KentJ

OK, so I have wanted to comment on this topic for the longest time! Back when I used to have sex with my wife, she always enjoyed all of the oral sex that I provided to her. To be a bit graphic, there was not an inch of her body that I did not lick, suck, nibble or down-right bite (with loving attention). I lved how she smelled and tasted - pefrume, sweat, perspiration. And there were many times when I would provide her with multiple orgasms via my tongue, lips and teeth, and would just let her got to sleep or off to work without providing me any pleasure because I wanted her to know that the joy in sex is as much in the giving as the receiving! Further, she would get upset if I kissed her after eating her pussy or ass. What the heck, it is her body, why does/didn't she appreciate how wonderful it was? I don't get it! Now when it came to her providing oral sex to me, she made a number of conditions. The first of which is that I was not to let any bodily fluids from my penis escape to her mouth because she would vomit! Well, as you might guess, that will make ones penis remain in a flacid state whenever her lips came within close proximity of my penis. So many may say, well you still have other things. Truth of the matter is the only other thing was vaginal intercourse in the missionary position. I love sex! I loved having it with my wife, and thougt that over time we both would mature, and evolve in our sexual relationship because our plan was to be married to each other for the remainer of our lives. And as anyone knows, if you don't expand your sexual repitoire, it becomes very stale! I guess I was wrong! Njoy

Gunnar, I too am in a sexless marriage, and it is not getting better. I have been married to my wife for 15 years, and new each other for 8 years prior to getting married - we dated monogomously for 4 years. We talked extensively prior to getting married about how sex is a basic need, and that should one person stray from our relationship, that it is a shared responsibility. For some reason, that has been forgotten. When I finally got her to a marriage therapist, she stated that she was not interested in me in that way, but that she would "cut my dick off" if I had sex with anyone else! What the heck??? It does not get any better. But I am a man who will not leave his children, nor his responsibilities. Finally, I take my vows seriously, "For better or worse", and so I am being held hostage by my own morals. Kind of a "sick" situation. The thing I am most worried about is that I am presenting a model for my children of parents who are not affectionate with each other, which in my mind is letting my children down. I have decided that this year things will change...one way or another! Njoy P.S. My biggest problem is that I do not socialize because I frequently am hit-on by women, and at this point do not trust myself from not breaking my vows.

Have had this conversation inside the bedroom, outside of the bedroom and at the relationship therapists. The bottom line is that nothing good has come of it. I am going on year number 5 without having sex. Problem is that I am a man of high moral fiber and I refuse to break my vows; eventhough my wife has broken hers by refusing to engage in sex. Njoy

Shoop, You should not have self exteem issues associated with your body. I venture to say that there is not a person, male nor female, that would not welcome the opportunity to worship your body. You are truly blessed! Njoy!

I can honestly say that while having sex with one person, I have never lusted for another. I am pretty sure it has to do with trying to give the most pleasure to the person I was/am having sex with. And the only way I know how to do that is pay attention to that person, how are they breathing; does she have goose-bumps; are their toes curled; is her vagina wet or very wet or flowing; is her back arched; is she pulling at the sheets; is she uttering something - you get it. And I want/wanted to continue to "get-it". That is when sex is fun! That is when you are focused on the one you are with. Like the song says, "Love the One You are With"! Njoy

Nuffsaid, I am slow to read your initial post, but boy am I happy that I made it here! You post is exactly what I aspire to, for my wife and I. My only problem is that my wife is not "on-board". unfortunately, she is quick to state that we have so many other things in our life, that something has to give - sex. Real bummer, but I refuse to "abandon" the notion that our sex life is going to remain linked to "quarterly reports". I have got to get my wife to read this site, without her feeling that I have betrayed her. Thanks for sharing with all of us! Njoy

