Letter To My Husband

[sexlesshousewife]

this might be a bad idea but I can't go on hiding my feelings. It hurts too much.

Your thoughts, and any questions? I will answer the best I can. I want to put an end to this issue and I don't know how. He is hard to talk to, very self centered, never takes accountability, idealist, negative...a whole host of traits that would not respond very well to me telling him this. But what can I do? Here's the letter.

"I feel like our sexual relationship is over.

Sex to me should be an escape. Taking delight in your mate's pleasure. Knowing that you can control their ectascy and you choose to give them the most. You however know you can control it and you choose to with hold. You could never get off first because then you won't want to give back. Sex isn't about what you get. It's about having the passion to explore your partner. Touch her skin, taste her mouth, run your tongue on various body parts, listen to her enjoy your actions, use your hands and fingers to gently touch and feel every body part you love. I have been with you almost a decade and everytime I would feel like I wanted to experience every part of you. Why do you think I have enjoyed giving you oral so much? Because I was taking in a part of you, and giving you the best pleasure I could, and knowing that I had that power and I chose to use it for your pleasure was enough to make me happy. Then something happened...I thought...why doesn't he get pleasure from giving to me? How could giving pleasure turn into a chore? What really happened is I gained more self confidence. I'm not the 18 year old girl hoping to find someone that will just accept her. I am a 26 year old woman and I spend my entire day taking care of two little kids. I just want someone to take care of me now and show me that MY needs are important. I don't want to think - how dare he believe his needs are more important than mine. What if I had a girlfriend, would that be cheating? Because then he won't have to give, and I can still give to him and get some back. These aren't good thoughts for a married woman.

I've tried and tried, I've given and given over and over. I've told you exactly what to do. I've told you exactly what I want. What more can I do? I've even done things with you, without you forcing or even asking, that I normally wouldn't do, hoping to put a spark back into our sex life. It's been years, but it shouldn't be like this.

I guess we are going to have a sexless marriage. I'm even at the point where if you want to have sex with someone else and that makes you happy, then I am all for that. Because it is starting to wear on me and I don't think it's right for me to with hold you from being happy and receiving the pleasure you want, even though you have done it to me.

I'm sorry nothing seems to work. Being with you has turned me into a person I don't want to be, and it's really had to be turned on with all you've said to me when I know I dont deserve it. The difference is, in the past I thought I deserved it. Now I know I don't.

It's also hard to grasp the fact that you have no passion for having sex with me, and it could easily turn into a "chore"

You don't seem to like to have fun anymore. In fact mostly you just complain. I can't even travel with you without hearing something. The negativity is crushing me.

I have tried and tried, and I'm out of ideas. Please help me figure out what to do. I don't want to go without sex for the rest of my life. It's very important to me. I don't want to leave the father of my children. I don't want to start over with someone else. I just want my husband to have passion for me like he claims he does."

Thanks for reading the letter and please if you can help me modify it in any way to be a little more gentle...or you have any thoughts on what might help my situation...I would really appreciate it. We don't have money for a counseler and I am not about to go to a church for one (we are Christian but it's just not something I want to talk about with a minister)

[sexlesshousewife]

and it's not just about the sex...he doesn't even watch our two kids or offer to watch them (because I'm not going to force someone to do something they don't want to do) so that I can go out and do something for myself. It's always about how tired he is or stressed out from work. I cook dinner for him just about every night and he used to not even eat it (now he does because I have bitched enough about it). It took me a year and a half to get him to start giving our daughter a bath every night to give me a break, now it's routine but sometimes I still have to nag him. I"m not the type to nag and since we've had kids that's what I've started to do, because if I don't then nothing gets done. I hate it and I hate the person I'm becoming. I'm so easy going and laid back, but he just pisses me off about the same shit over and over and there is no reasoning with him.

[sun_flower969]

Wow! How long have you been feeling like this, what have your conversations been like? What was sex like for you two in the past? What is his excuse?

