Toys Are Good!

[timidtwo]

For anyone out there who may be a bit timid about using toys, please take the following advice from us:

Start small, then let your imagination run wild!

My wife and I have been married for over 12 years.

We have had a great sex life, but it definitely got predictable.

We were and are still madly in love, and the sex was still good!

In August 2006, I introduced a small bullet sized vibrator to her one night, and that sent the night's "ritualistic" foreplay into magical realms!

Once that disposable cheapy died out, I then bought her a full sized "soft G spot" vibrator that really made her motor purr! She still wasn't "too sure" about this new found venture, and would only let me use it ON her, but not IN her! (You know, "good" girls don't use stuff like that.... BUT it sure did feel good, so let's use it a "little bit".... )

Until the other night that is: I was using the vibrator ON her, and she couldn't take it anymore, she suprised me by intentionally sliding her butt down the bed, and getting the vibrator deep inside her!

She then moved herself around, making the vibrator move IN and OUT of her for a few minutes, and I was amazed at how much she was enjoying this. From my vantage point, she's never been so "happy" in bed! She was turned on, and watching her be REALLY turned on, REALLY REALLY turned me on! , and it was the most adventurous and mind blowing sex we've had in a LONG LONG time.

Last week, I took it upon myself to buy her another "toy" for her birthday. I haven't given it to her yet, but I will be tonight. We'll see how that goes!?!?!

It is a Bendi-Beaver, with rotating shaft, and vibrating clit stim. I told the clerk that sold it to me at a local store about how she pulled herself onto the vibrator the other night for the first time, and LOVED it, (they wanted the information and asked for it!!! Then they did a great job of helping match me with the toys that would best "fit" us).

The clerk informed me that if she loved that, she will NOT know what to do with herself once she starts using this!

I certainly hope the clerk was right!

Now, from unwilling to use toys, (her motto prior to this, was "The REAL thing, or NO-thing"....)

We're now getting ready to use the Bendi Beaver! How's that for rapid progression in a six week period?!?!

Sex Toys are not evil,

They did NOT damage our marriage bed,

They invigorated it, and made it MUCH better!

The use of toys has rekindled and multiplied our (especially HER) libido to pre marriage levels and beyond!

Now, since we were so scared to actually frequent a store like that, it took us TWELVE years to figure out what we were missing! Take advantage of the opportunity to use this company to buy from and discreetly ship products to you! There are people on here, to help you find the right stuff, too. You get the chance to do it without going through the "embarassment" of face to face conversations with strangers about your sex life! I was thoroughly embarassed when I first started "shopping" for toys, and gave personal information to the sales clerks, now you don't have to go through that!

I can only wish we would have found out how much more fun sex can be, with toys, 12 years ago!

[Mikayla1]

THANK YOU soooooo much for posting that!

You do not know how many men are afraid that a sex toy will take something away from them in bed! You are clearly advocating sex toys as something that helps your relationship - so THANKS for sharing! I know how toys have enhanced my sex life - so I am glad to see a new face reporting this as well.

Also, thanks for mentioning how great this site is - I surely do love it too! Every one is nice and willing to help! Keep coming back and reporting how your life is getting better!

Mikayla

[timidtwo]

As you can probably tell, we were quite the opposite, mikayla.

She was afraid it would take something away!

Toys have definitely added to the bedroom for us.

As a man who is fully and completely committed to pleasing my wife,

in ANYWAY that I possibly can, I will use whatever means necessary to fulfill my marital duty.

I can not get enough of seeing and hearing her in pure sexual bliss!

If that means me buying and using toys on her, then so it is!

I am convinced that using toys on her, does MORE for me psychologically,

than it does for her, physically.

That is saying a lot, because I have seen what they have done to her physically!

They've turned her animalistic passion from "ON" to "OVERDRIVE"!

She was the one who used to say, "I want the REAL thing, or NO-thing".

"WAS", is the keyword... she loves using toys, now!

