Take It Or Leave It?

[drdlight]

Ok - this is driving me nuts! What do you do, if your hubby says when it comes to Fellatio, he 'won't turn it down, but won't ask for it either"???

Seems it's 'OK - but nothing 'special'...

This is driving me crazy! He only says he 'likes his wife'. (That would be me.)

[Mikayla1]

Honestly, I have never in my experience with past lovers or with male friends that I have talked to, heard that they could "take or leave" a blowjob.

While I think it is sweet that he "prefers you" I do doubt that if he could have both (and I am sure he can) that he would say only sex.

Let me ask you this:

During the times when he gets a blowjob, does he cum fast? If so, he may not want to shorten the moment for you by cumming too quickly.

Have you ever sucked him to completion? Did it take long or short? Did he seem to enjoy it?

Sometimes we have to read between the lines with men. If he gets regular blowjobs, he would be accostomed to them, and therefore be able to budget his "time" between that and sex. If he doesn't get regulars, it might be too intense for him.

Of course, there still is the possiblity that he is getting bad bj's - maybe not from you, but maybe in his past. However, even the men I have talked to would rather have a bad bj than no bj - so it would have to be really, really bad!

I am interested in other opinons here!

[CGEM]

Hi,

I admit that I'm one of those men who can easily "take or leave" a bj that's only "all right".

For me fellatio, more than anything, is a hot thing you do and share i.e. not so divine and pleasurable purely from physical perspective. The thing that makes it so very hot and fantastic to me is that it's one of the most intimate and visual things you can share in sex. I've always said that a perfect bj for me is not at all about licking eights or making humming maneuvres, but simply loving what you're doing and doing your best to show it to the man as well. What you actually do with your mouth is only secondary. But if you fail to show that you absolutely love the whole thing, then it's probably going to feel like you're just performing, and that will end up feeling "all right".

Having read Mikayla's comment, I have to agree on one thing: All men love to receive fellatio. But not all of us have been fortunate enough to get a mind-blowing blow job.

I hope you don't take this as if I was claiming that it's your fault. There are certainly many tricks that can make a bj better, but you should know that we men are simple creatures; We don't believe that you are enjoying yourself unless you actively and constantly make us aware of it. So, if you love giving oral to your man, do not give him any reasons to doubt that.

And I totally agree with Howard; It is always a two-way street. There is no good sex without mutual respect.

I sincerely hope that you will be able to turn your bj sessions from OK to Special. As for your other issue, I cannot help with this information.

Regards,

[CGEM]

Hi again,

You shouldn't be obsessed with your bj being a perfect performance from pulling down his zipper until the checkered flag. It doesn't always have to lead to him cumming. Don't stress about it. Make it a hot and fun thing. Give it in small, yet lustful portions. "Fun" things in sex often tend to lead to wanting more.

Best wishes,

[Mikayla1]

I have to mirror the sentiments of my fellow male posters! I have been the recipient of "bad oral sex" when the man barely licked or touched me in any way, shape or form. He was inexperienced, and was told that women "taste bad." - I was unpleased, to say the least, especially since I had sucked his cock and made him cum in less than 3 minutes!

I believe that enthusiasm in sex, as a whole, is extremely important! When I give blowjobs - even though my hubby has had hundreds, if not thousands, of them from me - I ALWAYS act and perform as if I can't wait to suck his cock, as hot lovers do the first time they fuck! I do love to do it, and it shows. I have been told countless times that I give the best head ever - and I think that is because I do have the enthusiasm.

I believe in teasing his cock, licking, sucking and fingering his shaft. I love to suck hard and then when he starts to relax in pleasure I stop and nibble on his balls. All the while - when I can - I look up into his eyes as I am licking and sucking - so he KNOWS that I am loving sucking HIS cock. I have been told that it is the most sensual thing that I do when I give head.

When things get hot and he gets closer, I suck and deepthroat with veracity and purpose - always moaning and groaning in pleasure even if he has not touched me at all! I have rarely had a man cum in my mouth without grabbing my head and hair and simply uttering a gutteral moan that indicates that I did a great "job."

Giving head is NOT a job - it is a privelege and a skill - I do believe that. I also believe that the women who do not hone that skill are the ones who fall short on the BJ list of winners!

That is MY opinion on that.....

[whittibo]

Boy, how true it is! I LOVE sucking on my husband and am always ubber excited to do so. But he doesn't reciprocate, and when he does, it's not good. I always HOPE it will be, but it never is. I would rather he didn't even try if he wasn't going to be excited about it. But maybe in time.

