Why Do Men Do Stupid Things?

[kellijane1]

So for those of you who don't know, I had a miscarriage on New Year's Day, and found out I couldn't have kids last week. So my boyfriend of 2 years and one month left me, because kids are an important thing and he needs to have them in his life. Well how the hell does he think I feel. I'm a women I have a lot more emotions then he does. I accept the fact that I am going to have to adopt. I hate knowing that I wont be able to have a child who has my eyes, and his father's smile, but at least I will be able to make a difference in a child's life, and I know that they are going to make a difference in mine. Anyways, I was just wondering if anyone here would do that to someone and if so why. I just don't understand it.Aghh... I'm so fucking frustrated. I hate men, I think I just need to become a lesbian.

[froggystyle1977]

oh my I can't understand why he did that, miscarriage can put a huge strain on a relationship and not being able to have children is a very sad thing. I am happy to see your trying to except this. I don't think all men are like this, IMO he wasn't worth it he should be standing by you but is being selfish. its better that he left now what would have it been like if you did have a child? loving someone means taking them in all circumstances no matter what. seems he is more concerned with carrying on his family name then loving you.. I wish you the best in this circumstance and hope you are able to find someone who loves you for you and not for what your body can and can't handle..

[ToyQueen]

My best friend, who is a guy, constantly tells me that guys are just wired differently. I wonder if your boyfriend was feeling some guilt over both your miscarriage and infertility, and he couldn't handle it.

But if he would bail because of this, he might have come up with some other lame excuse and bailed later.

Take some time to mourn, and remember that there is ALWAYS someone to vent to on this site.

[synirr]

I'm so sorry

If having his own biological child is more important to him than being with you, he wasn't worth your time anyway, honestly. Who'd want to be with someone whose love is so fragile? Consider it a blessing that he left now rather than later, and take the opportunity to find someone who is worth having in your life.

[jesso]

I'm sorry to hear you had a miscarriage. In regards to your man leaving you, if he couldn't stay around during the hard parts, he probably wasn't worth having around to begin with. Besides, you want him to love both you and your baby, whether its your own or adopted IMO. I hope you can take comfort in knowing that. It's tough right now, but I'm sure you'll find someone in the future who's just perfect for you and who excepts ALL of you. We're human and we all have flaws.

Take care,

Ginger

[Tyger]

Let me say first that I am sorry for your loss, and your discovery.

It's too bad that your BF was so insensitive to do this to you. Though, at least he was honest with you at the same time.

He told you that kids were important to him, and instead of leading you on, he broke it off. So, in the long run, he did what was fair for the both of you. He probably realized that he couldn't be truly happy with you.

I know you're hurting AND grieving right now. But, once you cool off from the hurt of how he dumped you, you really should try and see this in a more positive light (he was honest, and didn't give you false hope, or waste anymore of your time).

It's not YOUR fault that you can't have kids. You will find men out there that won't care, they'll want to be with you, and, if in the future, you want kids and have to adopt, they will be fine with that too. Adopting is a more harder process, emotionally, than giving birth, and, this way, you're fully prepared to have the child you're trying to adopt.

So, yes, men can be insensitive, but this one sounds like he may have known what he wants, even though he hurt you, in the long run, you're both better off.

Best wishes.

[thurisas]

There is no good excuse for such a thing and I doubt he'd be able to come up with one. That is about as shallow a person as I could imagine. I am so very sorry for your loss and you have every right to be angry at him right now, but please don't hate all men because of one very stupid one. I truly hope you realize that you're lucky to have found out now rather than many years from now. While I can't imagine the pain you must be feeling, I hope you know that time will make it less intense and eventually you'll go on and hopefully find a real man who knows how to stick it through the good and the bad.

Thurisas.

[brandyfan411]

Sweetie, if he was with you for two years and hadn't put a ring on your finger yet, he was probably gonna leave anyways lol.

No but really, guys can be big jerks....heck everybody can be big jerks. I know this is hurting you but look on the bright side. You can now find the one TRUE guy that will love you, regardless of your problem. And who knows? They said my mother couldn't have kids.....I'm here! Of course I have a younger brother and sister that are here too . You will heal quickly. When you do, move on and get back out here babe. There are plenty of fish in the daggon sea, you'll hook one. He was just a tainted fish.

Be happy that you aren't stuck with a dickweed!! And if it helps.....we all love you!?

[kellijane1]

Everyone, Thanks so much for comments, They really made me feel better. I just wish it was a year from now, so that I could be over this and all the pain can be gone. I have to say, its nice to see how positive you all are, and I take all of your words to heart. I love you all, you have to be some of the sweetest people I have ever met. Thanks again everyone! And your all right, HE DOESN'T DESERVE ME!

Love Always,

Kelli <3

[synirr]

And your all right, HE DOESN'T DESERVE ME!

Damn straight!

[DirtyBlonde]

I'm so sorry you had to go through that Kelli ((((((((Kelli))))))))

HE DOESN'T DESERVE ME!

You got that right!!! Some men can be so clueless

[bazil323]

I agree with Tyger. It's probably better that he bailed sooner rather than later. He has really, really bad timing, but at least you hadn't been married to him and forced to go through hell in court. There are plenty of guys who would love to have a family, regardless of the blood ties.

[pappyld04]

I can't get the thought out of my head about whether he would have stuck around in either situation. It seems to me that you would have been raising that baby on your own had this come to term. Sorry about your loss and the resulting experience with this particular man. PLEASE do not group all of us in that same category. I could not begin to understand this from your side of it. I might try to see his side if this had happened a few times but this is not the case. I have had this happen with a former fiancee who had three miscarriages. I began to wonder if it may have been me and whether she would be able to carry a baby to term herself and come out of it with both her and the baby. We parted on good terms and she went on to marry and had a baby. It's not always a selfish thought that breaks a couple up. Had she died giving birth to my child I think I would have always felt guilty about it. I was so glad for her when her and the baby were both happy and healthy.

[pappyld04]

It should be more widely known that miscarriages are frequent in young women, and in young married women. That is why Obstetricians caution couples about letting out the news that the woman is pregnant during the first tri-mester. The chance of a miscarriage drops dramatically after the third month, but continues on through delivery, in an increasingly smaller percentage.

I think there is no reason for any man to feel guilty when his spouse miscarries. Miscarriages are all about what is happening in her body, and that is beyond your control. Good Prenatal care and monitoring will often avoid lots of problems, including late term miscarriages, and premature births.

Howard

It's not really feeling guilty about the miscarriages more the questioning of whether any part may be attributed to our own part there. I know that my child is and always has been very healthy. The guilt would have come into play had she died while giving birth. Trading one loved one for another is going to burden a person.

[chloegirl]

Kelli,

My heart goes out to you! I had 2 miscarriages myself before I had my daughters and I know the hurt and depression you have is numbing at first. Just trust that with time you will feel better. Life will bring to you something new that will give you joy again! As for this guy, you seriously deserve better than him. Someone like that would never care enough about anyone other than himself (you would not have been happy with him). You'll meet someone who treats and loves you the way you deserve to be...just don't settle for less. Remember there's lots of people who care about you! Best wishes!