Parenting And Sex

[whiskeywoman]

Parenting and sex

5 AM

Your alarm clock is buzzing like a hive of angry bees telling you to wake up.

You reluctantly crawl out of bed to the kitchen where you start a pot of coffee,

While it is brewing you hop in the shower and begin your day.

You stand in the hot spray and wonder what today holds.

After your shower you wrap up in your favorite robe, silently pad your way into the kitchen for a fresh cup of coffee.

You feed the animals that your kids swore they'd take care of if you only gave them a chance to show how responsible they were.

Then its back to your room to get dressed for the day.

3PM

You officially got off work over an hour ago,And your still in the office rattling off numbers to a co worker.

You have to pick up the kids from school, take Billy to football practice by 3:30, Karen to Gymnastics at 3:45, and Bobby to Karate by 4,

Your husband called and said he has to stay late because some clients came into town unexpectedly so hes gonna stay late on work on their files.

After dropping the kids off, you have enough time to stop at the gas station, fill up for the 2ND time this week, grab a quick drink then its back to pick them all up.

Run home make dinner, wolf down a half cooked frozen pizza, check and make sure the kids REALLY DID DO their homework.

Answer the phone to hear your boss barking that a co worker screwed up a months worth of accounts with the simple misplacement OF a few decimal points.

You stay up till well past midnight making things right, you crawl into bed and quickly fall into what I refer to as a mini coma,

where only the annoying buzz of an alarm clock can rouse you.

sound familiar?

With all the hustle and bustle of parenting and working full time, seriously, who has time for a sex life?

I have found that about 90 percent of the married couples I spoke with said kids take first priority, and sex came in dead last.

Now don't get me wrong, while kids are a major responsibility, and should come first before your self,

There are some things that should take precedence over others, like spending a bit of one on one time with your partner instead of crusing the web or checking out profiles on myspace.

If you let your relationship take a backseat over everything else, it will suffer terribly

Roughly 85 percent of married couples who put their own relationship on the back burner for other things like kids, careers, bills etc. wind up divorced.

Now I am not saying that this fate is carved in stone for the readers of this, I am hoping that some of these tips can help prevent that.

As a single mom I know how hard it can be to try and find some sort of balance between parenting, your career and a sex life.

it really can be done, and hopefully I can shed some light on how to regain that which was lost in the chaotic vortex known as parenthood.

ENLIST YOUR PARTNERS HELP!

You are not Super parent, you can not do this alone.

If your partner comes home earlier than you, have them pick up one or two of the kids, or maybe start dinner, or maybe even starting the laundry..

Maybe they could splurge a bit and pick up dinner on their way home.

by enlisting your partners help, you take some of the stress off of yourself, and as we all know stress is one of the biggest mood killers known to man (and woman) kind.

other than the obvious killing of the sex drive, stress lends a hand in other physical problems, High blood pressure, heart attacks, strokes, depression, anxiety, performance issues, and the ever popular foul mood syndrome.

I don't know about you, but a stroke or a heart attack would just kill any sex drive I had, and then we would all really be in a foul mood.

And just for the record, these are all BAD things.

DECLARE A "NO FLY ZONE"

A no fly zone is 1 room in the entire house that is off limits to the kids.

A bedroom, a study, a basement office etc.

DO NOT declare an essential room like the bathroom a no fly zone.

If a child has to go potty they need the ability to do so and the sooner the better.

Besides, do you know how difficult it is to remove vomit from low pile carpeting?

Along the same lines, if you have a guest room that is frequently used, do not make this a no fly zone either,

Nothing is more embarrassing than having your mother in law come over and find your Lil red riding hood costume and that funky blow up sheep you bought as a gag gift.

"Honestly mom, it really IS a gag gift"

The " no fly zone room" is a room that you can go into and lock the door, and unless the house is on fire, or one of the children is severely injured, they do not enter,

this is YOUR room, you can use it for Yoga or palates, or use it for masturbation or sex.

Store your toys in here, whatever makes you happy.

Afraid the kids will get in while your at work or busy in the kitchen?

