Talk To Me About Submission

[adaisyandarose]

I have a friend that may possibly turn into a FWB situation. He is really into sub females and I am just curious on what this entails. He said he isn't into pain or anything like that. Is it just role playing and calling him master or what is involved here.

I have always enjoyed the thoughts of bondage...to receive or give. Just wondering if I can pull this off or not...lol.

[Tyger]

Submissives do whatever the Dominant one tells them to do, willingly. Some Doms & subs like to play rough, some don't. In all the cases there is a SAFE WORD. A word that is so totally out of place when having sex, like "Lampost, Curtain, Clue", that when said, whatever is being done is stopped AS SOON AS THAT WORD IS SPOKEN. To be fully comfortable being a Sub, this word must be known and understood. Trust is the key to being good Subs & Doms, IMO. Without trust, the experience will be lacking.

Being blindfolded, tied up, or even made to sit on your knees on the floor, all can be very fun. Most people prefer one role or the other. I, shockingly, prefer Sub. I say shockingly, cuz anyone that knows me, knows how independant and stubborn I can be. But I like it. So, most people can pull off one or the other, no matter what their personality is. The first couple of times may feel a bit on the wierd side. Mental prep is good. Thinking "I want to please him" "I will do as he says" is a couple of things I would say to myself, and even aloud, before I know when Sub is what I need to be that night.

The level of what's going to happen depends on the Dom & Sub. If it's a kind of relationship deal, then boundries must be understood. On both sides. He should know how far you are willing to go, what you like, and what you are willing to try.

Good luck to you, and have fun!!!

[nosleepnmesa]

Tyger pretty well said it all I just wanted to add to that their is a article that is very informational on this subject. I myself like both roles but at times I LOVE to be the sub, we have a save word and although I have yet to have to use it, I have been tested almost to my limit. It is a role playing type situtation and it gets me hot knowing that he gets extremely hot by having control. I like the restraints and blindfolds etc. To be sub you need to stay in that role and if at anytime you begin to feel uncomfortable use your save word. There must be trust and communication in this type of fun. Here is a link to the article

http://www.tootimid.com/sex_education/sex_...ve_behavior.htm

http://www.tootimid.com/sex_education/sex_...ndage_guide.htm

Happy playing!!

[elise]

daisyandarose: Like Tyger, I very much the sub role in role-play, which most people would not guess about me, as I'm rather a take-charge kind of woman. But I love being in a sub role for sex play (I could never be one of those women who plays sub 24/7), which is only possible because my husband is the person I love, respect, and TRUST most on this earth. I can play sub to his DOM only because I trust him implicitly.

Your post indicates you are not sexually active with your friend yet. This can be a plus, or a minus, depending on how you both play it. For us, BDSM role-playing was something we added to an already rich and varied sex life. To start your sexual relationship with BDSM role-playing might be tremendously exciting.

I would advise that before you take the plunge into BDSM role-play that you sit down in a non-sexual place and time (with your clothes on!) and ask your friend what sorts of things he'd like to do to you. Ask him to be specific. If he's a bit timid, ask him to write it down in a sexy note or email, but tell him he must be explicit. If what he describes sounds exciting, then tell him so, and go ahead. If what he suggests sounds a bit scary to you, negotiate with him. Find a common set of rules you're both comfortable with and turned on by. Having a clear script that you both understand for your first role-play is a good idea. You might choose to improvise after that, who knows, but at first you should both agree to the acts you are going to perform in your game. I have a friend who had her first BDSM/bondage sex with a man she met on the internet; he was very bondage-experienced, which she was looking for. (She did all the safe stuff, of course, checking his bona fides, etc, so there were no nasty surprises.) They discussed via email what they were both into and NOT into, so when they met, it was perfect the first time. Within literally minutes of their first handshake she was bound and gagged and having fabulous orgasms, and they had a long-term relationship for several years based entirely on their BDSM needs. So it can be done with effective communication.