[sexlesshousewife]

Wow! How long have you been feeling like this, what have your conversations been like? What was sex like for you two in the past? What is his excuse?

oh where do I begin?! LOL.

Sex in the past - it comes and goes. I usually initiate. He uses the excuse that he is stressed out. I think he has given me oral - maybe - 3 times in the eight years we've been together. The last time was when I thought he was divorcing me (because of his behavior) and I sought out an emotional relationship with a friend. So then he decided to step it up, give me oral and show what what I could have with him, then do everything I asked him in our relationship. He's actually become a better and more successful person because of the changes I demanded of him (professionally, at work).

Our conversations have gotten better. I have opened up to him recently about my feelings because - what else do I have to lose? He listens. He used to just fight back. Find something to be pissed off at me about. He still does that, but not as bad, and I don't care as much so it doesn't hurt me like it used to. It doesn't escalate because of my hurt. He eventually sees my point, says he does, but then doesn't do anything about it. He is content with the minimum, and if I am not then I should "get a hobby".

I don't want my kids to have a part time father. Although the way he acts when he's home, they have had a part time father, and he is rapidly improving. He now holds his son every night until he falls asleep (this used to be my job) because I insisted our son loves him and resting on him (he does, actually). The bonding that has resulted in me leaving the room and letting him take over is very pleasing. He now gives his daughter a bath every night and even takes her out without me. This is different from how he used to act. THIS is what gives me hope.

His excuse ranges from "I'm tired" to "I don't want it to be a chore" to "I'm really stressed out" but these are just excuses. The real reason is he is uncapable of giving back. I know this because he would rather look at porn than slip into bed with me, and I often go to bed alone. If he's so tired, how can he stay up and watch tv, and look at porn? I'm 34D with a 25 inch waist, and he's always been attracted to me. There's no excuse that seems to fit except that he is just a selfish bastard.

whenever I bring up an issue, he can't take accountability. He blames me for things and says what he puts up with, then later says he doesn't mean it. So I don't know what to believe anymore when he argues with me and I choose to believe none of it, good or bad.

I decided not to leave until my kids are in school during the day - this give him time to change, and this will give me a chance to remain a stay at home mom. I am putting my kids first but I don't want a sexless marriage. It just seems like the last option.

I am a very sexual person and could have sex all day every day...but now I am just waiting it out...seeing what will happen next...

[DADT]

Hello S:

I read your post. My heart goes out to you. You are very angry, hurt, and above all desperate for change. With good cause. Having said that, don't send the letter to your husband. He will not suddenly become enlightened and respond the way you want him to. Rather, it will become another example of how you have become an intolerable person to live with & make him withdraw further from you. And do yourself a favor and make sure that he doesn't find out that you vented to strangers on TT looking for answers.

So what should you do? Well keep talking to people here. A lot of us know what you are facing. We can sympathize, empathize, perhaps give you something to think about.

Here's something you might want to try. Go to Amazon.com, and pick a book by William F. Hadley, PhD. He has written some very good books about marital problems that get at the fundamental differences between men and woman and how to reconcile them to strengthen a couple's relationship. He isn't writing for the mildly dissatisfied. He is writing for people who feel like they are in a hopeless rut & loveless marriage. I've read his books "His Needs, Her Needs" and "Love Busters." Both explain clearly what it is that men and woman do to each other that weakens relationships, and he provides guidance on how to correct that.

http://www.amazon.com/Willard-F.-Harley/e/...t_athr_dp_pel_1

Look, this is unfair, but as the woman you will often have to carry more than your fair share of the emotional burden. Many young men are not equipped to deal with complex emotional needs, their own or anyone else's. They just weren't taught to understand what women's needs were all about. Opening up and being vulnerable can be quite frightening to some men. Men are supposed to be strong. Men are supposed to be sure. Men are supposed to provide for their family. So each time you go to him with one of your concerns (justified as they may be) he hears "You aren't a real man." Sounds like BS? Read one of the books. You will see.