[CGEM]

OUCH!

Damn it, Mikayla! I'm just about to go into a business meeting, and that post didn't help a least bit. All I can think of right now is "honing the skills". Let's hope I won't propose it for the second quarter action plan.

Regards,

[CGEM]

Whittibo. That's a great example that it works the other way around, too.

[whittibo]

Blush: YOU have to TALK to him about it. Is it you, or just he doesn't like oral sex? If so, why not? Why doesn't he understand that his Pleasure in doing oral is secondary to pleasuring you? And why doesn't he want to do his very best to pleasure you? Doesn' t he really love you?

Howard

That was my post, and I really don't know why. Might be that he feels insecure in what he's doing. He has had a couple really good sessions, so I am sure he knows HOW, but maybe he just doesn't like it. I am still intimidated with him in that position, so perhaps he feels my insecurity too. But what ever it is, it's not good when he's the giver. But we're working to improve every aspect, I am confident in time, that area will be vastly improved too.

[drdlight]

I am going to do my best to address each response to my original post. I do appreciate the input and information!

How is your husband about giving you oral sex?

My husband was a virgin, and I was 'his first' (and to my knowledge, I am also his 'only'.) And, to the best of my knowledge he had not ever given or received OS before then. However - he was totally _awesome_ at giving OS! But, it has not happened very often. (I also like to make sure I am clean and fresh before hand - I had some gay male roommates once upon a lifetime ago - so I do _not_ want to be 'fishy'.) When my DH has given me OS - I have truly praised his skill. But, I also understand about 'taste issues'.

There is such a thing as a bad blow job, but I doubt that this is the problem here. I am suspecting that hubby doesn't want to reciprocate, that he thinks sex is about getting his rocks off, and not pleasuring his partner. He doesn't understand that your job is to pleasure him, while his job is to pleasure you. The reason you give him oral sex is because it is suppose to give him so much pleasure?

Much as I love my DH - he often refers to sexual activity as 'being naughty', 'being bad' or when I suggest it - he says 'you have a dirty, dirty mind!'

Does he have some pre-conceived notion that any woman who gives head is low class, or ' drity "? And that no self-respecting woman would do that to any man? That is part of the double standard doctrines about sex that were very prevalent back in the 1950s, and are still being practiced by many neanderthals.

I don't know. He rarely will discuss sexual issues with me. He was born in the late 1970's.

It probably comes down to asking your hubby what the heck that means, and listening. Men's heads are generally filled with all kinds of worms-- bad ideas about sex, the role of men and women, love, marriage, responsibility, duty------ all put there generally by older boys when they are young so that the listener can never compete successfully for women against the older boys. Its take a lot of maturity for a young boy to grow into a man, cast all that crap aside for what it is, get his head on right and go out and find a woman to love. It often takes a very good and wise woman to educate him, and, frankly, to tell him that what he was told was so much B.S. Don't hesitate to be that woman for your husband.

I was previously married, and my ex-hubby would get into the porn - and way too much 'solo play'. And, without any foreplay, he'd just come up and expect a bj - whether I was there mentally or emotionally or not. I thought that maybe that was causing my DH to be determined to not be like that.... So, I did ask. That was when he said 'I won't turn it down, but I won't ask for it, either. It's just not that much of a turn on for me.'

Mind you - I do not claim to be 'all that and a basket of posies' at my skill in OS. BUT - this is the only man I have really wanted to give a BJ too - and to 'go for the gold!' And, I am more than willing to try to learn how to give great OS - but it is hard when you have a partner who won't give you any feedback - or only negative feedback.

An interesting observation though - shortly after our marriage - and just as I was attempting to give DH a 'good morning' kiss below the belt - as well as morning nookie - he said in a very biting, sarcastic way 'What are you? Some kind of nymphomaniac???" - Needless to say - that has put a major crimp in our sexual relationship. I felt then, that he wants to be the one in charge of any initiating. But, he doesn't initiate! He once commented that he does like for me to initiate - and he's sorry he made his comment - he says 'I can't believe I was that stupid!'

Have fun.

Howard

I'd like to!!!

D.

[drdlight]

Hubby and I have started talking a little bit. (A little headway, but then schedule change comes along, and the intimacy goes down the 'crapper'.)

We definately need MORE 'Couple Time' - and he seems to rank that right up there with a root canal without any pain prevention/relief. <sigh>

So - since hubby is of the opinion that anal penetration is 'Exit Only' - any good tips on how to massage his prostate gland without penetration? (I have read that it can be massaged through the perianum...but not sure if I'm even getting close!