Wow! Why does this act of sexual play lend itself to so much controversy? Be clear, my wife is not a swallower, which would be no surprise to anyone who has read any of my postings. As a matter of fact, my wife "has warned me" that if I ever came in her mouth that she would vomit on me!" Ladies, I have to tell you, that takes the entire act out of the realm of sexual fun. And before you ask, yes I do go down on her...as a matter of fact, I am a enthusiastic pussy eater. I love the taste, smell, look, and feel of pussy as it moves across my tongue, lips, nose and fingers! And by the curling of her toes, arching of her back, the full body convulsions, screams - muffled by pillows - and flow from her vagina (not the same as my saliva), I am pretty sure that she likes it too. But as Howard stated, what I like most is "giving her pleasure". I guess if I told her that she had to pay attention so that she did not curl her toes or climax while I was between her legs, she just might not enjoy the act that much? The bigger problem is that I had many girlfriends before getting married, and all of them enjoyed sex...all kinds of sex that we could think of, and think up! It was fun, because it was about giving pleasure! Honestly, the first time I put my face between the legs of my first sex patner, I was a little un-nerved by her vagina - look, smell - but since she had given me so much pleasure, I wanted to return the favor. And as they say, the rest is history! Like a good single, malt scotch one must educate one's palatte to appreciate the finer things in life! Finally, any person who is un-willing to enthusiastically participate in oral sex with their SO is treading on thin ice, as someone "could" become the object of your SO affection by one simple act that means so much! But then that is just my opinion, and not anyone else's. Njoy

Bashfulgirl, While we all know that everyone is a little bit different, one of the nice things about this forum is that we can all give our personal response to any given question. To that end, I will tell you that I do enjoy having my chest, nipples and stomach licked, nibbles and any other oral attention! Njoy

Like previous responders have stated, it appears that you have posited two queries: Loving your virginity and having sex with a fellow dorm member. First, losing your virginity is something that you must be emotionally ready for...well i quess that is not true, as you could say that vaginal and anal sex provide the opportunity to "lose your virginity" twice. But let's stay focused on the "classical notion" of virginity. Make sure you are ready to "begin" further sexual exploration. As a college age adult, make sure you have protection, and are aware of the physical responsibilites associated with sexual play - STDs, pregnancy. Also be ready to deal with the emotional side. For some people, sex means attachment/committment and relationships become much more intense. For others, they become highly interested in "exploring" sex with multiple partners and don't want to be committed to one person. Which leads me to you and your friend. You both need to be clear on what your having sex will mean for both of you. That means having a discussion without the pressure of the moment. I can remember when I was in undergrad; my life was about going to class, having the next meal, and sex...and not always in that order. Fortunately, my girfirend (we dated for six years) and I were on the same wavelength. We were mostly monogomous, and we would talk about what our other experiences were. Finally, the most import sex organ is your brain. Use it! Most guys is college do not, so sometimes you will have to use it for them...so eveyone can be as fulfilled as possible! Njoy

Bravo Ginger! Love the composition, contrast of the B&W and I too find stockings and garters incredibly sexy! Njoy

I hope your situation resolves itself with you family intact. However, from a strategic standpoint, I think your contacting an attorney should be kept to yourself. Even in the heat of an argument, I would not let your wife know that you are "getting things in order". The second bit of advice I have is to begin journaling the beavior/incidents that make your situation unbearable. I would also be sure to document your family expenses and your financial contributions. When a divorce gets nasty, it does so quickly and is resolved soley on the basis of proof. Finally, I am not an attorney, just a guy who has witnessed a number of divorces. I am sure there are a few attorneys here who could weigh-in. Best of luck!

What a great forum question, as my wife and I have had this duscussion before concerning celebrities. Our conversation has resluted in both of us agreeing that we would "get a free pass" if the opportunity presented itself for us to have sex with: Me: Demi Moore & Halle Berry Wife: Tyson Beckford & Christopher Meloni As a matter of fact, both of us further agreed that we would have to share the "juicy details" and they would be "juicy" because it would be the only time that we would "stray", so it would be to the point of exhaustion!

