (abuse, constant fighting etc etc) her parents are going to look at you and wonder what you're doing with their little girl that would make her want to move in with you. Be friends, be best friends, but she has to grow up and she has to be able to talk to her parents about not just sex but all of her issues cause, if she wants to move out obviouisly she has some.

[Beavis]

I will thanks pappy.

She wants to move out cause her dad is abusive verbally and somewhat physically and her mom won't stand up to him for fear of the same thing. She wants her parents to divorce and so does her sister but they won't. The reason she wants to move in with me is cause I treat her well and protect her where I can. I'm going to be the one who stands up to her father either once the divorce happens or once she is off at a dorm in college. She has talked to her parents but they won't listen to her. She has tried bringing up things but her parents don't do anything or they do the complete opposite. E.G. when ever she gets sick she asks to stay home to rest and they force her to go to school. She can't stand them having sex when she is awake and they know she is awake, they just think she can't hear them. when she makes plans to hang out her dad tries to stop the plans and make her stay home. Her dad won't help her with school. She has asked him twice to come in and help build the sets to the theatre shows but he says that running for house rep is more important to the family(that was last year and this). She turns to me cause I'm the only person besides her cousin and sister(who both work and don't live close) who keeps my mouth shut around her parents when she wants me to and also I listen and give advice. Whenever she goes out with girls she doesn't invite me and I'm fine with that but when it's boys and girls or a guy she invites me cause I make her feel safe. I personally don't know if I can share a place with her. It's a bit weird to me with me being sexual with men and women.