What Should I Do?

[complete abandon]

I met a man on-line and we hit it off immediately. The openess, passion, erotism and chemistry is stronger than anything I've ever experienced with anyone in my life. We've met but basically just carry on our "relationship" on-line with talk of hooking up whenever he comes back to this part of the country. There's no question about this leading to any full time real-life relationship, just a temporary casual affair thats all about passion and exploration. He's the only one Im interested in and am loyal to and he tells me I'm the only one too. Then I found out in a round about way that he is probably playing with others too in the same way. This shouldn't surprise me given the situation, but it still smarts. It's kind of like being rejected...like I'm not enough or something, even though he still comes around everyday and acts just as attentive as ever.

There are no rules set here. Don't expect this to lead to a life-long future together, but I can't help it. I am hurt that I know for a fact that he is "looking" or "talking" to other women, even though he tells me he's not and he does make contact with me every day. The logical part of me tells me to blow him off completely, but another part of me still wants him and I tell myself just go along with this as long as I feel the inclination and just not let myself get too emotionally involved. It's nothing but temporary game anyway and I knew it going in.

The man is apparently a chronic lier and player, but he is so hot and smooth and I'm learning a great deal about myself through our play. Do you think it's ok to keep on playing for awhile knowing all this and just using him for the excitement and physical relief as he is using me (and god knows who else!) or does this make me a pathetic loser? Should I just walk away completely? What should I do?

[sun_flower969]

I met a man on-line and we hit it off immediately. The openess, passion, erotism and chemistry is stronger than anything I've ever experienced with anyone in my life. We've met but basically just carry on our "relationship" on-line with talk of hooking up whenever he comes back to this part of the country. There's no question about this leading to any full time real-life relationship, just a temporary casual affair thats all about passion and exploration. He's the only one Im interested in and am loyal to and he tells me I'm the only one too. Then I found out in a round about way that he is probably playing with others too in the same way. This shouldn't surprise me given the situation, but it still smarts. It's kind of like being rejected...like I'm not enough or something, even though he still comes around everyday and acts just as attentive as ever.

There are no rules set here. Don't expect this to lead to a life-long future together, but I can't help it. I am hurt that I know for a fact that he is "looking" or "talking" to other women, even though he tells me he's not and he does make contact with me every day. The logical part of me tells me to blow him off completely, but another part of me still wants him and I tell myself just go along with this as long as I feel the inclination and just not let myself get too emotionally involved. It's nothing but temporary game anyway and I knew it going in.

The man is apparently a chronic lier and player, but he is so hot and smooth and I'm learning a great deal about myself through our play. Do you think it's ok to keep on playing for awhile knowing all this and just using him for the excitement and physical relief as he is using me (and god knows who else!) or does this make me a pathetic loser? Should I just walk away completely? What should I do?

I think if you do choose to continue then you should open up yourself to date others as well. If it is casual then treat it as such and you won't get hurt!

[DADT]

You are not a looser. You responded to the thrill of someone taking an interest. And he keeps coming back everyday so you must be pretty exciting. However, you are getting upset. You want to be "the one and only love muffin" for this guy. Sorry to say that may be expecting too much.

You are "virtually" desirable and make him want to comeback to chat and flirt with you. Can you accept that? Can that sustain you? Does that fill the need for attention. Or in the back of your mind will you resent him because you aren't the only woman he pays attention to. If that's how it is then for your own emotional health say goodbye.

[Mikayla1]

There is nothing wrong with this type of exploration. You mention that you are learning a lot about yourself, this is always a good thing. I think as long as it is fun and not causing you pain, then it is a good thing. However, if you are expecting more...and he clearly isn't, it can be a problem later on. Many women simply are NOT made for casual relationships. They quickly get attached, even if via online. We love to hear that we are sexy, fun, intelligent, or whatever, and that brings in feelings of 'desire' or 'love.' Men are not wired that way. This guy is probably getting off with other gals - and if he is, are you OK with it? Chances are, he is not going to get exclusive with you, if he is doing that now. Is that OK? IF so, keep going with it, but if it starts to hurt instead of cause joy, then I say stop.

[complete abandon]

I know I'm making a problem here where one shouldn't exist.

