Husband Has No Sexual Interests!

[babygurly1973]

Ok Guys & Girls here is subject I need some help with big time!!

I have been married for 13.5 years 14 on Valentines day....since the day we got married our sex life has sucked.......I bet I could be pretty accurate by saying we have had sex maybe 100 times in 13 years.......we have no children......so thats no excuse......we until recently have always been on the same schedules......so again no excuse there......he is deployed to Iraq now so that is an excuse.....the problem is my man could careless about sex........we have gone weeks and even months with NO sex........this is un-acceptable to me......I have talked to him about it.......things will get better for a month or so then it's right back the other way again.......I could have sex 5-6 times a day and still want more.......I love my toys........he thinks they are stupid and I think he is afraid of them.......so I quit bringing them up and played quietly alone with out him!! Im to the point now where I WANT another man to make love to me........jsut because I so long for the affection, the touches, the passion.......all the things that I do not feel when my man and I are together....I have been faithful......honestly!! Im just to the point now where Im afraid Im not going to be......I have done incredible things to better myself over the past few years........all told in 3 years I have lost 178 lbs (diet and exercise) I look down right hot now......I dress sexy as hell.......have those sexy cum here and F#@% me eyes........what else can I do........Im much more un-inhibited sexually......I play with my toys....all the time.......I dont care who knows it........I have learned so much about my own body and it's a wonderful thing I want to share with my husband........Im planning a huge surprise when he is home on leave from Iraq.......but im truly afraid I will be miserable with him.....it has just become an almost dont touch me thing when we are together.......maybe it's boredom........cause he is sure a damn good looking man.......his sexual dis intrest just turn me off.........Oh by the way did I mention he has only performed oral on me 3 times in 13.5 years?? AND NO HE IS NOT GAY SO DONT EVEN SUGGEST THAT.........LOL.HE JUST HAS NO SEXUAL DRIVE......

[babygurly1973]

I was not as Heavy....until about 2 years later (after we married) his sex drive sucked from day one......I admit the extra weight didnt help...But I had lost 118 lbs way before he left for Iraq......like 2 years before........so that can't be used as his excuse.....do u understand what I mean?? I once asked him why he didnt like sex this was a few months after we were married......he said and I quote "Sex to me is like a new toy to a baby...you get it and it's all new and so you play with it for awhile and then eventually the NEW wears off and you toss it in the toy box and someday you find it again and it's all new again"!! I told him Im not a toy he can just play with when it's right for him........

[telecom69]

I was not as Heavy....until about 2 years later (after we married) his sex drive sucked from day one......I admit the extra weight didnt help...But I had lost 118 lbs way before he left for Iraq......like 2 years before........so that can't be used as his excuse.....do u understand what I mean?? I once asked him why he didnt like sex this was a few months after we were married......he said and I quote "Sex to me is like a new toy to a baby...you get it and it's all new and so you play with it for awhile and then eventually the NEW wears off and you toss it in the toy box and someday you find it again and it's all new again"!! I told him Im not a toy he can just play with when it's right for him........

I think you will find that he may be a little intimidated when he sees your new looks. If you are more sexual now to since you feel you look great, he may not be as trusting of you to when he goes back and be wondering. But, it is both of your responsibilities to work it out and hopefully he will realize that. My niece's husband was in Iraq for a year and wounded, but ok. He was back for about eight months and is going back again next month. My prayers for your husbands safety.

Telecom

[Mikayla1]

Ok, first of all, I salute your husband for fighting this war....may he arrive home safely as well as the rest of our soldiers.

Now, on the subject of your sex life. I understand that weight is a touchy subject in a marriage. I, myself, have been up and down, and literally have to run daily to keep my weight down. I am lucky in that my hb has always told me I was sexy no matter what size I was - super, super thin - pregnant, post pregnant, fit, etc. So, I always felt sexy INSIDE. It shouldn't matter what other people say, it should only matter how you feel and how you are inside yourself. I salute your weight loss, it is not easy to get that kind of control over your own weight and life in general.