Another thing to do is look for free help locally. Perhaps there is a local women's group that might provide a forum to air your feelings & discuss them with other women. Sometimes just knowing you are not the first person to encounter such problems relieves some of the cumulative despair that has built up within you.

You loved each other once. You can love each other again. There are just things that you have to know and grow to accept about each other, before that feeling can live and breath again.

Before I go I'm going to leave you with this song. It will allow you to have a really good, sobbing, heaving, cry. It will be an emotional release. Not as fun as an orgasm, but beneficial all the same.

Good Luck, D

[sexlesshousewife]

1. I would not let him know about this, in fact I will probably delete it when I give him the letter.

2. I have been at this since regaining my self confidence recently, I would say I started wanting change at about Feb of this year. I have been dealing with this for YEARS and thought it was MY fault so I always took the blame and listened to him when he would turn it around on me.

3. You are probably thinking this is about sex - it's not. Sex is just the biggest example. I don't see myself growing old with someone that is so negative and selfish. I do however have hope based on his recent actions.

4. Do you know what it's like to feel like you aren't loved? To hear the words "thanks" as he zips up his pants and walks out of the room, only to leave you still clothed, without even trying to get you off.

5. I have read books. Many. I understand what he's doing and you have noooo idea how much research I've done.

I don't need a song to cry. I've done it enough.

Thanks for the help, but really I think you are coming from a point of view where you think I'm just some bored horny housewife and this is the only issue - because it's not. I don't even want an orgasm, I just want him to touch me like he wants to, not like he's required to. I've waited years. The last time he touched me like that was when I was going to leave him. Do I have to do that to get it again?

The fact that he'd rather jack off to porn than put his arms around his wife and fall asleep next to her - what's up with that. I have been very understanding, loving, etc to the point where crying every day is NOT acceptable.

Of course I can love him. I do love him. He loves me. sometimes love is not enough. I have been up and down with this man emotionally and you have no idea what we've been through - sometimes love just doesn't justify it.

He has outright told me he hears "I'm not a real man". Does that mean I am supposed to remain silent? His ego is fragile, he's very insecure...and that's his problem, not mine, and one I have been very delicate with for the past eight years. why am I sacrificing so much...it's not worth the return.

DADT, I know you're coming from a good place, with good intentions, and I don't mean to be so defense - this is just what the relationship has done to me - I never used to act like that and looking back at my words I was getting very defensive. I don't want to be this person anymore. I probably should ditch the letter idea and just get through these last few years. You're right, he isn't going to have a revelation, I have fucking spelled it out for him in more ways than one. He doesn't miss the sex, so why am I even addressing it? I am afraid I might have an affair, but I knwo I won't because I am too chickenshit to do that.

Sorry everyone for being so all over the place, but this man has done enough to me and I'm at the point were I'm really fed up and it's just spilling out all over the place.

so tired of him hurting me, in any way he can imagine, because I know he does it just to keep me down so I stay with him. and I can't leave now anyway.

[Tyger]

I'm working on a response....please be patient......

[sun_flower969]

1. I would not let him know about this, in fact I will probably delete it when I give him the letter.

2. I have been at this since regaining my self confidence recently, I would say I started wanting change at about Feb of this year. I have been dealing with this for YEARS and thought it was MY fault so I always took the blame and listened to him when he would turn it around on me.

3. You are probably thinking this is about sex - it's not. Sex is just the biggest example. I don't see myself growing old with someone that is so negative and selfish. I do however have hope based on his recent actions.

4. Do you know what it's like to feel like you aren't loved? To hear the words "thanks" as he zips up his pants and walks out of the room, only to leave you still clothed, without even trying to get you off.

5. I have read books. Many. I understand what he's doing and you have noooo idea how much research I've done.

I don't need a song to cry. I've done it enough.