A simple hasp and a key lock will do wonders to keep children out when you are away from your room, or install a dead bolt so that children do not interrupt

you while you are in the middle of something.

So you are asking what do you put in your room?

Anything you want.

Into BDSM? how about a mini dungeon? some floggers and whips on the walls would complete the look.

You could even place plaques under them with each of your children's names.

"This flogger is reserved for: Billy" or something like that.

Want to practice pole dancing?

This room would be a good place to add in that pole, a nice stereo system with some jammin tunes works too.

Want your room to be sexy and erotic? How about an inflatable air bed? or maybe a super soft settee for a place to lay down off a quick romp?

Into role playing? how about adding a locker for your costumes?

Make the room fit your needs, wants, and your lifestyle.

FLIRT!!

Yeah, Thats right, flirt with your partner!

Sometimes even though we are both busy, one has no idea that the other is actually in the mood for sex.

And sometimes we need to remind ourselves that it DOES exist and it is an important part of any healthy relationship.

And while your partner may not be in the mood for sex, they can be.

The most erogenous zone in the body is the brain.

And no, I do not mean go and start massaging the other persons scalp trying to get them turned on, although that is a good relaxation technique..

If you arouse the brain, the rest will follow.

here's a few ideas to get you started...

Send flowers to your spouse at work, so you say your partner is a male? and your point is????

Men like to get flowers as much as women, it reminds them that their partner is thinking of them, and that in its self can be a huge turn on.

Send a card, do this a couple of days in advance, send it on a Friday so it will be there Monday.

Include a small person all message inside, like " I love you, thinking of you, or I'll be waiting for you tonight" how about adding in an X rated coupon?

My all time favorite was when I received a dozen long stemmed thongs.

My partner had gone to a store and found the panty flowers, sprayed some of my perfume on them and sent a card saying " wear the black one tonight"

Of course this was after a week of the most delicious torture ever.

How about leaving a small gift wrapped box on the kitchen table before you leave?

Inside could be a small trinket or something naughty like a new bottle of flavored lube?

The possibilities are literally endless, and the only limit is that of your imagination.

MAKE A DATE NIGHT

As simple as this sounds, it is one of the easiest and quickest ways to reconnect with your partner.

take a night off, send the kids to a sitters, or a relatives, go out to dinner, talk and hold hands, act like teenagers again.

be creative with your dates, no one says they have to be a dinner and a movie kind of thing, go out and just talk, go for a walk

anything that allows you extra time with your partner away from the kids is a good thing.

After all, there really is a limit to the Amount of Buzz Lightyear and Barbie conversations you can have and still maintain some semblance of sanity.

This actually serves 2 purposes,

1) this alone time with your other half allows you two to really reconnect, talk, renew intimacy on the most basic level, and allows you two to unwind and get away from the kids for a bit.

2) this allows your kids to see first hand that mom and dad love each other, they want to stay together, and that even the most seemingly stable relationships need some sort of work

to keep them stable.

And if they say something totally intelligent like "eww" "gross" or " what is with you two" just look at your partner and give them a good sound kiss right on the mouth.

Usually you will hear a sound that kinda reminds you of the cat coughing up a hairball and the child walks away leaving you to continue your kiss.

You do not necessarily have to have sex on your date night, just take some time to reconnect with your partner and yourself and where you stand.

CREATIVITY IS KING...

As a parent you have learned how to adapt and become creative with your kids.

You have found new and interesting and tasty ways to sneak in the extra veggies, like the jar of pureed baby carrots in the spaghetti sauce?

Or the smoothies that they are so crazy about?

If you can find ways to make them gladly gobble up their veggies, don't you think you can find a way to spend a Lil one on one time with your partner?

Here's a few hints to get you on the right track..

Start your day off an hour earlier.

Yeah you lose an hour of sleep, but, you gain an hour of sex and foreplay with your partner.

climb in the shower with him/her, help to wash their back or other areas, nothing says "Have a fantastic day" like a good orgasm first thing in the morning.

