Members telecom69 Posted October 16, 2006 Members Report Share Posted October 16, 2006 Many of you have seen some of my posts about the relationship with my gf and dealing with her depression. Outside of sex and the sexual side effects of the Prozac she is on, its to the point now where I really can't deal with it much longer. Am I a bad person for saying that and feeling like that? I'm mentally an upbeat person and physically active person, and her ups and downs are opposite of me. Some days she is so sad that I can't take it. I've been patient with her for over a year and a half, and do a lot of research to understand the illness, and to be compassionate and understanding. I love her dearly and treat her very well, and she says she loves me to no end, but its like a yo-yo. I don't want to leave her (I know her depression will become worse), but I'm seeing that the long term effects of her depression on our relationship are not positive at all. Her self-esteem continues to be low and wonders why am I with her. Its getting old. Ourside of sex, how are some of you dealing with your partner who is suffering from depression? Have you left someone in the past you really cared for, but couldn't deal with it any longer?Telecom Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members ambrelyn Posted October 16, 2006 Members Report Share Posted October 16, 2006 I don't think you're a bad person for feeling that way. Being with someone that's constantly bringing you down isn't good for you. Especially if you're a naturally upbeat kind of person. I don't know that you should give up on her; it doesn't sound like you really want that. It sounds more like you just wish things could change. I can understand that. I've never been with someone that was depressed, but I've been in situation where I felt like if things could just change it would work out. Unfortunately, you can't make that change all by yourself. In your case, I don't know that there's alot you can do. I think you being there and loving her should and probably does help with the depression, but trying to constantly cheer someone up has got to be wearing you thin. I think you need to talk to her about how your feeling. Tell her you don't want to give up on her, but that you don't know what more you can do to help her. Does she see a counselor? Would she if she isn't already? It might be a good idea. I don't know what advice to give you, other than to talk to her. I just wanted to say that I can imagine how hard it must be. But with everything you've said about her and how you talk about her, I'd hate to see it end. In the end, however, you have to do what is best for you. If you see a future full of misery and little else, then you'll have to walk away. I just wouldn't take that step without talking to her first. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tyger Posted October 17, 2006 Report Share Posted October 17, 2006 I have a best friend that is Manic Depressive. She use to litereally screech at her kids and BFs because her doctor had a hard time finding medicine combos that worked for her. When her meds are working correctly, she's pretty normal. She still will have bouts of depression, as to be expected since medicines won't make it ALL go away. But they're not as severe or extreme. It is hard seeing her when she has bottomed out. And sad too, because she's an awesome person when she's regulated.If your GF is having downward spirals and extreme highs, then, I would say that she needs to go back to her doctor and tell him/her what her symptoms are, and probably get either a higher dosage or new meds all together. If she just goes in for her follow-ups and says everything is fine, her meds are working, they won't change it. She has to be honest with her doctors and herself.No, you are NOT a bad person for feeling this way. You are an individual with feelings of your own, and are trying to deal with someone that has some serious issues. It's great that you've stuck by her for so long. But she has to want to help herself in order to get a bit more balanced. I won't say "better" because those types of conditions don't just go away.If you're not sure of how you feel about her, but stay together with her because her depression will get worst, you are not only hurting yourself, but her as well, in the long run. You're hurting each other by holding each other back.If you truly love her and want to be with her, great!! Then might I suggest that you offer to go with her to her next appointment with her doctor and help explain what YOU see going on with her. Someone "outside" her box, so to speak~not in her skin. A different way of seeing things can shed some great perspective on a situation.Good luck in whatever you decide to do!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members WifeMomSlave Posted October 17, 2006 Members Report Share Posted October 17, 2006 I really dont have any words of wisdom or comfort...just wanted to say good luck iin what ever you decide...but I can see you are in love with her throught it all..she is a very lucky women. Just make sure you are totally at peace with your choice...also there are support groups for family and loved ones of people deallig with depression. try looking in your phone book...call your local hospital they should be ale to help you! again good luck to both of you! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members trickychick Posted October 25, 2006 Members Report Share Posted October 25, 2006 Many of you have seen some of my posts about the relationship with my gf and dealing with her depression. Outside of sex and the sexual side effects of the Prozac she is on, its to the point now where I really can't deal with it much longer. Am I a bad person for saying that and feeling like that? I'm mentally an upbeat person and physically active person, and her ups and downs are opposite of me. Some days she is so sad that I can't take it. I've been patient with her for over a year and a half, and do a lot of research to understand the illness, and to be compassionate and understanding. I love her dearly and treat her very well, and she says she loves me to no end, but its like a yo-yo. I don't want to leave her (I know her depression will become worse), but I'm seeing that the long term effects of her depression on our relationship are not positive at all. Her self-esteem continues to be low and wonders why am I with her. Its getting old. Ourside of sex, how are some of you dealing with your partner who is suffering from depression? Have you left someone in the past you really cared for, but couldn't deal with it any longer?TelecomHi,Ive been with my man for 8 years. We are quite different. I am the eternal optimist, always wanting to do stuff, being positive for the most part, sort of 'seize the day' type. He is often tired, pessimistic, negative, miserable, angry, and tired again. He has little positive comments to make and sees the bad side of everything, even food. For the first 4 years I found this such a pain, but I have learned to see him through all his negativity, and I have kind of learned who he really is, why hes like that, why he does it. For a while, it felt like he was dragging me down (it always seems that the negative wins, its easier to be down than up, and misery loves company) And I did actually leave him. But we got back together (we have kids), and I learned ways of dealing with his pessimism, and NOT being dragged down, and staying the way I am. I try not to let him hold me back. For all I know he does have some sort of depression, but he says hes not depressed and is against the idea of counselling (hmmmm...)I know its not exactly the same, but Im saying its possible after alot of experience with your SO, to get to grips with their behaviours. I think accepting the way they are, and not becoming like them but continuing to be yourself may be hard, but possible. I have noticed over the years, my SO has changed in some ways, because I never stop being positive to him. BUT if I become miserable myself, its truly hell, two miserable people together is not good, you feed off each other and go plummeting down, thats the only problem. I can never have a problem of my own, he doesnt know how to support me emotionally, which is a worry, but that is HIS problem, not mine, and not my fault. Ive learned to recognise these things, and work round them.He has his good points, dont get me wrong, Im ONLY talking about stuff relating to your post. I completely understand how you feel. Its hard. Good luck x Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members riv Posted October 25, 2006 Members Report Share Posted October 25, 2006 Many of you have seen some of my posts about the relationship with my gf and dealing with her depression. Outside of sex and the sexual side effects of the Prozac she is on, its to the point now where I really can't deal with it much longer. Am I a bad person for saying that and feeling like that? I'm mentally an upbeat person and physically active person, and her ups and downs are opposite of me. Some days she is so sad that I can't take it. I've been patient with her for over a year and a half, and do a lot of research to understand the illness, and to be compassionate and understanding. I love her dearly and treat her very well, and she says she loves me to no end, but its like a yo-yo. I don't want to leave her (I know her depression will become worse), but I'm seeing that the long term effects of her depression on our relationship are not positive at all. Her self-esteem continues to be low and wonders why am I with her. Its getting old. Ourside of sex, how are some of you dealing with your partner who is suffering from depression? Have you left someone in the past you really cared for, but couldn't deal with it any longer?TelecomI have been dealing with a depressed wife for 17 years. Her problems have all but destroyed our marriage and sex is almost a thing of the past. I have been supportave in every way i can think of and it doesn't change anything for the better. I know how you feel....I wear the shoe. But I am married and have a handicapped child who I won't leave and from what i understand you are dealing with a girlfreind. Knowing what i know now If I were in a dateing relationship with that problem I'd get out....sorry...but I've been in far too long and indured too much pain and I really don't believe it gets better for most people. If I were going to give you advice speaking from experince I say don't wait till you get her preg. because then it's another story. I'm not trying to be mean but I've been doing all the loving far too long and I know how it feels....it sucks for me and I'm about on my last too. Just my thoughts.....good luck Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Newbie