Newbie darkkittyvamp02 Posted September 15, 2006 Newbie Report Share Posted September 15, 2006 my ass is smile))) it is goodhttp://www.bestanalcravings.comA teacher is explaining biology to her 4th grade students. "Human beingsare the only animals that stutter," she says.A little girl raises her hand. "I had a kitty-cat who stuttered," shevolunteered.The teacher, knowing how precious some of these stories could become,asked the girl to describe the incident."Well", she began, "I was in the back yard with my kitty .....and theRottweiler who lives next door got a running start and before we knewit, he jumped over the fence into our yard!"That must've been scary," said the teacher."It sure was," said the little girl. "My kitty went 'Fffff, Fffff,Fffff'... and before he could say "Fuck," the Rottweiler ate him!" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members whiskeywoman Posted September 16, 2006 Author Members Report Share Posted September 16, 2006 The man had been watching the house for a week, He knew the occupants were gone on a long holiday.He had gone around the neighborhood dressed as a police man checking security systems and the loot within the homes.People were so gullible sometimes.He carefully pulled off the screen, with a small ammount of pressure, the window popped right open.He climbed in the open window, he was in the master bedroom.He went into the living room with his thoughts on the brand new DVD and plasma screen TV he had seen.He was loading the DVD player into his bag when he heard "Jesus is watching you"He turned around and saw no one.He turned his attention to the silver tea set in the china cabinet.Once again he heard "Jesus is watching you"He turned and saw no one.He continued to load up on the silver, he heard "Jesus is watching you"Frustrated and scared, he turned on the light, he saw a large cage with a parrot in it, The parrot said "Jesus is watching you"The man blew out a shaky breath and laughed, "ok polly, whatever you say"Then he heard the bird laugh, and a low deep growl, he turned around and behind him was a HUGE rottweiller looking at him baring all of his teeth.He told the dog, "nice doggy, sit"then he heard the bird say "sic him Jesus" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members clewing Posted September 16, 2006 Members Report Share Posted September 16, 2006 Attn: EntrepreneursEveryone knows that if you are going to operate a business in today's world you need a domain name. It is advisable to look at the domain name selected as others see it and not just as you think it looks. Failure to do this may result in situations such as the following (legitimate) companies who deal in everyday humdrum products and services but clearly didn't give their domain names enough consideration:[Note from nevertooold--actual websites, I checked them out]1. A site called "Who Represents" where you can find the name of the agent that represents a celebrity. Their domain name, wait for it, is...www.whorepresents.com <http://www.whorepresents.com> 2. Experts Exchange, a knowledge base where programmers can exchange advice and views at www.expertsexchange.com <http://www.expertsexchange.com> 3. Looking for a pen? Look no further than Pen Island at www.penisland.net <http://www.penisland.net> 4. Need a therapist? Try Therapist Finder at www.therapistfinder.com <http://www.therapistfinder.com> 5. Then of course, there's the Italian Power Generator company www.powergenitalia.com <http://www.powergenitalia.com> 6. And now, we have the Mole Station Native Nursery, based in New South Wales: www.molestationnursery.com <http://www.molestationnursery.com> 7. If you're looking for computer software, there's always www.ipanywhere.com <http://www.ipanywhere.com> 8. Welcome to the First Cumming Methodist Church. Their website is www.cummingfirst.com <http://www.cummingfirst.com> 9. Then, of course, there's these brainless art designers, and their whacky website: www.speedofart.com <http://www.speedofart.com> 10. Want to holiday in Lake Tahoe? Try their brochure website at www.gotahoe.com <http://www.gotahoe.com> Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members whiskeywoman Posted September 19, 2006 Author Members Report Share Posted September 19, 2006 An Englishman, a scottsman and an irishman all walk into the bar for a pint.The bartender hands them their pints.The english man looks at his pint and notices a fly, he hands it back to the bartender and says "I can't drink this, there is a fly in it"The scotts man sees a fly in his pint as well, He picks it out, throws the fly down and proceeds to drink his pint.The irish man looks down, sees a fly in his pint, picks the fly up and begins yelling "SPIT IT OUT! SPIT IT OUT!" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tyger Posted October 18, 2006 Report Share Posted October 18, 2006 Seminar On Sex......A noted professor was asked to give a talk on "Sex". When he was introduced he stood up and said, "Ladies and gentlemen it gives me great pleasure........." ... and then sat down promptly. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members whiskeywoman Posted November 16, 2006 Author Members Report Share Posted November 16, 2006 A woman calls her boss one day and tells him she can not come in because she is not feeling well.The boss asks "whats wrong?"She replies "I have anal glaucoma"the boss asks "what the hell is that?"She replied "I can't see my ass coming into work today" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members WifeMomSlave Posted November 16, 2006 Members Report Share Posted November 16, 2006 OMG!! Too funny! I will have to tell hubby that one, he is always sharing work excuse ideas at work lol. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members vtnympho Posted November 16, 2006 Members Report Share Posted November 16, 2006 Here is a funny one that my best friend sent me in an email yesterday. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tyger Posted November 17, 2006 Report Share Posted November 17, 2006 Grandma and Grandpa were visiting their kids overnight when Grandpa found a bottle of Viagra in his son's medicine cabinet.He asked about using one of the pills. The son said, "I don't think you should take one Dad; they are very strong and very expensive.""How much?" asked Grandpa "Ten dollars a pill." answered the son. "I don't care." said Grandpa, "I'd still like to try one and before we leavein the morning, I'll put the money under the pillow."Later the next morning, the son found $110.00 under the pillow.He called Grandpa and said, "I told you each pill was $10.00, not $110.00."I know," said Grandpa. "The hundred is from Grandma." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members whiskeywoman Posted November 26, 2006 Author Members Report Share Posted November 26, 2006 know why women are like pans?No matter how much meat you put in them, there is always room for the gravy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members clewing Posted November 27, 2006 Members Report Share Posted November 27, 2006 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members clewing Posted December 20, 2006 Members Report Share Posted December 20, 2006 I just saw that this had not posted correctly. Sorry! I had deleted this image from my PhotoBucket, not realizing it would delete it from where ever I had posted it. Still learning..... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members CGEM Posted December 21, 2006 Members Report Share Posted December 21, 2006 Sure, a good one.But the question remains: How can you translate this into more and better sex?RegardsCGEM Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members WifeMomSlave Posted December 21, 2006 Members Report Share Posted December 21, 2006 OMG too funny. I have a vid that looks just like that one, and I could see my kids doing that.lol Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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