Now, as for your hb comment about sex being a new toy etc. BULLSHIT! That is the thinking that has to change! You know it, I know it, people on this forum know it! Sex is such an important part of a relationship, that it has to be put up at the top of the priority list. He has to be taught, literally taught, that sex is a priority to you - that you like it, want it, expect it, and that he should too. When people have an indifferent attitude toward sex it is usually because they do not realize how good sex can be, or that they don't know or care how important sex is to their partner!

Your mission is to show your hb how good sex can be on a daily basis! I have learned recently that when a man is constantly producting sperm because he is having sex - oral or whatever - and cumming, that his balls will "tingle" and that "tingle" will remind him of sex. In essence, the more sex he has, the more he will want. It is true. I also know that when your hb comes back from his tour, he will have missed you and want to have sex - so give him the best sex he has had! Send him back to Iraq with the notion that you are waiting home for him, eager to please his every desire again. Don't let him fall back into the complacent man that he was before he left. It is too hard to maintain a marriage under normal circumstances, when you have to maintain a marriage to a soldier - and then throw this problem into the mix - it must be almost too much to handle!

My main suggestion - seduce him, show him what you have learned. Then talk to him. Tell him what you need, expect and want. Don't threaten to leave him or find sex elsewhere. The last thing he needs is his wife telling him she is going to cheat on him while he is fighting a war.

Good luck, and have FUN!

Only 13 days to prepare!

Mikayla

[babygurly1973]

Ok let me ask You guys this......When he came home in September and we flew out to Maui (the most romantic sensual place I know of) we spent three weeks there..........we had sex ONE time in 3 weeks and when we had it I was wishing he would just get off of me.......THAT ATTITUDE IS SOOOOOOOO NOT ME.....But sex with him is so freakin ROBOTIC.......I have tried to buy the books......the toys.....the games....the lotions......etc...he just isnt interested......I have busted my ass to make myself look sexy and hot......I have men tell me that Im sexy and seductive why doesnt my husband see this in me?? I mean even when I was at the heaviest he always told me he loved me and I was beautiful no matter what....and I believe he truly felt that way.....but this is crazy......Im almost scared to see him because Im afraid I will be miserable and dissapointed....because what I hope happens and what will happem will be 2 totally different things......he doesnt want me to be noisy during sex.......it ANNOYS HIM.......he doesnt talk during sex.....Im loud love to moan.....talk sexy to him etc...the sad thing is it has gotten to the point that Id rather use my toys to make myself orgasm then to be put through the trauma of sex with him......and it's sad...he is good when he wants to be.......he just puts nooooooooo effort into it.......I try try try and nothing changes....everything I do to "SPICE" it up goes un-noticed.......maybe things will change in Vegas who knows.....????

You guys make me feel better....knowing it is ok for me to be crazy sexual......I thought maybe i was over sexual......now I know it isnt me.......lol

[Mikayla1]

NO NO NO NO NO!

Are you saying, that your HB came home from Iraq, you went to Maui, and you only had sex 1 TIME in 3 WEEKS! NO NO NO NO NO

Honey, you need a sexual intervention! It doesn't matter what size you are, or how he feels about sex - this kind of sex life will ruin your self esteem!

You mention that he has always had this kind of sex drive - was it like this when you were dating too? Did it get worse after marriage? Do you think he has any kind of medical issues - perhaps performance anxiety? I know it seems odd, but there are so many men out there who have erectile dysfuction issues, hide it from their spouses, only have sex when the conditions are right for them, they rush through it in a kind of "pre-rehearsed" manner - just to get done without loosing the erection. This has NOTHING to do with you.

I am very sure you don't want to be accusing him of things, and throwing ideas out left and right, but this guy seems to have some kind of issue. Do you know anything about his past sexual partners? Did he ever mention a bad relationship or problems? How old are you?

Sorry about all the questions, but I have to try to get to the bottom of this. It is odd, this man can't have this low of a sex drive. Maui is so beautiful, and romantic. There is no excuse for that.