Thanks for the help, but really I think you are coming from a point of view where you think I'm just some bored horny housewife and this is the only issue - because it's not. I don't even want an orgasm, I just want him to touch me like he wants to, not like he's required to. I've waited years. The last time he touched me like that was when I was going to leave him. Do I have to do that to get it again?

The fact that he'd rather jack off to porn than put his arms around his wife and fall asleep next to her - what's up with that. I have been very understanding, loving, etc to the point where crying every day is NOT acceptable.

Of course I can love him. I do love him. He loves me. sometimes love is not enough. I have been up and down with this man emotionally and you have no idea what we've been through - sometimes love just doesn't justify it.

He has outright told me he hears "I'm not a real man". Does that mean I am supposed to remain silent? His ego is fragile, he's very insecure...and that's his problem, not mine, and one I have been very delicate with for the past eight years. why am I sacrificing so much...it's not worth the return.

DADT, I know you're coming from a good place, with good intentions, and I don't mean to be so defense - this is just what the relationship has done to me - I never used to act like that and looking back at my words I was getting very defensive. I don't want to be this person anymore. I probably should ditch the letter idea and just get through these last few years. You're right, he isn't going to have a revelation, I have fucking spelled it out for him in more ways than one. He doesn't miss the sex, so why am I even addressing it? I am afraid I might have an affair, but I knwo I won't because I am too chickenshit to do that.

Sorry everyone for being so all over the place, but this man has done enough to me and I'm at the point were I'm really fed up and it's just spilling out all over the place.

so tired of him hurting me, in any way he can imagine, because I know he does it just to keep me down so I stay with him. and I can't leave now anyway.

Hey there, the thing is we don't know your whole story although we are trying to get to know it. Have you talked about counseling? Have you sat him down and told him right to his face recently that you are not happy? The thing is it sounds like you are in real trouble. You both need to decide what you want and if being together is it, then you have a long hard rd ahead of you. You have to get to the bottom of things and figure out what is going on in his head!

Also I noticed you wrote that he would rather watch porn than have sex with you.... Just wondering if this is a frequent thing... Just trying to wrap my brain around this guy lol...

Sorry for your pain We will try to help you the best we can.

[raniedaize]

Sorry everyone for being so all over the place, but this man has done enough to me and I'm at the point were I'm really fed up and it's just spilling out all over the place.

so tired of him hurting me, in any way he can imagine, because I know he does it just to keep me down so I stay with him. and I can't leave now anyway.

Is he abusive? You say, "so tired of him hurting me, in any way he can imagine." I can't help but to wonder, in which context to you make this statement? Emotionally, physically,...?

[Tyger]

OK, I've been thinking a lot about this post since I read it. Please don't take this as me attacking you, because I truly am not. Here's my take on the situation:

You are settling. You are settling because it's easier to stay. You are settling because of your kids. You are settling to not be happy. You are settling because you don't want to be alone. You are settling because you don't want to be another "failed marriage" statistic. You are settling because you don't truly think, deep down, that you deserve to be treated better.

Here's a VERY true, and common statement: If Momma Ain't Happy, NOBODY'S Happy!

Here's a newsflash: he is SUPPOSE to help you with the kids, snuggle with them, bathe them, feed them, change them, ect....it's not like he's doing you a favor, he's doing what he is suppose to be doing. I'm not trying to "dis" what he has been doing. I think it's fantastic. But, the way you worded it, it was like he was doing you a favor, but, he's got you trained to think that he is.

I am living proof that some Dads, when they seperate from their kids mothers, are actually BETTER fathers than when he lives in the same house as the kids. They hafta be, because, even if it's for 2 days, they're more 1 on 1, and have better quality time with their kids. Some of my best memories with my Dad was AFTER he & my mother divorced! Just because a man isn't in the house anymore, doesn't make him any less of a father. Sometimes, it makes them a BETTER Daddy!

