Was I Wrong

[keya]

Hi,

I could really use some advice. I'm so upset about this.I know that this is not a sex question and my first post. what a was to introduce myself. I lurk here alot and have come to respect all of you. You give good advice and are not afraid to say what you think.I have not slept much the last few days worrying about this. I sound like such a wimp but the truth is I'm battling depression.I first wrote this yesterday.

This is more about a co worker then a friend.We work in a small office there are only ten of us working together. One of my co workers is what I would call a bully. Everything has to be her way and I mean Everything.Sometimes she is the sweetest person in the world but then she can turn on you at anytime. If she's in a bad mood she takes it out on everyone. Monday morning she was in such a mood. yelled at me and two other co workers for no reason. She was acting very out of control.throwing and banging things around. Our boss doesn't have control of the office she does.Anyways I didn't say anything on monday because I was just so mad and she ended up leaving early. When I got to work on Tuesday she was in the same mood (her best friend works in the same office and I let her know that I had had enough that I was not just going to let this pass her friend actually wanted me to say something. She was all for me confronting her)I believe her friend told her what I said because on Tuesday the bully was in my area of the office,at my desk doing my work. At that point I when to the boss told him what was going on that I was upset and just tired of all of this. We all sat down to talk (me, The bully and our boss) I let her know that she was very unprofessional and that if anyone had entered the office while she was having her fit we would have lost business. That they would have been shocked. I tried to stay calm but we ended up yelling at each other I kind of lost it and told her how I really feel about her. she left soon after because she was so upset. That day a few of our co workers told me they were glad I stood up to her. That it was about time someone did. Her best friend even told me this.Before I left for the day my boss told me not to worry about her. That I'm a good worker and that if she doesn't change her ways she will be out of there.

She was gone again today. Her best friend let everyone know that she was not feeling well. Also today everyone's tune had kind of changed and they were acting like I was in the wrong. That she is having a lot a problems and that they feel sorry for her that kind of thing. I was in shock I could not belive they were acting like this and not backing me up. I am a very shy and easy going person usually and I am feeling very depressed about all of this. I know when she comes back she will be out to get me and I thought some of them would have my back. Now I feel like I'm on my own. Part of me wants to just quit but I other part says I did the right thing so don't give her what she wants.

Anyway did I do the right thing or should I have just kept my mouth shut. Sorry this is so long and thank you for reading this.

keya

[jesso]

Keya,

First off Welcome to the Forum. I'm glad to see you make a post.

Second, you are not in the wrong. You made a very valid point that her tantrums were disrupting the professionalism of everyone's work and the company's reputation. Perhaps she just needed a perspective check. Sometimes when other people have too much going on they choose to not deal with and end up channeling it into other means. Your office in this case. Maybe she just realized she was at her breaking point?

Either way, she was disrupting other peoples productivity,work flow and behavior. And she obviously was having an effect on your mental well being. So NO, I don't think you were in the wrong. And frankly, I applaud you for having the guts for doing something about it.

Cheers,

Ginger

[bazil323]

My mom had a similar problem a few years ago. She had gone to college with a woman who seemed very nice, and they ended up working at the same nursing home a couple of years after they graduated. They shared a job. Mom also worked at an assisted living facility owned by the same person who owned that nursing home. The age difference was about 20 years (my mom was the older), and my mom is usually very laid-back, non-confrontational. After at least a year of mom putting up with this woman being so nice to her face and then going behind her back to their boss (the owner) and complaining about my mom. Also, the woman made mistakes in her charting, and mom would gently remind her to fix it or the correct way to do it, and she would blow up at my mom. This woman also claimed that my mom constanly made mistakes that she (the woman) had to fix, blah, blah, blah.

Well, after we moved, and mom got tired of the commute, she found another job at another nursing home. They lead her to believe that she would be doing a similar job to her last one. Mainly paperwork and such, which is what my mom preferred especially since she has a bad back and shoulder. Both of which she's had surgery on. Anyway, she started working there, and immediately the CNA's gave her back-talk and refused to do what she asked. She would get a complaint at least once a week, most were made up, the rest were blown out of proportion. Also, they told her that they wanted someone who knew the laws and regulations for nursing homes, and someone who knew what the state inspector expected. When my mom found things happening that would lead to a hefty fine or even jeopardize the facility's license, she brought it to the Directory of Nursing and suggested ways to correct it. The Director yelled at her and completely ignored the suggestions.