I applaud your willingness to stay married to this man and stay faithful....lesser women would have left already. I hope that you can find an answer and fix this problem, because it is a problem.

this man needs HELP! We will try to help you here.

Mikayla

[babygurly1973]

We only knew each other for 1 month before we got married......I was the first woman he had sex with......he however was not my first........I was 18 when we got married........he was 25......I like most women would do asked him why he was still a virgin......he just said he never met or dated any women he felt like he wanted to sleep with......so I could accept that. He was much much more inexperienced then i of course thats because he was a virgin....so the story goes......Im 32 now and he is 39......Yes we had sex once while we were in Maui....that was aboutt he second week we were there.......I wanted to jump him when he got off the plane from Iraq the night before we flew out to go to Maui.he was too tired which I could understand he was jet lagged!! So I let that go.......so all told we had sex twice in 3.5 weeks once in Hawaii and omce the day he left home to go back to Iraq......The day we got married we didnt have sex he was tired and had to PT the next day (physical training ) for the army......lol.......Im just at my witts end...Im not heavy anymore........But Iam horny and want to be made love to passionatley and or fucked!!!! He has no idea what kind of wild girl Iam.......he wont give me the chance to show him........he does not have medical issues ir dysfunction.......when he gets hard he stays hard.........thats not a problem......he is a gym rat......loves to work out and be in shape........he takes no rx meds......so I dont know........I do know one thing and that is he is extremely shy........and he loves his fucking TV!!!! LOL

I Have never known a man who had such a low sex drive.......my past relations wore me out.........lol....and u mention my self esteem.......yeah he has effected it in a bad way.........but since I have lost the weight and look great I have a ton of it........I dont want to accuse him or leave my marriage, But Im 32 and not going to live like this forever........I can't and won't!! 14 yrs is a long time to put up with this......dont you all think so???

[babygurly1973]

ORAL SEX BOTH GIVEN AND RECEIVING IS ONE OF MY FAV THINGS TO DO........AND IM GOOD AT IT.......HE COULD CARELESS IF I SUCK HIS COCK OR NOT!!! LOL

IM NOT PASSIVE I JUST GET TIRED OF TRYING AND GETTTING NO WHERE......CAN U SEE MY POINT THERE HUN?

[Karin]

ORAL SEX BOTH GIVEN AND RECEIVING IS ONE OF MY FAV THINGS TO DO........AND IM GOOD AT IT.......HE COULD CARELESS IF I SUCK HIS COCK OR NOT!!! LOL

IM NOT PASSIVE I JUST GET TIRED OF TRYING AND GETTTING NO WHERE......CAN U SEE MY POINT THERE HUN?

ORAL SEX BOTH GIVEN AND RECEIVING IS ONE OF MY FAV THINGS TO DO........AND IM GOOD AT IT.......HE COULD CARELESS IF I SUCK HIS COCK OR NOT!!! LOL

IM NOT PASSIVE I JUST GET TIRED OF TRYING AND GETTTING NO WHERE......CAN U SEE MY POINT THERE HUN?

Hi. These posts about sex with your husbands and NO oral for her made me cry. I AM NOT ALONE!!! I have toys too. we've talked about it and he just says he dosen't like it. To please me?? Isn't that what a husbands suppost to do. I have been married a LONG 17 years. Can't believe I've lasted this long. But I'm keeping my chin up. I was earing anything and thought if I gain weight who gives a f---!! You all made me realize I am only punishing myself. Thanks for reading and your honesty. PRAISE GOD I'M NOT ALONE....

toadette(Karin)

[babygurly1973]

