Romance Outside Of The Bedroom

[Amylynn920]

Was curious on this after reading a few other posts that were somewhat related.

What do you do to romance your partner outside of the bedroom? Do you send flowers? Emails? Cards? Naughty Notes? Do you buy lingerie? Neck? What do you do?

I'm going to share something here that makes me a bit sad sometimes. I'm not a materialistic person in any way, so it's not about acquiring things, to me it's about being a woman.

I've never received flowers. Not once. Ever. I've never had anyone buy me lingerie. Or a really hot email or a sexy note.

Do some of you guys look at your women as "she wouldn't care if I did this. so I'm not going to bother?" Or "She expects it, so I better?"

I can't help but think that some women are just so sexy to their men that they get things like that.

When I was dating (long distance) my then boyfriend, I sent him daisies in a bowl, (they had signifigance) and a teddy bear, with a laptop and boxers. (again signifigance).

Tons of cards, letters, emails.

I don't know, like I said I'm not materialistic, and he's wonderful to me in so many ways. I just wish sometimes I'd be that woman that gets flowers, and lingerie, and things once in a while.

[vanilla_bean]

Was curious on this after reading a few other posts that were somewhat related.

What do you do to romance your partner outside of the bedroom? Do you send flowers? Emails? Cards? Naughty Notes? Do you buy lingerie? Neck? What do you do?

I'm going to share something here that makes me a bit sad sometimes. I'm not a materialistic person in any way, so it's not about acquiring things, to me it's about being a woman.

I've never received flowers. Not once. Ever. I've never had anyone buy me lingerie. Or a really hot email or a sexy note.

Do some of you guys look at your women as "she wouldn't care if I did this. so I'm not going to bother?" Or "She expects it, so I better?"

I can't help but think that some women are just so sexy to their men that they get things like that.

When I was dating (long distance) my then boyfriend, I sent him daisies in a bowl, (they had signifigance) and a teddy bear, with a laptop and boxers. (again signifigance).

Tons of cards, letters, emails.

I don't know, like I said I'm not materialistic, and he's wonderful to me in so many ways. I just wish sometimes I'd be that woman that gets flowers, and lingerie, and things once in a while.

Aww Aiden!! You are so kind and giving on TT. You deserve those things. Tell you what, meet me at the forum member dating thread I I'll have flowers and lingerie waiting for you.

[Amylynn920]

Thanks guys. I think I need to get off the pity pot and stop feeling bad. That was really kind of you.

[angelkisses98]

for aiden....mo stor(my darling)

[angelkisses98]

grrrrr lets try again

for aiden mo stor(my darling)

[thurisas]

I genuinely don't often think about it. It just sort of happens sometimes when I see something and Valntyn pops into my head and I think "Hmm, she'd like that." Then I just do it. It would be because she DOESN't expect it when I am most likely to do it.

Randy.

[Shariana]

Aw! *hugs*

My love and I have a thing about roses.... but I get them on special occasions, never random.

I wish he would write me or leave me voicemails or something.... but because I want him to, it's not as special if he did (so he says)...

We need to get all the guys in the world together and tell them this!

[chloegirl]

He's not big on actually giving stuff except on special occasions, but he's constantly doing little thoughtful things for me in everyday life....even if it's just cleaning my car, emptying the dishwasher, helping with laundry....he goes out of his way to help me out and we never go a day without hugs, kisses, and telling each other how much we love each other

[jj53]

James always lets me know how much he loves me and definately what he's got in mind. I commute fifty miles a day one way and after a long day at the office the best thing I can be met with when I come home is the smell of candles burning and look in the bedroom and see the bed turned down and the liberator throe on the bed with the candles burning and a few of my favorite vibes on the head board. This tips me off to the fact that I'm in for a wonderful time and when James meets me in nothing but his underwear, he wear the most wonderful thongs, I can't get my clothes off fast enough. From that point on its nothing but James between my legs, licking me and rubbing my G-spot and giving me one gushing orgasm after another. Sometimes he will call me at work and hint at his intentions and that just keeps my pussy wet and my heart throbbing for the rest of the day. I don't know what other husbands do but James always seems to remeber our anniversary, and my birthday with cards and very special treats, usually super great sex, for me. He's not one to go out on dates or to the movies but I have to admit staying home with James is the most exciting time I could ever have. Besides who else has a guy thats a great cook, cleans house, washes clothes, takes care of the farm and still finds time to live between your legs eating your pussy until you beg him to stop just so you can have his cock in you. Do you get the idea that I love this guy?

Di

[OPL Laundry Goddess]

It's my experience that a guy has to be taught how you want to be treated. Some guys are just naturally more inclined or think of those romantic things, but even for those to whom it does not come easy still can learn what makes you feel special. Really, it isn't just a guy thing, it goes both ways in relationships.

I'd start with dropping some hints like, "do you ever think of me when you are at work? How about giving me a call next time?" or maybe something like, "There are days when nothing would make me feel more loved than having you bring me home a bar of chocolate to let me know you understand I had a hard day too."