Dr. D light: You obviously need to talk to your husband at great length. He has nots of negative issues concerning sex, and you are not going to be happy with your sex life, ( and, truthfully, he's too stupid to know that he won't be happy with his sex life, either) until you get those worms out of his head.

Toocan:... and even massaging the prostate gland during his climax, to blow your mind as well as your cock! Keep trying.

Howard

[Tyger]

Now, I'm just going by MY past experience, but, yes, it feels very good for a man to have his perenium (sp) rubbed, and pressed against. But it's not the same as having you stimulate him anally. That's just what I've experienced with a few lovers.

[Mikayla1]

Sorry Howard, I have to call you on THIS information. First, it is called the MILLION DOLLAR POINT (or MDP). Second, this is an ancient Tantric Sex and Karma Sutra secret! It was around LONG, LONG, LONG before prostitutes began to use it. WHile I do not doubt that they may utilize this technique, the correct usage of this spot is to STOP ejaculation, or to cause an orgasm without ejacualtion.

If you correctly find and push HARD on the MDP it will STOP ejaculation. This spot was used by Tantric Sex practitioners to give a man multiple orgasms, or to delay ejaculation. While many men report that massaging this spot speeds up ejaculation, if you push hard on it (which is the intention) then the result is the opposite.

Sorry Howard, do your research honey!

Glossary of Terms for Tantric Sex....

[Mikayla1]

You pompous ass! Yes, I realize that "just because it is on the internet it doesn't make it true!" I went to law school, I have 2 higher degrees, I have spent my time doing research.....I am VERY careful about where I get my information. The only reason I posted that particular site was to show the meaning of MDP and to give a very basic understanding of what it is...if you would like I could recommend, oh maybe 20 books or so, and other websites for you to peruse!!!

You are admittedly ignorant on Tantric Sex and the Kama Sutra. You have conceeded that to me. I have read at least 30 books on the subjects, and feel that I know quite a bit about it. The Kama Sutra may have been INTERPRETED by Burton (in 1883) , but it has been around since, oh I don't know, the 2nd Century or so!!!! I would say that trumps Burton's interpretation!

While I am sure there were "prostitutes" in this time and before, I HIGHLY doubt that they were using the MDP! I mean, come on Howard, do you really want to credit hookers for starting the Kama Sutra movment?

It seems as though your interest in prostitutes has reached new levels - something you want to share with us?????

[jesso]

Seriously, sometimes I'm so ammused by the back and forth between some of you on hot headed topics. Too bad rockem' sockem' robots aren't available virtually on boards yet.

Thanks for the education on the MDP. I've always been aware of it, just didn't know it had an OFFICIAL namesake.

Mikayla- your attention to detail is refreshing. ***Miscommunications and assumptions are the mother of all fuckups.

And Howard, thanks for the laugh. The visual of wet noodle lashes....priceless.

And just to comment on the actual post - Part of giving a great blowjob is figuring out what your partner is into and what you enjoy doing. Hands down, if you are not enjoying what you are doing, it transfers to your performance.

j

[*Mikayla's~Man*]

No Nasty pill or late pregnancy issues. When Mikayla is right, she is right and she will call you on it in a heartbeat. I have seen plenty of "cheap shots" from both of you. I would say that you do seem extremely knowldegable in the prostitution thread.

[Mikayla1]

First of all, are you KIDDING ME? What I, and apparently my hubby, have said to you is that "you seem to have an interest and knowlege about prositution" - that is NOT defamation - even I know that! You are a lawyer, you have defended pro's I am sure, or have dealt with wives whose husbands have solicited them. I do not think that stating that you are knowledgable on the subject defames you in any way, shape or form! You know it has to be a SPECIFIC claim, accusation or statment - only stating that you "know" alot about prositution, is NOT defaming!

On the previous thread on the legalization of prostitution, you do have quite a bit of information - and SO DO I - so why is acknowledging that a problem? Your sensitivity here seems unwarranted, BUT if you are seriously offended by our lighthearted jests, than let me assure you (and whomever may be following this thread) - I in NO way was attempting to suggest that you solicit prostitution - PERIOD!

Now, can we let this go already???????????

[Tyger]

Wow?

All I will add to this, is that the Kama Sutra originates from India, and that it's been around for centuries, and compiled in the 4th century. The U.S is a relatively "young" country, only being around for a few hundred years, so, U.S. prostitutes probably haven't come up with many original sexual ideas. The timeline favors the K.S.