Sexual Bloopers

[Amylynn920]

Ok we've all had them, those embarrassing moments, hysterical moments, the times in retrospect when we look back and think if this session was a movie it would hit the Sex Blooper Hall of Fame.

I think the best blooper GSK and I have had was when we were going at it, hot, steamy, and passionate, and then the sound of something chewing. And no it wasn't GSK he looks over his shoulder, down to the floor and there is the dog. Chewing her way happily through his discarded boxers Oooooh the combination of words he slung at that dog was amazing.

And my personal was the most not so elegant series of queefs after doggy. Yeah that was a classic

Thankfully we both have a sense of humor

So now, what's yours?

[sun_flower969]

Oh god I have so many lets see... the time the Bose system went off by itself! We were "doing it" and then heard loud voices. He jumped off me and grabbed this make shift weapon he kept under the mattress. Naked, still sporting wood, he runs into the living room only to find it is the system. TOO FUNNY! One Time my little girl busted in on us. I think she was around 3. He was behind me. She comes in "I need to go potty" He grabbed the pillow to hide himself and went to help her in the bathroom. Lastly and the worst of all I think was when I came home from the movies, drunk off my ass. He was going down on me, I was in our recliner tipped back when I started to feel really sick. So I kicked him off me and ran to the bathroom. I PUKED so bad and was really sick for the rest of the night. He was upset, thought I had been irresponsible but I was on meds at the time and didn't know I wasn't supposed to drink with them. I think I posted 2 of these before but still funny to me!

[ladylove]

That would have to be when my son was about 4-5 years old, he walked in on us (because he had gotten scared by a bad dream) and we didn't hear him. He stood there and then asked what were we doing? We told him "wrestling". That made perfect sense to him. Since then the door gets locked.

[froggystyle1977]

Ahhhh wrestling yup done that!!!!!!!!!! And The daddy stop shaking the bed your going to make mommy sick!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Kinky Twinkie]

After we got Zoey, our female cat, she became real protective around Ji and didnt like me much at all. We got to doing it and se went into attack mode trying to fight me off. Only every time she jumped up and swiped her claws at me it would get in Ji's hair. we kept yelling "agghhhhhhh stop". After that she got declawed, if you ever saw what she did to a leather chair you wouldnt blame us. they were big claws and could so some damage

Glenn

[spanky]

My worst blooper is one night I was going at my wife under the covers hot and heavy, when our minature daschound came and joined me under the covers and we came face to face, she was checking out what I was doing. I did not know she was still in the room.

[vanilla_bean]

I don't know if this really counts as a sexual blooper, but it's all I could come up with. The last time I got my legs waxed, I still had bite marks on my inner thigh

[Amylynn920]

I don't know if this really counts as a sexual blooper, but it's all I could come up with. The last time I got my legs waxed, I still had bite marks on my inner thigh

[cybele]

I don't know if this really counts as a sexual blooper, but it's all I could come up with. The last time I got my legs waxed, I still had bite marks on my inner thigh

too funny.

Not sure if this counts either but befoe we got married, we bought a sailboat. I had taken a how-to-sail book out of the library (we only knew basics.) But when I returned it, I didn't realize there was a condom wrapper in it from when we "christened" the boat. The librarian stopped me before I left and asked me if I wanted my bookmark back.

[whitefang2002]

HAHA.......that is so funny.

Mine (which not sure counts either) just happened on Monday. Was at the doctor for a checkup on my meds. Then I asked if they(the meds) could be messing with my period cuz I had started to have some problems with it. He said yes, because I had went through so many in such a short time. Switching through different kinds to find ones that work for me. And he also told me that it could also make me dry down there. I said, Oh, I haven't noticed because I always use lube because my epesiotomy scar.

"what do you mean" he asked

"well it rips when I have sex without tons of lube even if I'm reallly wet"

went throguh the whole story of getting the epesiotomy and all the problems I have had with it..

"what kind of lube do you use?"

me starting to turn red by now.....

"um......i have lots of different kinds" didn't want to say well i have this site i get these all off of....cuz i knew he probably wouldn't recognize any names.......like the tootimid pleasure gel......

"well, have you tried astroglide? I have lots of patients that said it worked good for them"

"is that silicone based?" I asked...since I haven't even considered it in the past or looked at it

"yeah I am pretty sure it is"

"oh well then nevermind"

"why?"he asked..............my face burning by now..............

"why?" he repeated

"because you can't use that with silicone toys".....my face on fire!!!!!!!!!!!!

"what?....OH!....you can't? why not? And why are you blushing"

"it will ruin the toys."

