Help Required.

[shy_girl]

Hi guys i'm an 18yr old virgin looking for a bit of help.

I've recently been hanging out with a cool guy, older than myself (27) and seemingly rather experienced.

We're both not looking for a relationship, just a bit of good old fun.

The trouble is, I am a virgin and practically do not know what to do.

I have pretty low self-confidence and this guy I am with, I personally feel will be disappointed with me if you know what I mean.

But then I think that if he doesn't find me attractive, then why does he want to get involved with me...sexually?!

I see the fella as being a bit out of my league as he is involved in the sports industry, is extremely fit and quite well know in this area and i'm just a lil teenager.

My sexual history : never had sexual contact (oral, full etc.) and this guy was my first proper kiss.

But I really do want to try it with him, but am afraid to.

Whenever we try and do stuff I get all nervous, clammed up and usually end up fleeing.

Now it's getting to the stage where he is getting a little fed up of me 'playing games' but I really want to 'play games' with him if you get me.

I want this so bad but my lack of confidence in myself is really getting to me.

I know the guy only wants to have sex with me, but I feel the same about him, I really want to do it, I don't want a relationship with him at all and he definitely feels the same way.

Any ideas?

Thank you for reading and any further info required, just ask!

[shy_girl]

Really sorry but i've just noticed the beginners forum, would be very grateful if a mod could move the topic to that section...

Very sorry

[krisleightate]

IMO, I think that you should wait till you find someone that really loves you to lose your virginity to. Does he know that you are a vigin? And also do you want to lose something this special to you, that you can't get back, to be a notch on someones belt?

But if this is something you want to do then I say relax and it will happen

[sever2morrow]

Hi guys i'm an 18yr old virgin looking for a bit of help.

I've recently been hanging out with a cool guy, older than myself (27) and seemingly rather experienced.

We're both not looking for a relationship, just a bit of good old fun.

The trouble is, I am a virgin and practically do not know what to do.

I have pretty low self-confidence and this guy I am with, I personally feel will be disappointed with me if you know what I mean.

But then I think that if he doesn't find me attractive, then why does he want to get involved with me...sexually?!

I see the fella as being a bit out of my league as he is involved in the sports industry, is extremely fit and quite well know in this area and i'm just a lil teenager.

My sexual history : never had sexual contact (oral, full etc.) and this guy was my first proper kiss.

But I really do want to try it with him, but am afraid to.

Whenever we try and do stuff I get all nervous, clammed up and usually end up fleeing.

Now it's getting to the stage where he is getting a little fed up of me 'playing games' but I really want to 'play games' with him if you get me.

I want this so bad but my lack of confidence in myself is really getting to me.

I know the guy only wants to have sex with me, but I feel the same about him, I really want to do it, I don't want a relationship with him at all and he definitely feels the same way.

Any ideas?

Thank you for reading and any further info required, just ask!

hi again, Shy Girl.

I'm glad you posted your question on the site before going ahead with anything.

I would have to say that I would advise against it. You only have your first sexual experience once. It should be with someone you love and something you can look back on with pleasure.

Don't worry about your lack of confidence. When you find the right person he will be totally respectful and gentle and put you at your ease. I know this because I've been there.

Don't be in too much of a hurry to lose your virginity. I was 35 and am quite happy about that. I was with someone I had total respect for and cared about, and she felt the same for me.

You only get one shot at this, Shy Girl. Try your best to find someone who isn't just looking for a no-strings bit of fun. It's worth more than that.

This may sound a little sentimental and overly romantic, but I don't care. There are some of us still around.

All the very best to you.

Sever

[shy_girl]

You see i'm in two minds about the whole thing.

1.) I really like this guy and he's a VERY good friend. So it's not going to be a 'wham-bam-thank you ma'am' type of experience. We'll still be friends afterwards.

2.) Maybe I should just wait. Yet I find it pretty tough to just meet a guy and take it from there as most of the lads i've encountered seem to be interested in one thing only, pair that with the fact that i'm usually just the lass in the corner that nobody appears to notice, as my friends are so much more confident than I am. I really seem to talk the talk but as of yet, i've not walked the walk.

[krisleightate]

If you are unsure then maybe you should wait. Dont do something that you will regret later on. Remember if he is your friend he will understand. And as for your confidence only you can change that. Dont have sex thinking that it will boost your confidence level.

You seem rather sweet and I think that you will find the guy for you sooner rather than later. Just always be yourself and don't let yourself or anyone else pressure you into something that your not ready for.

[shy_girl]

Yeah I know for a fact that it won't boost my confidence levels.

I've got quite a bit to mull over, thanks for the advice guys but at the end of the day, it's me and only myself that can make this decision.

Hopefully it'll be the correct one too!

Cheers!

[Tyger]

I have to agree with my fellow posters.

