Members chloegirl Posted January 21, 2009 Members Report Share Posted January 21, 2009 We've already covered the topic of all the little things we do to keep ourselves in the sensual zone. My question is, do you think you can maintain that feeling of sensuality and erotic confidence for any length of time just by the efforts you make alone or do you need outside attention/validation whether it's from your SO or just any one else to continue to feel hot and desirable? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members jesso Posted January 21, 2009 Members Report Share Posted January 21, 2009 I think its obviously helps to have outside encouragement, but I also feel that feeling sexy is a "self" state of mind. So I don't think I'd have a problem Now feeling sexy versus desirable, I'm not sure you can lump those two together. Is it possible to feel desirable if there's no one around to desire you? hmmmmm. I'll have to think a bit more about that one. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members ManofHerdreams Posted January 21, 2009 Members Report Share Posted January 21, 2009 I really believe that one needs the outside attention/validation from someone, be it your SO or somebody else to maintain these mind sets. To me they are like a flowering plant. Without some care and attention they will eventually wither and die if left on their own. Man Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members ladylove Posted January 21, 2009 Members Report Share Posted January 21, 2009 I too think sexual confidence comes from within, however I never get tired of my SO letting me know it. It's also nice to have outside validation, not the "HEY BABY COME AND ********" sort of thing; More like the sly look from a stranger, or a friend letting me know a stranger has checked or is checking me out. We all need validation for many thing in life. Sexuality is not excluded. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members sun_flower969 Posted January 21, 2009 Members Report Share Posted January 21, 2009 I really believe that one needs the outside attention/validation from someone, be it your SO or somebody else to maintain these mind sets. To me they are like a flowering plant. Without some care and attention they will eventually wither and die if left on their own. ManDitto that! What a great question Chloe! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members hrnychick Posted January 21, 2009 Members Report Share Posted January 21, 2009 I can only speak for myself and I have to say I dont wake up everyday feeling sexy. I may have a bad hair day or just be in a mood thanks to pms lol...but even though those days are few and far between it helps to know that my SO or like on post said even a stranger finds me attractive/sexy. I know its all from within but its good to know that when I see myself in a non sexy way I am proved wrong, Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Review Team sass Posted January 21, 2009 Review Team Report Share Posted January 21, 2009 I really believe that one needs the outside attention/validation from someone, be it your SO or somebody else to maintain these mind sets. To me they are like a flowering plant. Without some care and attention they will eventually wither and die if left on their own. ManDitto that! What a great question Chloe!Ditto the ditto. And I think the tree in the forest analogy is spot on. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members hrnychick Posted January 21, 2009 Members Report Share Posted January 21, 2009 I agree it cant be relied on but it is nice to have as a back up. Dont you agree?? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members mtngal Posted January 23, 2009 Members Report Share Posted January 23, 2009 I have had no validation to speak of for the past several years although I am in a monogamous relationship. At times a "What's wrong with me attitude?" has crept into my thought process. Overall though I have maintained a very sensual outlook toward myself and the world around me. My opinion; therefore, is that that good ole tree makes a sound. Argue the flip side--Katy bar the door if the right someone should touch me in the right place at the right time. That tree just got a whole lot louder. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members DADT Posted January 23, 2009 Members Report Share Posted January 23, 2009 We've already covered the topic of all the little things we do to keep ourselves in the sensual zone. My question is, do you think you can maintain that feeling of sensuality and erotic confidence for any length of time just by the efforts you make alone or do you need outside attention/validation whether it's from your SO or just any one else to continue to feel hot and desirable?FANTASTIC QUESTION. IMO, No, in the long run, you can't maintain that sensual feeling on your own. The world would be a more sensual place if we practiced random acts of flirty flattery everyday. Just casually telling someone they look attractive can give them a big lift.But to feel really sensual, you need a BF/GF/SO to give you the attention/validation/encouragement. Sex is 90% mental, even for men. Giving & receiving encouragement is what really makes you feel sensual. What's happening? You are declaring you want to be wanted, and you want to hear back that you're are wanted. Pretty basic need. When you are young it may not take much. "I want to have sex with you" is all it takes. But if you've been in a relationship for a long time, real encouragement is 10 times more important. Sure most of us can O if we concentrate. But who wants to concentrate? That's not sensual. That sounds like work. So tonight start telling each other over dinner that you can't wait to feel, taste, smell each other. Spice it up with some details. Bet you don't make it to dessert. Bet the conversation makes you feel sensual. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members ohshelly Posted January 23, 2009 Members Report Share Posted January 23, 2009 What excellent insights, DADT. Your reply was what I was thinking, but couldn't articulate.I am going to put your thoughts into practice. Thanks! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members mystofpric Posted January 23, 2009 Members Report Share Posted January 23, 2009 I've put some thought into this.I am a sexual person. I like sex, i need sex, and i want it. But I am a sensual person because I want to bring sexual satifcation to other people, I want to dress up in something slinky for them, i want them to enjoy their bodies and mine. I want sex for my partner to be more than just humping but an entire experience. I feel desirable when I am desired. But it's the fact that I am (mildly) attractive and sensual that makes me desirable. However without being desired I don't feel desirable. I can feel sensual on my own because of things like my satin sheets, and when I where my sexy undies just because i want to. because my sensuality is as much a part of me as an arm. I can even feel desirable on my own, when I get dressed up and look in the mirror to shock myself with how good i look! But that moment is often fleeting. I cannot feel deirable long term without reinforcement from someone else. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members DADT Posted January 23, 2009 Members Report Share Posted January 23, 2009 What excellent insights, DADT. Your reply was what I was thinking, but couldn't articulate.I am going to put your thoughts into practice. Thanks!Thanks Sensual Shelly. Here's a sexy sensual exercise to practice tonight. Hope SO is a good sport.Got a light T-shirt & skirt that fit nicely, but not too tight? Go check, we'll wait.... You do, great. That's all you need for an outfit. Skip underwear. Easy access for SO once Mistress Shelly gives him permission to touch. BTW, you showered & legs are shaved, yes? His favorite perfume is lightly dabbed behind ears, neck, elbows, wrists, back of knees, yes? Feeling sensual yet? SO must be a great guy to be worth this. Does he know when to do what he's told? Good. Sit him down on the couch and then straddle him. Hold his wrists firmly to the side so he can't touch you with his hands yet. Gently grind your crotch on him to make sure he's paying attention. Rub you chest against his to help sharpen his focus. For a man, being overpowered by his woman is incredibly sensual. And I bet being in control will give you a certain buzz.Whisper in his ear what he does that makes you feel 100% sensual woman. You may notice that you are sitting on something hard. Keep crotch grinding and chest-to-chest rubbing. Don't let the prisoner pass out. Now Wicked Shelly, you encourage him to share with you. Lay your ear on his mouth so you can feel him breath as he whispers to you why you distract his thoughts when he's at work.So Shelly, were you having trouble articulating these thoughts too? Let go of his hands now and tomorrow tell us what happened next. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Review Team sass Posted January 23, 2009 Review Team Report Share Posted January 23, 2009 ...I am a sexual person. I like sex, i need sex, and i want it. ... I cannot feel deirable long term without reinforcement from someone else.<raises hand high to be the someone> Consider yourself reinforced, Sexy! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members DADT Posted January 27, 2009 Members Report Share Posted January 27, 2009 So Shelly anything about the past weekend you want to share? Was it "encouraging!"Anybody else have a sensual experience we could learn from? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members mystofpric Posted January 27, 2009 Members Report Share Posted January 27, 2009 <raises hand high to be the someone> Consider yourself reinforced, Sexy! Ohhh mama like! Allow me to return the favor hot stuff! Youch! MsLayD is on Fi-ah! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members ladylove Posted January 28, 2009 Members Report Share Posted January 28, 2009 Taking it a step further, I do thing each day to make myself feel good about myself. Even If I have to get up a 5am to get them done. I think it's important to make time to take care of yourself. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Review Team sass Posted January 28, 2009 Review Team Report Share Posted January 28, 2009 Taking it a step further, I do thing each day to make myself feel good about myself. Even If I have to get up a 5am to get them done. I think it's important to make time to take care of yourself.I agree with this totally. I don't get up at 5 a.m. to do it, but I will often make myself take time for me. I think we should all do this. I should do it more often, I don't always do it every day. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members ladylove Posted January 28, 2009 Members Report Share Posted January 28, 2009 I agree with this totally. I don't get up at 5 a.m. to do it, but I will often make myself take time for me. I think we should all do this. I should do it more often, I don't always do it every day.I've only done that a hand full of times. It was more about making the time. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members ManofHerdreams Posted January 28, 2009 Members Report Share Posted January 28, 2009 Taking it a step further, I do thing each day to make myself feel good about myself. Even If I have to get up a 5am to get them done. I think it's important to make time to take care of yourself.Now that's something that I could do for me. If I was to get up at five that would be sleeping in a extra hour..... I could use that. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members ladylove Posted January 28, 2009 Members Report Share Posted January 28, 2009 Now that's something that I could do for me. If I was to get up at five that would be sleeping in a extra hour..... I could use that.That's way to early Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members ManofHerdreams Posted January 28, 2009 Members Report Share Posted January 28, 2009 That's way to earlyYa get used to it over time. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members ladylove Posted January 28, 2009 Members Report Share Posted January 28, 2009 Ya get used to it over time.I'm not sure, it would take a long, long time for me to get use to 4am. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members ManofHerdreams Posted January 28, 2009 Members Report Share Posted January 28, 2009 I'm not sure, it would take a long, long time for me to get use to 4am.5 to 6 days a week for almost 33 years now. Yeah you get use to it.. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members ladylove Posted January 28, 2009 Members Report Share Posted January 28, 2009 5 to 6 days a week for almost 33 years now. Yeah you get use to it..UGH Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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