I was always interested, but I must confess that I too was tied down by the thought

that "good people" don't use those things, or shop for them either.

After all, there is often pornography in those places...

So I put it off, as I said, for over TWELVE YEARS!!!

We don't do porn. That is too much for both of us.

We've seen some, and 98% of what we have seen was just WAY too cheesy, and NOT appealing to us.

What we've seen, also seemed overly disrespectful of women and relationships in general.

So, I buy what our consciences will allow,

and do NOT buy things neither of us are interested in.

How we opened up to the "toy world" is this:

I was walking through "WAL-MART" and saw a funny labeled box of condoms on the shelf...

I picked the box up and realized that it had a vibrating cock ring in it...

I thought, "WOW, that is interesting!"

I bought it, introduced it to the bedroom scene one night, and the rest, is history.

Neither one of us liked that first purchase as a cock ring, it was annoying during intercourse,

but using it as a vibrator on her clit during foreplay was a smash hit!!!!

She loved it, I loved that she loved it, but it didn't take long,

and the battery died on the disposable little thing.

I didn't want her to be disappointed, because I knew that she got a lot out of it.

So, I swallowed my pride, and went to a local sex shop and bought her a re-usable full size vibrator.

I asked questions,

(I am SURE, I must have been pale or completely blushed,

because I was certain that,

"She (the sales clerk) is going to think I am so sort of pervert, or freakazoid")

She didn't think that, she made suggestions for and against certain toys based on what I told her,

and as it is, the new vibrator was a big hit, too.

(Yes, a much better hit than the little bullet sized one.)

The first time we used the full sized vibrator after the battery croaked on the little one,

she ASKED me, "Where's the vibra-thingy? I want to use it again!"

I told her that the battery died, so I "had" to go out and buy her another one.

I brought it out, and used it on her, and it worked magic in the sack!

The one thing I now notice, is that, once she's ready for "ME",

after being aroused by using the vibrator,

there is a COMPLETELY different "feel" for me,

while I am inside her!

There must be an explanation, but anyway,

I can certainly tell the difference between a 'non vibrated' arousal,

and a 'vibrated' arousal when I am inside her!

It must be the extra bloodflow inside her, or something after the vibrator does its job!

Then, I was at work one night this summer, and I was talking to a friend of mine,

who just graduated from a !!!!!SEMINARY!!!! and got her Master's degree in Marriage Counseling.

"Somehow" we got on to the topic of "sex toys".

Not a safe conversation "at work" if someone is to "overhear" your topic of choice,

and you better REALLY trust the person you're talking to, but anyway...

I admitted to having a toy for "K", and my friend informed me that part of marital counseling,

even when done by "Christian" counselors, will often times encourage married couples

to explore each other's likes and dislikes by (I think it was called) Sensory-Focus therapy.

This means that both the husband and wife are expected to bring the other spouse

all the way to orgasm WITHOUT intercourse!

The penis and vagina can NOT come into contact, AT ALL!

If it ends up that the use of "toys" is part of the process, then SO BE IT.

The rationale behind that is, that toys don't do anything

that you are not already trying to do with your hands and/or other body parts!!!

That is, please your spouse in bed! If the toys can help you do it, then USE THEM!!!

Just like there can be "misuses and abuses" of and with toys,

there are misuses of food, cars, guns, money, power, etc....

Just because something can be misused or abused, does not,

in and of itself, make the PRODUCT itself, a bad idea...

nor does it mean that they should not be available!

Reward the good stuff by purchasing it, and show your convictions

about what you don't like by not buying them.

If God wanted us to travel in "cars/trucks/vans/planes, etc..." then why weren't they part of creation?

Last I checked, the first automobiles and planes have been around for only little more than a century!

I don't hear very many people condeming modern modes of travel from the church world!

In fact, I think they like modern travel!

If we should not be able to use "toys" for sex, then maybe our families should just travel by foot,

or on horses.