"why are you blushing"

"this isn't usually a conversation you have with your doctor....usually don't talk about sex toys!"

That was seriously funny. but i was turning red cuz I know that I am on this site all the time and didn't feel like saying....."oh I belong to this sex web site where I get stuff from and learn things ".... and so on. Not that there is anythign wrong with that........but just embarassing to talk to your doctor about it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (it was to me anyways since i didn't expect the convo. to ever go that direction) but next time i might not be so embarassed.....

[sun_flower969]

I don't know if this really counts as a sexual blooper, but it's all I could come up with. The last time I got my legs waxed, I still had bite marks on my inner thigh

HOLY SHIT!!!

[ohshelly]

HAHA.......that is so funny.

Mine (which not sure counts either) just happened on Monday. Was at the doctor for a checkup on my meds. Then I asked if they(the meds) could be messing with my period cuz I had started to have some problems with it. He said yes, because I had went through so many in such a short time. Switching through different kinds to find ones that work for me. And he also told me that it could also make me dry down there. I said, Oh, I haven't noticed because I always use lube because my epesiotomy scar.

"what do you mean" he asked

"well it rips when I have sex without tons of lube even if I'm reallly wet"

went throguh the whole story of getting the epesiotomy and all the problems I have had with it..

"what kind of lube do you use?"

me starting to turn red by now.....

"um......i have lots of different kinds" didn't want to say well i have this site i get these all off of....cuz i knew he probably wouldn't recognize any names.......like the tootimid pleasure gel......

"well, have you tried astroglide? I have lots of patients that said it worked good for them"

"is that silicone based?" I asked...since I haven't even considered it in the past or looked at it

"yeah I am pretty sure it is"

"oh well then nevermind"

"why?"he asked..............my face burning by now..............

"why?" he repeated

"because you can't use that with silicone toys".....my face on fire!!!!!!!!!!!!

"what?....OH!....you can't? why not? And why are you blushing"

"it will ruin the toys."

"why are you blushing"

"this isn't usually a conversation you have with your doctor....usually don't talk about sex toys!"

That was seriously funny. but i was turning red cuz I know that I am on this site all the time and didn't feel like saying....."oh I belong to this sex web site where I get stuff from and learn things ".... and so on. Not that there is anythign wrong with that........but just embarassing to talk to your doctor about it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (it was to me anyways since i didn't expect the convo. to ever go that direction) but next time i might not be so embarassed.....

You poor sweet girl~ that is sooooooooooo funny. Wow, I hope I never get into a conversation like that with the Doc, but thanks for sharing the story.

[whitefang2002]

i am a very open person with friends and family...i just didn't expect to go there with my doctor....haha.

[cmwise1]

i am a very open person with friends and family...i just didn't expect to go there with my doctor....haha.

I don''t know if this counts, either, but I have been in the opposite situation...asking a patient what the bruise was from (screening for physical abuse) and being blithely told it was from a bite. This has occurred on every major body part! Red face!!

I can't think of any except those awful queefs...how can something feel so good and cause such noise?????

[tootimidtoo]

I had just recieved my shipment from Too Timid. DH and I decided we would experiment with anal and got Spectra Gels beaded anal toy I put it in my purse and forgot about it. DH and I made a stop at the liquor store and a hot undercover police officer asked for my ID as I was waiting in the car. He was leaning in the window as I opened my purse and out it fell. Next time be careful what you ask for!

[ohshelly]

I love sexy lingire and often wear it and covertly flash my guy to tease him in public an get him hot and bothered.

I had just got a dark coral colored lace bra and matching panties. He loved it.

One evening we went out to dinnner at Texas Roadhouse with his brother and wife.

Sweetguy and I where seated on one side of the booth, and baby bro and his wife where across from us.

They went to the bar for a few minutes, and I casually played with my necklace and the scoop neck of my top.

When I was sure I had sweetguys full attention, I pulled my neckline waaaaaaaaay out for a second so sweetguy could admire my DD's in their coral lace bra.

Then we heard the slight choking noise and looked up!

Seated on the next level up was a elderly gentleman and his wife, having dinner.

He got the full view. Sweetguy says I made that guys entire year!!

He likes to tease me and say he can't take me anywhere without me acting up, but he loves it!!

[ginshreve]

I don't know if this really counts as a sexual blooper, but it's all I could come up with. The last time I got my legs waxed, I still had bite marks on my inner thigh

OMG, Vanilla Bean, now that is HOT.