After a couple months, Mom had to quit, because the things they were doing were putting her career and license in jeopardy. She didn't want to be made their scapegoat. Fortunately, she found a great job that is treating her very well and that she enjoys.

So, no, you weren't wrong. That person was in the wrong. Even though you may feel like you are running away from the problem, you might want to consider changing jobs. I don't know your situation, but do consider how this person's actions may affect your job. Don't give up hope!

[pappyld04]

I see absolutely nothing wrong with your actions. In my occupation things are taken care of in an entirely different way. We wait until after work (sometimes) and once we cross the cattle guard which constitutes the company work place we take up the problem there. You took it up in the right way, with the right people and should not feel bad about it. I think that shame is what is making your co-workers act in that manner. DON'T SWEAT THE SMALL SHIT! If she has problems she can leave that trash at home. It has no business in the workplace for any reason. Hold your head high. You may have even opened the bosses eyes to the problem and they may be more attentive to it!

[thurisas]

This co worker was showing erratic behavior. You pointed it out and stood up for yourself. There are only two things that I can see that you did wrong. The first was taking it up with other corworkers first. By doing this you made a bad situation even worse. The second was yelling, and while your emotions probably overwhelmed you at the time and you felt it was needed, again this made your situation worse. Both of those things are water under the bridge and a learning experience for you, though. The real problem that I see here is that you're blaming yourself for someone else's breakdown. This sounds like exactly what it is and her interaction with her boss is merely the final straw that broke the camel's back, so to speak. You are not in any way to blame for this, this likely has nothing to do with what you did at the heart of the matter.

As far as your other coworkers go, well, you may be on your own but you've got a bit of verbal backing from your coworker's boss and I would think that should tell you where you stand within the company. It becomes difficult when you work closely with the same people for a length of time because you do become friends, but you really need to remember that you're there for employment not friendships. You did what was right for the company and that is important. I think when this whole thing comes out in the wash you'll have more respect than you once did.

Thurisas.

[keya]

thank you, yesterday went great. For me anyways. The bully did come back to work but said nothing to me. I thought it was kind of funny she is a control freak and yesterday she had no control over me. My other co workers were back to treating me as normal. thank god! I also talked to my boss again to see if everything was ok with me job wise and all. He told me I was very professional in the meeting and I had nothing to worry about. He went on to say she is very close to

losing her job and he does not want me to leave over this. That made me feel good.

Today will be hard as we are to work on a project together. Don't know how we will do this with her not speaking to me

keya

[Tyger]

You were absolutely correct in what you did!!!Things may have gotten heated, but, at the risk of sounding childish, she started it. Seriously, she was rude and obnoxious for 2 days in a row, being sooo rude, that, had *I* been a customer, I would have filed a complaint. Everyone has bad days, but she needs to learn to grow up and seperate her personal life from her professional, or she won't have the latter to count on at all! People don't hire known "bullies", especially for customer service positions. And her doing YOUR work was a power-play, trying to assert that she is All Important, and that YOU can be replaced.

As a former manager, trust me, you have nothing to worry about for confronting this problem. And, your boss is probably relieved to have had someone complain so that he could address this issue with some back up & just cause.

I'm glad the other employees are treating you better. But remember, they're employees. If they didn't have the courage to speak up for themselves or help you out when Bully was on her tirade, then their really just "fair-weather friends". Yes, it's nice to get along, but they also need to grow up and help ensure that their workplace is where they want to be working.

Do the same thing if she goes off again, or if she tries to intimidate you for speaking up. You don't have to make HER happy and make her feel like she has power, because she's getting paid to do a JOB, not be a bully!

Best wishes!

[pappyld04]

thank you, yesterday went great. For me anyways. The bully did come back to work but said nothing to me. I thought it was kind of funny she is a control freak and yesterday she had no control over me. My other co workers were back to treating me as normal. thank god! I also talked to my boss again to see if everything was ok with me job wise and all. He told me I was very professional in the meeting and I had nothing to worry about. He went on to say she is very close to

losing her job and he does not want me to leave over this. That made me feel good.

Today will be hard as we are to work on a project together. Don't know how we will do this with her not speaking to me

keya

At times like this you will have to lead by example. Show her that you will not be intimidated, nor will you allow this to take away from your own quality of work.