lydster4 Posted October 25, 2006 Newbie Report Share Posted October 25, 2006 Morning everyone, I too am going through a situation with my hubby. I love him dearly, however, he is down. Two years ago, he was on some meds for depression. However, he made a choice to wean himself off of them because he did not like the side effects. He even told me that he felt that the meds made him feel "air-headish" (if that's a word). Since the two years have past, he has his good days and bad like everyone else, however, I make it a point to remind him when he makes comments to me like, "am I crazy or why did you marry some one like me?" Allow me to give a bit of background on my hubby.Six years ago he was diagnosed with colon cancer. The doctors gave him a year to live. He cashed out his savings, 401K and sold some of his antique cars and gave the money away thinking that in a year he'd be gone. Six years later, he's having to start over and try to rebuild everything he gave away. However, it not only the fact that he had a portion of his colon removed it also affected his genitals. He did have an implant done and remains at a 45 degree angle at all times. Some days he has sensation some days he doesn't. I do believe he gets down about that issue a lot.I reassure him whenever he needs it that I love him uncondtionally for who he is and have accepted everything about.Love is not a feeling, its an act of your will.Thanks for listening and always hope. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members willtryanything Posted November 13, 2006 Members Report Share Posted November 13, 2006 My first marriage ended because of my depression. It is a horrible, helpless feeling to be so sad and know there is no reason at all for it. When I tried to kill myself, my children lived with their dad while I was in the hospital and then I saw what I was going to lose. I had to be at my lowest point to get back up. For a long time I could not understand why he would leave me when I needed him so badly if he loved me. Now I do. He had to take care of himself. I have been on several different meds and the side effects are crappy. Maybe Prozac isn't for her. It made me violent. Your girlfriend needs someone to love her and it is obvious that you do but you have to take care of yourself. Maybe if you just take a break, the two fo you can see how things will be without each other. If she isn't doing all she can for herself, maybe this will make her. You can see how you feel away from that situation and if you decide to part ways, it might not be as hard as breaking it off all at once. Do you have a relationship with her parents? Maybe you can talk to them. I know it's stressful and you are a good man for sticking around. Don't feel bad for feeling the way you do. I almost drove my poor ex-husband to a nervous breakdown. He's better off without me. If your girl loves you like you love her, she will understand that one day. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members willtryanything Posted December 3, 2006 Members Report Share Posted December 3, 2006 Can you give us an update? I have thought a lot about this and really hope everything is working out. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members telecom69 Posted December 4, 2006 Author Members Report Share Posted December 4, 2006 Can you give us an update? I have thought a lot about this and really hope everything is working out.Hi,I posted an update on here about this, but don't remember where. Things are much better. She is now living with me, and she is more willing sexually to. She is able to have orgasms more now, and I can tell she is into it. We have four vibes now, and she will even use them in front of me. Big time turn on!! I've learned that I just have to take control more with her, and that seems to turn her on. We're still dealing with her depression and she is a sensitive women, but I have to deal with those day-by-day. Some days are great and I can tell she is ok, other days she is quiet and has things on her mind. Those are not the days for sex, as she just isn't relaxed. I'll just be patient with her and let her know I'm here if she needs me.I'm a health nut freak and believe a healthy and in shape body can get you get you thru life easier. She is now working out with me and trying to deal with her diet better.The worst part now is my ex and my kids (17, 19, 21) don't really think she should have moved in with me. Only my 19 yr old daughter lives with me sometimes and I think she is jealous. I've been divorced 2.5 yrs and have moved on. My ex hasn't even though she is the one that had the affair (with family members husband) and that is why we're divorced. Divorce continues to create drama.Telecom Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members willtryanything Posted December 4, 2006 Members Report Share Posted December 4, 2006 I'm happy to know that things are better for you two. I'm sorry that no one agrees with her living with you. It would be different if this were ten years ago and your children were younger, but this is your decision and they will have to deal with it.I agree about working out and eating right. Even my doctor told me that exercise helps with depression.I hope you continue to do well, thanks for the update, I guess I missed the first one. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.