Sweetpup, Sorry to hear of your situation. My wife and I are in a tough spot with our marriage. Like you, I am committed to our marriage, my wife and our children which makes it difficult. It sounds like you too have a wife who knows that you are so committed, that she will continue to "push" the boundaries until you explode! Over the holidays, I got to truly observe my wifes parents, as we traveled to their house and stayed with them for a week. That visit was enlightening, as it allowed me to understand what behavior she learned was "wife beahvior". I have to admit that I like my MIL, but I would not want her for a wife! She is cold, plays the part of a martyr, and always wants everyone to know that "her work is never done". The funny thing is that my wife was not that way as we were dating. Even in the earlier years of our marriage, when were were DINKS, I did not recognize any ot this behavior from wife. It was only after our first son came into our life did things begin to change. The "fend for yourself" mentality was explicitly communicated, because she was "too tired with a new born". Somehow I think she thought that she was doing it all by herself, while nothing was further from the truth! That said, I think she looked forward to being "in the mothers club" and for some reason felt that that translated into focusing exclusivley on our son, and telling me to "wait" until later. As Howard said in a posting, many women especially listen to other women and "jump into the 'hate you husband' pool', rather than try to get other to "free themselves" to feel that it is great for a husband and wife to make each other happy everyday! This year, I have decided and told my wife, that we need to focus on making each other happy...everyday! Part of that happiness means having physical contact...touching each others face, arm, holding hands...in and out of bed. I too believe that it is important for our boys to learn that a partner is supposed to provide that type of physical affirmation of ones love. Additionally, we started the year with my wife receiveing multiple orgasms from my spending more than an hour licking, sucking and nibbling her all over her body...from her eyelids to her big toe, and all her delicious parts in between. Unfortunately, the boys woke-up before she could return the favor(s). We are planning a weekend at the shore this weekend without the boys, so I am hopeful that my turn is coming. To close, as others have posted, I think it is important to find a "way-in", so that you and your wife can get back to each other. Unfortunately, it sounds like your wife needs something dramatic for her to understand that this is an "urgent" situation. I can read in your words, that you are on the precipace of seeking another's attention, but your morals are keeping you hostage, eventhough your wife is betraying you by breaking her vows of not meeting your needs. Think hard about your decision, make you plan, execute, and stay committed to it. We are here to support. Njoy

Very attractive woman. Thanks for sharing them with us. I too agree that they are "very candid", and it certainly adds to the "real people" feel of the photos. Njoy

army wife, Your husband is a lucky guy to have a wife who is intersted in giving him such a wonderful gift! As I am sure so many men will contribute to this request of yours, I will add just a bit. I would suggest that you add a full body erotic massage to the night's activities. Pay attention to his muscles and his mind by commenting about the body parts that you are attending to in a soft complimentary voice. As you have read, the mind is the most amazing sex organ that we have. When you attend to it, as our physical parts sex is amazing! The other thing I would offer, is that oral attention to your man's neck, chest and balls should elicit an "oh my God, I can't believe how good that feels" comment from your husband. Finally, when the evening gets to the part when you are receiving, tell your husband when you enjoy what it is he is doing. IMO sex talk is such a turn-on! Have a great night! Njoy

All, Thanks for your responses, especially the personal information. I know that there are a number of "hot topics" in all relationships - Money, Sex, Children, Work. So one of the things I believe is that our problems are not unique. What I want is to make our response to the problems such that we are in the tail end of the distribution, and not in the mean. I think we both deserve it, as do our children. I also realize, that I cannot do it alone - no relationship exists (for a long period of time) because one person puts most of the effort forward most of the time. The challenge in my relationship is that I need to get my wife to accept that we are not giving ourselves the best chance to be happy. To that end, over the years I have noticed that her parents are not that happy. Earlier on, I did not think that was going to be a problem, because my wife had I had talked about what makes people stray from relationships. We both agreed that both parties are responsible for making their partner happy. And the best way to do that was to keep communication ope on everything. Clearly the reality is much more difficult to execute over time. I am not willing to "give-up" because I want to believe that this period may be one that is naturally occuriing in a relationship. I guess only time will tell! Thanks again, Njoy

