Honesty The Best Policy?

[littlemissnonamegirl]

I was not sure where to post this but I figured y'all would have some input or honest answers for me! So my gals and I were talking about dating and boyfriends and several of us have not yet done the deed. We were debating whether or not you should tell your so that you are a virgin. I mean not like announce but if he/she asks or it comes up, do you admit it? Or just roll with the punches? I know this might sound like a dumb or obvious question but I am curious. I'm going on date three with a guy and things are going well. Assuming they stay this way and it becomes a relationship should I be up front? My friends say it's a bad idea to tell him and to just go with it and try to act natural. I'm not sure I agree. But then again, I am the virgin here.

[hyokahey]

Tell him. Withholding is no way to start a relationship.

[Still learning]

I would tell but wait until you feel "safer" he is good for you.

Also when things start taking a turn.

At that point when things come closer to have sex make sure you are looked after properly.

That means the guy you are with will not just ram it in for his pleasure anda bit ensure you are

well lubricated (use lubricant if necessary)

It doesn't matter how careful he will be, this will hurt, this will be the first time a penis stretches your vagina afterall. He can start stimulating you with his fingers.

If he is intimidated by the task let him know you want to follow through when ready,

and during the moment use your hand to touch him too.

What else can I say? Well, if you know your body and its responses it will make things easier.

[Kace]

Hyokahey said it all. Count me in for "tell him". AND you should ask about his sexual history too! I know it's not particularly sexy to ask if he's had risky sex before or contracted any STD's but you've got to protect yourself. As for being a virgin - If he's any sort of decent guy I really doubt he's going to think less of you for it. If I were in his shoes I'd feel honored to be someone's first time and I'd be sure to take it slow. Don't worry if it's awkward the first time - that's par for the course. It DOES get better afterwards.

[sass]

I TOTALLY agree with the others - BE HONEST! There is no reason not to be, not that there ever is a reason to lie IMO, but being a virgin is something to be proud of, not ashamed of and lie about. You have a very special gift to give - realize that and cherish it as you should - and as he should. I remember being younger and feeling differently, almost like it was a burden, but trust us older been-there-wish-we-could-redo-it folks, be honest, and be proud!

Good luck and keep up posted!

[ladylove]

I don't think you need to talk about it unless your physical relationship has escalated to the point that it is necessary to have this conversation. It's not his concern. Make sure the conversation is held outside the bedroom and not in the middle of a hot encounter. Every decent young man will understand and should be sensitive and not push. If it scares him away, because it may for some (to much responsibility) then they aren't worthy of you. If he cares enough about you, he will wait for you to give him the green light. Just remember you owe no one (but your self) any explanation for anything concerning you sexual decisions.

[littlemissnonamegirl]

Thanks everyone for the really honest replies! I definitely needed to hear that, I guess in a way I am a tad ashamed I am a 21-year-old virgin especially because guys assume I'm more experienced because I'm confident and a dancer. We are definitely not even at that point yet, but it's definitely something in the back of my brain. I don't want him to think me as inexperienced, even though that is the case, especially because he has been around a few times... Gah, I hate it. Being a virgin and so not skilled :/

[Tyger]

I would tell him, however, don't just blurt it out. It's not ANYTHING to be ashamed of at ALL!!! You should be proud! If he asks WHY you're still a virgin, be honest. You could be waiting for the right person, your thoughts and energies were concentrated on school, and career, ect. Whatever your reason (or all of the above), it's YOUR reason. Don't make excuses, because it's NOTHING to be ashamed of!

Also, let me caution you. Some guys, once they hear that you're a virgin, will make it their mission to be the first to field goal ya. Take the time, get to know him, trust him. If he's worth anything, he won't laugh, tease, or overly question. AND he won't push you into it. And, most "quality" men, will also understand that you have very little experience, and won't tease you for it in a mean way. He will understand. NEVER be ashamed of WHO you are darlin'. EVER.

If this is The One, be sure to use protection, because, yes, you CAN get pregnant or an STD your very first time.

<3

[SensualWoman]

I'm on the "wait to see if he's a stand-up guy" before telling him. It's not something that you should keep to yourself, but you need to be cautious. Don't want him bouncing on the chance to score on you first and then break your heart. Your virginity is a special thing, and who you give it up to DOES matter. And so what if your inexperienced? We all weren't experienced at one time. If he starts to care about you, it won't matter. And never change what comes naturally to you for a guy in bed. Once you get the hang of things, sex just gets better from there. Almost never is it great for the first bit, so don't be discouraged.

Good luck!