I think most everybody, male and female, enjoy making their love feel special, its just understanding how you percieve love/romance and how your partner percieves it. I can suggest a really great book called THE FIVE LOVE LANGUAGES. I cannot remember the author off the top of my head, but it talks about this very thing. You can find a used copy on Amazon for nearly nothing.

Just remember love isn't always an emotion, sometimes its an act of the will.

~TLG

[vanilla_bean]

Aiden: where were you 25 years ago? I am a frequent flower giver (I grow my own, for that purpose, as well as the fact that I love flowers) as well as (her) favorite veggies..I have made water color paintings for her, drawn bubble baths, become a gourmet cook, make special mixed drinks for her, pack picnics, foot rubs, back rubs, poems galore, e-cards, extra chores (dishes, vacuum, general cleaning, laundry, change bed), planned every single vacation and get away we have ever done, hand made valentines, tons of hand made jewelry and even doe skin leather purses and moccasins, lingerie, toys...and none of it, none of it, has ever increased my chances of getting more of the kinds of affections I desire. I don't do it just to 'get more', I do it because of love...but am I crazy to think that maybe a bit of reciprocity is in order? Your desires for romance are not selfish or materialistic...they are normal, just like my desires for romance, spirituality, intimacy, and sex.

My next gift to Hot Husband is a trip to where ever you can give classes on this!! HH manages but you're the king!

[pappyld04]

I genuinely don't often think about it. It just sort of happens sometimes when I see something and Valntyn pops into my head and I think "Hmm, she'd like that." Then I just do it. It would be because she DOESN't expect it when I am most likely to do it.

Randy.

I've got to agree with you here. Those spontaneous gifts are much better than the expected ones!

[angelkisses98]

my hubby isent the most romantic man in the world. but every now and then he will pick up a card, and write something so dam sweet it makes me cry. flowers, eh, not so much, which is fine, if i want flowers i buy em myself. i wish i would get mushy or even sexy notes or somethings. not a "hey babe, sorry bout the mess in the kitchen, will clean it when i get home...ps..i love you"

FYI he rarely cleans the mess....i do

[Amylynn920]

Thanks for the kind words Iha. I guess I'm just a hopeless romantic. That and having been in a previous relationship where I always was made to feel "you're not worthy, beautiful, sexy (fill in the blank) to be treated like that. So I just accepted it.

Like I said I'm not materialistic. I believe I'm a thoughtful, considerate person. But just once I'd love to see it in black and white. I guess down deep I'm a girl. I want pretty things, flowers, lingerie.

But like I said, considering what I had previous, it's a whole new world.

[Amylynn920]

Aiden: where were you 25 years ago? I am a frequent flower giver (I grow my own, for that purpose, as well as the fact that I love flowers) as well as (her) favorite veggies..I have made water color paintings for her, drawn bubble baths, become a gourmet cook, make special mixed drinks for her, pack picnics, foot rubs, back rubs, poems galore, e-cards, extra chores (dishes, vacuum, general cleaning, laundry, change bed), planned every single vacation and get away we have ever done, hand made valentines, tons of hand made jewelry and even doe skin leather purses and moccasins, lingerie, toys...and none of it, none of it, has ever increased my chances of getting more of the kinds of affections I desire. I don't do it just to 'get more', I do it because of love...but am I crazy to think that maybe a bit of reciprocity is in order? Your desires for romance are not selfish or materialistic...they are normal, just like my desires for romance, spirituality, intimacy, and sex.

I think when we give to our loved ones from the heart, it's not a bad thing to feel that it should be reciprocal Iha. Your wife may just not be on that particular level of showing it.

I give things to mine, because I see the happiness on his face. He never had alot of these things before or the opportunity. When you love someone, you want them happy. And no you aren't crazy.

[ohshelly]

I've got to agree with you here. Those spontaneous gifts are much better than the expected ones!

Gotta agree with you guys, the unexpected suprises are the best.

Sometimes it is just a phone call on the way home from work from sweet guy saying 'don't make dinner'. He will show up with a pizza and a bottle of wine.

He knows we both had a busy day, and he wants to sit, relax and talk, not cook and clean up. He is letting me know that spending time with me is his priority.

To him, this is one way to tell me he loves me.

The five languages of love was written by Dr. Gary Chapman. He also wrote 'The marriage you have always wanted'. I recommend any of his books. He is very easy to read and understand.

[hollybw]

I just have to say, "Thank you" to everyone who responded to this thread! We actually really do a lot of things for each other, but many of us do need to be reminded sometimes to step it up a bit - even we romantic ones...

My husband isn't really one to buy things, but he always signs cards on special days straight from the heart - even if they are on holidays, he puts a LOT of time and thought into every word! I can only try to match them, really.