Maybe we should only communicate by mouth and letters, not the internet, phones, TV, radio, etc....

NOT!!!!

Trains, Planes and Automobiles (sorry, my apologies, to John Candy and Steve Martin)

make travel better, more comfortable and more fun, why should our sexuality lag behind

when technology can make it better, too?

It should NOT lag behind... End of story!

Sincerely,

--- the "J" (of J and K)

P.S. We used the new vibe tonight! EXQUISITE!

The vibrating clit stim was fabulous,

and the rotation of the beads in the shaft, about rolled her right out of bed!

She had to ask me to stop, because it was TOO MUCH for her.

It was sensory OVERLOAD (and a bit bigger than ME! ) BLUSH BLUSH...

We WILL be using it again!

The only downfall is that it is a bit NOISY,

so you better make sure that you're windows are closed (don't want to offend the "innocent" neighbors)

there are NO guests in the house,

and the kids are SOUND to SLEEP!!!!

[Bastian]

Yes toys ARE good! I agree. I love to watch my wife squirming with delight because I am pumping her with a toy. Like you, i do not like porn, but a toy...well that is something all its own. I had to get used to the idea of toys, but by coming here, reading and taking advice from many members (mikayla & howard) I learned that toys are an enhancement. I definitely see it as one.

I am glad other guys are standing up and saying toys are OK - many of my guy friends think toys are only bought because their so is unhapy - so not true!

Bastian

[timidtwo]

I didn't want to wait until either of us was "unhappy" to try to fix anything!

I wanted to make things better (at least different, and provide some variety) before things were tough...

You know what they say,

"An ounce of prevention, saves a pound of cure!"

[Tyger]

I keep telling my DH that toys are ENHANCEMENTS and not REPLACEMENTS. He's slowly, but surely getting the idea of them.

I even let HIM suggest when we use them, that way, he won't feel like I would rather use them, than be with him.

[tdriskel]

I told her that the battery died, so I "had" to go out and buy her another one.

I brought it out, and used it on her, and it worked magic in the sack!

The one thing I now notice, is that, once she's ready for "ME",

after being aroused by using the vibrator,

there is a COMPLETELY different "feel" for me,

while I am inside her!

There must be an explanation, but anyway,

I can certainly tell the difference between a 'non vibrated' arousal,

and a 'vibrated' arousal when I am inside her!

It must be the extra bloodflow inside her, or something after the vibrator does its job!

Then, I was at work one night this summer, and I was talking to a friend of mine,

who just graduated from a !!!!!SEMINARY!!!! and got her Master's degree in Marriage Counseling.

"Somehow" we got on to the topic of "sex toys".

Not a safe conversation "at work" if someone is to "overhear" your topic of choice,

and you better REALLY trust the person you're talking to, but anyway...

I admitted to having a toy for "K", and my friend informed me that part of marital counseling,

even when done by "Christian" counselors, will often times encourage married couples

to explore each other's likes and dislikes by (I think it was called) Sensory-Focus therapy.

This means that both the husband and wife are expected to bring the other spouse

all the way to orgasm WITHOUT intercourse!

The penis and vagina can NOT come into contact, AT ALL!

If it ends up that the use of "toys" is part of the process, then SO BE IT.

The rationale behind that is, that toys don't do anything

that you are not already trying to do with your hands and/or other body parts!!!

That is, please your spouse in bed! If the toys can help you do it, then USE THEM!!!

Just like there can be "misuses and abuses" of and with toys,

there are misuses of food, cars, guns, money, power, etc....

Just because something can be misused or abused, does not,

in and of itself, make the PRODUCT itself, a bad idea...

nor does it mean that they should not be available!

Reward the good stuff by purchasing it, and show your convictions

about what you don't like by not buying them.

If God wanted us to travel in "cars/trucks/vans/planes, etc..." then why weren't they part of creation?

Last I checked, the first automobiles and planes have been around for only little more than a century!