OK, so my wife and I have problems. We have been in coouples therapy, but my wife frequently gets overwhelmed, and stops going. She feels that the experience is not pleasant. The best news is that she does return once I suggest that we need to return. Usually we return once she yells that we are not communicating! I see a therapist, as I know that I cannot and do not want to go through life shouldering the baggage that my wife and our relationship saddles me with. Additionally, I realize that I have issues that I need to work on so that I can continue to be the best husband and father that I can be. Now to the sex, my wife and I have had sex four times this year, but that is a dramatic increase from the previous five years. In statistical analysis, this year would be tossed out as an "outlyer", as it does not fit the trend. I had a very active sex life prior to getting married. My wife and I agreed prior to getting married that sex was both our responsiblilty and gift to each other. Tragically, we are not living into that. Truth be told, I do not want my wife to "give me sex". I want her to want to have it. But it is clear, that she has some issues that have not allowed her to connect with her sexual self. My thought was that if she could begin to pleasure herself, then maybe she might be able to "release" some of her issues. Further, I thought that if I were to gift her an "adult toy" she might understand that I believe that she is supposed to be a sexual person and not just a "life partner" and mother to her children. I want her to be happy! And I know that climaxing and orgasms bring smiles to faces...and is one of the best stress relievers. Thanks to the posters for their opinions and challenging support! Njoy

Wow! What a great amount of energy and passion! Now as some of you may know, my sex life with my wife is not the best. But I hold out hope, because I belive that my wife and I can continue to grow with and for each other. My insight on the "spit or swallow" topic is that everyone has an opinion, and like religion, it seems like many people are not willing to read/listen to other opinions and then think about what they have learned. That is tragic and unexpected for this site. For the record, my wife will not only not spit, but she has threatened me with vomiting if I ever came in her mouth. I have told her that not only does that make me sad, but that it really does make receiving fellatio unexciting, as I am compelled to remain in control of my enjoyment so that I don't get a "drop" of ejaculate in her mouth. As you can probably surmise, she claims that the taste and the texture is an issue for her. Clearly, my wife has control issues. I not enjoy performing cunnilingus! I enjoy the the "bliss" that the act bring to my wife. I enjoy how she tastes. I enjoy how she smells. But the most ejoyable thing is that I enjoy seeing my wife in absolute rapture! If she is faking it, the I know that she needs to chage occupations and go into acting. Additionally, she has more than once told me that she loves the fact that I will not "give-up" until she has an orgasm. And she always has an orgasm before I do, because I have in my mind that it is rude to not allow her to come first! Finally, since the taste, texture and "hygene" issue has been raised in preceeding posts, I have to relate a conversation my sife and I had yesterday. First thing in the morning, we are both in the kitchen - the kids had both just awaken my wife, and she had come directly downstairs with them, she refused to kiss me. I asked why, and she replied that she had not yet brushed her teeth. I laughed and wispered that I have spent many hours with my mouth on her vagina and ass, so she should not be too hinky about giving me a good morning peck, as her bodily smells are nothing but naturally occuring scents that do not offend me. She smiled and then kissed me. Njoy

Yes. I really get a rush working out - lifting weights and running. If I could, I would ravish my wife as soon as I return to the house....think it has to do with the blood pumping through all of the body and the stress reduction.

We've been married 14 years. And yes, I tell my wife all the time how attractive I find her, and how sexaully appealing I find her. I "flirt" with her all the time, as I believe that flirting is critical to maintaining the interest in a relationship. But it feels like I am getting into a subjest matter that belongs on a different discussion area. My question is would any of the women here be offended if their husband gifted them a toy?