Many guys (and some women) are under the false impression that, if they're occupying the same space, even with no interaction, that's spending quality time with the kids. Newsflash Slacker-Dad, it doesn't.

Basically, you've settled because you've allowed yourself to be a welcome mat. BTDT. Once I got a backbone, things changed in my last marriage too. Notice I said "last". Yeah.

It sounds like your husband thinks that, because he goes to work, and provides for his family, that gives him a free pass to be as lazy as he can get away with, in AND out of the bedroom. No darlin. I have a similar issue with MY current hubby, which makes NO sense cuz he knows I am a stubborn Yankee & a bitch to boot!! LOL He works one week on (away from home), and one week off (at home). He thinks that when he's home, he shouldn't hafta do much of anything (but not a slacker in the bedroom). I've been putting my foot down for about a year now, where, I give him a list of about 5 things to do while he's home, cuz I am SOOOOO mean. I forwarn him that if it doesn't get done his way when he's home, *I* will do it, and he probably won't like it. For example, we had this push lawn mower that he found. He glanced at it when he brought it home. I told him that, by the end of his stint home, if he didn't take a tool to it, I would get rid of it. He didn't believe me. I had a friend look at it, and told me that the motor was a solid block of metal, and the mower was no good. So, I hefted it into my lil truck, myself, and took it to the scrap yard. Got a whopping $3 for it. LOL He asked where it was when he came home a week later, and I told him. He got mad, but stopped when I said "I forwarned you what would happen if you didn't try and fix it." He's slowly believing me.

Witholding oral pleasuring isn't a punishment in cases like this, IMHO. It's a way to show some people that are control freaks, that, hey, if you don't, I won't either. Trust me, they will notice the difference. What's fair is fair. It's not saying "Neener neener" at them, but, showing those that won't do oral, that this is what it feels like to not get any, not fair is it? Turnabout is fair play.

He hurts you. I am assuming emotionally. And, if you're staying for "the kids sake" you are doing them more harm than good. This is some of the kids MOST impressionable times. They are learning how to interact with others NOW. You are showing them that, how he treats you, is OK. You may think they don't see it, or hear it, but, darlin', they do.

He says he loves you. Probably. You are the mother of his kids. But I think he sees you as a Nanny, housekeeper, and book keeper, not a wife, lover, and a friend. The latter is one of the most important things in a marriage. He doesn't RESPECT you, another IMPORTANT aspect in a marriage. If he did, he would listen to you, and not expect you to settle. He would do his best to listen, and, at the very least, try and compromise with you. This will be hard to read, but, he may love you, as a mother to his kids, and for what you do, but it sounds like he's not IN LOVE with you. Or, if he is, he feels he doesn't need to show it anymore.

A marriage takes TWO, count 'em, TWO people to succeed. One person can't always give, and the other always take. It's gotta be a 50/50 thing. Sometimes one will do a bit more at one time or another, but it should even out in the end. He gave you oral sex when he thought you were leaving him. He was almost literally, kissing your ass. You stayed, and didn't give him the impression, truly, that he had to change. And he's proven that statement right, because you are still there. He is lazy. He has been allowed to be a lazy HUSBAND. And you can tell him that. "You are a great provider, a hard working MAN, but, you are a LAZY husband". Why? Because it's true.

He is lazy because he doesn't have to make any sort of effort to have sex with you. When he does "give it up", you are so horny, you do what he wants, how he wants, and when he wants it. Unzip his pants, let you blow him, and he says THANKS??? Are you kidding? Never again should you ALLOW YOURSELF to be treated like a hooker. The only thing he didn't do was leave a few 20's on the bedside stand! Do you think he'd allow himself to be treated like that? Like, you go in there, shove your pussy in his face, have him lick you til you get yours, and then walk off saying "Thanks"? You are soooo much better than that!