GIRLFRIEND YOU ARE SO NOT ALONE.......YANNO I GET SO MAD AT SOME OF MY FRIENDS WHEN THEY COMPLAIN THAT THEIR MEN WANT SEX 5 TIMES A DAY.........SHIT TO ME THATS A HUGE COMPLIMENT TO A GIRL............YOUR MAN WANTING U ALL THE TIME........TRY HAVING A MAN WHO COULD CARELESS......WETHER HE DOES OR DOESNT TOUCH U.........I CANT TELL U THE LAST TIME MY HUSBAND AND I EVEN HAD A PASSIONATE (TONGUE TWIRLING ) KISS!!! IM NOT VERY MANY YEARS BEHIND U ON THE MARRIAGE THING AND I LIKE U AM BLOWN AWAY THAT I HAVE LASTED THIS LONG!!! I JUST KEEP THINKING HE WILL WAKE UP ONE DAY AND HAVE A HUGE SEX DRIVE AND ALL WILL BE WELL.....WELL I KEEP WAKING UP BUT NOTHING CHANGES AND IT IS EVEN WORSE NOW THAT HE IS GONE TO IRAQ......I HAVE BECOME SO INDEPENDENT I THINK THAT FREAKS HIM OUT.......THE WEIGHT LOSS........OTHER GUYS NOTICING ME......MY INDEPENDENCE (I HAVE ALWAYS BEEN AN INDEPENDENT GIRL BUT HAVE REALLY GOTTEN THAT WAY IN THE LAST 3 YEARS) SEX WAS SOOOOOOOOOO MUCH BETTER AND INTENSE WHEN I WAS SINGLE........HEEHEE.......MARRIAGE DOES CHANGE THOSE THINGS I GUESS......WE JUST GET TO COMFORTABLE WITH WHO WE ARE AND AS A COUPLE.....AND WORK TAKES HOLD OF OUR LIVES AND THINGS JUST GET INTO SO MUCH OF A ROUTINE.....I DONT KNOW.........ALL I KNOW IS IM VERY MUCH AFRAID IF THINGS DONT CHANGE THE BIG "D" IS ON THE HORIZON!!! I WOULD HATE TO THINK THAT I WOULD LEAVE BECAUSE OF LACK OF SEX AND PASSION.......BUT WHATS A GIRL TO DO??? I HONESTLY CAN SAY I LOVE GOING OUT WITH MY GIRLFRIENDS CAUSE I GET ATTENTION FROM MEN......THEY LOK AT ME AND TALK TO ME......I LOVE BEING NOTICED........

MY HUSBAND AND I WENT TO A FRIENDS WEDDING RECEPTION A YEAR AND A HALF AGO AND I GOT TIPSY AND KEPT BEGGING HIM TO DANCE WITH ME.......HE REFUSED......SO I SAID SCREW IT SIT THERE ALL ALONE AND BE UN-SOCIAL.....I WENT AND HUNG WITH MY FRIENDS AND EVERYONE IN THE PLACE WAS UP DANCIN MY MAN WAS THE ONLY STICK IN THE MUDD SITTING AT THE TABLES.........WE WERE ALL FAST DANCIN AND A SLOW SONG CAME ON...I LOOKED AT HIM TO COME DANCE WITH ME.......HE TURNED AWAY.......SO THIS GUY (A MUTUAL FRIEND) ASKED ME TO DANCE I SAID SURE.......AS SOON AS HE PUT HIS HAND AROUND MY WASTE.......MY HUSBAND WAS UP AND IN MY FACE.......SAID I WILL DANCE WITH MY WIFE.......THE GUY SAID WELL IT'S ABOUT TIME U PAID ATTENTION TO HER TONIGHT.......SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!! LOL

ANYWAYS THAT IS JUST A SYNOPSIS OF OTHER ISSUES WE HAVE BESIDES IN THE BEDROOM........IT'S CALLED BEING MARRIED TO A COP........WHO DOESNT INTERACT WITH ANYONE ELSE FOR FEAR OF RUINING HIS IMAGE LET ALONE WITH ME IN THE BEDROOM........I WISH U THE BEST OF LUCK.......PRAY FOR EACHOTHER I GUESS EY??