I don't hear very many people condeming modern modes of travel from the church world!

In fact, I think they like modern travel!

If we should not be able to use "toys" for sex, then maybe our families should just travel by foot,

or on horses.

Maybe we should only communicate by mouth and letters, not the internet, phones, TV, radio, etc....

NOT!!!!

Trains, Planes and Automobiles (sorry, my apologies, to John Candy and Steve Martin)

make travel better, more comfortable and more fun, why should our sexuality lag behind

when technology can make it better, too?

It should NOT lag behind... End of story!

Sincerely,

--- the "J" (of J and K)

P.S. We used the new vibe tonight! EXQUISITE!

The vibrating clit stim was fabulous,

and the rotation of the beads in the shaft, about rolled her right out of bed!

She had to ask me to stop, because it was TOO MUCH for her.

It was sensory OVERLOAD (and a bit bigger than ME! ) BLUSH BLUSH...

We WILL be using it again!

The only downfall is that it is a bit NOISY,

so you better make sure that you're windows are closed (don't want to offend the "innocent" neighbors)

there are NO guests in the house,

and the kids are SOUND to SLEEP!!!!

I am really good friends with one of the female pastors at my church. She absolutely encourages couples to find out what each of them likes, and by taking away the "old" way of having sex and the "old" way of interacting, they are forced to listen to one another and respond, hopefully, in new ways. Also, I have heard Howard and Mikayla and many others remind people that it is sex PLAY, not sex work or sex laundry. So, having fun is important. Also, feeling like your lover is not only aroused by your pleasure, but is taking the time to make it their priority is very sexy and empowering. I have been married for 14 years and have 3 kids, so I bet your wife and I are similar ages. I always find it amazing that I grew up in the 80's when lots of people had scary (unprotected and anonymous) sex with lots of people but never really learned about my own body or what I liked. I just sort of decided that if I wasn't going to sleep around, I should just ignore that part. Yikes!! I am now chosing to think of it as saving this great learning when I am old enough to enjoy it more, not as time lost. Also, on a side note as a very faithful person, I prayed many times that God would help me find the way to keep my marriage happy and for each of us to be passionate-- especially as many of my friends divorced. Right now we are the closest we have ever been. Also, I think that if God didn't give us the gift of sex to be used, it wouldn't feel so good and there wouldn't be such a thing as multiple orgasms!! So, my rule is that I can play all I want, as long as it is with my husband. I am so glad you are finding this new side of your marriage and I hope your wife is loving it also.

[timidtwo]

I know she's liking it...

I always ask her if she's done, once I am, and 99.44% of the time, she used to say 'yes'.

There have been a few times, now that we've started using toys that when I ask, (including last night!!!!) she says something other than yes...

Such as, NO, or not yet, or "not sure"...

"Not sure"??? That meant "NO" to me, and I pulled out a vibrator, and used it on her for 20 minutes, while pinning her left arm underneath me, and her right arm with my hand, above her head... I then leglocked her left leg, leaving ONLY her right leg free to squirm while I made "SURE" she was done! She fought against the "bondage", in a very erotic way, until she was finally done, for "SURE"...

I loved it, and so did she... When do I introduce more light bondage stuff, like an "under the bed" bondage leg and arm tie up kit???

Soon????

[tdriskel]

Uhhh--- I don't know THAT answer. I know I may have to try that last scenario at home, but I don't know how or when you progress to more. I guess the first answer would be when both of you want to progress. I think there are some articles on the various types of bondage, etc. Not nearly as scary as the movies make it out to be according to the articles, so probably would be helpful if your wife was "not sure" again. (I sometimes print stuff out and leave it on my husbands desk with a "for discussion soon....." note.)

Yeah for you guys!!

[chickenmom]

Toys are awesome! I sooooo wish I had discovered them years ago. They've helped me achieve the big "O". Now that I am climaxing, my desire has increased tremendously.

I have decided that a gift certificate to all people that I know who are getting married is in order.