Oh if ony I could get my wife to feel sexy about herself! So it is needless to say that I cannot get her to talk about masturbation...let alone do it. Whenever we have sex, I tell her how absolutely insaine she makes me...how I am filled with lust and excitement for her...her looks, body, voice, even how she smells, and tastes! And that little giggle she makes when I tell her that her mouth and tongue can do such amazing things! But as soon as our bi-annual minutes are over, she doesn't want to talk about it. I am so confused! Njoy

I was on a college road trip with two other buddies; we were visiting coeds a few states away. We were partying the first night there on campus, and into the room walked this red head who captivated me. We immediately locked eyes, and without speaking clearly communicated to each other. Within fifteen minutes, we were hand-in-hand, and remained so for the rest of the weekend. It would be a nice story to say that we were married and the end of the semester, but that would not be the truth. Not only did we both spend the remainder of our undergraduate careers at our respective instututions, but we also began careers that literally put us on opposite ends of the globe for many years. During that time, we always found some country or state to meet in once a year to "connect". And then finally, after thirteen (13) years, we we wed...that was over 14 years ago. Njoy

Howard, Oh would it be so simple...if only we would allow it to be so. I do find your "cut to the chase" perspective, but I also know that my wife and I have some work to do on our communication skills. Both of our families were "disfunctional" (and whose wasn't). The difference is that as life's responsibilities have increased, I have been compelled to seek out professional counseling to not be controlled by my past, and my wife is operating with the notion that "you just keep going forward". I must pausem, and say that my wife is a very intelligent and accomplished woman. That said, I believe she is fearful that if she really takes advantage of therapy that she will lose who she is. I have tried to tell her that it is exactly the opposite, that she will be better aware so as to be the person SHE really wants to be, not the person that she feels others believe she needs to be. Only time will tell what will happen. Finally, I am not hiding the fact that I not only read, but participate on this site. I just do not talk about it, as my wife finds "sexual talk" as immature. We gathered with a number of friends at the shore a few months ago, and every wife was of the opinion that all of the husbands put too much emphasis on sex. Well, I furthered the conversation by asking whether the wives felt that the husbands put the wives enjoyment primary to the husbands. All of the wives agreed that each of the husbands always worked to pleasure their wives...whenever they have sex. I then wanted to know why then was there a problem? Again, I was told that life is more than sex. My retort was that I, and all of the husbands agreed, as eveidenced by the fact that all of us were married couples, and faithful inspite of a less than optimal sex life. "The most difficult year of marriage, is the one that you are currently in". I hope to laugh at that cliche one year! Njoy

What an absolute ingrate! Your husband clearly needs to be repremanded for his behavior! Kudos fo you for adding new excitement to your sexual relationship! I only wish that I can get my wife to the point where she will try something new to please. I firmly believe that sex should be our time to "play" and "let-loose". One of the many things I like to do when we have sex is bring my wife to a couple of orgasms orally prior to our having intercourse. Honestly, I do not rush to her vagina, as I am very excited about all of her body. That means I generally start with a back, foot or hand massage. What I find so exciting about that is the stimulation to other parts of her body and her anticipating my "arrival" at vagina. All the while, I tell her that I so enjoy her body...how it feels, smells and tastes! Clearly you need to have a talk with your husband. I have attempted to introduce a "goodies jar" into our bedroom. The idea was that we could write down our sexual desires on a piece of paper and place it in the jar. We both would take turns retrieving a "goodie" from the jar and acting on the want. I have not gotten it adopted yet, but I am working on it. I think it might be a good way to allow you and your husband to "explore new terriotories without any limiting boundaries...and the intrigue of what is to come should be fun. Good luck, and keep talking! Njoy

Wife does not know that I fewquent the site. I don't know how I found TT.com, but I am so pleased to have done so. I believe there is a great combination of education and entertainment. I have always been sexually aware and interested. This site has allowed me to continue learning about the psychology of the opposite sex, and about sexual technique. I only wish I could get my wife to log-on and learn. We too are practicing sex the same way that we were when we met 27 years ago - sad. The truth is that my sexual appetite has led me to look for literary and visual stimulation to assist in masterbation because I will not stray from our marriage. If we are going to last another 14 years, I know that we need to change things. Sorry for the diatribe. Clearly I went a bit beyond scope.