[telecom69]

GIRLFRIEND YOU ARE SO NOT ALONE.......YANNO I GET SO MAD AT SOME OF MY FRIENDS WHEN THEY COMPLAIN THAT THEIR MEN WANT SEX 5 TIMES A DAY.........SHIT TO ME THATS A HUGE COMPLIMENT TO A GIRL............YOUR MAN WANTING U ALL THE TIME........TRY HAVING A MAN WHO COULD CARELESS......WETHER HE DOES OR DOESNT TOUCH U.........I CANT TELL U THE LAST TIME MY HUSBAND AND I EVEN HAD A PASSIONATE (TONGUE TWIRLING ) KISS!!! IM NOT VERY MANY YEARS BEHIND U ON THE MARRIAGE THING AND I LIKE U AM BLOWN AWAY THAT I HAVE LASTED THIS LONG!!! I JUST KEEP THINKING HE WILL WAKE UP ONE DAY AND HAVE A HUGE SEX DRIVE AND ALL WILL BE WELL.....WELL I KEEP WAKING UP BUT NOTHING CHANGES AND IT IS EVEN WORSE NOW THAT HE IS GONE TO IRAQ......I HAVE BECOME SO INDEPENDENT I THINK THAT FREAKS HIM OUT.......THE WEIGHT LOSS........OTHER GUYS NOTICING ME......MY INDEPENDENCE (I HAVE ALWAYS BEEN AN INDEPENDENT GIRL BUT HAVE REALLY GOTTEN THAT WAY IN THE LAST 3 YEARS) SEX WAS SOOOOOOOOOO MUCH BETTER AND INTENSE WHEN I WAS SINGLE........HEEHEE.......MARRIAGE DOES CHANGE THOSE THINGS I GUESS......WE JUST GET TO COMFORTABLE WITH WHO WE ARE AND AS A COUPLE.....AND WORK TAKES HOLD OF OUR LIVES AND THINGS JUST GET INTO SO MUCH OF A ROUTINE.....I DONT KNOW.........ALL I KNOW IS IM VERY MUCH AFRAID IF THINGS DONT CHANGE THE BIG "D" IS ON THE HORIZON!!! I WOULD HATE TO THINK THAT I WOULD LEAVE BECAUSE OF LACK OF SEX AND PASSION.......BUT WHATS A GIRL TO DO??? I HONESTLY CAN SAY I LOVE GOING OUT WITH MY GIRLFRIENDS CAUSE I GET ATTENTION FROM MEN......THEY LOK AT ME AND TALK TO ME......I LOVE BEING NOTICED........

MY HUSBAND AND I WENT TO A FRIENDS WEDDING RECEPTION A YEAR AND A HALF AGO AND I GOT TIPSY AND KEPT BEGGING HIM TO DANCE WITH ME.......HE REFUSED......SO I SAID SCREW IT SIT THERE ALL ALONE AND BE UN-SOCIAL.....I WENT AND HUNG WITH MY FRIENDS AND EVERYONE IN THE PLACE WAS UP DANCIN MY MAN WAS THE ONLY STICK IN THE MUDD SITTING AT THE TABLES.........WE WERE ALL FAST DANCIN AND A SLOW SONG CAME ON...I LOOKED AT HIM TO COME DANCE WITH ME.......HE TURNED AWAY.......SO THIS GUY (A MUTUAL FRIEND) ASKED ME TO DANCE I SAID SURE.......AS SOON AS HE PUT HIS HAND AROUND MY WASTE.......MY HUSBAND WAS UP AND IN MY FACE.......SAID I WILL DANCE WITH MY WIFE.......THE GUY SAID WELL IT'S ABOUT TIME U PAID ATTENTION TO HER TONIGHT.......SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!! LOL

ANYWAYS THAT IS JUST A SYNOPSIS OF OTHER ISSUES WE HAVE BESIDES IN THE BEDROOM........IT'S CALLED BEING MARRIED TO A COP........WHO DOESNT INTERACT WITH ANYONE ELSE FOR FEAR OF RUINING HIS IMAGE LET ALONE WITH ME IN THE BEDROOM........I WISH U THE BEST OF LUCK.......PRAY FOR EACHOTHER I GUESS EY??