I am all for people watching porn, if they choose. NEVER should it be a substitute to sexual encounters with your spouse. Again, the lazy part comes into play. Porn is a quick release for him. He sees something, gets excited, knocks one out, and can go to sleep. Literally, bing, bang, snore! Lazy. You can choose to watch it with him, however. You know he does it. He knows you know. Walk in on him, give him a hand, or better yet, while he's watching, straddle him, naked. If he pushes you away, that is a STRONG indicator that, chances are, the marriage is over.

I disagree with DADT's advice. Keeping this to yourself will only fester the wound in you, IMHO. Women are usually natural born communicators. Yes, men are usually brought up to "not disclose, discuss, or acknowledge that they have feelings too", but if a man wants to have a good marriage, he needs to get that stupid way of thinking out of his head.

However, you said that your DH is usually on the defensive. When talking with him, use words and phrases like "I think", "I wish" "I've noticed", "I want to help change things". It shows him that you've been thinking of what you want to say, and that you are willing to help change things, if he is.

I really wish you the best of luck. However, I feel that, if you just allow things to go with the flow, you're going to end up resentful, not only to him, but yourself as well. Life is too short to be miserable. *HUGS*

[ladylove]

Do you know what you want?

[Mikayla1]

I have been thinking about this situation and all the issues you have raised. There is a lot going on here, a lot more than just lack of sex. It seems as though he is sort of withdrawn from your couple life and family life. He fails to help with the kids, he fails to satisfy you sexually, he tries to make excuses for things. He is, overall, just doing his own thing.

One thing in your post struck me specifically, it is when you wrote (paraphrased) ' he has succeeded more in his professional life because of the demands I have placed on him.'

Are you a 'demanding' person? Do you expect things to be a specific way, house cleaned in a specific manner, or other structured issues? If he interprets your demands as 'he can never please you' then he may be withdrawing for that reason. Men can become very, very emotionally distant and even resentful when their 'manhood' is compromised due to them feeling inadequate. Especially, if you have ever commented on his, let's say, oral sex skills.

I agree with Tyger, no oral for you, NO oral for him. It is not a punishment, it is about equality and doing FOR and WITH each other.

I also agree with DADT. I think that you are on the right track coming here and seeing what other people have to say. I think that when we write or talk about things like sexual disconnection when we are angry or hurt that it doesn't always come out right. I also think that while letters to our lovers can be very helpful, it can also be very hurtful. When something is written down it is there, forever, for someone to continue to read over and over and fester over.

I think reading on relationships and getting ideas on how to handle things is important. I think that communication is also important. Not addressing the issues is certainly NOT going to make things better. However, addressed in the wrong manner would make things worse!

Take solice that you are not alone - many other posters have similar issues. Some have gotten results with various communications, some have ended marriages and relationships, some have written letters with mixed results.

I think that you are definitely on teh right track, and no one is asking you to endure a sexless marriage. You CAN and WILL make a change if the love is there. The key is to put it to him in such a way that it is not an altamatem or a 'if you don't do this, then I am gonna leave and take your kids' because most men will not respond to that.

While I do agree with the withholding of oral sex when you are not getting any, and I also agree that people do have to leave their spouses some times, I also think that attention must be paid and homage paid to a marriage and a life before one 'chucks it in' so to speak.

I am not entirely sure where you are in this myriad, but you are young still. Please don't think I mean you have to 'waste' away your life pining for a good life and sex life. I don't. However, make sure you try to approach this the best way you can to get the best results.

[sexlesshousewife]

Hi all - sorry to take so long to get back to this thread. My life is busier than I would like it to be.

Regarding abuse - his abuse takes form of any type of manipulation, emotional or mental/verbal. He has hurt me too many times to even count, but at least I know he wouldn't hit me (that would just give me reason to leave him right away).