You and your partner go off to work with huge smiles and a much more relaxed disposition, your attitudes will affect all those around you, and your kids as well.

Wouldn't that be a change? to have your kids in a decent mood for once, instead of the surly sour mood that seems to overwhelm them all the time?

Think of all the money you could save on future therapy sessions for them.

That alone should be incentive enough to get up 1 hour earlier.

OK, so you have decided against the hour early thing, yet you like the idea.

Alright, how about a Lil afternoon quickie? if one of you is a stay at home parent, the other could sneak home on a lunch hour, the kids are in school,

You have the whole house to yourselves.

How about after the kids go to bed going skinny dipping in the pool?

or maybe going out early in the morning for a quick skinny dip then off to the shower?

Of course you may need to adjust these according to your own personal needs and situations.

If you have 3 teenagers and a 3 year old, some of these ideas may not work for you.

I certainly do not advocate or condone leaving any child who is incapable of taking care of themselves, alone for an extended period of time, this has potential to become very dangerous.

HAVE FUN!!

Yes, that's right, HAVE FUN!

Pshaw, you think because your a parent that the kids get to have all the fun?

It has been said a million times before, and will be said a million times again.

Sex is adult playtime, it should be about having fun, not just having an orgasm.

Take some time, play some games, add something fun and funky and maybe a bit kinky to your sex life.

Adult board games are a great way to do this, and they help get you in the mood and prolong foreplay, its a win-win situation.

Edible massage oils, washable body markers, candles that turn to massage oils, blindfolds, you name it, if it is new to your bedroom, it is almost

a guarantee that it will be a fun filled night for you and your partner.

Have fun and stay safe!

[Tyger]

Great real life article! I'm sure many of us can relate!

My bedroom, for the most part, is a no fly zone. I only have a small 2 bedroom house, so making a room like that is impossible at ALL times. However, my 4 yr old knows that OUR room isn't a place for her to play in.

[WifeMomSlave]

Awesome Whisky!! Very nicely written and full of great advice! My NO FLY room has always been my bedroom. Kids must knock before entering and the door is locked when we are having fun. They know not to go in their during the day, and out toys are kepts in my locked cresser.

[krisleightate]

Love the article, I think that it will help alot of ppl with children realize that they can still have a sex life

[Mikayla1]

Great article!

I think us parents get a bad rap when it comes to sex - as in, we no longer have it once kids come! NOOOOOOOO...we DOOOOOO!

I also wrote an article not long ago on Kids and Sex, but both approaches are different. That just shows the variance of ideas and suggestions!

Great job!

[pappyld04]

ROTFLMAO about the blow up sheep part. With my circle of friends it is a running joke that as long as the sheep is of age it is OK! We are still wondering if is considered molesting if the one you love is a bit young!! LOL!!! My partner and I have a bit of humor that most people are freaked out by. We have been known to tell some people that the only sex we have is "HALLWAY SEX"! This is when we pass one another in the hallway we say "F@#K YOU"! Some people roll on the floor and some pick their jaws up off the floor. When anyone asks when she and I are getting married our standard response is "I don't even like him/her"! Few couples I've met are secure enough in their relationships to even think of saying something like this. Our humor runs along the same lines so she knows and I know that nothing is meant by these little quips. However, I've seen other couples go insane because of their own attempts at humor. Of course these are the couples that are doomed from the start and they just haven't figured it out yet!

[pappyld04]

Great article!

I think us parents get a bad rap when it comes to sex - as in, we no longer have it once kids come! NOOOOOOOO...we DOOOOOO!

I also wrote an article not long ago on Kids and Sex, but both approaches are different. That just shows the variance of ideas and suggestions!

Great job!

I didn't read the article yet, but, I know that being a new parent is almost the same as being with a new partner. You have to go through a whole new process of forming a sexual relationship. But now you also have to worry about whether your child will call 911 cause mom or dad was making that noise, or will my kid walk in the room (for the judgemental ones I'm talking about the child opening the door and entering). It is an article that is of significant importance for new parents and I applaud your efforts to help others through this new life. Good looking out!!!!!