These posts are so intriguing. Its a place where we can go and vent, be very personal, and relieve some pent up emotions without any repercussions. There are a few on here who have helped me a lot. You know who you are, so thx very much.

My girlfriend of one year has some issues and doesn't reciprocate the attention, romance, respect, and love I give her... well, at least not in the sex dept. If she just wanted to do half the things you ladies want to do I would be ecstatic. I love to do long passionate kisses, touching her hair and face, holding her and kissing her in public, bringing flowers to her work so her coworkers can see how I care about her, etc. I would literally do anything she wanted to do in bed. So, its goes both ways ladies.

If you can avoid the divorce, PLEASE do it. Tell your husband exactly how you feel and be very adamant about it. If it doesn't wake him up, then it will be his loss.

Telecom

[babygurly1973]

I so dont want a divorce.....but at the same time I dont want to be living like this forever......yanno my dad asked me something when I told him I was getting married at 18......I never really thought about it till lately.....He said and I quote " If your husband was seriously injured one day and could no longer have sex with you would you be ok with that" ? I said of course becuse thats not themost important thing to me dad.....well he had a serious point there.....Now I feel like I answered that question wrong......so should I just deal with it because of the way I answered that from heart at 18?? I mean he is not seriously injured and has no medical issues......when do u say enough is enough?? How long do I have to beg and plead with him to love me in the way I want to be loved on?? I would give anything to know what it feels like once again to be touched and caressed and made love to the way a man and woman in love should "love" one another.....we have never had sex anywhere else in this house then our bedroom........and we have lived here 7 years.......n public displays of affection......he is a Cop and he says that looks tackey and un-professional........Im like damn babe handcuff me and fuck the hell outta me........lmao........like that would ever happen........I dont wish to be another divorce statistic.......but!!

Telecom.......your woman is lucky to have someone such as u whow ants to do all those things for her and too her.........My husband is very giving materialistically.......I mean I have a 12,000 dollar diamond on my left hand, A beautiful home and a brand new car......clothes too boot.........shoes shoes shoes and more shoes.........if I say I want it i have it........except what I really want.......him!!! Keep trying with your girl......I have friends who bitch all the time cause their husbands want sex........Id like to smack them!! lol

[promiscuouseuphoria]

On the matter of sex - it seems to me that if you have truly tried everything you can, over nearly fourteen years, you should accept by now that nothing you do will change his perspective. Change happens when one desires it, and if he doesn't want to change then he won't. Have you truly told him how important this is? Have you actually told him that you consider adultery because you ache so for affection? He may need to understand the severity of the situation. Or perhaps he does, and chooses to continue as is anyway.

Please understand that I am not actually advising you to let him go. I think your first step is to examine your approach, and change it. Is there any chance he may start paying attention if you become frigid and distant? Perhaps if on his next leave you already have plans that don't include him? That may be a bit extreme, but I think you see my point.

However, if you're going to cheat on him, you might as well let him go. If you thought he was unresponsive before, that will simply magnify if he ever finds out you violated his trust.

[Mikayla1]

Of course you are not alone! There are so many women (and men) out there who are with mates who just have different sex drives than they do. Sometimes it is the man, sometimes the woman. Sometimes it is a medical issues, a RX issue, a stress issue. Occasionally it is an affair, or that the couple has fallen out of love. Unfortunately, sometimes it just is a mystery. People read these forums and think "my GOD, that is ME...or that is my friend!" People always think the grass is greener on the other side! I can not imagine COMPLAINING because my hb wants sex TOO MUCH! I mean, come on, you are right, that is the ULTIMATE compliment!

So here we have a few people who are saying that their mates just aren't interested. We may never know why that is. I have read a few things that have tipped me off to things. Prtyinpnk says her hb likes the TV....what is up with that? Stand naked in front of the thing! If my hb is watching a show, and I want to fuck, I just get naked, go and sit on his lap. He gets the point. If your hb rejects you to watch TV, there is more going on there than a lack of sex drive!