You are a female virgin, you only get one shot at a "First Time", and, if he knows you're a virgin, and wants you to just give it up, then not only is he selfish, but he doesn't sound like the kind of man that will care about making you at least comfortable. He may be in it, excuse the crudeness, just for the cherry claim. He is basically accusing you of being a cock tease.

When you "flee", you are having doubts as to how it will be? Well, of course. Everyone goes thru that. Some more than others. I did. I figured out that I fled, or backed down from having sex for the first time, because I wasn't overly SURE that I wanted that man to deflower me. I wasn't ready. When I was ready, it happened when I wanted it too. It felt RIGHT, and I never regretted it once.

You will always remember your first time/first lover. Lots of people loose their virginity every day. Some will regret their choice, some won't. Don't have cherry popped just to get it over and done with. Women have a VERY hard time keeping emotions away when it comes to sex. Whether you want to or not, it happens. You get attatched. There are very very few women that can keep it seperate. Trust me on this.

If you are worried about whoever you decide to have sex with not feeling like you know it all, well, you're a virgin! As long as your honest about that, any sensible man will know that you are inexperienced. Please don't mistake inexperienced with "stupid", because it's totally different. You will find that just because a man has a dick, doesn't mean he knows HOW to USE it properly. Being a great lover takes time, practice, a willingness not only to learn, but to teach as well.

[krisleightate]

Very well said Tyger, You were able to get out everything I was trying to say but couldn't get it into words.

And Shy Girl best of luck and if you do decide to do it, please remember to use a condom

[cdwaldorf]

See post below

[cdwaldorf]

I agree with Tyger. Have more confidence in yourself. Do not give up your virginity just b/c you feel good that he wants to have sex with you. The question you need to ask yourself is why should I? You have held onto your virginity for 18yrs do not give it away to some random guy b/c he wants to have some fun. I heard a really good quote from a mand who councils couples with sexual problems. He said "men grow up ready for sex but not for love and women grow up ready for love and not for sex." I totally agree with this statement. He is trying to take advantage of you. Look at yourself in the mirror and know that it is worth finding someone who is willing to be with you for the relationship and not for the loss of your virginty. Don't let this man determine your self-worth.

[whittibo]

You see i'm in two minds about the whole thing.

1.) I really like this guy and he's a VERY good friend. So it's not going to be a 'wham-bam-thank you ma'am' type of experience. We'll still be friends afterwards.

2.) Maybe I should just wait. Yet I find it pretty tough to just meet a guy and take it from there as most of the lads i've encountered seem to be interested in one thing only, pair that with the fact that i'm usually just the lass in the corner that nobody appears to notice, as my friends are so much more confident than I am. I really seem to talk the talk but as of yet, i've not walked the walk.

1.) How do you know it won't be a wham-bam thing? Is he still friends with all the other girls he has slept with??

2.) So what you're the lass in the corner, you will find the right guy for you, and you will have something special to share with him. Don't jump in the sac with any man who "wants it", because honestly, they all do. You have only ONE time to lose your virginity, save it for someone who you love and deserves it. Sex as a teen is over rated, once you have it, then you think you have to have it with all your boyfriends. (well I did anyway) and that's one thing I can never change about my past. My current husband, when I met him, he wouldn't sleep with me. I was shocked and thought he didn't care about me. He said, "I DO love you, that's why I won't disrespect you by sleeping with you". That's what you want, a man who loves YOU and respects you enough to wait.

[MystryKitten]

You'll know when your ready to have sex. You can FEEL it...you WANT it. Your nervous, but you know that who ever you are losing it to will go SLOW, go at YOUR pace, and be very GENTLE, make you feel SAFE. Also, NOT pressure you EVER. If he doesnt not match these, I really suggest you dont do it.

Its so much better to get 'sexual' with someone who LOVES YOUR BODY and YOU because it boosts your confidence and makes you feel secure. I'm not saying you have to be in love with someone to have sex or get sexual, but for you firsts times especially it best to do it with someone you love and who loves you.

~MK

[Valntyn]

My two cents: I'd also wait. If you're not sure, it's not the right time.

Everyone else has covered everything I wanted to say, so I'll only repeat one thing that was only said once, but warrants being said again: If you DO decide to have sex with this man, PLEASE USE A CONDOM. Always, always protect yourself -- and if he says he won't wear one ("Don't worry, everything'll be alright.").... BIG CUE, back away.

Please keep in touch and most of all, please keep safe.

[FutureMrsET]

I agree with everyone here if you are unsure wait. I didn't and I regret it. Now I have other issues to deal with my my b/f who BTW is my fiancee. He is very patient and I got lucky getting him after my last b/f who left me after two weeks of our first sexual experience. I was a virgin with my b/f prior to my fiancee. And to say that it was a big mistake is an understatement. He used pressure to get me to do it by the quote "don't be all pathological about it". If you are unsure trust me it is worth waiting. If I knew my fiancee was right around the corner I would have waited, he is a wonderful man and very considerate of me.