[littlemissnonamegirl]

Thanks ladies!

A little information on him might be useful haha. Very generally speaking I definitely do not get that vibe from him. He has always been a gentleman and never pressured me or pushed me to do anything. I have been the initiator and he is fine with me doing that, just because he wants to respect me. We've been seeing each other for a solid month and he has been completely invested in getting to know ME and not get down to business or get all touchy, he hasn't even reached for below the belt. He is literally the ideal gentleman with chivalry, etc. Again, we are definitely not at that point, but it's always good to at least have an understanding or something so I don't say the wrong thing.

I'll keep you all posted, but I am being very, very cautious too. I don't want to be fooled or going to let a guy use that as his fuel to be the first.

It's scary, because I haven't ever been in this predicament, but I guess it is exciting.

xoxo.

[ladylove]

Scary and exciting; Do what's right for you and you will always win. Enjoy the ride!

[pappyld04]

Tiny D: I have to follow ladylove and Tyger on this one! Never be ashamed of your past, but don't let it hold you up either! Only you are qualified to make that choice!

[littlemissnonamegirl]

Tiny D: I have to follow ladylove and Tyger on this one! Never be ashamed of your past, but don't let it hold you up either! Only you are qualified to make that choice!

Aw thanks Pappy, I appreciate the honesty. I guess we'll see what happens! *toesies crossed*

[littlemissnonamegirl]

Update: So all this advice has been just what I needed to hear! but unfortunately, I won't have to worry about it with this guy. After five or six successful and seemingly great encounters, apparently Mr. "Wonderful" isn't the guy I thought he was. He stopped calling, texting, and corresponding with me. Sigh. Whatever, I am going to move forward and keep my head up because I did not do anything wrong for a change.

Buttt this advice is all amazing and will definitely help me someday, when I hopefully can, finally lose that v-pass. <3 Here's to another try ...

[ladylove]

Update: So all this advice has been just what I needed to hear! but unfortunately, I won't have to worry about it with this guy. After five or six successful and seemingly great encounters, apparently Mr. "Wonderful" isn't the guy I thought he was. He stopped calling, texting, and corresponding with me. Sigh. Whatever, I am going to move forward and keep my head up because I did not do anything wrong for a change.

Buttt this advice is all amazing and will definitely help me someday, when I hopefully can, finally lose that v-pass. <3 Here's to another try ...

Don't rush, make sure when you hand in your v-pass, make sure the person is worthy of you.

[littlemissnonamegirl]

Don't rush, make sure when you hand in your v-pass, make sure the person is worthy of you.

Thanks darlin'. Unfortunately there is more pressure than ever to lose my virginity. I am not by any means giving in or ready to do so. I just am getting so frustrated now because of my group of like ten girls, my friend who has never had a boyfriend or whatever, has now lost her v-card (she has only been with the guy for like two/three weeks). Anyways, I am the only one now who has not done the deed and they don't push the issue, but definitely don't understand why I believe in waiting past a few months to do anything. Things should not have a time limit, I understand that, but I am tired of them judging me because I don't put out so quickly and take things really slow. I don't think there is anything wrong with that, but maybe I am doing something wrong, hence why I can't keep a guy past like a few dates apparently. :/

[Sunday]

Thanks darlin'. Unfortunately there is more pressure than ever to lose my virginity. I am not by any means giving in or ready to do so. I just am getting so frustrated now because of my group of like ten girls, my friend who has never had a boyfriend or whatever, has now lost her v-card (she has only been with the guy for like two/three weeks). Anyways, I am the only one now who has not done the deed and they don't push the issue, but definitely don't understand why I believe in waiting past a few months to do anything. Things should not have a time limit, I understand that, but I am tired of them judging me because I don't put out so quickly and take things really slow. I don't think there is anything wrong with that, but maybe I am doing something wrong, hence why I can't keep a guy past like a few dates apparently. :/

You may be doing something wrong, but sticking to your principles and doing what you think is right is definitely not it. Any guy worth having will recognize what a gift it is to have the attention of a woman with principles and will respect you for it. If they don't, they don't deserve you. I admire you.

[Kandi000]

Most guys find virgins hot, so I think it's wise to tell him. Also, that way he'll be careful with you and not just ram it in...cause that could be painful. And on your end, you'll feel good about not lying. Opening up about something like that sets a good and honest tone. Plus, if you're not that good, he'll know why and most likely take it as a challenge to 'teach you'. But, if its something YOU feel uncomfortable about disclosing, you are allowed to keep that to yourself. It's none of his business how many people you haven't slept with.