My first BDSM situation with my husband was very mild, and spontaneous... he tied my hands behind my back with the sash from my robe and we then had straight sex, nothing more... but was it ever HOT!!! After we were done we discussed how much fun it was, and decided we'd try other things in the future. We got some books on BDSM, tried some things we liked (many kinds of bondage) and things we didn't (spanking... not my cup of tea at all!), and gradually became very comfortable with what a lot of people might call pretty kinky sex.

Our BDSM role-play is usually quite scripted.. costumes, defining our roles, how dominant he's going to be, how submissive I'm going to be, and so forth. However, there is always an element of uncertainty. He as the DOM has the upper hand, always, and may deviate from the script at any time, whereas I as the sub have no options except to use the safeword/safesignal if I am truly not able to continue in the role-play. Since I hate to use the safeword/safesignal (it breaks the mood), I may find myself submitting to things I would never consent to except in the heat of the moment... and find myself enjoying these forbidden pleasures intensely!

One thing we've found helpful in any roleplay, especially BDSM, is to use the word "timeout". It gives either of us to step out of character for a moment to get some clarification/consultation on something. It might be something silly like my needing to know if I should be using a French accent or an English accent. Most other things can be accomplished in character.. for instance, I might ask my master to tighten my corset-laces, which is rather a mundane/housekeeping thing, but I ask him in character and he does it in character, it can add a new dimension to the game. We use the safeword/safesignal as a FULL STOP, meaning that things have gone way past the point of psychological and/or physical tolerance, and it means the roleplay is over.

So talk to your friend, do some reading, and then if you're comfortable, start simple and proceed slowly.

[adaisyandarose]

Well there are actually 2 people that I have chatted online (#1 I know in RL too) about it. The first guy and I are just friends at this point. (Though I could easily be his sub...we have a great friendship and a great connection to one another. I am actually hoping that the friendship changes into something more the future.)

The second guy is what prompted this post because I never really thought of myself as a sub but I guess I am and guy #1 said that I can be very sub when I want to be with him. Guy #1 we have had cyber sex and last night guy #2 and I had phone sex.

I know I would be totally comfortable with guy #1 in this situation. There is a trust and a connection there. #2 is possibly a little to Dom for me. I don't know if it is because we really haven't built a relationship yet so I can't submit to him as easily or what. At this point I know I would not be comfortable with him alone. Could this just be that we don't know each other well enough yet? Or are we totally mismatched?

Thanks for the replys and the honesty. This situation has prompted alot of research and reading on my part about the dom/sub roles.

[yoursubsdaddy]

my wife at 55 now tells me she is into sub/dom lifestyle. I am novice but want to satisfy her. I had her walk around on all 4's and I have been spanking her for years. She considers me "traditional"? She also had an affair with a woman. is she looking for a threesome. What do I do to be her dom ???

[yoursubsdaddy]

my wife at 55 now tells me she is into sub/dom lifestyle. I am novice but want to satisfy her. I had her walk around on all 4's and I have been spanking her for years. She considers me "traditional"? She also had an affair with a woman. is she looking for a threesome. What do I do to be her dom ???

[Mikayla1]

WELCOME to Too TImid.

Well, the reason your wife probably calls you traditional is b/c if all you have tried to do is spank her and have her walk on all fours - this is pretty standard. I would wonder exactly HOW much she is into the S / M lifestyle. I suppose it is more like she enjoys being dominated as opposed to being in "the lifestyle." Those who are in the lifestyle live and breathe DOM/Sub.

I enjoy BDSM - quite a bit - but I am no longer "in" the lifestyle, so to speak. I would try to find out what she means by this.

Here is the second issue, if she does crave being dominated, the LAST thing she will want to do is TELL you how to dominate her. That is a HUGE turn-off for truly submissive people. If she has to walk you through it, then you are not truly in control or dominating her.