If he continually says it is just "low sex drive" then make him go to the doctor for a testosterone test. They can test his levels in one quick, easy blood test! Will he want to, NO. If he loves you, he will do whatever it takes to make this relationship work for you. Honesty is the best policy. Telling him what you want and expect and NEED is a must! Letting things go, doesn't solve anything.

My hb and I haven't always seen eye to eye on sex. We went though a period where sex was not on the priority list at all, none the less at the top. I wasn't happy about that. I could tell he wasn't happy. I decided to re-prioritize my list. I started to give him morning BJ's, jump in the shower with him, massage him when he came home from work, get naked and attack him on the couch - anything to keep sex in his mind. Our sex life went from #100 on the list to #2 or #3 after our child and sometimes work. We never blow off things to have sex, but we make time for it, or at least for adult play.

Now, I know that you guys are having trouble just getting your hb to have sex - so put it in their faces - LITERALLY! Put it right there. Your tits, your pussy, your ass - get naked, put it there. If he doesn't react, then you are going to have a major discussion.

I am with telecom, avoid the divorce, but you may have to do some serious threatening to get some results. People should not be expected to live their lives sex free. It is not healthy - mentally or physically!

So ladies and gentlemen - let us find some answers and make some sex happen!

Mikayla

[babygurly1973]

Well I will keep trying gang......it's just very disheartening to feel the way he makes me feel when i try so hard to make the sparks fly between us and get no response!!

[amwjb]

Ok so I think I messed things up.

First about me. I'm very passionate. I love sex! I am almost to the point of being a nympho. when my husband and I first started dating I was trying to get my life together. I had a rather bad rep of being a slut. I wasn't really but I did date alot and I had alot more guy friends then girlfriends. I even had the guys at work telling me that if I see them out in public with there wives or girlfriends then don't talk to them. I even had one guy tell me that when I broke up with someone all the women would go oh no she's on the prowl again. Unfortantly what they didn't understand was that I like men and men like me because we could talk and laugh together. I'm not a gossip monger. I like inteligent conversation. Books, movies, politics, cars, real life events. If I chose to take a man into my bed I figured that was my right as a single woman over 21.

So anyway ...

I was really trying hard to clean up my act so to speak when I met my husband. He was really wonderful. I thought this time I'm going to be courted. I'm not going to just jump into bed I'm going to take it slow and see what happens. Well it didn't quite work out that way. After the second date he kinda gave me a round about ultimatum about sleeping with him. Said he felt like I was too good for him. So I said what the hell why not. It was okay. not the best but it was sweet. We moved in together after 2 months and things were okay. I had two preteens so that kinda put a strain on the relationship since he had never been married and didn't have any kids. Guess you could say he got quite a shock.

He seemed to adjust okay because 4 months later we were married. Then things really got rough in the bedroom. I would try to come on to him but he would say he was tired and no was no. And I wasn't going to make him do something he didn't want to do. Being a rape victim I could understand this. But I got so lonely and hungry I took it out on the fridge and gained 100 lbs.

Now for the problem---

My husband has always worked really hard so he goes to bed at precisily 9pm. I on the other hand am a night owl with frequent bouts of insomnia. I would stay up late while he went to bed. We grew apart in the bedroom. So much so that sex became about a once every two to three month thing. Some of it I attribute to my being busy with the kids. Some of it has to do with his medication for anxity. His doctor has prescribed viagra for him and it works great. But it has been 2 years since the kids have been grown and gone and this is still happening. We even discuss how much we need to work on our relationship. We made a new years resolution that aleast once a week we would come together and play but the very next day when I tried to start things he rejected me and so I hit the fridge again. Well this morning after being up all night desiring him and having erotic dreams about him I woke him up giving him a hand job. He got hard and we started then he just went limp. So instead of continuing on with whatever would work and maybe getting it back up, (he knew I was hot cause I was dripping wet and I told him I had trouble sleeping cause I wanted him so bad) he rolls off me and says.. ready for coffee?

man this has happended so many time I can't count. It's equal to being left in the middle of sex with a throbbing hard on and they act like they don't care.