Another thing is that he calls me all day long - average of about 6 times while at work. Sometimes just to say "I love you" or tell me about his terrible day. Or sometimes, like today, he can REALLY be blunt and say "I have been thinking about fucking you all day! I can't wait to get home!" Sounds blunt, but to me it is sexy because we can talk like that to each other.

Anyway, all of this reminds me to try to do more for him. I believe he thinks to for me more than I for him... So thanks for the reminder Aiden!!

I am very romantic, but we all need to be reminded every now and then - I think Hubby will get a little extra attention tomorrow! Hopefully tonight!

BTW, you are not materialistic for wanting to receive things - it is really just the attention that you are looking for. That is justified!

[PanickedVanity]

My hubby and I bought each other flowers on valentines day (Roses for me, Lillies for him)

We hold hands when we go out, and snuggle in bed. We tell one another we love each other several times a day.

He's always bringing home little things for me (favorite candy, cds, that sort of thing)

We go out to dinner once a week or so.

We watch movies together. Um, we basically just sort of remind one another we care.

[vanilla_bean]

To a point I agree with those of you who said that the unexpected gestures are the best. It's just that you always remember the really big events, like when I gave birth to our children. No card? No flowers? No "I love you? Nothing? But then recently we went a a vacation for just the two of us. He made all the arrangement, made sure the room had a fireplace, packed the toys, candles, music, CD player. It was great and not expected. Trouble is, those really big events are hard to forget because they were big events.

The thing I hate most is the question : Should I get you flowers or something? The only right answer to that is, "No, that's OK."

[jhard]

Aiden: where were you 25 years ago? I am a frequent flower giver (I grow my own, for that purpose, as well as the fact that I love flowers) as well as (her) favorite veggies..I have made water color paintings for her, drawn bubble baths, become a gourmet cook, make special mixed drinks for her, pack picnics, foot rubs, back rubs, poems galore, e-cards, extra chores (dishes, vacuum, general cleaning, laundry, change bed), planned every single vacation and get away we have ever done, hand made valentines, tons of hand made jewelry and even doe skin leather purses and moccasins, lingerie, toys...and none of it, none of it, has ever increased my chances of getting more of the kinds of affections I desire. I don't do it just to 'get more', I do it because of love...but am I crazy to think that maybe a bit of reciprocity is in order? Your desires for romance are not selfish or materialistic...they are normal, just like my desires for romance, spirituality, intimacy, and sex.

Howdy Iha!

I've been reading that book you suggested "Passionate Marriage". I'm glad that I ordered it and actually am reading it. If nothing else, it is a good prompt to start conversations about sexual issues with one's partner. When, where and how to show one's differentiation is a personal confrontation. Once I am done reading and have mulled the ideas over a bit more I'll be back.

jhard

[jhard]

To a point I agree with those of you who said that the unexpected gestures are the best. It's just that you always remember the really big events, like when I gave birth to our children. No card? No flowers? No "I love you? Nothing? But then recently we went a a vacation for just the two of us. He made all the arrangement, made sure the room had a fireplace, packed the toys, candles, music, CD player. It was great and not expected. Trouble is, those really big events are hard to forget because they were big events.

The thing I hate most is the question : Should I get you flowers or something? The only right answer to that is, "No, that's OK."

Hi there Miss Bean,

I've been gone a while, reading and such Dropped in here to say hi. By the way, I did buy a flower bundle for my wife for mothers day, she liked it. I did it only because I appreciate her, not because I thought I should or anything like that. It's dumb how we wait for a holiday to do this kind of thing.

jhard

[ladylove]

My husband was much more attentive when we were dating. through the years (we've been married 23 yrs now) his attention slowed to a stall. with kids work car pool child care pre school everything....life just got to crazy and i didn't feel like i was first on his list. not only is this not good for a relationship, but i felt like i just didn't count. I told him I needed to be courted again. treated like a women. write me notes, bring me flowers, treat me like you'd treat your girl friend. It took some time to get out of out routine, but we both tried very hard to change thing, and we did. Men aren't mind readers so tell him exactly what you need. you may be surprised at his response. Wanting to be treated like your the most special women in the world, is not materialistic at all...it's human.

[ohshelly]

Do you know what sweet guy did yesterday?

He bought a special kind of cherry tree I have always wanted and couldn't find.

He came home, chose a site for it where I can see it from the house

Went out in a light (but cold) rain and planted it for me.

That was the sweetest and most thoughtful thing to do. I just melted.

He came in and asked how long until he got a cherry pie...............?

I said (blush) 'How about right now..........?'

[synirr]

That's so sweet, Shelly

[vanilla_bean]

Do you know what sweet guy did yesterday?

He bought a special kind of cherry tree I have always wanted and couldn't find.

He came home, chose a site for it where I can see it from the house

Went out in a light (but cold) rain and planted it for me.

That was the sweetest and most thoughtful thing to do. I just melted.

He came in and asked how long until he got a cherry pie...............?

I said (blush) 'How about right now..........?'

Reading this made my day. Thanks for sharing!!