Members whitefang2002 Posted October 18, 2008 Members Report Share Posted October 18, 2008 Pocket Taser Stun Gun, a great gift for the wife.> A guy who purchased his lovely wife a pocket Taser for their anniversary > submitted this:> > Last weekend I saw something at Larry's Pistol & Pawn Shop that sparked > my interest. The occasion was our 15th anniversary and I was looking for > a little something extra for my wife Julie.> What I came across was a 100,000-volt, pocket/purse-sized taser.> The effects of the taser were supposed to be short lived, with no > long-term adverse affect on your assailant, allowing her adequate time > to retreat to safety.....??> > WAY TOO COOL!> > ....Long story short, I bought the device and brought it home. I loaded > two AAA batteries in the darn thing and pushed the button.> Nothing!> > I was disappointed. I learned, however, that if I pushed the button AND > pressed it against a metal surface at the same time; I'd get the blue > arc of electricity darting back and forth between the prongs.> AWESOME!!!> > Unfortunately, I have yet to explain to Julie what that burn spot is> > on the face of her microwave.> > Okay, so I was home alone with this new toy, thinking to myself that it > couldn't be all that bad with only two triple-A batteries, right?> > There I sat in my recliner, my cat Gracie looking on intently (trusting > little soul) while I was reading the directions and thinking that I > really needed to try this thing out on a flesh & blood moving target. I > must admit I thought about zapping Gracie (for a fraction of a second) > and thought better of it. She is such a sweet cat. But, if I was going > to give this thing to my wife to protect herself against a mugger, I did > want some assurance that it would work as advertised...... Am I wrong?> > So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and a tank top with my reading > glasses perched delicately on the bridge of my nose, directions in one > hand, and taser in another. The directions said that a one-second burst > would shock and disor ient your assailant; a two-second burst was > supposed to cause muscle spasms and a major loss of bodily control; a > three-second burst would purportedly make your assailant flop on the > ground like a fish out of water. Any burst longer than three seconds > would be wasting the batteries.> All the while I'm looking at this little device measuring about> 5' long, less> > than 3/4 inch in circumference; pretty cute really and (loaded with> > two itsy, bitsy triple-A batteries) thinking to myself, 'no possible way!'> > What happened next is almost beyond description, but I'll do my best...?!> I'm sitting there alone, Gracie looking on with her head cocked to one > side as to say, 'don't do it dipshit,' reasoning that a one second burst > from such a tiny little ole thing couldn't hurt all that bad. I decided > to give myself a one second burst just for heck of it. I touched the > prongs to my naked thigh, pushed the button, and ....> HOLY MOTHER OF GOD... WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION . . .> > WHAT THE HELL!!!> > I'm pretty sure Jessie Ventura ran in through the side door, picked me > up in the recliner, then body slammed us both on the carpet, over and > over and over again. I vaguely recall waking up on my side in the fetal > position, with tears in my eyes, body soaking wet, both nipples on fire, > testicles nowhere to be found, with my left arm tucked under my body in > the oddest position, and tingling in my legs!!!?> > The cat was making meowing sounds I had never heard before, clinging to > a picture frame hanging above the fireplace, obviously in an attempt to > avoid getting slammed by my body flopping all over the living room.> > Note: If you ever feel compelled to 'mug' yourself with a taser, one > note of caution: there is no such thing as a one second burst when you > zap yourself! You will not let go of that thing until it is dislodged > from your hand by a violent thrashing about on the floor. A three second > burst would be considered conservative?> > S O B, THAT HURT LIKE HELL!!!> > A minute or so later (I can't be sure, as time was a relative thing at > that point), I collected my wits (what little I had left), sat up and > surveyed the landscape. My bent reading glasses were on the mantel of > the fireplace. The recliner was up side down and about 8 feet or so from > where it originally was. My triceps, right thigh and both nipples were > still twitching. My face felt like it had been shot up with Novocain, > and my bottom lip weighed 88 lbs. I had no control over the drooling. > Apparently I shit myself, but was too numb to know for sure and my sense > of smell was gone. I saw a faint smoke cloud above my head which I > believe came from my hair.> I'm still looking for my nuts and I'm offering a significant reward for > their safe return!!> > P. S. My wife loved the gift, and now regularly threatens me with it!> > ....If you think Education is difficult, try being stupid. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members ladylove Posted October 18, 2008 Members Report Share Posted October 18, 2008 This is hysterical!!!!! Thanks for the laugh, I'll be forwarding it on to some friends via e-mail. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Kinky Twinkie Posted October 19, 2008 Members Report Share Posted October 19, 2008 This is hysterical!!!!! Thanks for the laugh, I'll be forwarding it on to some friends via e-mail. Anyone ever use one of these for advanced D & S games?????Glenn Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members mystofpric Posted October 19, 2008 Members Report Share Posted October 19, 2008 Owies. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Kinky Twinkie Posted October 19, 2008 Members Report Share Posted October 19, 2008 Owies.Maybe alittle to kinky????My wife might think that abit to freakyGlenn Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members mystofpric Posted October 19, 2008 Members Report Share Posted October 19, 2008 Maybe alittle to kinky????My wife might think that abit to freakyGlennYa know I've been electrocuted before. Not fun or kinky. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members ladylove Posted October 19, 2008 Members Report Share Posted October 19, 2008 Ya know I've been electrocuted before. Not fun or kinky.I've never been electrocuted before, and know I would not be into any real pain related activities Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Kinky Twinkie Posted October 21, 2008 Members Report Share Posted October 21, 2008 I've never been electrocuted before, and know I would not be into any real pain related activities I have to agree, years ago I went to one of them jack & jill mastrbation parties( club Relate - seen on HBO real sex) and one of them ladies gave me a BJ with some sort of device that expels eletricity when she press a button. I didnt like it but sh got alot of cum out of the men she was blowiing.Glenn Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members ohshelly Posted October 24, 2008 Members Report Share Posted October 24, 2008 Where do you buy this item Pappy? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members sun_flower969 Posted October 24, 2008 Members Report Share Posted October 24, 2008 "HOLY MOTHER OF GOD... WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION . . .WHAT THE HELL!!!"HAHAHAHAHA :lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tyger Posted October 25, 2008 Report Share Posted October 25, 2008 I always LOVE this joke!!! Thanks for the laugh! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members pappyld04 Posted October 25, 2008 Members Report Share Posted October 25, 2008 Where do you buy this item Pappy? Larry's Pistol & Pawn Shop ?!?! What the story says anyway! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members ToyQueen Posted October 25, 2008 Members Report Share Posted October 25, 2008 I have to agree, years ago I went to one of them jack & jill mastrbation parties( club Relate - seen on HBO real sex) and one of them ladies gave me a BJ with some sort of device that expels eletricity when she press a button. I didnt like it but sh got alot of cum out of the men she was blowiing.GlennIt's called a TENS unit, and was developed to help those with chronic pain. There are men who find it increases the size of their erections, and the amount of ejaculate. They are sold online on fetish sites... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members pappyld04 Posted October 25, 2008 Members Report Share Posted October 25, 2008 I have a TENS unit and we tried it once and I must say it did nothing for me! Works wonders on my shoulder though! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members ToyQueen Posted October 25, 2008 Members Report Share Posted October 25, 2008 I have a TENS unit and we tried it once and I must say it did nothing for me! Works wonders on my shoulder though!I really like to use one on my neck... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Cavelady854 Posted November 9, 2008 Members Report Share Posted November 9, 2008 OMG! THIS WAS FREAKIN HILARIOUS!!!!!!!!! AHHHHH!!!!!!!!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Kinky Twinkie Posted November 9, 2008 Members Report Share Posted November 9, 2008 It's called a TENS unit, and was developed to help those with chronic pain. There are men who find it increases the size of their erections, and the amount of ejaculate. They are sold online on fetish sites...Gosh they used to be my prescription, I remember having to go to therapy and use one. They made the mistake of giving me the remote and I accidently turned it up nbt my muscle spasms wouldnt allow me to adjust it back down so I said WTF and just layed there enjoying it. It was a great massage and I been wanting one ever since.Glenn Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members 12GAUGE Posted November 15, 2008 Members Report Share Posted November 15, 2008 Ya know I've been electrocuted before. Not fun or kinky. This is a true story. A few years back I was out and about and pulled into my neighborhood Coop store. For you city folk its where country folks get their rabbit pellets,wood posts and deer fencing,overalls and wire stretchers;stuff like that. I had already looked at the toy tractors and hand tools and animal husbandry stuff. I was standing looking at cattle prods. There was quite a selection. One in particular caught my eye. It was just a bit longer than a 3 D cell Maglight. I dumped it open and it had 3 Ds in it. Like the guy with the tazer I thought how much juice could 3 batteries have? I flipped the switch and touched myself with it. I felt like I went straight up about 3 feet and blew my boots off. After I collected myself I could hear laughter up front where the sales counter was. They hollered to me are you alright? Yes thankyou. I tell you what tho...they are a fair bit cheaper than a tazer. If I ever lose my carry permit I will get a cattle prod. THEY REALLY WORK!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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