I guess it just goes back to the feeling rejected thing. A little over a year ago I got out of the only real relationship I ever had with a man who was a good guy, but never ever showed any passion for me. In 14 years I never once had an orgasm with him. Never faked one and he never cared or asked and I did everything to try to fix things and talked till we coudn't take it anymore but he just wasn't a sexual man. I mean the man would wipe his hands off if he accidently touched me and I was wet, and the few times I could get him to go down on me you should have seen the look of torture on his face, it was like a raw piece of meat kind of going there, he couldn't even begin to do it right because he didn't enjoy it at all and you can imagine how that made me feel. Even though I know he cared about me I couldn't see spending the rest of my life like that so I left and I don't regret it. I haven't dated much since and this new relationship and everything I've read here has opened up my world. I know I will never settle for less than hot passion again and there is still so much to explore and right now this is the one that I feel like I can go there and explore every aspect of this with. I know I shouldn't feel territorial and just play it the way it was set up, so why do I let my feelings get hurt over it? Can a guy like you, feel passion and desire for you and still want to play or talk with other women? does that take away from the good times that we haave together? I don't want it to end, but I don't want to be a fool.

[DADT]

So don't end it. Just start meeting a few men in the real world. You have to look to find what you really need. Boring but true.

[pappyld04]

Only you can make that choice, but take the time to mull over the good and the bad, and decide whether you want to continue. The sex is obviously good for you and should continue to be as you learn what you like or don't. I would suggest condoms if you aren't using them already to protect yourself. If he plays like you think odds are something could happen.

Only guessing but I feel your X has done a number on your self esteem. His reactions were, I'll say horrid here, and they are burned into your brain. No man or woman who loves their partner would ever do that! Guys like him will continue doing this no matter who he is with.

The new guy does make you feel good while you are together, but I wonder if you were ready for a sex only relationship. Had he been honest up front I don't think you would have kept on. And I sense that the rejected feeling will only get worse with time.

There are guys out there that would put you on a pedestal and treat you great. But you need to find that strong, confident woman inside you and find a man who wants to be there and will not play games.

The more I think about this the sex seems to all you are getting here. While it is a good thing you can get that anywhere. You have something we guys just don't seem to have. And you can still think when you meet someone who carches your fancy!

[complete abandon]

I'm finding it harder to keep up the enthusiasm knowing that he's not putting as much into it as he was because he's spreading himself thin with someone else. What a shame, I thought I would get to experience all these amazing things for the first time but seems it's all just illusion and I know from experience that meeting someone you can click with like that on that level is not likely to happen often. What a dumbass! He'll never find anyone that could be as hot with him as me! And yeah, I still get mad when I think how stupid I was to stay with a frigid man all that time. How pathetic does that make me that I took it. But he wasn't a bad guy other than that so I let the time go by. I hate to think it's too late and that this is all there is for me but I'm not gonna settle. If I'm not attracted to them or feel that chemistry I'm not even going to try because I'm afraid I would end up settling again.

[Tyger]

I know I'm making a problem here where one shouldn't exist.

Yes, you are. You're making more out of an internet fling that necessary. If you KNOW that he is seeing/flirting with other women, and yet you continue to go and let him "cyber" with you, & you with him, and he KNOWS that it bugs you (if he doesn't then you're really expecting too much.) then that's letting him know that it's ok. Since y'all have never really met, there really can be no expectation of a true relaionship anyway. Not unless you BOTH commit to each other, and try and make it work. It can happen.

I guess it just goes back to the feeling rejected thing. A little over a year ago I got out of the only real relationship I ever had with a man who was a good guy, but never ever showed any passion for me. In 14 years I never once had an orgasm with him.

That is truly sad.

Never faked one and he never cared or asked and I did everything to try to fix things and talked till we coudn't take it anymore but he just wasn't a sexual man. I mean the man would wipe his hands off if he accidently touched me and I was wet, and the few times I could get him to go down on me you should have seen the look of torture on his face, it was like a raw piece of meat kind of going there, he couldn't even begin to do it right because he didn't enjoy it at all and you can imagine how that made me feel.

This man was a total ass, IMO.

