Members Kama Posted April 1, 2012 Members Report Share Posted April 1, 2012 Before I start, let me tell you that I was one of those women that didn't have healthy male role models. I'm not a man, so that's why I'm asking some of you on what your opinion is. Forgive me for sounding naive.When I was in college, I had some male acquaintances say that a woman sucks in bed if she can't take anal sex. I asked them "What if she's really good at other things, like oral, etc?" They said "She still sucks. Being good at anal is what makes her good in bed. If a woman really loves sex, she likes anal."The man I was dating in college also said to just take the pain during anal sex. I then found out that he cheated on me for the reason that I couldn't "take anal sex properly."I'm open to anal sex, as long as it's comfortable and my partner is gentle. I'm not repulsed by the idea, but I don't want to be in pain either. I've tried butt plugs, and they feel fine. It's just that the man I dated in college was too rough.My questions are:Do you agree with what the guys I met said? That a woman automatically sucks in bed based on how well she takes anal sex?Will you feel unsatisfied if your partner isn't into anal sex and feel like you have to get it elsewhere?Are you okay with your partner being in pain and uncomfortable during sex?I would like to think that a healthy and loving male partner wants his woman to feel pleasure as well.I would like to think that partners would respect each others' limits. I certainly would feel terrible if my partner was in pain, so I don't understand why my ex had no remorse for me being in pain during anal sex.Luckily, the most recent man I dated wasn't pushy about anal sex. I had suggested it to him to spice up the sex life, but he wasn't too interested. He was also placed much importance on making me feel good. Even if vaginal penetration started to hurt due to dryness, he would pull out and didn't want to me feel uncomfortable. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members thurisas Posted April 1, 2012 Members Report Share Posted April 1, 2012 The guy in college was preying on your naivity and wish/willingness to do what it takes to keep him happy. May his junk rot for all eternity for pulling that kind of crap. Sex is two ways. Take and give. He was about the take. You can do anal without pain but you will have to work your way into it. Start with plugs, get bigger as you go, eventually with a patient partner you will learn to relax enough to have anal sex with little to no preparation other than lots and lots of lube. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members square Posted April 1, 2012 Members Report Share Posted April 1, 2012 No, no, and no. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tyger Posted April 1, 2012 Report Share Posted April 1, 2012 I'd like to weigh in here, I hope you don't mind.I've been with a few men that like to do anal. The last one before my husband rushed it, and hurt me badly, so I'm wary of it now. I know that being tense will make it hurt, so I usually choose not to be the penetrated one. However, in NONE of the times I did participate in anal, did they ever say anything about if I didn't do it, I'd suck in bed. I've never, ever been told that when I refuse to do anal. It was discussed, and I agreed to do it. They never pushed me into it. One man was a year older than I, another was 5 yrs older, the one that hurt me was 6 yrs younger. However, I stress again, that they NEVER pressured or insulted me into doing so.I fully agree with Thur. If those boys, not men, said that to you, they are assholes. Stupid assholes at that. Most people have one thing they don't like to do sexually, for whatever reason. However, anal sex has to be one of those things that's agreed upon by BOTH parties involved, both are willing and wanting to do so, and if one can't or won't, they shouldn't be guilted into thinking that they suck sexually because of their decisions.Anal play does require practice and PATIENCE on those that are wanted it, but have to wait. It takes time physically & mentally, to get your anus willing and ready to accept something going UP inside instead of out. I'm very glad that they're your exes!!! You don't need that sort of relationship, where you are made to doubt yourself. And kuddos to the man you recently dated & didn't pressure you, but encouraged you instead. That's a sign of respect, which is better than a guy that makes you feel bad about your sexual prowess any day!!!FYI; not all men like to give or receive anal anyway. It should always be up to the BOTH of you. If one doesn't want it, then it's off the list. It's as simple as that. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Kama Posted April 1, 2012 Author Members Report Share Posted April 1, 2012 Thanks for the replies! Yes, the "boys" in college were not mature. I'm not around people like that anymore, but the thought came up in my head today. This is a good forum to clarify any sexual misconceptions. I just recalled that I'm also willing to accept a man that doesn't like to give oral sex. It's nice to be gone down on, but I certainly wouldn't label him "bad in bed" or feel the need to cheat on him. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Sunday Posted April 2, 2012 Members Report Share Posted April 2, 2012 1. No I do not agree with the guys you talked to. They were idiots and too young to know what good sex is. Your college boyfriend was a sadist.2. I've only had one partner who was into anal and it wasn't that great. No way is it a requirement. Fine if it's something you BOTH want to do, but it's crazy to think everyone should enjoy it.3. It is sadistic to want your partner to be in pain during sex. If you're into it, fine, but if you don't want pain that's your choice and you shouldn't be expected to tolerate it.Your last two paragraphs are describe exactly what a good partner should be. Don't settle for anything less. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Kace Posted April 2, 2012 Members Report Share Posted April 2, 2012 As with any sex act, only do it if YOU want to. Anal sex can and often is pleasurable for both parties if it isn't rushed and proper preparation is done. Don't let anyone tell you that you "suck in bed" because you won't do something he wants. Guys (and gals) like him aren't worth the effort and don't deserve the time and attention if they don't respect you. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Zinger Posted April 3, 2012 Members Report Share Posted April 3, 2012 I definitely do not agree with that. I have had relationships with woman would never even think to do anal including my wife. I would love for my wife to do it but I have respect for her boundaries. Heck I can't even her to perform anal on me. Lol.That guy is a jerk I'm sorry to he ar you had to go thru that. My wife is a great lover in bed and has never done anal I enjoy what have and would never cheat on my wife just to try or do anal or anything for that matter just because I am not getting it at home. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members ReadyToMoveOn Posted April 7, 2012 Members Report Share Posted April 7, 2012 Simple answer, No, I do not agree with your sex partner you dated while in college...Anal sex whether you indulge or not, does not make you "Suck" as a lover, nor does it guarantee you are a "Great" lover either... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Kace Posted April 9, 2012 Members Report Share Posted April 9, 2012 I'd say this guy is a just a douche. I don't believe most men are so callous and mean spirited. The rare instances where I've been with women who consented to anal sex it was not coerced and it was done slowly and carefully. From my perspective, I see it as an honor - it takes a lot of trust to offer such an easily injured part of yourself to another. 2 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Kama Posted April 14, 2012 Author Members Report Share Posted April 14, 2012 For those that wonder, these young men and I come from a sexually repressed country. We grew up in the states, but our parents like to instill traditional eastern values. One of those values is for women to be virgins and abstain fron pre-marital sex. Since our parents don't educate us on what healthy sex is, we come out confused. I also came from a family that believed that all men are dogs and will cheat if you don't do everything they want sexually. I don't want to believe in such nonsense. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Kama Posted April 14, 2012 Author Members Report Share Posted April 14, 2012 I just wanted to add that turning to porn as a teacher is the easiest teacher when your parents would rather die than mention sex. My ex also came from a family that cheated on their wives and used prostitutes, but would pretend to be holier than thou in public. As pathetic as it sounds, I didn't know that a man pressuring you into sex was disrespectful until my 20's. I read it in a book before anyone told me at home, at my conservative school or amongst my friends. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members mudshark Posted April 15, 2012 Members Report Share Posted April 15, 2012 Before I start, let me tell you that I was one of those women that didn't have healthy male role models. I'm not a man, so that's why I'm asking some of you on what your opinion is. Forgive me for sounding naive.When I was in college, I had some male acquaintances say that a woman sucks in bed if she can't take anal sex. I asked them "What if she's really good at other things, like oral, etc?" They said "She still sucks. Being good at anal is what makes her good in bed. If a woman really loves sex, she likes anal."The man I was dating in college also said to just take the pain during anal sex. I then found out that he cheated on me for the reason that I couldn't "take anal sex properly."I'm open to anal sex, as long as it's comfortable and my partner is gentle. I'm not repulsed by the idea, but I don't want to be in pain either. I've tried butt plugs, and they feel fine. It's just that the man I dated in college was too rough.My questions are:Do you agree with what the guys I met said? That a woman automatically sucks in bed based on how well she takes anal sex?Will you feel unsatisfied if your partner isn't into anal sex and feel like you have to get it elsewhere?Are you okay with your partner being in pain and uncomfortable during sex?I would like to think that a healthy and loving male partner wants his woman to feel pleasure as well.I would like to think that partners would respect each others' limits. I certainly would feel terrible if my partner was in pain, so I don't understand why my ex had no remorse for me being in pain during anal sex.Luckily, the most recent man I dated wasn't pushy about anal sex. I had suggested it to him to spice up the sex life, but he wasn't too interested. He was also placed much importance on making me feel good. Even if vaginal penetration started to hurt due to dryness, he would pull out and didn't want to me feel uncomfortable.I've only read the first post on this thread, so I do not know what is to follow. However, I cut in here to tell you that this guy was nothing more than a cruel, selfish lying sack of shit. Anal sex is wonderful and it works its way into a sexual session on a regular basis. But, to judge a woman on whether she takes it in the ass or not is ridiculous. Who the fuck is trhis guy to do that to someone. Just go with your instnicts, darlin'! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Newbie LDolan Posted September 13, 2012 Newbie Report Share Posted September 13, 2012 The first timer I tried it, it was no biggie.but he was quite small-didn't know that at the time, the next two were completely different, the guys were quite large,and used no lube-and one had the nerve to say "do you know what a turn off fit is when you say "STOP! like that>" what an jerk! but like you, I was too young to know any better. However, after being re-introduced to the art (which I believed it is) it is now one of my very favorites! In fact with a little clit stimulation,it is one of the guarantee ways to get me off, which works just fine with my dh.although actually i think he probably prefers the "straight" route! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members blewits Posted September 13, 2012 Members Report Share Posted September 13, 2012 I'd say this guy is a just a douche. That was my initial thought too. But perhaps we are too kind! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Kama Posted September 14, 2012 Author Members Report Share Posted September 14, 2012 It's funny, because this topic just bumped in my head tonight. I think saying "A woman is only good in bed if she can take anal sex" is manipulative. It's like me saying "A man is only good in bed if he likes getting urinated on." Now that I'm older, I know that good sex is all about two people respecting each other and being attracted to one another. Those little things, like how you make them feel, make a huge difference. I also find that experienced men are well aware that every woman is different when it comes to her sexual preferences. The men that think that all women are the same when it comes to sex tend to be inexperienced. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members admiraltolokus Posted October 8, 2012 Members Report Share Posted October 8, 2012 Do you agree with what the guys I met said? That a woman automatically sucks in bed based on how well she takes anal sex? Those guys must have been talking out of their damn asses! Never agree to such BS!Will you feel unsatisfied if your partner isn't into anal sex and feel like you have to get it elsewhere? I may feel unsatisfied but it can be worked around, it is only a fetish and not the end of the world. I would not go else where, that would be cheating plain and simple for me. Though that would not stop me from doing my own anal play alone Are you okay with your partner being in pain and uncomfortable during sex? NO! LUBE LUBE LUBE LUBE LUBE! No sharp movements! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Connieknows Posted September 25, 2019 Members Report Share Posted September 25, 2019 On 4/1/2012 at 11:16 AM, Kama said: Before I start, let me tell you that I was one of those women that didn't have healthy male role models. I'm not a man, so that's why I'm asking some of you on what your opinion is. Forgive me for sounding naive. When I was in college, I had some male acquaintances say that a woman sucks in bed if she can't take anal sex. I asked them "What if she's really good at other things, like oral, etc?" They said "She still sucks. Being good at anal is what makes her good in bed. If a woman really loves sex, she likes anal." The man I was dating in college also said to just take the pain during anal sex. I then found out that he cheated on me for the reason that I couldn't "take anal sex properly." I'm open to anal sex, as long as it's comfortable and my partner is gentle. I'm not repulsed by the idea, but I don't want to be in pain either. I've tried butt plugs, and they feel fine. It's just that the man I dated in college was too rough. My questions are: Do you agree with what the guys I met said? That a woman automatically sucks in bed based on how well she takes anal sex? Will you feel unsatisfied if your partner isn't into anal sex and feel like you have to get it elsewhere? Are you okay with your partner being in pain and uncomfortable during sex? I would like to think that a healthy and loving male partner wants his woman to feel pleasure as well.I would like to think that partners would respect each others' limits. I certainly would feel terrible if my partner was in pain, so I don't understand why my ex had no remorse for me being in pain during anal sex. Luckily, the most recent man I dated wasn't pushy about anal sex. I had suggested it to him to spice up the sex life, but he wasn't too interested. He was also placed much importance on making me feel good. Even if vaginal penetration started to hurt due to dryness, he would pull out and didn't want to me feel uncomfortable. That's absolutely the typical guys thinking 🤔 there's many of women that can't take anal simple because it's extremely painful seriously my mom's sister couldn't have intercourse because of it being to painful, so she satisfied her husband with anal sex and ORAL 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bisexualrom Posted September 25, 2019 Report Share Posted September 25, 2019 On 4/1/2012 at 11:16 AM, Kama said: Before I start, let me tell you that I was one of those women that didn't have healthy male role models. I'm not a man, so that's why I'm asking some of you on what your opinion is. Forgive me for sounding naive. When I was in college, I had some male acquaintances say that a woman sucks in bed if she can't take anal sex. I asked them "What if she's really good at other things, like oral, etc?" They said "She still sucks. Being good at anal is what makes her good in bed. If a woman really loves sex, she likes anal." The man I was dating in college also said to just take the pain during anal sex. I then found out that he cheated on me for the reason that I couldn't "take anal sex properly." I'm open to anal sex, as long as it's comfortable and my partner is gentle. I'm not repulsed by the idea, but I don't want to be in pain either. I've tried butt plugs, and they feel fine. It's just that the man I dated in college was too rough. My questions are: Do you agree with what the guys I met said? That a woman automatically sucks in bed based on how well she takes anal sex? Will you feel unsatisfied if your partner isn't into anal sex and feel like you have to get it elsewhere? Are you okay with your partner being in pain and uncomfortable during sex? I would like to think that a healthy and loving male partner wants his woman to feel pleasure as well.I would like to think that partners would respect each others' limits. I certainly would feel terrible if my partner was in pain, so I don't understand why my ex had no remorse for me being in pain during anal sex. Luckily, the most recent man I dated wasn't pushy about anal sex. I had suggested it to him to spice up the sex life, but he wasn't too interested. He was also placed much importance on making me feel good. Even if vaginal penetration started to hurt due to dryness, he would pull out and didn't want to me feel uncomfortable. My Connie is definitely right about that guys can definitely be JERKS FOR REAL I wouldn't dream of telling any woman that she has to give anal or she's NO WOMEN please I know many girls that don't enjoy it tell you what see if those guys are willing to bend over and let you girls peg them 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members My Turn Posted September 26, 2019 Members Report Share Posted September 26, 2019 I agree with both Connieknows and Bisexualrom. If, for any reason, you feel pressured or are made to feel unsatisfactory OR belittled, move on. The world is tough enough without bringing negativity to place where you should feel most comfortable. 💖 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members tiedupnaked33 Posted September 26, 2019 Members Report Share Posted September 26, 2019 That man was a doushe. I like a womans tite ass a lot. But not at the expense of her being in pain. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members DaveDC Posted October 1, 2019 Members Report Share Posted October 1, 2019 In order for both to enjoy anal sex. EVERYBODY has to be comfortable. Especially who ever is taking it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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