He did give me oral since I last wrote - it was wonderful! But...remember what I said earlier about the emotional relationship? He read something I wrote to the guy I long time ago telling him to F off and leave me alone - I think it was more of a reaffirmation for him than anything else - and get this, I had to be blowing him at the same time for him to do it. He then made a comment about my friend later in the day, something that hasn't been brought up for years. I think it was a power play - like yeah, I'm your man now, I'm the only one you can go to and the only one that will give it to you.

He has stepped up more as a father - but those "priveledges" are about to be revoked because he told me the other day he really doesn't enjoy it and it isn't helping him bond with his children. Well, good, because now I can practice for the day I might have to become a single parent.

He is on his last straw right now and the next one is going to break the proverbial camel's back, and I'm out.

I know I don't want to have a part time father to my children, but I also don't want to set a bad example or be depressed all the time.

You know, he goes out of town and doesn't call me til AFTER he has already watched tv, worked out, etc, when he knows it's too late and I won't want to talk? I find that odd. He did that last week. Really made me wonder.

He never tries to have phone sex, talk dirty, or anything. and in real life it's just like, finger me til it gets annoying and I don't want to do that anymore while I'm giving him a BJ, and then he sticks it in and gets off. great. how fun. So I'm not really missing it, because quality over quantity is my new thing and I don't regret it when I miss a chance to blow his dick so he can fuck me and get it over with. I am a major hornball and can honestly say I haven't been horny since the last time we did it...whenever that was. I purchased toys....maybe one month or two ago? and have yet to even open the package. I could care less.

I'm depressed inside that I am missing out. But I have two little kids depending on me and I don't want to take their father away...so until then, one more chance.

you know what he had the nerve to say to me, after weeks of me saying "I won't give you a blowjob if you don't start giving me oral first" and he says "you just don't do the thinks you used to anymore" and this same man once told me I can't get mad at him for not wanting to give oral because "I've been with chicks that didn't suck dick and I didn't push the issue"

He wants to old "me" back, the one that let him do whatever and I would end up blaming the whole thing on myself...

baby is awake...thanks all for telling me all the things I know but my mind refuses to allow me to believe. You put everything in perspective for me. I can't sit here and blame myself for everything when perfect strangers look at the situation and say "that's not right!"

thank you!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am putting all of your advice to use and taking this one day at a time!!!

oh - and I'm not demanding, I just used to expect a LOT less of him, so now it seems like more but it's still less than most women - you know I didn't even ask for his help with either one of my babies when they were newborn? I let him sleep!!!!!!!! (even on weekends!)

[ladylove]

Life can get really difficult sometimes. Two little kids, a husband thats never home, not enough intimacy etc.... It's not the fairy tail you envisioned is it. Now we all know life isn't a disney movie (snow white, cinderella etc...) and your complaints are heard and valid; but let me ask you some questions. What would his complaints be of you? When is the last time you went on a date with your husband? Do you know what course of action you want to take? What does he think of the relationship? Is he having an affair? Perhaps he is depressed to. Have you or will you try marriage counseling. Are you happy to talk to your husband on the phone when he calls or is it a chore for you? Do you understand what his pressures are personally and professionally ?

All I want you to really think about is sometimes in life we get so wrapped up in the business of it all that along the way we loose who we were and become what we are. You may feel like nanny, maid, chef, and he may feel like mr money bags, handy man, baby sitter and all the while your both just tying to keep your head above water to survive your day, week, month, living side by side merely cohabiting. Wanting to love each other but don't know how. That in-itself can cause a lot of anger. Did you know depression is anger turned inward? It's all interrelated, understand. With all these emotions ruling, it's hard to want to get in the "mood".

We aren't born knowing how to married, or be a father etc... it's all a discovery with our only example being what we've seen growing up, and you both have different examples. One of my points is your may need to relearn how to be together.

Going to marriage counseling can be the best way to accomplish what you both need. Remember a good or bad a marriage is the summation or 2 not 1. AND the lack or sex is the symptom for a deeper problem.