So, if you wish to try and fullfill her needs in this area, you will have to take control from beginning to end. This takes practice and a lot of confidence - plus you will have to discuss a little with her about how far she wants to go. I would start by getting a safeword- something she can use when she becomes uncomfortable. Then, just start playing and dominating and see how far she wants you to take it.

Buy some simple restraints - arm and leg - and have them ready. Get a blindfold, ice, a feather, a small whip and some warming lubes. If you play with toys - get them out. IF not, buy some. The whole notion of being dominated is not being in control, and it is EXTREMELY arousing to a sub to be dominated.

Then, tell her she is going to be your slave tonight and do WHAT you say, when you say it. Discuss the safeword and then begin. Have everything out and ready. Blindfold her and remover her clothes. Push her onto the bed and tie her down. Then, do what you want to her body. Freeze her nipples and clit with ice. Use the whip and feather alternating back and forth to get her into a wild frenzy! Tease her clit until she is ready to cum and then STOP - and back away.

If you have toys - fuck her with a few until she screams - and tell her she can NOT cum until you give her permission. Stick your cock in her mouth and order her to suck it while she is blindfolded and has no use of her hands. After she is just in a plain frenzy, fuck her with your cock until she cums and then cum on her breasts.

This, of course, is just a scenario, but I am willing to bet it would do the trick for her - and if it doesn't - she is not and has never been, in the "lifestyle."

Have FUN!

[whittibo]

So, if you wish to try and fullfill her needs in this area, you will have to take control from beginning to end. This takes practice and a lot of confidence - plus you will have to discuss a little with her about how far she wants to go. I would start by getting a safeword- something she can use when she becomes uncomfortable. Then, just start playing and dominating and see how far she wants you to take it.

Buy some simple restraints - arm and leg - and have them ready. Get a blindfold, ice, a feather, a small whip and some warming lubes. If you play with toys - get them out. IF not, buy some. The whole notion of being dominated is not being in control, and it is EXTREMELY arousing to a sub to be dominated.

Then, tell her she is going to be your slave tonight and do WHAT you say, when you say it. Discuss the safeword and then begin. Have everything out and ready. Blindfold her and remover her clothes. Push her onto the bed and tie her down. Then, do what you want to her body. Freeze her nipples and clit with ice. Use the whip and feather alternating back and forth to get her into a wild frenzy! Tease her clit until she is ready to cum and then STOP - and back away.

If you have toys - fuck her with a few until she screams - and tell her she can NOT cum until you give her permission. Stick your cock in her mouth and order her to suck it while she is blindfolded and has no use of her hands. After she is just in a plain frenzy, fuck her with your cock until she cums and then cum on her breasts.

This, of course, is just a scenario, but I am willing to bet it would do the trick for her - and if it doesn't - she is not and has never been, in the "lifestyle."

Have FUN!

I have never thought anything about this before, but reading your post makes me want to try it exactly how you posted! Dang! I am very much a control freak, hubby is submissive in RL, and the thought of him just letting loose and doing those things sounds very erotic to me. Maybe we'll get there, in time. I think I am just tired of being the initiator in everything we do in AND out of bed. It would be nice to have him take control, at least for a night.

[adaisyandarose]

Oh...update...

I was with the very Dom guy and I loved every damn second of it. We discussed my limits before hand and he was ok with them but he also pushed my boundries in ways that I never thought of. Yep can't wait to see him again!

[pappyld04]

Definetely not a wallflower. I was wondering if you would go through with it, and ran into your other post. It is great that you talked first and set limits and safety ahead of everything. Very happy to see that your first was enjoyable. This seems to be the major problem with this fantasy. Sometimes neither party knows anything and ends up a burn for both. It is so sexy that you knew what you wanted and actually sought and found it. Congratulations!!! BTW, tiger it is almost obvious that someone as strong willed as you does like to let go of that control at times. You go girl!!!

[krisleightate]

This is a link to a BDSM Checklist I find that it is great to give to my Dom when we first start playing that way he knows what my limits are. http://latches.webslaves.com/checklist.htm It is a great checklist and has everything you could think of to check off.