I just got up and went in the bathroom and cried. By the time I got myself together the coffee was ready so I took my cup outside and fed the birds. He came out and sat down and after a few minutes asked if I was mad at him. I said no not mad but just very hurt. and rejected. I told him how I felt about being abandond with a hard on and he said.- I went limp what was I supposed to do? I told him there were other ways to finish what we started. and that we hadn't made love more than 100 times in the last 9 years... he just got up and slammed the door and hasn't hardly spoken to me since.

I don't know what to do. I'm so tired of turning to food. I know I'm way overweight. My doctor has express concerns about my health and I hear people at work talking. But I'm so lonely. When we married I was really hot. I'm very good at my tecniques. And I'm not scared to try most anything. (that doesn't involve pain) Now I'm just a fat dumpy ...what? i sure don't feel like a wife.

can you help? can the poster that lost all that weight tell me how she did it?

[Mikayla1]

Ok girlfriend...take a deep breath....now take another....now listen and read!

It does not matter how "overweight" you have become - rejection is rejection is rejection and it hurts! You hb took vows to love you in sickness and in health - not only when he wants to. We women have big problems when it comes to our self images - we get depressed because our men are rejecting us and instead of doing something to BETTER ourselves we turn to food for comfort and end up hating ourselves more and alienating the men that probably still love us. Why do we do that? Why do we all sabotage ourselves? We have got to stop doing it! I am going to help you.

I see a few things going on here. First, I think your hb is depressed. He probably has performance anxiety (as many older and even younger men have) and when his penis doesn't work or goes limp, he gives up! He is not interested in pleasing you, because he is embarrased and consumed with what has happened to HIM and he can't think about how his limp cock is affecting YOU. Every time he gets into bed he is thinking "I wonder if my cock will go limp." Believe me when I say this, it has nothing to do with you." It really doesn't. You may have put on the weight, but if the man woke up with a hard on and it went limp it wasn't because of your weight while you were giving him a hand job, he has performance anxiety! Many men have had that!

I also know that you are unhappy with your outside appearance - so we need to work on that. If your doctor is concerned about your health, then you will have to find a way to get healthy. Notice, I did not say a way to get THIN! I think that many women are consumed to be "Barbie" and instead get depressed because they aren't, so they eat, and then become the polar opposite of it. I do not want you to feel any less inside because you are overweight. However, if your doctor has health concerns, you need to get to a weight that is safe for you.

I believe that women of all sizes can be super sexy! I believe that the inner sexiness of women can be attained! However, if you are too overweight and unhealthy, you will not feel well, and hence will not feel sexy. So how about talking to your doctor on the best way to achieve that goal? Do NOT do this for anyone but yourself! No man should let us feel badly about us, you have to feel good about YOU.

I also find that my daily exercise routine (jogging and yoga) keep me feeling good and keep me healthy and horny! Exercise releases natural hormones that make us feel horny! So, as you embark upon your new health plan, you will feel even more sexy and horny and more healthy and happy! It will be good all around for you!

Now, what to do about your hb. Well, we can't have him rejecting you all the time. I think a serious talk away from the bedroom, when you have enough time to devote to the subject is in order! Tell him that sex is important, you want it, you need it, and as his wife, you expect it. Tell him if he has issues you are willing to help him with them. Tell him how desireable you find him. Tell him your plan to get healthy. Tell him you are doing it for YOU, not for him. I would also mention that he could benefit from some healthy activity too (bedtime at 9:00 is early - he made need to get moving too!)

Be honest, be sincere. Form a plan in your mind. Know that it is not all your fault here. Get a plan with your doctor to GET HEALTHY. Do it and do it now. Buy an outfit that makes you feel sexy. Get your hair done. Change your make-up. Do something while this weight loss process is going on that makes you feel good about yourself!

If the problems in the bedroom don't get better, try couples counseling! Sex is an important part of a marriage - you know it - make him understand it!

Good luck, and let me know if there is anything else I can do for you!

Mikayla