Even though I know he cared about me (He did? Any man that made you feel disgusting just for being a woman, didnt truly care about you.)I couldn't see spending the rest of my life like that so I left and I don't regret it. I haven't dated much since and this new relationship and everything I've read here has opened up my world. I know I will never settle for less than hot passion again and there is still so much to explore and right now this is the one that I feel like I can go there and explore every aspect of this with. I know I shouldn't feel territorial and just play it the way it was set up, so why do I let my feelings get hurt over it?

Because, as women, we are geared to be in a more steady relationship (nurturing, caregivers and all that stuff). This should be proof to you that you are one of the women that Mikayla spoke of: the kind that isn't geared for casual relationships (one-night stands or FWB situations). This is not a FAULT or flaw, it's just how you are.

Can a guy like you, feel passion and desire for you and still want to play or talk with other women?

Um yes. This is how many married men that have affairs, can do so continually. And that men can"play the field" so much, or cheat on their SO's. Women can feel this way too, BTW. It's just how you handle it. I'm a natural flirt. Sometimes, I have no idea that I do it. Does this mean that I don't love my hubby? Of course not. Or, like how we may have "crushes" on people we work with, and flirt with, but know we're not going to do anything. Committed to someone doesn't mean dead/blind.

does that take away from the good times that we haave together? I don't want it to end, but I don't want to be a fool.

No, this doesn't "take away" from the good times you have together, but, in all honesty, I believe you're expecting a bit too much. This could be a partial "rebound" relationship. Most people go thru something like this when you break up with someone that you've been with for a while. You almost "super-impose" past feelings onto the new person. The new person is the sign of all that's new, possible, and usually put on a really high pedestal that many fall from.

Just please be careful. Have fun, but don't expect too much.

[complete abandon]

No, this doesn't "take away" from the good times you have together, but, in all honesty, I believe you're expecting a bit too much. This could be a partial "rebound" relationship. Most people go thru something like this when you break up with someone that you've been with for a while. You almost "super-impose" past feelings onto the new person. The new person is the sign of all that's new, possible, and usually put on a really high pedestal that many fall from.

Just please be careful. Have fun, but don't expect too much.

You're right....see how I keep going back and forth? Have to keep things in perspective, learn, have fun, and move on! I'll get it together one way or another!

[pappyld04]

You're right....see how I keep going back and forth? Have to keep things in perspective, learn, have fun, and move on! I'll get it together one way or another!

http://forums.tootimid.com/index.php?showt...amp;#entry94642

If you haven't seen the thread on settling yet, it's worth a read!

[chloegirl]

If you can keep it all in the arena of playing and just having a good time why not have some fun until you meet someone IRL that will fill that void. But if you find yourself being more upset or unhappy because of it then quit the game. The whole point is pleasure....if you have more negatives than positives it's just not worth it. Good Luck!

[ladylove]

Why put yourself through it???????????????????????????

[mystofpric]

Why put yourself through it???????????????????????????

Because sometimes you just get so lonely that even a relationship with someone who is bad is better than no relationship at all.

C.A. If your aware of the issues and aren't allowing yourself to be taken in by lies and are taking it for it's face value, then have fun and learn what you can, be safe, but do as you please. When the fun starts to feel like your playing with matches and it's burning awfully close to your fingers, snuff it out and move on with your new found knowledge.

[complete abandon]

C.A. If your aware of the issues and aren't allowing yourself to be taken in by lies and are taking it for it's face value, then have fun and learn what you can, be safe, but do as you please. When the fun starts to feel like your playing with matches and it's burning awfully close to your fingers, snuff it out and move on with your new found knowledge.

This is getting easier to do. I was starting to let myself really fall for this guy and look at this and allow myself to feel like it was a relationship - It's not!!! At least not to him or any of these other guys that want to play games over the net. It's just a bit of different excitement and we are nothing more than masturbatory aides who really mean no more to them than the vids they might watch on youporn. That's not necessarily a bad thing if you (meaning me) can keep it in perspective like that. I'm getting better about it - just using it the same way - and the obsessive need for that constant fix of him is not consuming me 24/7 anymore. I refuse to ever let myself suffer that one sided un-requited love that eats you up like I did when I was younger. I'm thru with letting myself be hurt over someone that doesn't give a shit about me. Following everyone's advice - when it's not good, fun, and pleasurable anymore I'm cutting my losses and moving on. Thanks to everyone. You have no idea how much it helps to have those pep talks and support.