[hotgirlydragon]

Well it was are 4th anniversary and we had went to a themed hotel and we stayed in a tree house room. We started drinking when we were in the waterfall tub. So when were got out we were kinda tipsy. He pushed me on the bed and started kissing me and we started playing and all of a sudden he was gone. He had fell on his ass on the floor. Can I say it killed the mood because I couldn't stop laughing. (Still cant)

[LoveGoddess]

"this isn't usually a conversation you have with your doctor....usually don't talk about sex toys!"

I think it is an excellent conversation to have with your doctor...kudos to your doc for being comfortable enough to bring it up!!

My midwife was commenting on how I have been able to strengthen my PC muscles since my last visit. (vaginally delivering a 9lbs + baby will stretch things a bit.) She wanted to know if I had been doing Kegals. I told her that I was a reviewer for a sex toy website. She thought that was great and said "well, keep it up its working."

[synirr]

This is probably one of those "you had to have been there" kind of things, but I'll share anyway.

The boy and I had just watched a show about the evolution of sex, which discussed at great length what position t-rex might have mated in so as to avoid the female having to support the massive weight of the male. The show demonstrated each theory with an animation, and when it got to the final and most plausible theory (the female lowering her front half and raising her tail in the air, out of the way,) the animation was quite fluid and believable. The boy said, in a very authoritative tone like he would know anything about it, "That seems reasonable." For some reason that struck us as funny, and we laughed about it for a good long time.

Flash forward to that night. We're going at it doggy style, and my arms are getting tired so I decide to rest my weight on a pillow... front half lowered, butt in the air. After a minute or two I can't help myself, and I turn around and say "Hey... this seems reasonable."

We continued after a brief pause for laughter, but it took him a really long time to finish that night. I ruined everything, but it was worth it. I'm never going to get a better setup for that reference

[ManofHerdreams]

This is probably one of those "you had to have been there" kind of things, but I'll share anyway.

The boy and I had just watched a show about the evolution of sex, which discussed at great length what position t-rex might have mated in so as to avoid the female having to support the massive weight of the male. The show demonstrated each theory with an animation, and when it got to the final and most plausible theory (the female lowering her front half and raising her tail in the air, out of the way,) the animation was quite fluid and believable. The boy said, in a very authoritative tone like he would know anything about it, "That seems reasonable." For some reason that struck us as funny, and we laughed about it for a good long time.

Flash forward to that night. We're going at it doggy style, and my arms are getting tired so I decide to rest my weight on a pillow... front half lowered, butt in the air. After a minute or two I can't help myself, and I turn around and say "Hey... this seems reasonable."

We continued after a brief pause for laughter, but it took him a really long time to finish that night. I ruined everything, but it was worth it. I'm never going to get a better setup for that reference

That's funny!!!

Man

[ohshelly]

This happened a two weeks ago.

We had one of the grandsons' for a few days, he is 20 months old. He sleeps in the room next to ours.

Before going to bed, he and I where looking at a 'I spy' book, naming the pictures. (love these books, so cool)

He wanted to take it to bed with him, so I let him. The next morning, we hear our door creak open and him crawaling up between us from the foot of the bed.

We hear pages turning, and him saying 'butt'............. page turns ..................'butt'............. page turns................. 'butt'

I roll over to see this little boy paging thru papa's penthouse forum. OMG!!

I gently took it away, fetched his I spy book, and he resumed naming the pictures.

Papa said he was proud of the little guy for being so smart!

I hope he is young enough to forget papa's butt book!!

[synirr]

This happened a two weeks ago.

We had one of the grandsons' for a few days, he is 20 months old. He sleeps in the room next to ours.

Before going to bed, he and I where looking at a 'I spy' book, naming the pictures. (love these books, so cool)

He wanted to take it to bed with him, so I let him. The next morning, we hear our door creak open and him crawaling up between us from the foot of the bed.

We hear pages turning, and him saying 'butt'............. page turns ..................'butt'............. page turns................. 'butt'

I roll over to see this little boy paging thru papa's penthouse forum. OMG!!

I gently took it away, fetched his I spy book, and he resumed naming the pictures.

Papa said he was proud of the little guy for being so smart!

I hope he is young enough to forget papa's butt book!!

LOL, how funny!!!

[synirr]

Here's a new one. I bought some pear flavored lube, and the lights were dimmed when we were getting ready to use it, so I didn't notice two things: one, it didn't have a dispenser type lid, and two, it was very liquidy and not nearly as gel-like as it appeared in the bottle. Yep, I spilled it ALL OVER. We had to pause for cleanup, and I had to help the boy out since he was tied down at the time

It left a big ol' spot on the sheets too, but luckily it washed out.

[ohshelly]

YUM, Pear, you say? Sweetguys favorite is peach!